A Kiss
Seomun Hwi frowned before he even realized he was doing it, as if he had been struck by lightning out of a clear sky.
"What do you mean Cheongwol has a betrothed? What is this supposed to mean?"
The sharp reaction was so far from what Dang Gangjin had expected that he, too, looked taken aback.
"You truly didn't know?"
Sensing the atmosphere turning sour, Hong Chilsong cleared his throat and stepped between them.
"I'll explain exactly what's going on. So calm down first."
Looking at Seomun Hwi's deeply furrowed brow, Hong Chilsong realized he had committed yet another grave blunder.
To hear that Cheongwol had a betrothed while Dang Sohye was standing right beside him, and to react so violently at that...
There's no need to check whether he has feelings or not. He's acting like he could kill a man with a look alone.
Knowing he had to choose his words carefully from here on out, Hong Chilsong swallowed dryly.
"A year ago, I happened to stop by Kongdong Sect for a matter I had to take care of. That's when I came to know your friend."
At the mention of Kongdong Sect, Seomun Hwi's face hardened even more.
"As you know, he was polite and easy to get along with, a fine person all around. Before I knew it, I found myself thinking of that child as if they were my own grandchild."
Hong Chilsong let his gaze grow distant, as though he were drawing up memories that had never existed at all.
"I've spent my life as a beggar, chasing righteousness and chivalry until my hair turned white. I have no regrets—if I were born again, I'd live the same way. But if there is one thing I cannot forgive myself for, it's that I never made a family. That has remained my deepest sorrow all these years."
One small truth, skillfully hidden among countless lies, blurred Seomun Hwi's vision.
"So I acted like an old fool and made a hasty decision. Don't worry too much. I chose a man who is more than worthy of being compared to that child."
They always said that once one began learning martial arts, one had to guard against qigong deviation.
The mind that had always stayed cold and disciplined went hot in an instant, and the heart that had been quiet all this time began to pound like mad.
If he spoke now, he knew he would say something he could never take back.
Seomun Hwi forced himself to keep his vision from going dark, drawing breath again and again until he could steady himself.
At last, the words that came from his mouth were barely more than a whisper.
"...Does Cheongwol have feelings for that man as well?"
Hong Chilsong gave a bitter smile and said nothing in reply.
---
By early evening, after spending the whole day in bed without eating a thing, Cheongwol finally opened his eyes.
Ak Seo-ah was nowhere to be seen, likely off to meet the young clan leader of the Tang Clan again. He looked around the room, but she was nowhere in sight.
"..."
He had just managed to drag his hungry body upright and was about to carefully make his way outside when...
The moment he opened the door, a familiar back came into view first.
"You're awake."
Seomun Hwi.
The one who ought to have been spending time with Dang Sohye was why he was here instead?
"...Move. I need to go eat."
Though his heart lurched in surprise, Cheongwol forced himself to speak with calm restraint.
A man, when made to wait, reveals his true feelings. So what you need to do from here is simple. Avoid meeting that friend of his as much as possible. Leave the rest to me.
Since they had decided to test his feelings, Cheongwol would have to do it properly.
That was what Hong Chilsong had told him, and so Cheongwol ignored Seomun Hwi utterly once again.
It hurt, but he couldn't keep drifting in the middle like this forever.
Just as he tried to pass by his side, Seomun Hwi, who had not moved at all, suddenly shot to his feet.
"Wait. Come inside. I have something to say."
It was a voice Cheongwol did not know, one hard and coercive in a way Seomun Hwi's voice never usually was.
It sounded almost like a beast growling, and Cheongwol unconsciously took a step back.
Seeing that, Seomun Hwi clicked his tongue, irritation plainly showing on his face.
"It won't take long. So don't even think about slipping away—come in."
---
Shoved into the room as if by force, Cheongwol sat on the bed and sneaked a glance at him.
Seomun Hwi's expression had not changed in the least, but the flicker in his eyes said everything about the turmoil inside him.
Had avoiding him for only a few days really made him this angry?
Cheongwol was still struggling with bewilderment and uncertainty when Seomun Hwi spoke in a cold voice.
"I don't know what you were thinking when you said something like that to me."
"...?"
Cheongwol blinked, unable to understand him, and Seomun Hwi gave a short, humorless laugh.
"You don't need to keep pretending anymore. I heard everything from Hong Chilsong-senior."
The moment Hong Chilsong was mentioned, Cheongwol finally understood the shape of what was happening.
While he had been asleep, Seomun Hwi had apparently come here after hearing that he had a betrothed.
