Chapter 73: Hot and Warm Like the Sun (12)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 73: Hot and Warm Like the Sun (12)
Is "fighting" even the right word for it? I left the house in an awkward atmosphere with Yellow, and the next day, I didn't go to the arcade. It wasn't because I didn't know what to say to her; I just didn't want to face her right then.
I know that giving advice to someone is ultimately a form of interference, and depending on the situation, it can turn into meddling where it isn't wanted. I'm sure I was at fault in that situation, too.
However, I couldn't help but feel that closing one's ears and refusing to even allow room for conversation is a sign of disrespect toward the other person. That said, I didn't want to go around saying, "Yellow was rude to me." Since I had approached her with the intent of observing her from the start, I was technically the ruder one.
Even knowing that, I couldn't help but feel bitter.
On the way home after seeing her initial reaction, I thought negatively of her, thinking, This is why she’s at odds with the other members. Did I change my mind after that? Not really.
I try to return the favor and show even more consideration to those who are kind and well-meaning toward me, but on the flip side, I tend to be infinitely cold toward those who have a negative influence on me. Even though she’s a member of Team Hunter Killer and technically one of my subjects of observation, the relationship between me and the other members is distinctly different from my relationship with Yellow.
There was no reason for me to go out of my way to change my mind and try to see her in a positive light.
"Oppa?"
When I returned home, Yubin was there. She usually didn't come over the day before a duel, and even if she did, she rarely stayed the night, preferring to head home late in the evening. I figured she’d leave around dinner time today too, so I planned to spend what little time we had together as we usually did. However, the foul mood Yellow had put me in didn't lift easily.
"Did something happen outside?"
I usually try not to let my face go stiff. While I never get worked up when I'm with Yubin, I try to hide it by showing a variety of expressions even when I'm feeling sensitive or annoyed. There’s no grand reason for it. It’s just that if my expression hardens, the atmosphere turns sour.
Because I rarely show a stiff face, I must have been in a truly foul mood that day; I couldn't completely hide it even in front of Yubin. Seeing me act differently than usual, she looked at me with concern.
"Just had some bad stuff happen."
"Is that so? My poor Oppa. You must have had a hard day today."
I tried to smile and talk as if it were no big deal, but Yubin, seemingly worried, pulled me into a hug and stroked my back.
As I leaned into her embrace, I tried my best to shed the negative emotions I was feeling.
Yubin didn't ask me for the reason. She probably figured that if it were something I could talk about, I would have already. That helped me avoid dwelling on the moment further, and she comforted me without prying.
Being comforted by a lover when you're feeling down warms the heart and makes the bad mood vanish in an instant. Wanting to stay in her arms a bit longer, I wrapped my arms around her waist, and Yubin continued to hold me with a smile.
*
Thursday arrived, and while I thought my mood might have improved, it wasn't quite the case. Was it because I had spent every afternoon with Yellow for the past week? If anything, I felt worse as the day went on. It wasn't so much about who was wrong in that situation; I was just upset that a conflict with Yellow had happened at all.
"Sigh..."
"What's with that? You're going to blow the ground away."
"Is it because you lost?"
I sighed in the car on the way back after losing the duel as usual. Seeing Yellow during the duel was the biggest factor. To be honest, the reason I had been in a bad mood since the start of the day was the knowledge that even if I didn't go to the arcade, I would still run into her in her suit at the duel.
Team Hunter Killer's movements were no different than usual. Our team hadn't changed either. But that actually made me feel stranger. I was so distressed, yet in a situation where nothing had changed, I couldn't help but think that Yellow had probably brushed off what happened between us as if it were nothing.
The reason I was conscious of what Yellow was thinking was simply out of consideration for the other person in a human relationship. It wasn't because I was particularly more conscious of her just because she was Yellow.
"Yeah. It hurts like hell."
I laughed with my teammates as usual, not letting my current mood show. Even if I did, it would be hard to explain everything, and even if it were easy to explain, it wasn't exactly something worth explaining. So, I forced myself to act like my usual self.
"A. Is something wrong?"
When I finished changing in the locker room and came down to the first floor, Luche, who was in the lobby, approached me. She looked at me with worried eyes, as if I didn't seem like my usual self to her either.
"No. I'm just feeling a bit under the weather."
"Really? Then you should have sat out today's duel."
"I'm fine. It's not that bad."
"Well, that's a relief. If you feel sick or tired again, tell me. I'll take care of it."
"Yes. I'll be heading home now to get some rest."
"Yeah, do that. Get some good rest. You know we're going on training next week, right?"
"Yes, I'm aware. I'll be here on time on Monday."
I gave Luche a polite bow and stepped out of the headquarters. Once outside, I looked back just in case and saw Luche watching me through the glass doors. When our eyes met, she waved. As she gestured for me to have a safe trip home, I waved back.
"..."
Inside the Team Hunter Killer headquarters locker room, the members were chatting, seamlessly jumping from one topic to another as they changed. Yellow, her mood dampened, tried to leave the locker room in silence after changing.
"Yellow."
She stopped at the sound of Red's voice calling from behind. Turning her head, she saw Red approaching with a slightly awkward expression. Yellow stared at her blankly, wondering what was going on.
