Chickening Out Means Death

School was out, and now it was routine for Yu-bin and Jun-woo to walk home with me. Jun-woo still hadn't given up, showing interest in Yu-bin. She was a surefire lottery ticket, so if she ended up with him, it'd be perfect... but Yu-bin saw Jun-woo as nothing more than a friend. I kept nudging them to get closer.

"Ah, gotta grab some tteokbokki to take home."

"Tteokbokki? Sweet!"

"Yeah, Min-ji seemed like she wanted some. Gotta sneak it to her without Mom knowing."

"Min-ji's so cute. Like a little koala."

Koala... Honestly, in my memories, that was all I ever saw of Min-ji—clinging to Mom. By the time I hit high school, I barely came home, and when she was older, I was off in the army. After that, I went independent and never saw my family's faces again.

I bought tteokbokki for Jun-woo and Yu-bin. Two thousand won from my pocket money. The ajumma piled it high when I said it was for my little sister. With tteokbokki and sundae in hand, we headed home.

Back at the house, I gave Mom a quick greeting and headed to the small room. I changed clothes and peeked just my face out from behind the fridge. Min-ji's eyes met mine. I put my index finger to my lips, then beckoned her over.

Against my intentions... terror filled Min-ji's face. The scared little girl ran to Mom.

"Oh my, Min-ji, what's wrong?"

"O-Oppa... called me."

"Oppa might call you over~ Go on, quick."

Clinging to Mom, Min-ji shook her head side to side. Looked like the walls of karma I'd built hadn't fully crumbled yet.

"Nooo..."

"See? That's why Oppa doesn't like Min-ji."

"Nooo..."

Mom's words hurt her; tears started plopping down. Still, she wouldn't leave Mom's side, clutching her clothes tight.

Mom spotted my bitter expression, soothed Min-ji, and sent her my way. Pressured by Mom, Min-ji came over with teary eyes.

"Oppa bought tteokbokki for Min-ji? Sneaking ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it past Mom?"

"Reawwy...?"

"Ta-da~"

"Waaah."

Min-ji plopped down in front of me like she'd never cried, grabbing a piece with her tiny hand. It must've been tastier than expected; she wiped her tears while eating. I wiped her face with a tissue.

"Tasty?"

"Yeah!"

Min-ji ate with sauce smeared around her mouth. I wiped it off with tissue. She stared at me blankly, and her gaze felt heavy, so I looked down. I headed to the sink to get some fish cake broth for her.

By the time I got back, she'd eaten almost all the tteokbokki. Seeing me gaze warmly at the plate, Min-ji noticed the scraps left and fidgeted anxiously.

"...!"

"It's fine~ I bought it for Min-ji to eat all of it?"

"Reawwy!?"

"Eat more~"

I'd never approached her first in my whole life, but here she was, beaming a full smile. I'd thought Min-ji took after my cold personality. Always blank-faced, never smiling... Watching this, I realized just how much of an idiot I'd been.

Dad quit his job to focus on training. The new tracksuit and cleats suited him well. Early morning, he dragged Mom and us out.

"Son! Daughter! Time for soccer!"

"Wouldn't Min-ji rather stay with Mom?"

"Hey now! Min-ji, wanna play soccer with Dad?"

"Mooom..."

Ignoring her answer, Dad scooped up Min-ji. He rubbed his face against her cheek, her long hair reaching his back. You could feel how much she hated it. As we walked kicking the ball, Dad grinned proudly at my form.

"Ooh~"

That dirty look on his face again. Ever since the lottery, whatever grudges he'd held seemed gone; his expressions were richer now. He barely went out drinking anymore. Seemed like he'd quit smoking cold turkey too.

"Teacher at school said you should ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠go pro. Been ages since we played soccer, so let's see how good you are?"

"Dad, you're light work."

"Huh? Hahaha!"

Back in the army, I'd dribble past recruits like nothing. And this regressed body was even lighter than then.

We reached the middle school field next to our house—barely anyone around. Mom sat on the bench with Min-ji. Dad went to the goal and told me to shoot.

"Here goes?"

"Pfft, squirt like you? Dad's got pride. No need to go easy."

Thwack! I fired an instep shot—the most stable form—and Dad tapped it away easily with his foot. The physical gap left me deflated. Next time, I'd use the toe of my shoe, even if accuracy dropped. Still, bridging an 18-year difference wouldn't be easy...

"Oho! Got some power now? Block this~"

Boom!

"....."

Dad set me, a 9-year-old, in goal and unleashed a full-power shot. Block that with my hands? I knew exactly who I got my insanity from. It whizzed past, shaking the net. He aimed a foot outside on purpose to teach me a lesson. Well... guy who kicks dents in car doors isn't normal. Didn't even seem like he trained much...

Dad kicked again. Another one I wasn't supposed to block, so I stood still.

Bang!

"You're playing with Do-hyun—what're you doing?!"

"H-Hey, just messing around... Do-hyun, stay put. Gonna grab the ball~"

Mom's nagging sent Dad scampering off. Made me realize how little attention I'd paid my parents before.

I pulled out the smartphone to check Dad's info. I found the biographies section with his entry.

"....."

Sacrifice. Nothing like the half-assed crap I'd imagined. Even now, Dad loved soccer more than anyone but gave it all up for family. Beaming ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠brighter than anyone just kicking a ball with his son. I bit my lip watching him.

He kicked from afar, dropping it right in front of me. I chest-trapped the falling ball, balanced it on my instep, and started juggling.

Thud-thud-thud.

"That's my boy—looking sharp!"

After regression, everything felt more focused. Probably no booze or smokes. Dad's eyes sparkled at my stable ball control.

"Practicing alone?"

"At school?"

"Kyah..."

Dad went to Mom, insisting I needed soccer training. Mom smiled at his fussing but said she'd let me if I wanted. Looking at them now, Dad seemed immature, Mom overthought everything.

I played ball with Min-ji.

"Min-ji, give it a big kick!"

"Okay!"

Her "best effort" sent it rolling weakly. While parents talked, we passed it back and forth.

Dad signed with K2 League through a connection. Monthly pay: 1.1 million won. After this week, he'd move to Seoul F team's dorm. With the new car, he'd commute post-training. Still, thinking we'd see less of him, he kicked ball daily.

Time passed; Dad's club buddies gathered. A few with grudges against him... They saw us and trailed off. Mom bit her lower lip watching.

"Haa... To show them this..."

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing."

Reading Mom's face, Min-ji looked up pitifully.

"Mommy...?"

"Min-ji~ Hungry?"

Timid Min-ji nodded silently, no more words.

The club folks belittling Dad... Mom's reason was in the biographies. After today, Dad wouldn't touch a soccer ball again. They all wore matching cleats and uniforms—Dad couldn't afford that on our budget. It was a "talent-pooling" club. Mom said no with our finances; Dad couldn't quit soccer. Watching him obsess daily at home, it wasn't joy—it was regret.