Legitimate Self-Defense
"Gyaah!!!"
Splash—
A scream out of nowhere, and my daily bread, instant ramen, spilled all over the floor.
"..."
I stood there blankly, staring at the living room floor stained bright red.
Three seconds ago, it had been food. Now, it was a crime scene.
The floor was a total mess, and my clothes were soaked through. Looking down at my white T-shirt dyed scarlet, I muttered under my breath...
"..Fuck."
Come to think of it, ever since some point, I couldn't swear anymore. The curse would rise to the tip of my tongue, only to get censored by something and pop out garbled, just like now.
But since I'd inherited God's power, maybe I should call myself an apostle? Apostles aren't supposed to swear... or something like that?
Anyway, I tried to piece together how this mess had happened.
.
Even in my past life, I'd loved ramen, so in this one, I'd made countless trips to convenience stores and marts, stocking the storage room with instant foods.
It wasn't a huge storage room or anything, and since I could go out anytime, it was just easy eats. So, ramen it was.
Back then, I'd always boil two packs at a time. If I was extra hungry, three. Never any leftovers.
But after reincarnating as a girl, one pack felt too skimpy, and two was too much.
'Then just pair a pack of ramen with a triangle kimbap.'
That was my dumb idea, but the idiot me hadn't thought ahead—I'd only stocked ramen and cola, nothing else.
Too lazy to go out for a single kimbap...
So I'd just boil two packs anyway, even if it meant leftovers. It was my money, after all. Might as well spend it when it felt right.
Up until I boldly carried the ramen bowl into the living room and tripped, spilling it everywhere, I'd been chuckling at these pointless thoughts.
And now... here we were. With this damp, bright-red-stained T-shirt.
"..."
Now, the only clothes left in the closet were the T-shirt I was wearing and one identical spare. And even that one hung down to my hips, leaving me bottomless.
In short, I was rocking the no-pants look right now.
'Can't go out like this.'
I knew it instinctively. If I stepped out like this, I'd end up preserved forever on some community site.
[Live: Bottomless Girl Spotted]
With a title like that.
Fine at home, sure. But not outside.
"..Gotta buy some clothes."
I grabbed the last T-shirt from the closet, threw on some jeans I'd left out, and planned my day.
"First, a bunch of casuals, some going-out clothes... underwear too, outerwear, padding, multiples of everything..."
It was summer now, so maybe skip the outer stuff. Whatever. Strike while the iron's hot—might as well buy it all in one shopping spree.
With that in mind, I headed for the door, feeling the light wrap around me...
"Hm.."
But the wretched smell of spilled ramen on the floor held me back.
Better clean this up first...
ㅡㅡㅡ
After cleaning the ramen and showering, I stood in front of the closet again.
"Sigh, it's really empty now."
The bare space. All that remained was that one spare T-shirt, same as the one I'd worn.
This wouldn't do. I headed out.
'For clothes shopping, department store it is...?'
I knew zilch about brands, but for proper clothes, a department store had to be it.
Even in my past life, I'd bought clothes there plenty of times. The difference now was money and gender, that's all.
Department store women's floor.
The moment I stepped in, everything felt subtly off.
Perfume scents. Glittering lights. Soft, plush colors everywhere.
In my past life, I'd just breezed past floors like this.
'This is where I belong now...'
I felt oddly tense. Then, I sensed peculiar stares.
"Whoa.."
"So freaking cute.."
"Here to shop, huh.."
A ticklish feeling. Not all aimed at me, but some stares hit dead-on.
Hey, don't you have jobs?? I'm a customer—staring like that is rude!!
Thoughts like that swirling in my head, I moved toward a shop that looked safe enough.
"Zaru... ba... bu?"
Even the store name felt weird. The places I'd frequented in my past life weren't like this...
"Welcome~."
The staff's bright voice made my shoulders stiffen. Relax, I look like a girl to anyone. Be confident.
I casually flipped through the racks, acting natural. Oversized short-sleeve tees... wide pants... blouses...
Yeah, admit it. I had no clue what was what.
Then, soft footsteps approached from the side.
Wait, no way?
'Uh oh?'
Clack— clack—
Ignoring my panic, the steps drew closer. The moment everyone dreads.
"Looking for anything in particular?"
It happened...
"Uh, well."
I knew what I wanted, but couldn't put it into words.
'A bunch of casuals, going-out stuff, underwear, seasonal clothes, nothing flashy but comfy, easy to manage, cute enough.'
How to say that?
"Just... comfy stuff."
My voice came out meek, but the staff beamed.
