Misunderstanding
Seomun Hwi’s reaction filled Cheongwol with a faint, private dread, but what was done could no longer be undone.
Gathering her trembling heart, Cheongwol stepped carefully into the room.
"..."
"..."
If something looked odd, he should have said so; if it looked acceptable, he should at least have said that much.
She kept tugging at the collar of her clothes and only watched his face for a response, when Seomun Hwi’s expression hardened and he suddenly turned his head away.
At once, unmistakable disappointment surfaced on Cheongwol’s face.
Was it because she had once been a man, and now looked grotesque in these clothes?
She should never have agreed to wear them in the first place.
It wasn’t as though she had expected praise, but there was no need for him to be this cold.
Her eyes prickled with tears, so she bit down hard on her lower lip and looked at her own toes.
Sensing that the atmosphere between them had turned strange, Mo Won-pyeong hurriedly stepped in to praise Cheongwol in Seomun Hwi’s stead.
"You’re far more beautiful than I imagined. These ornaments seem to have only now found the right owner as well. You agree, Young Clan Leader, do you not?"
He tried to draw Seomun Hwi into the conversation with an oblique glance, but Seomun Hwi still would not look at Cheongwol.
"...Thank you very much. But I think these are far too much for me. I’ll return them."
In the end, when Cheongwol gave a dispirited smile and tried to remove the ornaments, Mo Won-pyeong waved both hands in refusal.
"What are you saying? Let me repeat myself: they suit you wonderfully. They may be plain enough, but I can swear on my honor that I mean it."
"But..."
"Besides, even if you return them, they’re not the sort of goods that can be sold again. Please, take them for my sake if nothing else."
Mo Won-pyeong was sweating profusely as he made up excuses on the spot, trying desperately to smooth things over.
Still, his praise was sincere. The clothes and ornaments truly did suit Cheongwol.
In all the years he had traveled busily across the Central Plains for the sake of business, had he not seen countless beauties?
He had seen the daughter of the Zhuge Family, famed for her grace; the female disciples of Mount Hua, said to be more exquisite than blooming plum blossoms; the daughter of the Dang Family, compared to a flower carrying poison; and even the daughter of the Shandong Ak Family, who, despite her rather eccentric ways, possessed a beauty that ranked among the finest in all the martial world.
Every one of them had been extraordinary beauties, so much so that calling them merely beautiful felt almost like an understatement.
And yet, if he dared to use the phrase bewitching beauty, then only the Cheongwol before him deserved it.
And yet, why was the Seomun Clan’s Young Clan Leader reacting so indifferently in the face of such a woman?
Feeling exasperated, Mo Won-pyeong glanced at him again, and something he had missed before suddenly caught his eye.
The very tip of one ear, faintly reddened beneath Seomun Hwi’s hair.
He had not noticed it earlier because half his face was hidden by his hand, but those eyes were not cold at all; they were flustered.
Only then did Mo Won-pyeong understand.
The Young Clan Leader of the Seomun Clan.
The greatest dragon among the younger generation.
Strip away all those grand titles, and what remained was only a man who had no experience with women.
...He’s only good at martial arts. He’s utterly hopeless otherwise.
Perhaps because he had seen so many people from powerful families acting wantonly the moment they had a little status, Seomun Hwi’s shy refusal even to meet Cheongwol’s eyes looked almost foreign to him.
There was only one thing that could rescue this situation.
"Merchant Lord! Everything is ready!"
At just the right moment, someone came in with perfect timing, and that was reason enough.
"Ah, it seems our talk has already brought us to the time for departure."
Mo Won-pyeong chuckled and hurriedly clasped his hands in a respectful salute toward the two of them.
"It pains me that we could not share a meal together, so I hope you will accept this small gesture of my regret. I’ve already paid for the tavern up ahead, so please have your meal there, the two of you."
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
The food at the tavern was beyond reproach, yet the two of them did not exchange a single word throughout the entire meal.
Seomun Hwi wore a stern expression far too severe for the occasion, struggling to force his wandering gaze away.
Cheongwol, seeing that he remained silent to the very end, gradually swallowed down her hurt and let irritation take its place.
In that suffocating atmosphere, they finished eating and stepped out of the tavern.
By then, the one growing restless was not Cheongwol but Seomun Hwi.
...Is she angry?
In truth, there had already been signs of it when he parted ways with Mo Won-pyeong.
But he had been so focused on not making a fool of himself that, unlike himself, he had been slow to notice.