"Talking about how you'd continue living as a man, or how it was inconvenient to have the body of a woman. Was it really necessary to tell such lies? You could have simply said you had a betrothed and asked me not to come any closer."
"...Hwi."
"Or was it that you wanted to mock me? Then again, I suppose it was laughable, the way you kept calling me your friend and saying you'd continue to treat me like a man. You've already given your heart to another man long ago, haven't you."
"Wait, that's not—"
Cheongwol hurriedly reached for his arm, trying to explain that it was not what he meant, but Seomun Hwi seized his wrist all the more tightly in return.
"I was told he was a man who lacked for nothing. So is that why you agreed to be betrothed? You said you were training, but it seems you still found time to fool around with men. Ah, could that betrothed be Daoist Unhak?"
"Watch your mouth."
Cheongwol understood that he was angry, but Seomun Hwi's words were crossing one line after another, and his own face hardened as well.
If this had been any other day, Seomun Hwi would never have shown this side of himself.
And yet, he was still only a young man in his twenties.
Once a fire was lit in the heart and could no longer be controlled, it would spread until it burned both of them to the bone.
"Of course I should. Compared to your betrothed and Daoist Unhak, I'm only a brief acquaintance, hardly worthy of being called a friend."
The wrist he was holding began to throb with slow, mounting pain.
"Did you really even read the letter I sent? No, perhaps you read it together with your betrothed and laughed at it."
"..."
At that sneering accusation, sadness fell over Cheongwol's face.
What hurt more than Seomun Hwi's words, meant to wound him, was the sight of Seomun Hwi himself coming apart.
What was the use of denying it any longer?
If he were truly nothing more than an ordinary friend, Seomun Hwi would never be reacting like this.
The only reason he had been driven into this state was because he had left things so ambiguous.
As though exhaling his anger, Seomun Hwi's lowered head soon drooped completely.
"...If any man would do, then I would rather..."
Before Seomun Hwi could cross the final line, Cheongwol lifted a delicate hand and stroked his face.
"Don't do this, Hwi."
The warm touch, so gentle it might usually have felt like comfort, somehow felt unbearably painful today.
"You're my precious first friend."
"A friend... is that all I can ever be to you?"
It felt as though his chest were being torn apart.
He had been the first to know Cheongwol, and yet another man whose face he did not even know had become the betrothed, while he himself was expected to remain nothing more than a friend.
Only then did Seomun Hwi, a step slower than Cheongwol, finally come to understand his own heart.
The reason his eyes kept following Cheongwol when he appeared as a woman.
The reason he had felt as though the world had gone dark when he heard from Hong Chilsong that Cheongwol had a betrothed.
Even the reason he had flown into such a rage and spoken such cruel words, though Cheongwol had done nothing wrong at all.
The flames flickering in Seomun Hwi's eyes began to die down little by little.
Resignation, regret, remorse.
All the tangled emotions scattered across the ashes left behind by the fire.
And finally, a clumsy feeling he had never shown anyone before seemed ready to take root.
"Cheongwol. I know how ridiculous it must sound to say this now. But it feels like if I don't say it now, I never will. I still..."
The moment he looked at the face of the first friend he had ever cared for and prepared to speak his heart, whatever answer he might receive, Cheongwol stepped toward him first, and Seomun Hwi could say no more.
---
Cheongwol's warm, soft lips brushed lightly against Seomun Hwi's and then withdrew.
It was a kiss so light even a child in the marketplace might have given it, yet for Cheongwol, it required more courage than anything he had ever done.
"..."
When Seomun Hwi stared at him in stunned silence, Cheongwol gave a faint smile that looked almost sad.
"I'm sorry. I have something I need to do... Until it's finished, I can't be with anyone."
He took Seomun Hwi's trembling hand in both of his and brought it to his own soft cheek, letting him feel the warmth there.
"...I'll wait."
Seomun Hwi pleaded it earnestly, but Cheongwol slowly shook his head.
"I don't know when it will be over. I don't even know whether I'll be able to do it."
The warmth in his hand made it feel as though tears might spill at any moment.
Why did he have to live a life where he could never fully keep such warmth by his side?
If he were to be greedy, then not only he, but the one he loved might be dragged into an endless grudge as well.
Because Seomun Hwi was someone more precious than anyone else, if he wanted to protect him, this was where they had to stop.
He tried desperately to hold back his tears, but in the end, one still slipped down onto Seomun Hwi's hand.
Even so, in an effort not to worry him, Cheongwol bent the corners of his eyes into something like a smile.
"So... please marry Dang Sohye and live happily. Even for my sake."
---