Chapter 82
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 82
Chapter Title: Hermit's Hideout # Epilogue
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Hermit spoke.
"Whatever the reason, you saved my life, so I'll let you cop a feel."
It was enough to make my head explode.
My brain felt like a steamed egg microwaved on purpose—total mush!
"...If you don't want to, forget it!"
She whipped her head away.
In that instant, my senses snapped back.
"Who said I don't want to? Ahem!"
I slowly reached out my hand.
Yeah, like a snail!
Just like a snail extending its slimy antenna bit by bit!
Gulp.
Just a little more, and I'd touch it.
"......"
Hermit said nothing.
Was this really okay?
Really?
—It touches!
It's touching!
Smoothly.
My hand made contact with Hermit's chest.
Rustle. First, the texture of her fabric against my palm.
Then something incredibly soft and squishy filled my hand, with a presence like waves crashing in—overwhelming.
I squeezed like I was gripping a pouch full of gold coins.
The springy give made my fingers sink in.
'What the hell is this!!!!!'
'If I'd had these, I'd have groped them every day!!!!!'
Maybe women secretly fondled their own chests when no one was looking.
This was that good.
"Nyaah...!"
That's when Hermit let out a weird noise.
Only then did I look up at her.
Lines like electric circuits floated across her face, glowing blindingly blue.
What the—? Right then, a sharp crackle and flash shot from my fingertips.
"Urk...!?"
Ah—.
This is gonna kill me—.
That was only natural.
It felt just like that time Mom left me alone to meet the neighbor guy, and I got bored and stuck chopsticks in an outlet.
# # #
When I opened my eyes, I was sprawled on the warehouse floor.
Hermit was pouring red potion into my mouth—glug glug.
"Live! Yor! You can't die!"
"Urk! Gah! Ughhh!"
Must be what drowning on dry land feels like.
After spitting out the mouthful of potion, my heart started pounding again.
"Wait, what happened? What the hell?"
Hermit scratched the back of her head, looking embarrassed.
"...Rookie, looks like you passed out because of me."
"What the fuck! What did you do to me!"
I jumped up, wary of her.
Hermit averted her eyes and mumbled something.
"The Magic Tower professors said my mana circuits are overloaded or whatever. Sometimes I emit uncontrollable mana... I didn't think it'd happen now..."
"Don't use fancy words I don't get!"
"It means touching me carelessly could be dangerous!"
So she was like an outlet with chopsticks jammed in?
Shit!
I had no idea and groped her happily.
"You tried to kill me with your tits! Ungrateful bitch!"
"...I didn't know! For real!"
As she said it, those glowing circuit lines lit up her face again.
Crackle.
Static sparking everywhere.
If I touched her in that state, would I pass out from shock again?
"Hey hey hey! Hermit! Calm down first!"
I tried to soothe her.
Hermit breathed huu, huu, and soon the glow faded.
Then, like she'd figured something out, she clapped—smack.
"Got it! My mana circuits go berserk when I get excited!"
"So what the hell are these mana circuits?"
At this point, I had to ask.
Hermit answered simply.
"They're like veins that mana flows through. The more you have, the better your magic talent. I have over twice as many as normal."
Mana circuits. Innate veins that let you use magic.
Hermit had more than most, so she could cast more spells than most.
The problem was, after those events, her circuits had strengthened—and now they went haywire when she got excited.
"Huu, huuu... Is it okay now...?"
Smoothly.
She reached out to me.
The second her fingertip touched my arm—crackle! A flash.
"Ow ow ow!!!"
I yelped and jumped back.
Felt like a wasp sting.
Just a light poke with her finger did this?
But I was the one zapped, and Hermit looked even more depressed.
"...At this rate, I can't even touch people!"
She plopped down, hugged her knees, and buried her face.
"My life's ruined!"
Sobs echoed.
Come to think of it, her adoptive father Wise Man Pilgrim had been arrested, and the Pilgrim family was in ruins.
Hermit was an orphan again.
Her words weren't exaggeration.
"At this rate, I can't even make friends!"
No, beyond orphan—it was impossible to even touch people!
No wonder she was bawling.
Crackle! Crackle!
But as she started wailing, her face lit up again.
If this kept up, something might explode.
I decided to calm her down first.
"Hey! Hermit! This is actually a good thing!"
"...Actually good?"
She looked up, face a mess of tears and snot.
I felt a pang of disgust but played it cool.
"Hermit! Now you can kill monsters barehanded!"
Her biggest weakness was weak melee.
Her magic was great, but zero close combat ability.
But in this overcharged state? Maybe she could handle melee now?
"But... I can't date or get married like this..."
Fuck, that was a big problem.
If I had a curse where thorns popped out every time I touched someone?
