Chickenshit or Die
Sunday came around, and Dad headed out early for his training run. He was still only 27. His dream had always been unwavering: playing soccer. I watched him jogging in his straw-mat sneakers. After circling the field once, he spotted me.
"Wanna run with me, son?"
"Too much hassle~"
Dad grinned and dashed off...
The smartphone stayed silent, no notifications. It felt like it was telling me this was the right choice.
My mornings were always the same. Wake up early, check my book of great men. Then breakfast, sling on my bag, and head to school. At school, all I did was fiddle with the now-transparent smartphone. Lost in thought, stepping only on the red blocks, when Yu-bin shoved me. Thanks to her, I stepped on a white pedestrian block. Felt like today was gonna be a total bust.
"Do-hyun!"
"Hey."
"Hi! Did you watch Hiroyasha yesterday!?"
"That was a rerun..."
"The protagonist's so cool..."
She ignored my words like they were nothing, as if she had something to say. I waited patiently for Yu-bin to calm down.
"...He looks like you, Do-hyun."
She blushed after saying it herself. The bold girl who'd straight-up asked me out was nowhere in sight. Adorable, sure... but I wasn't into secret kid romances. And I had a ton of shit to do. Above all, my mind never veered toward child porn laws—rational boundaries were firmly in place.
Even at her young age, Yu-bin had her heart rejected by me. But she wasn't hurt; if anything, she pushed harder.
"Hyeok-su wouldn't even look at me. Thanks to you, Do-hyun."
"Good for you?"
"Right! Mom said I should... um, a-actress?"
"Child actress?"
"Yeah!!! If I do that, I get to be on TV!"
In the end, Yu-bin took the path of a child actress. A natural performer, she paved a smooth road all the way to her 20s later on—even becoming a Hollywood star.
"Sounds fun~"
"You gotta watch when I'm on TV!"
"Got it."
They'd said rain was coming today; Yu-bin's indoor shoes bag had an umbrella stuffed in it. I hadn't brought mine... I glanced at the gloomy sky, like it was about to pour any second.
Second-grade elementary lessons? Just virtually stacking blocks on addition and subtraction worksheets. They were doing thousands-place math, but no way I couldn't handle it—even if I was a retard before. Hell, I was top of the school from middle through high, even when I lived like shit. Min-ji went to Korea University; same womb and all. Before sine, cosine, and tangent, I was basically Pythagoras's bro. Though I remembered jack shit now.
Jun-woo came over, showing off new sneakers.
"Ta-da! New kicks I got."
"Ooh, pretty~"
"Cool, right? Heh!"
He seemed to be bragging to Yu-bin, but she was already over it. The Hwangs weren't in debt or anything. They just couldn't afford shit. Not as suffocating as our place.
"Do-hyun, check this out—Mom got me a new phone."
"Whoa, a slider phone?"
"You know what this is!? Mom said she needs a new phone for TV stuff."
Staring at that tiny booger-sized phone brought on mad nostalgia. With that, you'd play Superpower Hero Jollaman or whatever. Anyway, a glimpse of how loaded the Hongs were. Shocked they even had a phone recently; now Yu-bin rocked the latest model at 9. No other second-grader had one—even searching all of Hanlim Elementary.
We naturally split to our classes upon arriving. Lunchtime neared, then PE.
The teacher handed out a soccer ball. Soccer... my favorite hobby, hands down. Just like Mom's brains, Dad's genes didn't skip. Difference was, soccer was a family tradition from Dad's side.
Did I inherit the athleticism? Dodgeball and relays were always mine. If I listed my specialties from back then: Phantom Dribble & Marseille Turn into Knuckle Kick.
Touching the ball, echoes of futsal cheers rang in my ears like tinnitus. Should I play soccer this life...? Nah... I wouldn't live this life for myself. Just use it like a pit stop.
Sudden thought: gotta go back to the army, fuck. Ah, right. Sergeant Kim, you motherfucker, you're done. Once a Marine, always a Marine. Might as well join as his senior private.
