Perverted Pleasures in the Lodgings, Part 3
A heavily aroused Eileen was about to devour Ted's dick.
Is she actually going to do it?
Looking down at her, Ted felt himself growing incredibly hard.
"If you want to blame someone... blame yourself for tempting me with such a dirty dick... Bon appétit... ♥"
With those words, Eileen's beautiful face drew closer to his shaft.
And finally, just as she parted her lips, about to lick the tip of his glans—
Boom! Crackle!
A sudden burst of nighttime fireworks erupted right outside the window.
"Ah!"
Startled by the loud explosion, the hazy, lust-filled look in Eileen's eyes instantly snapped back to normal.
Are you fucking kidding me?! Fireworks at a time like this?!
Just a few more seconds and the legendary archmage hero, the world's ultimate heroine, would have been sucking his dick. The golden opportunity had vanished into thin air.
"Ah, um... t-this is, you see..."
Having regained her senses, Eileen offered an awkward laugh as she looked up at Ted.
Yet, she didn't let go of his dick. Her grip remained as firm as ever.
"Y-You're partly to blame for this too!!"
Perhaps because her mind had cleared, Eileen tried to start verbally abusing him again.
"I mean... ♥ having such a dirty dick is a crime in itself!"
However, she clearly hadn't recovered completely. Her brain still seemed thoroughly pickled in pure, unadulterated lust.
"A-Anyway, get off the bed! Don't you dare look down on me from up there!"
Eileen yanked on Ted's dick with both hands.
Whoa!
It was incredibly stimulating, but since he didn't want his member ripped off, he had no choice but to climb down from the bed.
She really has no intention of letting go, does she?
Even after Ted stood on the floor, Eileen kept her hands wrapped tightly around his shaft.
What's more, her eyes remained utterly glued to it.
"For a piece of trash, you have an unnecessarily magnificent dick..."
A world-class hero had just praised his dick. It felt pretty damn good.
...Wait! No, focus. Get it together.
I might be a pervert, but I'm no piece of trash.
First, he needed to correct her misconceptions.
Ahem... time to act like a normal, decent guy.
What would a normal guy say in this situation?
Right, he would deny the insults. Let's go with that.
Ted poured his soul into a masterclass performance, injecting as much raw emotion into his voice as possible.
"...Hey. You keep calling me trash, but that's going too far. Don't just jump to conclusions. It's way too early to assume I'm the same as those bastards who abandon their comrades."
He was so immersed in his acting that his Neo Armstrong Dick throbbed violently right inside Eileen's hands.
"Kya?!"
Eileen, who hadn't looked away from his shaft for even a second, flinched and blurted out a reflex response.
"Yes... I'm sorry... I was wrong, Mr. Dick..."
"Hey, who exactly are you apologizing to?"
In an instant, Ted's penis had been granted its own sentient personality, officially certified by a legendary hero.
"...Ah!"
Realizing what she had just said, Eileen finally tore her gaze away from his crotch and scowled.
However, her bright red blush showed no signs of fading.
"N-No! That was a slip of the tongue! You are a piece of trash!"
Perfect. This was exactly the cue he needed to keep up his act.
Behold, the performance of a lifetime.
"Ha! Unbelievable. Just because you're a hero doesn't mean you can go around judging people like that!"
Getting a bit too carried away with his angry acting, Ted instinctively grabbed Eileen by the collar and pulled her toward him.
Unfortunately, Eileen, whose brain was still short-circuiting from the proximity of Ted's massive shaft, completely lost her balance.
Rip! Pop! Pop!
Thud!
The buttons of her gripped shirt popped off one after another, and she collapsed backward onto the bed.
Uh-oh.
Splayed out on the bed, the hero Eileen lay with her shirt torn wide open, exposing her milky-white skin and a cute bra adorned with a hamster pattern.
To make matters worse, her skirt had ridden up, fully revealing her matching hamster-patterned panties.
