Proposal
Under the eaves, where the night air had settled cool and still, Cheongwol sat at the edge of the wooden veranda and lifted her reddened eyes to the dark sky.
Clouds clung together in layered bands as they drifted past, and between them the moon shed a dim, wavering light, thin as a woman’s eyebrow.
...
It was said that if one listened to a mournful song while gazing up at the moon, homesickness would ache so deeply it became unbearable. But she knew no such melody, and she had no home to return to. How, then, was she meant to soothe this lonely body of hers?
If only she could hide herself within the clouds, like that lovely moon.
When she closed her eyes, the darkness behind her lids was absolute, and in its depths Seomun Hwi’s face rose up before her.
Seeing the childlike tremor in his eyes, she could not bring herself to leave him alone. Had she not already lived through the sorrow of having to watch someone precious slip away?
So she had first meant only to hold his hand.
Then, only to embrace him.
And before she had quite realized it, she had gone to him and kissed him.
She was a man, and no one would ever forgive such a thing.
When she let out a quiet sigh, as though expecting it, phantom voices began to seep into her ears.
"There is no need to blame yourself. For all your life, you were shut away in a mountain valley, never even learning what it means to live as a man."
"So you built up yin energy in your body before you had even begun martial training? Then the yang energy that should have remained within you must all have vanished."
"Since things have come to this, why not do as your grandfather and master once said and abandon revenge? If you have no intention of turning your back on the one precious to you, that is."
Had it been any other day, those voices would have been hurling abuse at her without restraint. What was it about tonight that they had chosen to keep time with her instead?
Since she had endured those phantom sounds countless times after undergoing the transformation and learning the Sunflower Manual, this was the first time they had ever sounded like this.
As though they wanted her to live as a woman, Cheongwol murmured softly, loud enough for them to hear.
"I'm a man. And even if I look like this now, I still know what it means to live like a man. I just have to live as Grandfather did. Fulfilling the duty given to me until the moment I take my last breath."
Then, as if deeply offended, the voices came back.
"Foolish fool! So you truly mean to walk a path you need not take!"
"Kissing a man yourself and still acting so indignant. How absurd."
"I look forward to seeing how long you can keep up that stubborn pride."
"That won't happen. So... leave me alone now."
As she drew a small thread of inner power upward, the clamorous noise in her ears fell silent as if it had never existed.
Phantom voices were nothing but wicked things born from a weakened heart.
According to So Gayul, did that not mean she wished to live as a woman rather than as a man?
Even if she were to turn her back on the wandering souls of the Im family, whose grievances she had sworn to put to rest.
She bit down hard on her lower lip until a bead of blood welled there.
How could that possibly be true?
From the moment she had turned her back on her grandfather’s grave to this very day, when she had painfully spoken of parting from Seomun Hwi, Cheongwol had never once forgotten the ledger her grandfather had written in blood.
He had told her to forget, so that the burden would not crush his grandchild’s shoulders; and yet in the end, he himself had never been able to release it.
When the day came that every enemy’s name had been written into that ledger at last...
She would go gladly to your grave and offer a soul-restoring rite for the Im family.
She was still gathering her resolve beneath the moonless sky, watching the moon now fully hidden behind the clouds, when a voice sounded behind her.
"I wondered where you'd gone. So here you are."
It was Hong Chilsong, looking a little sheepish.
---
Instead of the old wine gourd he usually carried, Hong Chilsong tilted a bottle that made its value obvious at a glance, pouring the liquor into a cup.
"Fine liquor ought to be drunk like this. In a place with a little atmosphere, and in the company of good people. Though the moon is too shy to show itself tonight, which is just as well, really, since it's a night too heavy for moonlight."
When he saw the tear-stained corners of Cheongwol’s eyes, regret flooded him at once.
I’ve gone and done something foolish. This is why I shouldn’t meddle in other people’s affairs.
Grumbling inwardly at his own unwelcome good intentions, he held out the cup.
"Will you have some?"
She accepted it, but with a face that looked distant and fragile, she shook her head.
"I want to drink my first wine with Hwi."
What did it matter if it was a dream she could never reach? Just carrying it in her heart gave her the strength to take another step forward.
Hong Chilsong understood that, and did not press her further.
"Sharing a cup with a friend is a fine thing too. At the very least, it’s better than drinking with this old man."
Unlike his usual habit of drinking like it was water, Hong Chilsong let the liquor flow slowly across his tongue.
It was the kind of wine the Tang Clan kept hidden away, and with a single sip, the fragrance of several flowers spread richly through his mouth.
To think they had so readily brought out something this precious just because he said he wanted to drink it with Cheongwol.
He could not tell whether it was a whim or kindness, but Hong Chilsong had no reason to refuse the goodwill Dang Gangjin had extended. Still, it would have been better if they had drunk it together.