"Daily look, right? These days, everyone pairs semi-oversized tops with wide pants. Layer basic tees or blouses on top. For dresses, flare lines are low-stress. Check these out..."
"...Uh-heh."
What? Semi's half-size? Oversized is big, got it. Flare like fireworks?
I nodded. Pretending to know is humanity's greatest skill.
"Ah, yeah. Those."
It's fine. No idea what any of it is, but buy it all! I've got money!!
The staff whipped out a few pieces like she'd been waiting.
"This is a basic oversized short-sleeve. Slim slacks here. Wide pants too. This blouse has puff sleeves—makes your face look smaller."
Puff? Puffy sleeves?
"How's it look? Wanna try 'em on?"
"Eh."
Try on? The price of pretending was steep.
I got dragged to the fitting room without resisting.
ㅡㅡㅡ
Swoosh—
I drew the fitting room curtain and stood before the mirror.
"..Whoa.."
Speechless for a sec. I'd felt it briefly in the shower, but damn, my looks were unreal.
Petite at 140cm—that was cute-girl charm. Waist-length black hair flowed like a starry night sky, soft and deep-toned. Features perfectly balanced.
In a word, adorbs AF.
No wonder I drew envious stares just walking around.
"..Envy my ass. Too much."
Feeling shy, I shook off the thoughts and tried on the staff's picks.
"..Is this... me..?"
Weirdly natural. Clothes I'd have scoffed at in my past life felt custom-made now.
Complicated mood. Not bad. Not comfy either.
"..Hee hee.."
Somehow fun, though.
..Try more?
ㅡㅡㅡ
"Whoa, she's stupid cute.."
"Ugh, so jealous. Why do you hog it all, you jerk!!"
"Shh shh.. Customer's still inside.."
"Eep.."
Han Chaeyeon worked at the department store. Not a mega one for chaebols, but popular with the well-off, so she figured she needed clothing know-how to avoid slip-ups.
She'd studied endlessly on her off time: what fits what body type, color combos for styles, etc.
And the moment she saw that petite cutie who seemed new to department stores, instinct hit.
All that study was for today.
"So, what'll she buy?"
Her coworker and friend Kang Sujin asked. Chaeyeon replied with conviction.
"Basics first, no question."
"Basics?"
"Cream oversized short-sleeve with high-waist slacks. Legs look longer that way. Nail the waistline, done."
Sujin blinked like she'd heard alien talk.
"You're in analysis mode again."
"For real. And she'll grab a dress for sure."
"Why?"
Chaeyeon nodded knowingly.
"The type who freezes at the mirror in a knit dress."
When sending clothes to the fitting room, Chaeyeon had slipped in a couple dresses. The girl shyly averted her eyes from them, so it'd been a playful test.
If not, oh well.
"..."
"That shocked 'does-this-look-good-on-me' face? 100%."
Sujin smirked at Chaeyeon's smug confidence.
"Verdict?"
"Two tees. One slacks. One blouse."
Chaeyeon paused, then added,
"..And one knit dress."
"So sure?"
Sujin chuckled incredulously. Chaeyeon glanced at the register.
"Girls like her.."
"Once they see themselves pretty, they buy on impulse."
"Pfft.."
As Chaeyeon and Sujin chatted freely, swoosh— the girl emerged from the fitting room. Their market-square chatter shut down instantly.
Pro professionalism.
"How was it?"
"Oh. Well.."
The customer's face looked refreshed and thrilled. Chaeyeon's mood lifted too.
But her next words froze her brain.
"I'll take 'em all."
"Pardon?"
ㅡㅡㅡ
"Hm hm hmmm~♪"
Bags stuffed with clothes, I strolled out of the department store, humming cheerfully.
Part of me wanted to parade these shopping bags down the street forever.
"Idol trainee?"
"Ask for her number.."
"As if lol"
"Bought clothes, huh. Looks happy.."
'Hee hee.'
I guess I enjoyed the reactions more than I thought. Total attention whore?
So what if I was? No harm to others, makes me happy—that's enough.
These clothes were mine now!
'Hee hee, maybe go out more often?'
.
That was me, once upon a time.
Boom!!
Thud!!!
Kaboom—!!
"..."
A fireball flew from somewhere, torching the bags in my right hand. Half my brand-new clothes went up in flames.
"Huh? Who's this? Ha! Just from the department store? Tough luck. Hee hee hee."
"Kyaaah!!!"
"Run!!!!"
The ugly guy who'd hurled fireballs at my bags and bystanders pointed at me, laughing.
"Not sorry at all. So just die!! Hee ha ha ha!!!"
That voice snapped something in my head.
He attacked first.
So this is self-defense.
"Awaken, Sacred First Wing!"