The Axe Falls
I let out a long, exhausted sigh. “Haa… I’m really going to die at this rate.”
The morning sunlight filtered gently into the bedroom. I clutched my creaking waist and somehow managed to sit up. Just dealing with one of them felt like it was shaving years off my lifespan. How the hell had I survived back when all three of those insane women were in the same party? No matter how I thought about it, it felt like a miracle that went beyond the mysteries of the human body.
Well, that was exactly why I’d felt my life was in danger and pulled a midnight escape.
“Why do you look so tired, my pretty puppy?”
Rahel’s soft, affectionate voice came from behind me. While I felt as battered and drained as a compass that had run out of battery, her voice was bright and full of energy, like a mosquito that had just drunk its fill of blood.
“Still, you did pretty well, considering. Especially for someone who’s been starving for a whole year. Or wait… don’t tell me you were rolling around with another woman while I was gone?”
Hiiik!
I sprang up like a spring and whipped around in a panic.
“N-no! There’s no way I would do that! Where would I even find a woman out here in the middle of the mountains?!”
“Hmm…”
Rahel, half-buried under the blanket, stared at me with those blood-red eyes peeking out, as if she could see right through me. She sniffed the air.
“That’s strange. It smells like another bitch has been in this house…”
What the hell kind of nonsense is that?! I’ve never once brought a woman into my farm!
“I-it’s really not true! After all the hell you three put me through, making me run away like that, why would I ever want to go near another woman?!”
Rahel studied my face for a moment, then let out a small chuckle.
“…Fine, I’ll believe you. You don’t look like you’re lying.”
Whew. Thank goodness.
I let out a sigh of relief and rubbed my pounding chest. That was when Rahel’s snake-like voice slithered into my ear.
“Instead.”
I-instead? What else is she going to demand now?!
“Later, you’re coming with me to town to do some shopping. We’ll take our puppy for a walk, and while we’re at it, we should buy all new things for our little newlywed household.”
“Ugh… O-okay.”
“Hmm? That’s weird. Why is a dog answering in human words?”
“…Woof woof!”
She was treating me like a person just a second ago!
I turned my body away again, quietly—very quietly—clenching my fist. Damn it. This humiliation. I will never forget it. One day, I swear I’ll…
“Hmm? Did our puppy just clench his fist? Were you trying to bite your owner?”
“N-no?! I was just stretching! Stretching!”
In a flash of light, I opened my fist and plastered on the most innocent farmer’s smile in the world.
Before I knew it, Rahel had approached me completely naked and wrapped her arms around me from behind, her chilling touch stroking my shoulder.
“You know very well that your lightning-fast little tricks don’t work on me, right? Stop trying to scheme your way out and just obediently follow what I say. It’ll be better for your health that way.”
I nodded my head so hard it nearly fell off. I knew that fact all too well, down to my bones.
My former party members were all monsters who shattered common sense. After all, they were S-rank adventurers—among the very few on the entire continent who could be counted on one hand.
But seriously, why the hell are these world’s strongest insane women so obsessed with me? What kind of charm do I even have?! Chasing me all the way out to this remote mountain village…
Wait a second.
“Hey, Rahel. How did you even know I was here and find me?”
“Hmm? That’s obviously thanks to the power of magnificent love.”
“No… I’m asking how exactly that magnificent love helped you find me.”
At my cautious question, Rahel rested her chin on my shoulder and answered with a bright, innocent smile.
“Oh, that. I spread my mana detection net across the entire sky of the continent. Then yesterday afternoon, I caught a familiar mana wave that was unmistakably yours!”
Oh no.
Sure enough, using my abilities yesterday to put out that wildfire had been the cause of all this. My ominous premonition had been right, but I felt zero joy about it.
But hold on. Even for Rahel, did that statement even make sense?
“You kept a mana detection net over the entire continent?”
At my stunned question, Rahel snorted and lightly tapped my shoulder.
“Come on, even I can’t keep the whole continent covered forever. I started by spreading it out completely, then gradually narrowed the net by eliminating areas where you wouldn’t be. Still, maintaining that detection net meant I had to wipe out… a few hundred monster nests and harvest their mana stones.”
…Wow.
I knew she was crazy, but this was madness that far surpassed anything human. She’d gone around destroying entire ecosystems just to find me. I felt the last remaining 1% of my will to escape completely evaporate.
She must have quit the guild and chased after me, obviously. A guild without me wouldn’t have any meaning anyway.
After finishing her words, Rahel began humming a tune as she sprang out of bed and started getting dressed.
“Then let’s go shopping now. Our puppy needs to get up quickly, okay?”
Haa… Yeah, I guess I have to go. When she says jump, I jump.