When he had been fingering her pussy earlier, her skirt had blocked his view, preventing him from seeing what kind of underwear she was wearing. Now, his curiosity was thoroughly satisfied.
She changed her underwear again?
She must change them quite often. Thanks to that, he had seen three different pairs of Eileen's panties in a single day.
Unfortunately, however, there was no prominent cameltoe visible through the fabric this time.
It seemed her tightly closed slit wasn't feeling quite as hungry at this exact moment.
No, no, no. That wasn't the important part.
Ted realized things had gone a bit too far.
Tearing a legendary hero's clothes... isn't this incredibly dangerous?
Ted looked up at her face to gauge her reaction.
What he saw was...
"Ah..."
A completely stunned Eileen, her face flushing an even deeper shade of crimson.
The blush was spreading so rapidly that even her pale collarbones were turning pink.
"A-Are you planning to... ravish me with that dick...?"
Eileen swallowed hard, her eyes locked onto Ted's Neo Armstrong Dick, which had swollen to an even more monstrous size.
"It's... too big..."
Ohhhhh?!
Hearing her say something so provocative in a situation like this caused Ted's Neo Armstrong Dick to undergo yet another evolution.
"Kya! What the?! It's getting even bigger???"
It couldn't be helped.
When a gorgeous woman—and a legendary hero, no less—made a comment like that, any man's shaft would throb with absolute pride.
"I'm sorry. I swear to heaven, that wasn't intentional—"
Before he could even finish his sentence, Ted's face went completely pale.
He hadn't even heard her chant.
Yet, in the blink of an eye...
Hundreds of razor-sharp ice spears materialized in midair, all pointed directly at him.
He was absolutely certain of one thing.
If his apology had been even 0.3 seconds slower, he would have been a dead man.
He would have been turned into a human pincushion, skewered by freezing ice.
Incredible...
She wasn't even using her Intelligence Weapon.
To cast such high-tier offensive magic instantly and without a single incantation...
Her genius-level mana and talent sent a shiver of awe and terror down his spine.
And, to be completely honest, he was also incredibly turned on.
I mean, minus the deadly ice spears, this was still an incredibly erotic situation. He couldn't help himself.
"...I believe I made it perfectly clear that my hymen is strictly off-limits. You were planning to insert that into my pussy, weren't you?"
Eileen glared at him with eyes as cold as the spears floating around them.
But with her face flushed so red, her glare wasn't terrifying at all—it was breathtakingly beautiful.
Why did everything she do look so damn cute? Regardless, he had to clear up the misunderstanding first.
"I swear, I had no intention of putting it in. Just now was a genuine accident."
"...Is that so? Fine then."
Eileen slowly pushed herself up on the bed.
She dispelled the menacing ice spears and covered her exposed chest with one hand.
"......How long do you plan on staring at my bare skin?"
"Well, you're just so beautiful that I wanted to keep looking... Ah, yes, my apologies."
His true thoughts had slipped out, and an ice spear instantly materialized mere millimeters from his eyeball.
He almost lost his eyesight right then and there. Talk about terrifying.
"...Unbelievable. Whew, whatever. Let's call it even."
Eileen sat on the edge of the bed, puffing out her cheeks as if she still harbored a lingering grudge.
She glared at his magnificent Neo Armstrong Dick for a moment, and then...
She raised her hand and slapped it hard.
Smack!!
"Gah?!"
His Neo Armstrong Dick took a direct hit from Eileen's hand.
Why the hell did she attack me there of all places?!
"Hmph!"
Staring at the Neo Armstrong Cannon swaying wildly from the impact, Eileen huffed.
"That makes us even for you sneakily touching my breast earlier."
He must have brushed against her chest when he grabbed her collar.
Wait, those are completely different body parts, how is that even?!
Having his dick slapped by a beautiful girl felt dangerously close to awakening a bizarre new fetish. How was she going to take responsibility for this?
