Chapter 84: Even the Absolute Being Is a First-Time Dad
Absolute Dad 84
Absolute Dad Episode 84
The primary criterion for selecting Messengers across the various underworlds was undeniably combat prowess.
Countless souls, unable to relinquish their attachment to life, would flee and turn into vengeful spirits. To safely escort these wayward dead to the underworld, exceptional martial ability was essential.
"Ughhk..."
Meanwhile, the Messenger who had just been unexpectedly slapped by Kang-jun stood frozen, his pupils unfocused.
[ The deity 'Great Judge, Head of the Ten Underworld Kings' is enraged by your disrespectful actions. ]
This Messenger held the rank of First-Class Messenger, the highest among the envoys serving the underworld ruled by the high-ranking deity, the Great Judge.
"Stings, doesn't it?"
Kang-jun asked in a mocking tone before finally releasing the grip he had on the First-Class Messenger's collar. The moment he let go, the Messenger—knocked unconscious by that single slap—collapsed like a newborn foal, limp and lifeless.
"Y-you bastard! Do you even know who we are?!"
"D-do you have any idea what you've just done?!"
"You've just made enemies of every underworld in existence!"
The other Messengers gathered at the Dock quickly surrounded Kang-jun, shouting threats.
But Kang-jun paid them no mind. Instead, he casually plucked the treasure from the unconscious First-Class Messenger's grasp—a crimson rope, unbreakable by legend, used to guide souls to the underworld.
With practiced ease, Kang-jun swung the noose in a wide arc, his voice dropping to a warning growl.
"I hate waiting."
Silence fell.
"Since I wasn't around when you lot came up with your shitty underworld laws, I suppose it's time for a revision. So how about you bring out your so-called 'great ones' right now?"
His icy gaze swept over the assembled Messengers before he delivered his ultimatum.
"Until they show their faces, I'll be beating every last one of you into the ground."
His words reverberated through the Abyss.
And finally, the deities ruling the underworlds reacted.
[ The deity 'Great Judge, Head of the Ten Underworld Kings' orders his Messengers to subdue you and bring you to your knees before him. ]
The Great Judge, known for his fiery and volatile temper, was the first to respond.
[ The deity 'Death Without Form' declares it will tear you limb from limb... ]
[ The deity 'Lord of Abydos' demands your eyes be plucked out... ]
[ The deity 'Seventh of the Seven Underworlds' vows to... ]
One after another, the deities overseeing their respective realms responded with similarly belligerent declarations.
"Annoying."
At Kang-jun's mutter, Marbas—still in the form of a Doberman puppy—tilted his head with a soft "Woof?"
"The world just keeps forcing me to be the bad guy. Why is it that people only start listening after I beat them senseless?"
Marbas wagged his tail excitedly and replied in an animated tone.
"Based on my experience, I suspect they currently have quite... grand plans in mind."
"Grand plans?"
"'Bring you to your knees,' 'tear you apart,' 'gouge your eyes out'—they've all laid out such ambitious schemes, no?"
Kang-jun hummed in agreement. "True."
Marbas continued with razor-sharp clarity.
"Take me, for example. When I first faced Immortal, I had countless magnificent plans in my head."
"Like what?"
"Chopping off Immortal's head to use as a ball for young demons to play with, tenderizing his entire body to use as fertilizer for my territory, and so on..."
As Marbas listed his past ambitions, Kang-jun's brow twitched.
After a brief "Yipe!" of pain, Marbas quickly got to the point.
"But the moment Immortal slapped me, my mind cleared, and all those plans vanished like bubbles."
Kang-jun nodded.
"So what you're saying is, violence is the cure."
"Yep. A very effective remedy."
"Then I guess there's no choice this time either."
"Nope. No choice at all."
Just then, the Messengers surged forward in unison.
"You bastards—!"
Ding!
A chime rang out, and system messages began flooding Kang-jun's vision.
[ Conditions met—'Hidden Piece' activated! ]
[ Hidden Piece: Ranking the Underworld Kings ]
The deities who have long reigned as Underworld Kings do not yet acknowledge you as one of their own.
By any means necessary, you must prove your qualifications.
Somehow, compel them to attend the 'Underworld Summit' you will host and make them recognize your standing is second to none.
Upon fulfilling all conditions, this episode shall be enshrined as a new myth, spreading your name across the Abyss!
After skimming the messages, Kang-jun muttered to himself.
"'By any means necessary,' huh..."
Then, glancing at Marbas—who was wagging his tail eagerly at his feet—he gave the order.
"Guess we're beating a few more into submission."
Marbas immediately swelled in size, his form expanding in an instant.
"Kekeke! You fools! Picking the wrong side has reduced you to mere dog food!"
He seized the lead Messenger in his massive claws, biting off the man's head and chewing noisily while taunting the rest.