I dribbled forward. Kids who couldn't pass—or even use their feet. My solo stage, basically.
I thrashed my legs like mad. Felt good gifting these brats some despair, but more than that, I savored my first real breathlessness since regressing.
"Huff... huff."
Post-regression, no time to thank my legs for moving. Took it for granted. Forgot after full-body paralysis. The rush of running, lungs burning.
I yanked my leg back max, smashing the ball past the scarecrow goalie.
Bang!
Yeah... this is running. This kid body tireless? Scored 19 by halftime.
"Whoa... Do-hyun's flying!"
The PE teacher's sparkling eyes creeped me out. Looked like he'd peg me as a gang action leader in a turf war. Him gleaming like jewels were embedded? Super awkward.
"Do-hyun. Ever thought about sports?"
"Nah."
"Then talk to your homeroom— Huh? No interest?"
"Yeah, got a lot I wanna do."
"R-right...?"
Quick to give up—thank god. Wanted to enjoy solo act through second half, but passed to the hyped kids.
Thought PE teacher gave up fast. Nah, no conscience. Next thing, he calls Mom. Busy with Min-ji and car/house hunting, why drag her here?
"Did my son do something wrong...?"
"No! Not at all. Do-hyun's just good at soccer..."
Mom eyed the PE teacher nervously, gripping my hand tight.
"No, really good."
"Oh..."
"Thought maybe athletics? That's why I called you."
Mom finally relaxed with a sigh. Wanna beat the shit outta this teacher for pulling busy Mom over that crap. Toss the phone and fuck off.
"I see... His dad played soccer with him a lot. Ex-pro."
"Ah! Really!?"
"If Do-hyun's good at soccer, should he go pro?"
"Absolutely! Gotta! 17 years teaching PE, but Do-hyun's like..."
Homeroom teacher cut in.
"Hey! Kwak. Do-hyun's a genius. Needs to study."
Didn't expect hello-syndrome homeroom to say that. Kinda touching.
"No, soccer's overwhelming. Overwhelming's the only word! Second Hwang Ji-sung! Know what that means?"
"Who's Hwang Ji-sung?"
"Teacher, you don't know World Cup prospects!?"
"Hmm? No clue? Compare him to someone like that? Look at Do-hyun's face. If comparing, make it Kang Jung-hoon."
Mom fidgeted as the teachers bickered like fighters. I cut in mid-chat.
"Sister's home alone."
"Oh, right?"
Teachers glanced at Mom; she smiled awkwardly, nodding.
"It's fine. Left her with upstairs neighbors."
"Sorry, didn't know."
"No worries. Rushed here for Do-hyun."
Now they knew, both teachers squirmed. Yeah, ignorance is bliss... Bumped my PE teacher goodwill back up.
"If no car, want a ride home?"
"No~ You're busy. It's close."
"I see."
Homeroom's hello-syndrome reaction surprising. Cold to us kids, but antsy around Mom? Awkward.
"40-minute walk from school."
"Do-hyun!"
"Haha, Do-hyun's sharp as ever. No need to trouble yourselves."
Mom ended up taking homeroom's car home.
Just me and PE teacher left. I glared; he went for a knuckle flick.
I casually twisted my head away.
"Oho? You little punk, eyeing your teacher like that?"
"Told you no. Sis hides in corners without Mom. Probably shivering in someone else's closet now."
His face softened at sis talk. Finally got it, looked sorry.
"Ahem... Sorry about that. How old's she?"
"Five."
"Bit old to cry...?"
"Five's not old!"
Couldn't flick, so smacked my head instead. Controlled force so I wouldn't hurt—slow. Dodging might piss him off, so took it.
Thwack!
"Punk. 'Old' is casual talk."
"...I tormented her a lot when we were little. Messed her up bad toward Mom."
He stared, ruffled my hair. Grinned like Dad.
"Kid's all grown up~"
Kid... Yeah... kid. Regression showed me how much of a brat past me was.