While Ted desperately tried to seal away his newly awakened fetish, Eileen stood up.
"...I really liked this shirt, but the fabric is too weak. Next time, I'll have to buy clothes with better durability."
Fortunately for Ted, Eileen didn't seem inclined to make a big deal out of what had just happened.
Then again, if one thought about it, the events that had transpired in this room were far from ordinary.
If word got out, Eileen's heroic reputation would take a massive hit, and bizarre rumors about her and some random guy would spread like wildfire.
She had every reason to keep this a secret.
"I'll let what happened here slide. ...But keep your mouth shut. If any rumors get out, I'll chase you to the ends of the earth."
"What... Chase me to the ends of the earth... Does that mean..."
"Yes, exactly. I'll kill—"
"You want to marry me...?"
"—Do you want to die right now?"
"I apologize for speaking my mind."
Eileen glared at him.
Her cheeks were still flushed, making her look incredibly cute. He secretly wished she would glare at him a bit longer.
Damn it. Is my new fetish already irreversible?
Eileen, you absolute enchantress.
"...Seriously, what a ridiculous man. This isn't how things were supposed to go. Ah, jeez..."
Eileen looked thoroughly annoyed that Ted's reactions and the entire situation were completely different from what she had imagined.
What kind of reaction was she expecting from him anyway?
Wasn't this a perfectly normal reaction? Right, Neo Armstrong Cannon?
"Anyway! Even if I was annoyed, attacking you with an Artificial Spirit was clearly my fault. Selda told me to apologize properly too... Here, take this."
With those words, she reached her hand into the air, pulling a heavy pouch of coins out of her subdimensional pocket.
Toss.
She tossed it over to Ted.
"It's compensation. Just in case Selda asks... You know, she's my Intelligence Weapon and childhood friend. A pretty girl with long cyan hair and ruby eyes."
Eileen's expression softened as she described Selda's appearance.
She truly cherished her as a dear friend.
"If she comes by and asks if I apologized properly, make sure you give her a good answer. Otherwise, I'll have to listen to Selda nag me all day long."
"Yeah, got it. I won't forget. But... can I correct one thing?"
"What is it?"
"I've only been an adventurer for three months, so I was locked at F-Rank."
"...Huh?"
Eileen frowned, wondering what kind of nonsense he was talking about.
Then, it suddenly clicked. There was indeed a regulation stating that rookie adventurers could not rank up from F-Rank for their first hundred days or so.
"Ah."
The moment she realized this, Eileen's eyes shook with shock.
She had insulted Ted, calling him a coward who only hunted slimes for safety, but now she finally realized he literally couldn't hunt anything else because of his rank restrictions.
Watching her expression, Ted smirked.
"Nothing to say?"
Eileen's face flushed a deep crimson, and she found herself unable to look him in the eye.
She stood there, her small lips parting and closing several times, before finally...
"I'm sorry..."
Eileen apologized in a tiny, barely audible whisper.
"A bit quiet, don't you think?"
"Ugh...! What do you want from me! We already settled this, so it's over!"
Eileen snapped back, her face turning even redder. She looked incredibly adorable. There was a reason people said beautiful women could get away with anything.
"If you think I'm going to change my attitude now, you're sorely mistaken. Hmph!"
Eileen whipped her body around.
Yet, her eyes kept darting back, stealing glances at his Neo Armstrong Dick.
"Oh... can't keep your eyes off my magnificent cock, can you?"
"Ugh...!"
Since it was the absolute truth, Eileen couldn't even argue. She simply pouted.
"Hmph! You might as well use that money to open a male host club. I'm sure you'd be incredibly popular."
She had said it purely to annoy him, but Ted's response completely shattered her expectations.
"Oh? Does that mean you'll be my very first customer, Eileen? ...That sounds tempting. Want to book an appointment?"
"Oh, for goodness' sake! You're supposed to get mad there!! And I am not booking anything!!"