"Dumbasses! This is why you should've chosen your master carefully, like I did! I get to feast on pork ribs every day!"
Marbas devoured the Messengers one after another with gluttonous relish.
Kang-jun, too, showed no mercy, swiftly dismantling those who had attacked first.
How much time passed?
In what felt like an instant, the Dock was drenched in blood and gore, the air filled with agonized screams.
[ The deity 'Seventh of the Seven Underworlds' agrees to attend the summit. Please stop now. ]
[ The deity 'Great Judge, Head of the Ten Underworld Kings' orders an immediate halt to this pointless slaughter. ]
One by one, the deities ruling the underworlds reluctantly declared their attendance at the 'Underworld Summit.'
[ All Underworld Kings have accepted your invitation to the 'Underworld Summit.' ]
Soon, new system messages appeared as if every Underworld King had confirmed their participation.
[ Shortly, you and all other Underworld Kings will be forcibly summoned to the summit venue. ]
[ 3... ]
[ 2... ]
[ 1... ]
Kang-jun's vision blurred—then snapped into a new scene.
A massive chamber stretched before him. A conference table, wide enough to rival a field, stood at its center, flanked by five towering thrones, each as large as a mountain.
"Hmm..."
As the host, Kang-jun was assigned the throne at the head of the table. Sitting on the oversized seat, he felt like he'd stumbled into a land of giants.
Marbas, inexplicably summoned alongside him, let out an impressed "Ooh..."
Creeeak—
The chamber's iron doors groaned open, and an unfamiliar voice echoed through the gap.
"Presenting the Underworld King Izanami, bearing the title 'Seventh of the Seven Underworlds'—the second to arrive!"
A goddess with long black hair and a face caked in white powder stepped through the distant doorway. After shooting Kang-jun a displeased glance, she wordlessly took the throne at the far end.
"Presenting the Underworld King Osiris, bearing the title 'Lord of Abydos'—the third to arrive!"
Next entered a male deity with bluish-green, plant-like skin. He strode across the chamber, shot Kang-jun a disdainful look, and silently took the seat opposite Izanami.
"Presenting the Underworld King Hades, bearing the title 'Death Without Form'—the fourth to arrive!"
This time, a deity whose divine power far surpassed the previous two made his entrance.
"Grrrrrl..."
A three-headed hound, Cerberus, stalked at his side, its crimson eyes glowing menacingly as it let out a thunderous bark.
"So, you are ■■■?"
Unlike the others, Hades' tone was calm as he addressed Kang-jun before taking his seat.
"As you can see."
Kang-jun studied Hades for a moment before muttering under his breath.
"Don't like him..."
Marbas, who had been barking "Woof! Woof!" at Cerberus, glanced up at him.
"Why's that?"
Kang-jun answered immediately.
"I can't stand pretty boys who act all smug."
Marbas side-eyed Hades, then smirked in understanding.
"Ah, so you hate him 'cause he's handsome?"
Hades was the picture of classical beauty—pale as parchment, lips dark as ink, his features sharp like a masterfully painted ink wash. His sculpted frame exuded an air of untouchable elegance, his face a work of art carved by divine hands.
"Hey."
Kang-jun glared at Hades, his voice a low growl.
"Shut your mutt up."
Hades merely smiled and gave Cerberus' leash a light tug—
THUD! THUD! THUD!
Suddenly, furious footsteps shook the chamber.
"Presenting the Underworld King Yama, bearing the title 'Great Judge, Head of the Ten Underworld Kings'—the fifth and final arrival!"
A deity of colossal stature, his face a riot of colors, stormed in. One had to crane their neck just to see his face.
"You wretch—!"
His roar was like thunder, shaking the very foundations of the chamber.
But Kang-jun remained unfazed, idly petting Marbas' fluffy rear as he remarked,
"Damn, he's huge."
Yama, unable to contain his fury, continued hurling vitriol.
"To slaughter innocent Messengers simply for refusing to bow to your whims—you're nothing but a deranged madman!"
As Yama raged, Marbas giggled "Kekeke..." and stared expectantly at Kang-jun.
Given Yama's outburst, he fully expected Kang-jun to explode in fury—
"Why?"
Noticing Marbas' gaze, Kang-jun raised a brow. Marbas frowned.
"Why aren't you doing anything?"
"And why should I?"
"He just called you a 'deranged madman'..."
Kang-jun scratched his ear lazily.
"Not exactly wrong, is he?"
Then, addressing the assembled deities, he announced:
"Now that we're all here, let's begin this 'Underworld Summit.'"
A vicious grin spread across his face as he added:
"Since I'm hosting, I'll set the rules. And they're simple."
A beat of silence.
"I talk. You nod."
The moment the words left his mouth, the divine energy of multiple deities swirled violently in the chamber like a gathering storm.