Sorry, I'm Not a Simp
And she, too, would become zombie chow, torn limb from limb just like the others.
But right then, the frantic pounding on the iron door suddenly cut off...
Tang Jingyan wiped away her tears and stood in surprise. Curiosity drew her forward a few steps as she peered through the broken hole in the door to see what was happening outside.
Through the gap, she saw that the two zombies that had been savagely battering the door were gone. Even the ordinary ones had vanished completely.
Only a single figure stood outside, gripping a modao.
"Open the door." A man's voice came from beyond, cold and flat.
The figure and the voice felt familiar. It was the guy who'd saved Lin Man Cha earlier.
Tang Jingyan hurriedly shoved the exercise equipment aside and swung the iron door open, welcoming Xiao Yi inside.
The moment Xiao Yi stepped in, he glanced around. "Just you left, huh?"
Tang Jingyan nodded. After watching everyone around her die gruesome deaths one by one, her heart had gone numb. "That other girl lost her mind and fell to her death from upstairs."
She paused, then asked nervously, "Thanks for saving me! Did you come specifically for me? How's Man Cha doing with you?"
Xiao Yi eyed the yoga goddess Tang Jingyan, who looked relieved yet brimming with confidence. She was stunning—delicate features, snow-white skin so fine it glowed, a swaying ponytail that screamed effortless allure, radiating an indescribable goddess vibe.
And that perfect, curvaceous figure paired with an air of untouchable elegance.
Gazing at the goddess before him, Xiao Yi couldn't help feeling a twinge of inferiority.
"Sorry, I didn't come here specifically to save you. I just wanted those zombie corpses from earlier."
"Whether I save you or not? That's up to your decision."
Inferiority was one thing, but turning into a simp? Xiao Yi would never.
Tang Jingyan froze for a split second, biting her plump pink lips. "I know you're a good guy. Can you take me to your shelter?"
Handing out the nice guy card already?
Xiao Yi smirked inwardly.
Typical goddess move—when they wanted to use a loser, they'd start with the nice guy card.
Followed by a little sweetness, a sliver of hope.
Once the loser tasted it, he'd be like a dog that'd gotten a scrap of food, slowly falling under the goddess's spell, turning into a full-blown simp.
Then he'd get used and hurt over and over. Just when he thought of quitting, she'd dangle another crumb of hope, keeping him hooked, pouring out everything for her.
In the end, the lucky simp backup might end up raising someone else's kid. The unlucky one? Left broken, empty-handed.
Sure enough, Tang Jingyan pressed on. "You're Xiao Yi, right? I know you. You had a roommate who used to watch my shows all the time. We're kinda friends—he talked about you a lot."
Her cheeks flushed as she added shyly, "Actually, I've noticed you for a while. You're pretty great..."
Xiao Yi chuckled coldly inside, replying coolly, "Oh yeah? When did you notice me? Remember my roommate's name? What exactly made me so 'great' back then?"
He'd admit he was impressive now.
But pre-apocalypse? No way he bought that.
And a yoga goddess noticing a total nobody like him? Even less likely.
The rich, handsome guys chasing her could circle the track.
Tang Jingyan blinked, cursing him inwardly. This guy's chat game is trash—how does he kill the vibe this hard? Total emotionless idiot, right?
She'd just tossed out some rote flattery on autopilot.
After a long pause, unable to answer, she stammered, "I was scared out of my mind just now... I can't remember his name off the top of my head. But I really did notice you. You're kind, pure-hearted. I knew you'd help me. I know you like me too. If you can win me over, we could even be boyfriend-girlfriend. It's the apocalypse now—we could rely on each other."
"Sorry, but there's a misunderstanding. I'm not kind at all. And I have zero interest in making you my girlfriend."
Xiao Yi's tone was ice-cold.
He got her game perfectly. She wanted him fawning over her, emotionally leashed, turned into her personal simp.
She saw him as just another thirsty pursuer.
Smart play—in the apocalypse, a woman's best leverage over a man was the feelings card.
Too bad for her, Xiao Yi wasn't a simp.
He didn't need her "feelings" either.
To him, women were just tools for venting.
"A forced melon isn't sweet, right? Real happiness comes when they fall for you naturally—makes it feel better too. You know how many guys chased me before. I need someone who treats me right, spoils me, protects me." Tang Jingyan said earnestly.
"True, forced isn't sweet. But I'm not forcing anything. And how many guys chased you? None of my business." Xiao Yi killed the vibe dead again. "What kind of boyfriend you want? Don't tell me. Not my concern, and I'm not interested in the job."
Tang Jingyan had never met a guy this immune to her charms—a straight-steel wall of a man.