He refilled his cup, then lifted his gaze by chance and met Cheongwol’s eyes.
Though she and Seomun Hwi were said to be a pair that could never be brought together by the Tang Clan’s event, there should not have been any need to settle matters between them so abruptly.
Yet from Seomun Hwi’s stunned reaction and Cheongwol’s expression, it seemed the two of them had already come to an end.
Swallowing his guilt and pity, Hong Chilsong asked,
"...Why did you refuse him? It looked to me like Seomun Sogaju had feelings for you too."
Cheongwol looked down at the empty cup and answered,
"Because I was in no condition to hold anyone. I was already cracked from one end to the other, so if I’d forced myself to take him in, I’m sure everything would have spilled out."
How could a child who had not even reached full adulthood say such things?
"You’re a woman anyone would be proud to stand beside. No, more than that—you’re more than enough. I can say that without hesitation, after wandering all across the Central Plains."
Even with Hong Chilsong’s comfort, Cheongwol’s mouth remained firm.
"Thank you. But... I keep wondering. What if I’d been just right? Not too much, not too little. Just enough to hold one person, and one person only."
"I’m telling you, you’re enough as you are."
With nothing to nibble on, they drank cup after cup in silence.
When the liquor had risen to his head and he had taken a moment to catch his breath, Hong Chilsong spoke again.
"I don't know the reason, but perhaps you pushed him away because you were afraid he’d be hurt."
"...Was that the right thing to do?"
Lowering her head as Seomun Hwi came to mind, Cheongwol asked anxiously.
"That depends on how your friend takes it."
It was perfectly reasonable, but not the answer she wanted to hear just then.
Seeing the color drain from her face, Hong Chilsong looked up at the clouds endlessly drifting across the night sky.
"If you want my honest opinion, you did the right thing. That’s what you do when someone is truly precious to you."
There was a story behind the way he said it, one that carried a weight no less heavy than her own, so this time Cheongwol asked gently,
"Did you have such a friend too, Grandfather?"
"...I did."
There had once been a friend with whom he laughed and drank and spent joyful days.
He still remembered the way his chest had pounded the first time they acted on righteousness and chivalry together, feeling as though he himself had become the kind of wandering hero he once admired.
He also remembered the days they matched each other with their blades, letting youth collide, and the times they exchanged theories of swordsmanship and came to acknowledge one another.
And yet now that friend appeared only in dreams, and only occasionally, through tears of blood.
Even if he spat out hatred laced with a terrible curse, Hong Chilsong was still grateful simply to be able to see his face like that.
At the very least, he had been able to kneel and repent.
Hong Chilsong let out a deep sigh and spilled the liquor left in his cup onto the ground.
"Unlike you, I couldn’t protect my friend. If I could go back to that time, I’d do it even if it cost me my life. Even now, if I close my eyes, I still can’t forget the look of resentment in his gaze."
Cheongwol said nothing. She set her cup down beside her and looked up at the night sky again, following his gaze.
"If he really was that precious a friend, then he wouldn’t keep resenting you forever."
Hong Chilsong had just begun to tilt the bottle again when he stopped and turned to look at her.
"Of course, back then he may have been angry. He may even have hated you. But..."
At last, Cheongwol let a faint smile touch her lips as she spoke.
"Friends who have shared their hearts with each other are the sort of people who can’t help but be like that."
She prayed, more than anything, that Seomun Hwi would one day forgive her as well.
"...If that's truly so, then I suppose I have nothing more to ask for."
Hong Chilsong nodded slowly, as though he shared the same feelings.
By then, the procession of clouds that had covered the night sky had begun to thin and show its end.
"Hey."
"Yes?"
"If it feels awkward to stay in the Tang Clan any longer, how about coming away with me?"
At Hong Chilsong’s sudden proposal, Cheongwol’s eyes widened.
"You said you're from Qinghai Province, so you can't have ever traveled the Central Plains, can you? I'll be your guide. You won't be bored."
"That is..."
When Cheongwol hesitated, Hong Chilsong grinned.
"Didn’t you say your friend would forgive me? I’d like to go see whether that was really true, at his grave. Only, I don't quite have the courage to go alone, so I’m asking for help like this."
He set the cup aside, picked up the bottle, and drained the remaining wine in one go.
Though it was a mild liquor, a warm heat still slid down his throat.
"Since we've met like this, it must be fate. Will you come with me?"
As soon as he finished speaking, the clouds parted and moonlight filled the empty cup in Cheongwol’s hands.
It would be enough to hear the truth about the jade jewel through a letter. Besides, if she had to face Seomun Hwi every day, she would surely waver, so it did not take long for her to make up her mind.
"I heard there are hermits living atop a terrible cliff. I’d like to meet them. Ah, and a lake as big as the sea too."