Chapter 524
Chapter 524
Ever since the spring he turned fourteen and first began composing, Kim Rae-bin had explored a vast array of genres.
He never discriminated; he found something charming in every single style of music.
—Rae-bin, about that classical major the teacher mentioned yesterday... you composed a disco track instead?!
—...Um, Student Rae-bin, I’m sorry, but are you sure you composed this entire portfolio yourself?
The sheer breadth of his work was enough to baffle anyone who had ever tried to teach or scout him. Even in his early days, when his lack of theoretical knowledge resulted in unpolished work, his music was never bland; it always possessed a fierce individuality.
After passing through a transitional period where he focused solely on the internal perfection of a song, he finally began to pay attention to external factors beyond his direct control.
—Who will sing this?
He began to compose with the singer in mind. He had acquired commercial viability.
Kim Rae-bin enjoyed that process as well. Like fitting together the pieces of a masterpiece to complete a single, exquisite painting, he produced songs for the "singer" through a delicate process of craftsmanship and adjustment.
To Kim Rae-bin, that felt incredibly appealing. He had never once disliked it.
The problem, however... was that until now, he had never been the sole singer he was composing for!
A song considering only himself and no one else!
'W-What should I do?'
Kim Rae-bin found himself utterly flustered.
Of course, it wasn't his first time recording a solo track. In TeSTAR’s full-length album Chakho-gapsa, which featured the title track "Haengcha," more than half of the B-sides consisted of solo songs for each member.
But back then, it wasn't just Kim Rae-bin; five or six other producers had been involved, and his song was merely one part of an organically connected album. It was no different from being assigned one movement while composing a long symphony.
In other words, he had never been solely responsible for an entire intro that represented an album so overtly.
The only clue he had was the word of a member he trusted.
—Why don't you try writing about the impressions you felt while working on this album?
It was advice from Park Moon-dae, the person who had always been his compass.
'...Alright!'
If that was the case, he would create a song that lived up to the group's expectations! Kim Rae-bin made a firm resolve. He completely ignored the fact that the very "hyung" in question had dumped the teaser onto him.
In the midst of this, his goal of not focusing on his stage fright was being naturally achieved in his subconscious.
—Step One: Preliminary Research.
Kim Rae-bin first focused on the fact that this intro would be the track introducing the group's album. It felt essential to gather various opinions from the members.
Thus, he began by visiting the members who currently had the most packed schedules and spent the least time at the dorm.
"...My impressions? Why do you want to know that?"
It was Bae Se-jin. Having just returned from a schedule related to Doll Hunter, he was questioned while drinking orange juice. He reflexively responded with a bit of hesitation, but his expression quickly turned apologetic.
"No, I’m not saying I don't want to answer! I was just purely curious! Purely!"
"...? Yes, I understand!"
Kim Rae-bin, who hadn't been offended in the first place, simply continued with the questions he wanted to ask.
—I am currently collecting the members' impressions of this album!
However, Bae Se-jin, who had been trying his best to maintain a friendly face, reverted to a cold expression at those words and replied:
"Park Moon-dae told you to express the impressions you felt. I agree with him. Don't be influenced by me."
Bae Se-jin downed his juice in one go and headed for the bathroom.
"...??"
Kim Rae-bin was bewildered!
'Was that... a failure?'
But he did not give up and moved on to his next target.
"What’s up? What are you looking for, Rae-bin? Why are you standing here~?"
It was Lee Se-jin, who had just returned home after a personal workout. After hearing Kim Rae-bin’s explanation of what had just happened, he burst into laughter.
"Pwahaha! Oh man... Rae-bin, you must've been surprised!"
While inwardly chuckling at the lack of tact shown by the member who shared his name, he smoothly comforted Kim Rae-bin. Before he knew it, Kim Rae-bin found himself pouring out his troubles.
"Since this is a song that introduces the group's album, I thought the perspective of the entire group should be reflected. I was worried that if it only contained my thoughts, it might become too narrow..."
"Ayy~ Rae-bin, you have such great sense that I think it’ll be fine regardless."
It wasn't empty praise. Overall, Kim Rae-bin boasted exceptional instincts when it came to art. Lee Se-jin briefly scanned Kim Rae-bin’s current outfit and recalled his younger teammate's usual street clothes.
Being able to pull off outfits that could easily look excessive or embarrassing if even slightly off was a testament to his unique sense.