The real problem was why Cheongwol was angry.
"Cheongwol."
He called her, but she did not turn around.
"Cheongwol."
He called again, and again she ignored him.
"...Cheongwol."
Only when he called her as though pleading did she finally stop walking.
The moment Seomun Hwi reached out to touch her shoulder—
before his hand could arrive, a voice came first, roughened as if split by emotion.
"...If you found it so unbearable to look at, then you should have said I shouldn’t wear it in the first place."
What on earth was that supposed to mean?
"Do you really have to trample all over someone’s pride like that? Or was this what you wanted from the beginning—making me try it on just to embarrass me?"
He sensed immediately that something had gone terribly wrong, but no words came.
"..."
"I know. I know it’s disgusting, a man like me wearing clothes like this and acting like this. But still..."
Cheongwol turned her head slightly and looked at Seomun Hwi.
There were no tears in her eyes, but there was a resignation there so heavy that tears would almost have been better.
"...You didn’t need to go this far."
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
After Cheongwol left first, Seomun Hwi stood frozen in place like a stone stele for a long while.
There was no one to blame but himself. It was a perfect mistake of his own making.
Because she had become a woman, he had taken her calm manner to mean that she was truly unaffected, that she still thought and felt as a man did.
And yet, how could a person possibly be that way?
Her body no longer obeyed the habits of before, making even ordinary motions feel awkward and unnatural.
And unless one counted the few who had known her before, everyone else treated her as a woman, not as a man.
A changed body, a mind still lingering in the past.
It was only natural that she would feel uneasy in the gap between those two selves.
And yet, even so, she had summoned immense courage and come wearing women’s clothes.
But the very friend who had told her to try them on had only stiffened his face and looked away, and he could not begin to imagine how deeply betrayed Cheongwol must have felt.
"..."
Seomun Hwi clenched his hand tightly and let out a long sigh.
He had brought this on himself by acting like a fool; naturally, he would have to bear the consequences himself as well.
Having made up his mind, Seomun Hwi turned his steps toward the Dang Family.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
Should she tear it to pieces right now?
Or carry it outside and burn it?
Of course, those were only thoughts; how could she possibly do such a thing to a gift received in kindness?
So Cheongwol merely stared blankly at the clothes laid out on the bed.
In truth, she did not genuinely believe Seomun Hwi had acted that way because he wanted to shame her.
Whatever the reason, what remained in the end was only the bitter ache left behind in her chest.
...Who could I blame? I was the fool for thinking he’d understand.
Who in all the world would readily accept a monster with a woman’s body and a man’s mind?
She herself had thought as much, and that was why she had called Seomun Hwi into the room to keep the truth from being discovered by Ak Seo-ah, wasn’t it?
"..."
She had known Seomun Hwi would not be much different, but perhaps because she had not truly been prepared, the pain returned and her eyes began to redden again.
I should have hidden the fact that I was once a man from Hwi too, right from the start.
She had told him the truth only because she did not want to deny the man she used to be, and yet...
If she had known it would come to this, she would have lied that way instead. Late regret surged up within her.
The only consolation was that Ak Seo-ah, who had gone out early that morning, still had not returned.
She did not want to show that ugly side of herself when Ak Seo-ah came back, so just as she was forcing herself to crawl beneath the blankets and try to sleep, she heard the cautious sound of the door opening.
"Cheongwol. I have something to say."
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
Was that man not satisfied with driving her into a corner, but planning to leave her no moment at all to collect her emotions?
Clutching the blanket tightly, Cheongwol gave no reply.
Just hearing his voice now was enough to make the feelings she had forced down begin to surge back up.
If she faced him directly, she was certain she would collapse uselessly like a cracked levee.
And that would be an utterly ugly sight.
"..."
Seeing that she had no intention of coming out from under the blankets, Seomun Hwi, just as he had the day before, quietly came closer and sat beside her.
It was certainly the same situation as yesterday, but the emotions the two of them carried were quite different from then.
Exhilaration had become embarrassment and awkwardness.
Joy had become disappointment and regret.
To turn things into this mess in a single day was, in a way, a talent.
Thinking that, Seomun Hwi looked up at the ceiling.
At the very least, if Cheongwol had found the courage to come here, he too should find the courage to speak.
"...I’m sorry."
After apologizing first, Seomun Hwi let out the words he had hidden deep in his heart.
"When I saw you wearing those clothes, you were so beautiful that I couldn’t find my words. I could hardly even bear to look directly at you."