My dream of a happy family? Dead in the water.
No sex, no kissing, not even hand-holding.
Already unpopular, and with this constitution? Who'd like me?
That thought slipped out.
"Wow, your life's really fucked."
"Nyaaaaang!"
Hermit burst into loud sobs.
I totally got her despair.
Is this what empathy is?
Putting yourself in someone's shoes.
"Hermit, don't worry. Magic can do anything, and Ether's invincible. There's gotta be a fix for your condition."
"...You think?"
"Yeah!"
"Then, sniff, promise you'll help me find a solution."
"Uh, me?"
"Technically, this happened because I boosted my mana circuits to save you guys!"
...Was it?
If Hermit hadn't strengthened her circuits, level 19 Mage Pilgrim would've wiped us out.
Yeah, she'd sacrificed for us.
"Fine, deal!"
I shouted boldly.
"...Promise!"
She stuck out her pinky.
I lightly hooked mine in—.
Crackle!
Like a jellyfish sting.
"Ow!"
"Heehee! We're partners now!"
Hermit seemed delighted by my pain.
Naughty girl.
If she weren't a mage, she'd definitely be a thief.
Right then—.
Crackle.
Crackle.
A weird noise from Hermit's side.
What the—? Hermit freaked.
"Ah! No way—!?"
She rummaged in her reed-woven bag.
And pulled out a round egg.
Crack, craaack.
Cracks spread across the egg.
Light leaked out.
"Partner! Look! Is this—!?"
"Fuck, Hermit! You finally cooked your familiar egg!"
"No, idiot!"
Craaack.
Light burst from the cracked egg.
Something extended a leg from inside.
—Wahlu, wahlu—!
What the hell?
It made the same noise as those monsters from Miscanique University.
Body like an octopus, over ten eyes, shark-like teeth—fierce.
"Monster that eats crazy people!"
I drew my dagger.
But Hermit shoved my side.
"Idiot! It's my familiar! It finally hatched! Why now? Did it need mana? React to my circuits? Huh? What!"
No clue.
But when Hermit pushed me and I fell, Ether coins scattered everywhere.
The thing extended tentacle-feet or whatever and scooped them up slime-style.
—Arrr, garrr...!
"Wow! It really picks up Ether!"
Hermit was thrilled.
"Let's see if it picks up Ether during monster hunts!"
Hermit dragged Hammer out to the field.
The great plain.
—Wahlu, wahlu!
Clink! Clink!
Wahluloo scooped up the endless Ether coins nonstop.
(That's what Hermit named it.)
Hammer marveled at Wahluloo's performance.
"Whoa, picking up Ether on its own? Ether farming speed just skyrocketed! Looks like a total monster, though!"
"Hehe, not like you can judge by looks, Hammer."
"What?"
Magnet pet was OP.
Hunting efficiency doubled—no lie—and we farmed 4 million Ether in a day killing monsters and cracking boxes.
Felt like more Ether drops thanks to Hermit's Dragon Claw Necklace.
Anyway, my Ether hit about 80 million!
Tempted to hit 100 mil, but why hoard in a world with no interest?
「Level up?」
「13 → 14」
「Ether Consumed – 40,960,000」
Yes!
Leveled up.
Hit 15 and I can visit Instructor Rose?
Already looking forward to drinks with her.
'Hermit back means bonfire management's solid. Nice.'
But Hermit struggled.
"Ugh, touching the bonfire overloads my circuits. Tier 5+ spells cause overload after one use."
Post-upgrade, her magic power rose, but overload came easy.
Even breathing was hard in overload.
"Hang in there. Tomorrow the shrine maiden comes from the capital. Ow, hot!"
Hammer got zapped comforting her.
Shrine maiden tomorrow?
Hope she's a hot babe.
Next day.
A woman dragged a heavy bag into the bonfire rest area. Platinum hair tied back tight, skin white as snow.
Wore a china-dress embroidered with gold thread.
Her chest was insane—eyes drawn there, she spoke first.
"I'm Shrine Maiden Yona. From now on, this place moves under my command. Disobey, and face severe punishment."
Super strict tone.
I'd imagined a kind, motherly nun type.
"Hehe, I'm the party's thief, Yor."
"Party's thief?"
"Yup!"
"A mere criminal dares speak to me casually—."
"Yup!?"
"Criminals running wild is why the Empire rots. Ezekiel's way is wrong. Criminals need the whip, not carrots."
Chilly toward thieves—nostalgic. Hammer freaked.
"Yona...? N-no way, Annihilation Monk Yona—one of the Empire's Four Saints!?"
"Oh, you know me?"
"An honor to meet you!!! I'm Hammer, ma'am!!!"
"Here, just call me Shrine Maiden Yona. And lock that criminal in cuffs downstairs."