Chapter 124: A Fleeting Spring Dream (7)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 124: A Fleeting Spring Dream (7)
Unable to even sort through my thoughts, I spent the night wide awake and met the day of the duel. Would I even be able to fight properly in this state?
I had already been feeling the effects of a slump over the past few weeks, which had hindered my performance during duels to some extent. Since the duels only happened once a week, I had managed to force myself to perform well enough to avoid being a burden to my comrades, but today, the problem was serious.
I was in the middle of a fallout—if you could even call it that—and on top of the lingering sensitivity I’d been feeling, this new weight on my mind made me worry if I could truly commit to the fight.
I had always told myself that even if I dated the members of Hunter Killer, I wouldn't let it affect the duels, and I had acted accordingly. But the impact of reaching what I felt was my limit was significant.
I had no idea how to handle today’s duel or how to behave moving forward. Was it right to keep acting as I always had? I was suddenly struck by the fear of what would happen if I apologized to Yubin for snapping at her and she refused to accept it.
Thinking that way made me look back on everything I had done until now.
It wasn't that my girlfriends hadn't brought up work-related topics because they saw I was tired. It was because I had been so blatantly avoiding the subject that no one else dared to bring it up.
During the time I believed our happy days were continuing, I had been unconsciously projecting my stress onto them. I hadn't said it directly, nor had I shown it through my actions, but the aura I gave off whenever we met had been exactly that.
In the end, by agonizing over everything alone, I hadn't managed to solve a single thing and had instead dragged this unstable situation along by force. Naturally, stuck in a situation that never improved, I couldn't stop overthinking, and the lack of sleep led to a vicious cycle of accumulating fatigue.
"Fuck."
The curse escaped my lips the moment I realized it. There was no one there to hear it; it was a curse directed solely at myself, and even as I said it, I felt I deserved to be cursed at even more.
This sort of thing had happened often in the past. I had a strong tendency to try and solve things on my own rather than seeking help, and if I believed I could do something by myself, I preferred to keep it that way.
It was a habit born from feeling guilty about asking for help and feeling like receiving assistance was a burden to others.
After leaving the house, I scanned my surroundings to check if I was being followed again today. Fortunately, I didn't sense anyone monitoring me, so I headed to the headquarters, dragging my exhausted, sleep-deprived body along.
The thoughts didn't stop on the way. At some point, I realized I was just repeating the same thoughts without finding an answer, and I felt that there was truly nothing more I could do.
Perhaps I had given up on trying to solve it alone. I had never once given up on something I set out to do by myself. Even if I ended up receiving help from those around me in the end, I had never let a task fail or let go of it entirely.
It wasn't that I wanted to wash my hands of this situation and abandon it completely. I just felt a sense of dissonance at the thought—the first in my life—that "I really can't do this alone."
Had I been too overconfident in my own abilities? Or had I underestimated the situation? I couldn't tell where the order had gotten tangled or where things had started to go wrong.
Most likely, I had underestimated the difficulty of dating five women at once while hiding the emotional friction from everyone, overestimating my own capacity to handle it.
I had resolved to make everyone happy, but was I actually satisfying even one person right now? It hit me anew how difficult it was for one person to truly satisfy another.
"What's with that face?"
As I entered the headquarters lobby, I happened to run into Seira. She approached me, seeing my face full of exhaustion and looking like death warmed over.
"Just didn't get much sleep."
Since Seira and I had known each other for a long time, we knew a lot about each other. What we liked, what we hated, and what our usual personalities were like.
"What have you been doing? You're better off not doing anything..."
In that moment, the suppressed irritation flared up again. And for the first time since I had known Seira, I directed a hostile emotion toward her.
"Can you just stop with that already?!"
Irritation, anger—a complex mix of emotions swirled as I shouted at her, drawing the eyes of everyone in the lobby toward us.
Seira, visibly flustered, looked at me with startled eyes. Still in a highly sensitive state, I poured out the words as they came to my mouth without filtering them.
"What did I ever do that was so wrong to you? Just how much did I get on your nerves that you have to keep saying that for your entire life?! Do you have any idea how annoying it is to be told you're useless every single time?!"
The history of Seira telling me not to do anything went back a long way. She had been saying it since we were very young, living in the same neighborhood and seeing each other every day.
The nuance was different back then compared to now, but the fact that I had heard it for so long remained unchanged. At first, it bothered me; then, at some point, I became indifferent to it; and then, eventually, just hearing it started to grate on my nerves.
After my outburst, I turned and headed upstairs without looking back. A stunned Seira remained standing there, neither calling out to me nor following me.
I wondered if I had been too harsh, but I didn't regret speaking my mind. I had felt that our communication had dwindled since coming to Earth and that our relationship was fracturing at some point.
If we were going to end our personal relationship and remain strictly professional, perhaps this was for the best.
"Sigh..."
The sudden outburst had sent blood rushing to my head, making me feel slightly dizzy. I reached the third floor and leaned against the wall for a moment before entering the locker room.
My colleagues hadn't arrived for work yet, so the locker room was quiet. Even though all I had to do was go in and change, I didn't even want to do that. I just stood there, staring into space.
"What are you doing?"
Luche, who had come out of the office, approached me after seeing me leaning against the wall next to the locker room door. Was it because she was the person I relied on most professionally? The moment I saw her, I felt a strange sense of relief deep in my heart.