'That's not something you can just learn.'
In the world, they called that being "hip." Although he lacked social intuition when it came to reading people, he was a younger brother with enough talent to more than make up for it.
'And he’s surprisingly strong-willed.'
Since he was a stubborn fellow, he wouldn't run away. After finishing his assessment, Lee Se-jin gave a wide grin.
"And anyway, we’re all going to give feedback once it’s done~ So for now, just do whatever you want, Rae-bin!"
"...I understand."
And just as Lee Se-jin expected, Kim Rae-bin resolved to focus solely and earnestly on himself.
'Just like during "Starry Melody," I just need to focus on making a fun song!'
"...So, I've concluded that I should create it as if it were a hobby."
"Oh."
That night.
Kim Rae-bin sat at the kitchen table working and chatted with Cha Yu-jin about his current situation. Cha Yu-jin, who had managed to get Park Moon-dae to make him grilled bulgogi rice balls as a late-night snack, was busy munching away. The fluffy rice had soaked up the sesame oil and bulgogi broth, grilled to a savory crisp like scorched rice—it was top-tier.
However, upon hearing Kim Rae-bin’s conclusion, he snorted while licking a grain of rice off his finger.
"Kim Rae-bin, you're mistaken."
What?
"I'm mistaken?"
"Yeah! A hobby is different from this."
Cha Yu-jin smirked.
"Kim Rae-bin, you're not just making a song right now. You have to make a performance that introduces our album."
"...!"
"So, what our fans like is important, too."
The video, the concept, the composition. Kim Rae-bin had to consider countless things while producing a strictly commercial result.
'So that the fans will like it...'
He fell into deep thought, and instead of picking up the last rice ball, Cha Yu-jin asked considerately:
"Kim Rae-bin, how did you originally make albums for us?"
Kim Rae-bin answered without hesitation.
"I made them so that each person could utilize their characteristics and strengths to the fullest through the song."
Cha Yu-jin grinned.
"Do that this time, too! The fans loved that!"
'Ah.'
That was it.
'I have to make a song that I can express properly.'
As if his mind were clearing, Kim Rae-bin discovered a vivid goal. It was the fundamental question he had finally reached.
—As a singer, what are my characteristics and strengths?
And going a step further. Finally, the primordial question emerged.
—Who am I as a performer?
Kim Rae-bin realized that he would begin building the intro from this point. He had moved on to the next stage.
*
—Step Two: Conceptualizing the Work.
A piece filled with things Kim Rae-bin was good at. First, Kim Rae-bin believed he had a good grasp of what he did well on stage. He had good delivery, excellent song interpretation and expression, and was skilled at creating unconventional "wow" points.
'Despite that, I suddenly became unable to perform well on stage...'
That meant there was another factor he hadn't identified yet.
'It’s the memories, after all.'
He had a powerful hunch that he could only properly assemble this work if he considered his lost memories, including "Steer's Kim Rae-bin." But the path to recovering lost memories in a short period seemed remote.
'Even Moon-dae hyung seemed troubled by it...'
So, he decided to take an indirect approach. He went to the member who supposedly had memories of Steer until the very end—the extremely trustworthy leader of the group.
"...What you were like on stage during the Steer days?"
"Yes."
"......"
In the living room, Ryu Cheong-woo, who had been reading a book borrowed from Bae Se-jin, maintained his smile instead of answering immediately. Then, he replied slowly.
"You were good. You weren't much different from how you are now."
"Still, if you have the time, could I ask for a more specific explanation?"
"......"
If it had been any other member, they wouldn't have pushed Ryu Cheong-woo with such a question. Because Ryu Cheong-woo didn't particularly want to mention the Steer days, he usually settled things with a "It's embarrassing. Sorry." It was a tacit expression asking not to bring it up.
However, Kim Rae-bin’s memories of Ryu Cheong-woo from that time were gone, and he wasn't the type to notice someone else's subtle discomfort. So, in the end, he managed to extract a specific answer from Ryu Cheong-woo.
"Specifically... back then, the company wanted to give each member a clear character on stage."
The moment he heard the word "character," Kim Rae-bin immediately thought of the drawing engraved on one of his main pairs of headphones.
A rabbit.
"Do you mean something like the animal characters the fans call us?"
"Similar, but it wasn't that specific."
Ryu Cheong-woo added briefly.
"It was more like... who must always take the bridge, who always stands in the center during the chorus... things like that. Only specific members would dye their hair or wear glasses."