But for some reason, something about it left a bad taste in my mouth. From earlier, this ominous feeling had been creeping up on me—like I was forgetting something incredibly important.
“Tsk tsk, why is our puppy being so slow? Does Owner need to bring out the ‘whip of love’ again to make you focus?”
“N-no! I’m dressed! I’m coming, I’m coming!”
I hastily pulled up my pants and bolted out the door.
Shopping itself… went surprisingly smoothly.
Rahel didn’t even glance at weapon shops or potion stores. Instead, she was completely absorbed in picking out newlywed items like couple teacups and couple pillows for the two of us. I simply followed behind her in silence, playing the role of a pack mule carrying all the bags.
Man, what a sight I must be. Walking around with both hands full, trailing after her like this—I felt exactly like a pet dog on a leash.
Of course, even this bizarre date had its advantages.
“Oh my! Isn’t that Lady Rahel?! It’s an honor! These items will be half price for you!”
“Oh dear, ho ho. You really don’t have to…”
The town merchants who recognized Rahel instantly would prostrate themselves and slash prices like crazy. And while Rahel would politely say they didn’t have to, she accepted those discounts with the most graceful and benevolent smile imaginable.
Hey, isn’t this too much? I’ve been living on the edge of this village for over a year, selling crops and busting my ass, and no one recognized me! But Rahel shows her face for the first time today and gets the VIP discount treatment?!
So this is what they call celebrity privilege. What a dirty world. So unfair. So damn unfair.
Clutching what little remained of my shredded pride, I carried the mountain of bags and returned home with her.
But no matter how much I thought about it, I still couldn’t figure out what this nagging feeling was. What the hell had I forgotten?
I was tilting my head in confusion while unpacking the bags when—
“Woof!”
“You scared me!”
Rahel suddenly popped her head out from behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist.
“What are you spacing out for? Hurry up and unpack. Don’t tell me… you’re thinking about some other bitch instead of me right now? For example, Lu…”
“No! I’m unpacking, see? Unpacking! Where would I have time to think about other women!”
I made my excuses at the speed of light and doubled down on organizing the bags. Speaking of which, I thought we only bought a little, so why is there so much stuff?
“Hmm. Is that really true? You really didn’t meet any other little rats while I was gone, right?”
“I swear to the heavens, really and truly, there was no one. Why do you keep saying that? Is there seriously some kind of smell in the room?”
“No. It’s not exactly a smell… It feels like there’s some very alien energy lingering in this room…”
She narrowed her eyes, about to continue, when—
Knock knock—
The sound of someone cheerfully knocking on the wooden door echoed through the quiet house.
“Who is it.”
In an instant, the temperature in the room plummeted below freezing. Not a single gram of warmth remained in Rahel’s voice. Her chilling gaze flashed as she turned toward the front door.
“Wait, just a second!”
Who in this deep forest would come looking for me? What day is it today…?
I frantically glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall. Today was Thursday. The day the crop merchant’s daughter, Roselia, came every week to buy my rare crops and have a cup of tea.
…Shit. Why the hell did I forget something this important?!
“R-Rahel! Don’t open the door!!”
I turned deathly pale and tried to stop her, but it was already too late. The door that had been firmly shut swung wide open under Rahel’s hand.
“Mujin! I brought some freshly baked cookies today… Huh?”
Just as expected, Roselia stood there with a bright, innocent smile, holding a pretty basket in her arms.
We’re screwed. We are so completely screwed.
Roselia looked down at Rahel, who was a full head shorter than her, and gave her usual warm, friendly smile.
“Oh my, you already have a guest?”
“……”
Rahel didn’t answer. No—it wasn’t just that she stayed silent. The air in the room grew so oppressively heavy it felt like it was crushing our lungs, and I could almost swear I saw a blood-red aura flickering behind her.
This is bad. I need to talk fast and clear up this crazy woman’s misunderstanding before it’s too late!
“Mujin? Who is this person…?”
“R-Rahel…! Wait, it’s not what you think…!”
“……”
Still completely silent, Rahel reached into the folds of her robe. What she pulled out was a massive battle axe, nearly the size of a human torso, gleaming with a cold, ominous light.
“Um, Mujin? Why is this person suddenly holding an axe…”
Swoosh—!
The sentence was never finished. A dull yet crisp sound, like something being sliced clean through.
“Eh…?”
The axe Rahel had swung so lightly cut through Roselia’s slender neck with perfect, surgical precision.
Thud. Roll, roll, roll.
The head that had been smiling so innocently fell to the floor and rolled away helplessly.
Splat!
The carefully baked cookies from the basket she’d been carrying scattered across the floor.
“……”
I stared at the gruesome scene, unable to even breathe. Is this… a dream? What the hell did I just witness with my own eyes?