Luche, seeing my obvious exhaustion, looked up at me silently, and I stared back at her. Sensing I had something to say, she tilted her head. In the empty Team 3 office, with only the two of us there, I finally spoke.
"I... I have a girlfriend."
"..."
The moment those words left my mouth, Luche's expression froze. But unable to read her expression properly, I continued to ramble.
"After I was assigned to monitor Red, one thing led to another, and I ended up dating all the members of Hunter Killer. I wanted to keep it a secret from everyone and somehow make things work out for the best, but I guess it's beyond my ability."
If this was the Luche I knew, she would surely frown and call me an idiot. She might even get angry, asking why I hadn't reported such a thing until now.
Whatever her reaction, I wanted to lay everything out and get advice on what to do next.
With my head bowed, I confessed everything that had happened to Luche. From how I first met and started dating Yubin to how I had been busy meeting everyone every single day recently.
"So, yesterday, I ended up snapping without meaning to. Pretty pathetic, right?"
I finished with a hollow laugh, but Luche said nothing. I had expected her to immediately smack me on the back of the head and start nagging, but when there was no reaction at all, I looked up. My eyes met Luche's, which were devoid of expression.
"...How long has it been?"
Luche asked in a low, heavy voice, her face a blank mask. Caught off guard by the atmosphere, I stammered.
"Uh, it's been a while... about four months? It varies for each of them, but..."
"...What do you think you're doing?"
The single sentence that followed made my sense of self-loathing grow even deeper.
Truly, what was I doing right now?
"Talk to me after today's duel is over. Don't tell the others yet."
"Yes..."
I couldn't say anything else in response to Luche's cold voice—a tone I had never heard from her before. She turned and went into her office. I watched her back until she disappeared, and only then did I let out a long sigh.
"Pathetic."
Since she said we'd talk after the duel, I should focus on that for now.
The moment I entered the locker room and started changing, my colleagues began to arrive one by one. We exchanged light greetings as everyone started to change. After putting on my suit, I stood there blankly, helmet in hand.
"Why do you look like you've chewed on a piece of shit?"
Kruger approached and waved a hand in front of my face while I was spacing out. I tried to act normal, but I just couldn't manage it.
"Just didn't get much sleep."
"Your expression's been bad lately. Is there that much to investigate?"
"Yeah. This and that."
My colleagues also knew I had been working hard on investigations related to Superhumans recently, and they assumed I wasn't sleeping well because of that.
"Take some breaks. It's not like someone's chasing you."
Jack and Rondo looked at me with concern, and Ban slapped me on the back. The painless impact registered, and I turned to look at him.
"When things are this damn hard, a team dinner is the best medicine."
As I was about to laugh and decline Ban's suggestion for a get-together, Daniel ruffled my hair.
"We can have a dinner right away as long as you don't run away. What do you say?"
Perhaps because the last dinner had been ruined by Indigo, I didn't feel like I wanted to avoid it. Maybe I should take a little break like they said?
But I had to have a meeting with Luche today, and I had to apologize to Yubin when I got home.
"Let's do it next time. Next time."
"This guy always says next time."
As if they had already expected me to decline, my colleagues grumbled playfully and left the locker room one by one after finishing their preparations.
I watched them leave, and in the end, only Kruger remained.
"Is something bothering you?"
Though not as long as Seira, I had known Kruger for a long time, and seeing my far-from-okay expression, he wondered if something was wrong. He was right—I had a lot on my plate—but since it would take a long time to explain everything, I decided to postpone it for a bit.
"I'll tell you next time."
"Alright. Tell me when you feel like you're ready to talk."
Kruger smiled and left the locker room, and I followed him shortly after, heading down to the basement where the vehicles were parked.
We all piled into the cramped vehicle, and I took my usual spot in the very back. I didn't put on my helmet, fearing my thoughts would become even more complicated if my vision was restricted; instead, I kept it on my lap. Since it was fine as long as we wore them when getting out of the car, many of my colleagues weren't wearing theirs either.
Daniel, the driver, got in, and Luche took the passenger seat.
"I'll take the Olympic Bridge today."
"Sure. That way's faster."
Luche replied to Daniel's route plan and fastened her seatbelt. After a final head count, the car started moving.
I wondered what Luche was thinking after hearing what I said. Perhaps, contrary to what I had thought, she was looking at my situation with a more professional and cold perspective.
I worried about what to say and how to say it when I returned, staring blankly out the window, which was blacked out so the outside couldn't be seen.
As the car driven by Daniel entered the Olympic Bridge and was traveling across it, a loud noise suddenly erupted, and the ground shook.
Everyone's nerves spiked at the sound, which occurred roughly halfway across the bridge. The ground trembled as if there were an earthquake, and Daniel stopped the car to look around.
"What is that?"
Luche spotted something through the side mirror and asked in a voice full of confusion. Daniel unfastened his seatbelt.
"I'll get out and take a look. Just a moment."
Unlike Luche and the others in combat gear, Daniel, who wore inconspicuous clothes while driving, decided to check the situation outside.
"It looks like there was an accident behind us, but be careful just in case."
Daniel replied that he understood Luche's warning and stepped out of the car. In that instant, a flash of light flooded our vision.