My Sole Wish: A Life Without Regrets
My one true wish was to live without regrets. In the vast white void, I stared blankly at the smartphone in my hand.
May Kim Do-hyun live a life without regrets.
The words floated before my eyes, and with a sensation like diving into water, I was pulled in. I let out a piercing scream.
"Arrrgh!!!"
As I plummeted endlessly, something brushed my hand. Like grasping at straws, I yanked it with all my might.
"Do-hyun!!! What's wrong! Are you hurt!?"
"Huff... huff."
My mother's face filled my vision. Not a single wrinkle marred her smooth skin. She looked flustered, clutching my hand tightly.
"M... Mother?"
I stared up at her in shock, my voice escaping my throat. Up at her. More startling than speaking was the sight of my shrunken hand. My mother looked dramatically younger, and the tiny room reeked of mold. I glanced around, marveling at my body moving freely.
"Hoo..."
Min-ji, spooked by my scream, had hidden behind Mother, peeking out gravely with her childlike seriousness. I looked down at the massive smartphone in my grip. It glowed brightly, but Mother acted like it wasn't there.
"Mother...? Did I have a nightmare or something?"
"No, no... it's nothing."
I shook my head, and she gently touched my forehead.
"Why are you sweating so much..."
Her eyes brimmed with worry as she gazed at me. Confirming I was fine, she sighed in relief and pulled Min-ji, now awake, under the blankets with her.
"It's cold out—come join us, sweetie."
Before I knew it, her gentle hands had tucked me in too. She placed her hand on my stomach. Sorting my thoughts, I eyed the smartphone again. Even with her eyes open, she couldn't see it in my hand.
It had been the same back then. The old man who left behind the lottery ticket and the phone. Mother had only taken the ticket to return it...
I flicked on the phone's flashlight. It lit up the dim room, but Mother's pupils didn't dilate. She just thought I was flailing my arm in the air.
"Not sleeping? What're you doing?"
"Just... stretching."
Clearly, third parties couldn't see this phone. Unlocking it revealed the date.
August 10, 2028
The massive calendar on the wall pointed to February 2002. This was the cramped home we'd lived in long ago.
So, had I gone back 26 years? We hadn't stayed here long. All I recalled was moving when Min-ji started daycare.
Rubbing my throbbing head, I checked the phone. It held unfamiliar apps. I tapped the one with my photo.
Text scrolled across the screen.
1993, 1994, 1994, 1995...
I pressed 1994.
February, March, March, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December.
Hitting February again, numbers lined up from the 10th—my birthday.
Birth. Kim Do-hyun was born a robust 4.8kg baby, making local headlines. At 18, Seon-hwa Kim fainted from exhaustion after delivery.
Swiping right brought the next day.
Kim Do-hyun, struggling to breathe, was placed in an incubator. Complications from the birth rapidly worsened Kim Seon-hwa's condition. Suffering alone in the hospital without Kim Hyun-seok, she confronted him with divorce papers upon his late arrival for work. His repeated apologies averted it.
......
What the hell is this? I hit back and tapped another app.
• Total battery: 8 hours. Requires 16 hours to recharge.
• Auto-recharges when not in use.
• No connectivity with other devices.
• Contains info from before and after regression.
• If untouched for 1+ hour, teleports within 1m of user.
...
As I pored over the details, someone knocked.
"Jajangmyeon delivery!"
To save on electricity, the lights were always off—Mother flicked them on now. She rose from the bedding to fetch the food. Min-ji, terrified of even a few seconds with me, scurried to the corner.
My first regret in memory... I didn't recall the details, so I consulted the phone.
Kim Seon-hwa borrowed money to celebrate her son's birthday. Instead of cake, she stacked four Choco Pies with candles. She ordered a bowl of his favorite jajangmyeon and lit the candles on the pies for a birthday setup. Enraged by the meager spread, Kim Do-hyun threw the Choco Pies, claiming he hated them. Comparing himself to others, he flipped the jajangmyeon bowl, screamed, and stormed out. This triggered Kim Seon-hwa's depression.
...
My first regret, inscribed so matter-of-factly. One I'd barely remembered. Finishing the entry, I closed my eyes and gripped the phone tightly.
I'd always known I was rotten from birth.
"Your favorite jajangmyeon is here, honey~"
"..."
The phone detailed my rampage: flipping everything, screaming, storming out into the night. Mother, tormented by her inability to do more. She couldn't even bring herself to hit me when I returned in under 30 minutes. Instead, she blamed herself for not being able to hold her young son. Yet I'd shoved away her desperate grasp, snarling not to touch me, and retreated to the corner.
The birthday ended like that, with her repeating apologies all night. My lip bled from biting it; iron flooded my mouth.
I'd thought my regrets were trivial.
"I-it's not much, right? But it's your favorite jajangmyeon..."
"No. I like it."
"Really!?"
Her eyes sparkled at those simple words. Just one phrase... That radiant smile blooming on her face... Revulsion toward myself surged like a wave.
Dizzy. Sitting felt like nails driven into my spine; my guts twisted. I swallowed to stifle the nausea.
"I'm so glad~"
A fool then, a fool now—but she never left my side, just because I was her son. I couldn't bear to look at her pure smile.
"Shall we all sing happy birthday together?"
Forgotten memories of today flooded back vividly, staking themselves into me. Liquid rose in my throat, choking my breath. I clenched my thighs to hold back tears.
Why they welled up was a mystery. This young flesh wouldn't even register the pain as it bruised and tore.
My ragged breaths and sticky saliva refused to go down. This child body betrayed me.
"Cough..."
"...! Do-hyun! What's wrong!?"
Thinking something was wrong with me, she touched my face with worry-filled hands. I wanted to push her away. That gaze brimming with love... It strangled me like hands around my throat.
The self-loathing nausea forced everything up. I bolted outside.
"Urp—bleeegh!"
Collapsing, I wiped the vomit from my mouth, head bowed. Startled, Mother rushed over.
"Do-hyun!!! Oh no! Let's go to the hospital, okay!? Hurry!"
"I..."
Saliva blocked my words. Rough breaths froze my body. My spinning head found no answers. My reactions baffled me.
"Tell me what's wrong!?"
"I... don't... huff... like Choco Pies."
Forced out with effort. My mind screamed to swallow it, but my mouth rebelled. At my words, she finally hugged me tight, bursting into tears.
"Mommy's... Mommy's sorry."
Why did everyone around me apologize for my own faults? Why force these unbearable emotions on me?
Regret... The path I'd chosen was heavier than imagined. Too much to bear. Like when my body had gone numb before... No words came.
Each time I opened my mouth, something surged up, silencing me. Staring at my trembling, unstoppable hands.
Mother held me fiercely, patting my back.