"What?"
"We're planning to go on a trip next week. Do you want to come with us if you have time? We talked about it amongst ourselves after the meeting, but you weren't there, so we couldn't bring it up sooner. You didn't reply to my messages either."
"A trip?"
Yellow, who was close with games but surprisingly unfamiliar with smartphones, didn't check her phone often because she spent most of her time gaming. She didn't have anyone to contact her anyway, but she had also deleted texts mixed in with various notifications, so she hadn't seen Red's messages.
Hearing the word "trip," Yellow simply thought for a moment without showing any visible reaction. The members already knew. They expected her to refuse. And Yellow, too, intended to refuse. However, the moment she thought about the trip and opened her mouth to decline, what happened with A two days ago flashed through her mind.
"..."
She much preferred staying home alone and gaming to going on a trip, and she didn't particularly feel like going away with members she was still awkward with.
‘You should take care of the people around you. Like your fellow Superhumans.’
What A said kept coming back to her. Yellow, who had a habit of speaking harshly, felt that she had lost someone who had approached her with goodwill due to her own mistake. Someone who might have even become a good friend.
She hoped she would feel a bit better as time passed, but she didn't feel better at all.
It couldn't be helped. Because she had a limited social circle and never met new people, there was no way for a situation to arise where she could fix her interpersonal issues.
‘The problem is...’
Yellow always thought that the problem lay with her. And the fact that it wasn't being fixed was surely because she wasn't trying. Was it because it was right after her fight with A? she knew that if she mindlessly spat out a refusal here, the atmosphere would turn sour again.
She had to try. It’s impossible for a person to never hurt another. Sometimes, people get hurt by things you didn't even intend. Even so, she wanted to find a way to build relationships without causing pain.
‘Then just keep staying like that. Speak harshly to others, hurt them, and be misunderstood.’
A's final words echoed in her mind. If she stayed like this, she would keep hurting others and being misunderstood. If she stayed like this, nothing would change.
"Sure. Let's go."
Red, Blue, and Green, who were quietly waiting for Yellow's answer—and even Pink, who hadn't been paying attention because she assumed Yellow would refuse—all looked at her in surprise. At the sudden influx of stares, Yellow avoided their eyes, and Red broke into a smile.
"Yeah! Let's go together. We're going next Monday. I'll invite you to the group chat and let you know the details of the schedule."
Red was genuinely happy that Yellow, who she was certain would refuse, had agreed to go. Yellow felt a bit confused.
‘Is it really a good thing that I’m joining a trip everyone else already planned?’
Yellow, who had never been part of a group dynamic, didn't feel too bad seeing how happy Red was. Meanwhile, Pink, who had been indifferent until she heard Yellow was going, stared at her intently from the back of the locker room.
Just two days ago, when they were discussing the trip plans again after the meeting, Green had brought up Yellow first.
"But... should we tell Yellow?"
Red and Blue were concerned about Yellow, but since they couldn't get a hold of her, they just looked at each other, unsure of what to do.
"Why bother? She'll just refuse anyway. We'll be lucky if she doesn't get mad at us for even bringing it up."
Pink, who was on bad terms with Yellow, wasn't very keen on the idea of asking her to go. Even though they had fought whenever they clashed in the past, their relationship hadn't been terrible. They were just not close, like her relationship with the other members, but when they clashed recently over Green's situation, Pink's opinion of Yellow had hit rock bottom.
Since meeting A and getting closer to Red through his advice, the atmosphere among the members had been improving. They had been building walls against each other for a long time, but perhaps because they had known each other for so many years, once the walls started to crumble, they were able to get close quickly.
Furthermore, hearing about the family history of Green, whom she had known for a long time even if they weren't close, made Pink's heart ache. Although they called each other by codenames and maintained a horizontal relationship without honorifics as teammates, Green was technically the second youngest after Red.
Moreover, in terms of age, Pink was third and Green was fourth, so she had come to feel a special bond with Green, much like she did with Red. That was why she couldn't tolerate Yellow's behavior. Yellow still kept her walls up and barely showed up to meetings, yet the one time she did show up in a while, all she had to say was that Green shouldn't be at the Hunter Killer meetings right now.
"Pink, do you really hate Yellow that much?"
When Red asked out of curiosity, Pink nodded and answered without hesitation.
"I do."
"If it's because of what happened before, I'm okay now."
Green spoke up to try and alleviate some of the anger Pink might be feeling, but even so, the negative emotions toward Yellow piled up inside Pink showed no sign of receding.
"Yellow isn't all bad, though. She just can't convey her thoughts properly. Should I say she's clumsy at expressing herself?"
"That's not being clumsy; that's just having a nasty attitude."
Pink couldn't agree with Blue's sentiment. Even if Yellow were a clumsy person as Blue said, there was a limit to how much one could understand, and she felt Yellow's way of speaking had crossed the line by a mile.
"I actually agree with Blue. When I first joined, she tried to get close to me, and I felt like she was being very careful with her choice of words. Back then, I was sensitive and very shy, so we couldn't get close, though."