If Park Moon-dae had heard this, he would have dismissed it as "a clumsy attempt to categorize the kids according to market demand," but the two of them, lacking such specific vocabulary, simply nodded in understanding.
"I heard similar things at my previous agency. It's an abstract image, separate from positions like dance, vocal, or rap."
"Right."
Seeing Kim Rae-bin waiting for a more detailed response, Ryu Cheong-woo finally continued slowly.
"And you... Rae-bin, you often played roles that were a bit darker and flashier on stage than you do now."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah. You were given a lot of high-impact parts."
To be honest, just hearing that didn't make him think, 'I lack the ability to handle that.' But following the logic, Kim Rae-bin nodded.
"Then there is a probability that I began to avoid the stage because I couldn't properly execute the parts I was given!"
"......"
Ryu Cheong-woo remained silent for a moment, then shook his head.
"No, you were good."
"Pardon?"
"Don't doubt yourself for no reason; just think of it that way. Okay?"
His peculiar tone could have sounded slightly forceful, but it ended gently.
"Ah... I understand."
Kim Rae-bin nodded and stood up. Even for Kim Rae-bin, who struggled to recognize "beating around the bush," Ryu Cheong-woo looked visibly uncomfortable.
'He seems tired; I should take my leave.'
Furthermore, he had already thought of the person he would ask for more details after Ryu Cheong-woo.
"Since you were a fan of Steer, I thought you would definitely have impressions of my performances. Was I really dark and flashy?"
"......"
"Hyung?"
'I told you I wasn't a fan.'
Park Moon-dae wanted to squeeze his eyes shut. But since saying that now would be a useless distraction from the main point, he didn't let it show. Instead, he spoke dryly.
"Yeah, you were kind of like that. But it suited you."
Kim Rae-bin became even more confused by Park Moon-dae's assessment, which had swallowed the preceding thought: 'Impressive that you managed it in that shitty environment.'
'It wasn't that I avoided the stage because I was bad at it?'
"But why are you asking?"
Even in his confusion, Kim Rae-bin answered honestly.
"I had a hunch that I needed to consider the memories from back then."
"That's possible."
Instead of scolding him, Park Moon-dae nodded readily. Then, he spoke in an uncharacteristically soft tone.
"But what you're making right now is an intro for a TeSTAR album. I think it's more important to focus on the 'you' who has lived as a member of TeSTAR."
"...!"
"Think about what you want to do right now, and what you're good at."
That... was true. Could it be that he had become so accustomed to inspiration triggered by small clues that he had become obsessed with details?
"I'm not saying what you're doing is wrong, so don't misunderstand."
"Yes..."
In the end, Kim Rae-bin couldn't ask any more and had to conclude his progress for the day. He returned to his bedroom and thought to himself, repeating the words.
'What I want to do...'
And then, he drifted off to sleep.
When he regained consciousness, it was likely past midnight.
'Uh...'
Blinking his eyes with hazy vision, Kim Rae-bin suddenly realized the bed next to him was empty.
'...Moon-dae hyung?'
Reflexively, he got out of bed and tried to quietly walk out of the room. It was then.
"About the answer you gave."
A voice came from outside the door. It was the voice of Park Moon-dae, who had disappeared from the bed.
"...?"
Kim Rae-bin reflexively halted his steps and peeked his head out the door to see where the voice was coming from.
"That's not all of it, is it?"
"......"
The living room was dark. A dim accent light cast faint shadows on the faces of the two people sitting there.
Park Moon-dae. And Ryu Cheong-woo.
"After Steer disbanded, you were the only one who could have known Kim Rae-bin's whereabouts. Cha Yu-jin was in America, and Bae Se-jin was in court."
"......"
"And... since you would have been feeling an excessive sense of responsibility back then, I assume you would have at least checked on his status."
Park Moon-dae continued calmly.
"What happened to Rae-bin back then?"
Kim Rae-bin held his breath. An unfathomable silence hung heavily in the living room.
And then,
"You're right."
Ryu Cheong-woo answered in a low, raspy voice.
"He saw something I told him not to see."
At that moment, something flooded into Kim Rae-bin’s mind.
"...!"
As if a dam had broken and water was bursting through the cracks, images began to pour in.
They were memories.
*
It started with a single sentence on a screen.
—This privileged bastard is fucking disgusting. ㅠㅠ