Hearing Red's words for the first time, Pink thought that since the members were going this far to defend her, she shouldn't just keep being annoyed.
"Fine. Then try talking to her on the day of the duel the day after tomorrow. If she says she'll go then, I won't say another word and I'll go with her."
"Really? Thanks."
Even if she disliked her, Yellow was a colleague she had worked with for a long time. She didn't feel like maintaining the current situation forever, and as the two of them said, the Yellow she knew might be different from the real Yellow.
As Pink was staring at Yellow, Yellow felt her gaze and looked back, their eyes meeting. Knowing full well what they thought of each other, they both looked away. However, neither of them said anything harsh.
It had already been three years since the team was formed with the current Hunter Killer members. This was perhaps the first moment where all the members might be able to go out and have fun together. At the thought of going on a trip with Yellow and Pink, who had fought so much, the two of them let out involuntary chuckles. When they both let out shallow laughs at the same time, Red looked back and forth between them, wondering what was going on.
*
When I returned home and lay down blankly, time slipped away mercilessly.
‘Is Yubin not coming today?’
Speak of the devil. Just as I was thinking about Yubin, I heard the sound of the door lock being pressed, and the door opened.
"I'm home."
Yubin, who had come inside, took off her shoes and came straight to me. She was beaming as she stared at my face while I was lying down; she seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood. Did something good happen with the members?
"Did something good happen?"
"Yeah. I didn't think the unnie I couldn't talk to about the trip would go, but she said she'd come with us."
She was talking about Yellow. Hearing about the trip plans from various people, I had thought all along that there was no way Yellow would go. Hearing that she was going was genuinely surprising.
"That's great. So everyone's going?"
"Yeah!"
More than anything, Yubin was happy, so that was enough.
It wasn't like going on a trip was a problem, but I couldn't help but think that Yellow really had brushed off what happened between us as if it were nothing.
And perhaps because I was thinking that, the smile gradually faded from Yubin's face as she stared at me while I spoke with a forced smile.
"Oppa. Are you still in a bad mood today?"
"Huh? No. It's not that I'm in a bad mood..."
As my voice trailed off, Yubin, who had been watching me quietly, fell into thought for a moment before looking me straight in the eye as if she had made a decision.
"Oppa. Can you tell me what happened?"
It was a very difficult question to answer. My reason was telling me that I shouldn't tell Yubin about what happened with Yellow, but my heart wanted to tell her and get some kind of solution.
So, I decided to be a bit vague.
"...I had a fight with a colleague at work."
"How come?"
"That person speaks a bit harshly, so there were some conflicts with others. I tried to give some advice in my own way, but that's what caused it."
"Hmm..."
Hearing my words, Yubin fell into deep thought. Perhaps she was thinking of Yellow. Among the people Yubin knew, Yellow was the only one who spoke harshly. Or maybe I was just mistakenly assuming Yubin would be thinking of Yellow because I had had such an incident with her.
"There's an unnie who works as an administrative assistant with me, right? The one who's going on the trip with us this time."
As expected, the person Yubin was talking about was Yellow. But this was the first time Yubin, who had known Yellow for a long time, was opening up about her. There might be something different from what Yura, Hayoung, or Green had said.
"She was really nice to me when I first started working there."
"Yeah."
I couldn't even picture Yellow being nice.
"But that unnie usually speaks harshly, too. Back then, since I was young, she was extremely careful with her choice of words."
I listened intently without a word as Yubin told me about when she and Yellow first met years ago.
"But back then, I was going through a sensitive phase, so even when she tried to get close, I pushed her away, and we never ended up becoming close. I've kept watching her since then, and I could see that most of what she says is out of consideration for the other person, but she just isn't good at choosing her words."
Yubin, who had been talking while staring at me, took my hand. I felt her warm body heat flowing into me through her hand.
"That's why I try not to say anything no matter how she speaks. I feel like if I say something there, her way of speaking will be completely blocked off. If you think about what that colleague might actually be thinking, you might see a different side to them."
"...That unnie and my colleague might have different personalities, though."
They were the same person, but I wanted to know why Yubin spoke with such trust in Yellow.
"If my Oppa is agonizing and worrying over a fight this much, they must be a good person."
"Was I agonizing?"
"Yeah. A lot."
I pulled her into my arms as she leaned into me. I had wanted to know why Yubin trusted Yellow, but I realized that the reason she told me about Yellow was because she trusted me.
Just as Yubin said, I hadn't actually tried to find out what Yellow was really thinking. I had been looking at her through tinted glasses because of the incident with Green, and I hadn't tried to change my mind about it. I had confidently told Yura that knowing the other person is important, yet I was only seeing Yellow through my own perspective, not trying to truly know her.
In fact, knowing nothing, I had looked at only a fraction of her and tried to interfere by telling her she was wrong and that she was at fault. What Yubin said didn't just stop at making me think about Yellow one more time; it also made me look back at my own actions.
I'll try going to the arcade tomorrow. I might not be able to meet her.
I know where she lives, but I can't just barge in. Even if I go, she might not see me.
Still, let's go. And if I'm given a chance to apologize, I'll do it properly.