Her face burning red once more, Eileen reached into her subdimensional pocket and pulled out a sword.
Oh shit! Is she so pissed off she's going to kill me?!
Despite his panic, Eileen simply tossed the sword lightly toward him.
"Whether you become a gigolo or live as an adventurer, do whatever you want! Either way, it's my fault your sword broke, so just use that! Hmph."
One look was enough to tell it was an incredibly valuable, masterfully crafted blade.
Cash compensation, a legendary sword, plus verbal abuse and erotic services... Eileen, are you actually an angel? I love you.
Even though he had only thought it, Eileen suddenly flinched and covered her chest with both hands.
Hey, don't cover up. I was only fantasizing.
"I'm leaving."
Eileen turned on her heel.
"What? You're leaving already? Stay a bit longer—"
Slip!
Ted took a step forward, only to completely lose his footing.
Wait! The floor is covered in ice?!
It seemed that when Eileen conjured those ice spears earlier, she had frozen the floor as well.
Due to the warm temperature of the room, the ice had already begun to melt, turning the floor into a treacherous, slippery hazard.
I'm falling!
Having completely lost his balance, Ted pitched forward awkwardly.
However...
The trajectory of his fall was disastrous.
Falling directly toward the retreating Eileen, Ted—truly, absolutely, completely unintentionally—grabbed onto her skirt to steady himself.
Whoosh!
But because he had grabbed it with such force, he ended up pulling down both her skirt and her panties in one fell swoop as he went down.
"Kyaaa?!"
Eileen shrieked in shock as her lower half was suddenly stripped completely bare.
At the same time, with her panties tangled around her ankles, Eileen lost her balance as well.
"Ugh!"
Eileen quickly slipped her right leg out of the tangled skirt and underwear, trying to plant her foot firmly on the ground.
Under normal circumstances, a skilled hero like her would have easily recovered her footing.
But luck was not on her side. The moment her foot touched the slick, melted ice...
Slide!
Her legs split wide apart like a ballerina performing a perfect, involuntary split, and she collapsed straight down onto the floor.
"I-I'm so sorry, Eileen!"
"Ah! Don't stand up!"
As Ted scrambled to get up, Eileen tried to warn him.
But it was already too late.
Whoosh!
Ted's feet slipped on the wet ice once again, sending him sliding forward.
"Whoa!"
"Ah!"
Driven by pure survival instinct, Ted threw his hands forward to break his fall.
And right in his path lay Eileen's bare, milky-white buttocks.
Squeeze!
"Kya!"
With all his body weight behind them, Ted's hands slammed directly onto Eileen's soft cheeks.
The impact forced Eileen into a yoga-like pose, her legs split wide as her upper body was pressed flat against the floor.
Splat!
At that exact moment...
The force of hitting her buttocks caused Ted's elbows to buckle.
Because of that, Ted—completely unintentionally—
...buried his face right into the cleft of Eileen's backside.
With Eileen's legs fully split to the sides...
...it was by a truly, incredibly, miraculously coincidental stroke of fate that Ted's lips pressed directly against the plump, tightly closed folds of her pussy.
At this point, trying to claim he was still a gentleman of the Yes Fantasy, No Touch creed was utterly laughable.
But that wasn't all.
Because his hands were still gripping her cheeks, he had accidentally spread her bare buttocks wide, exposing her tight little asshole to the air.
To have his lips buried deep in the private, sensitive folds of the legendary archmage hero under such absurd circumstances was a disaster of epic proportions.
And his partner was none other than the Archmage Hero, Eileen.
The very same Eileen who had just threatened him with ice spears, warning him that her hymen was strictly off-limits.
Yet here he was, face-planted directly onto the gateway to that very hymen. There was no way she would forgive him this time.
He was going to die.
Ah... but if I'm going to die anyway, isn't it a bit unfair?
If death was inevitable, wouldn't it be far better to thoroughly enjoy the hero Eileen's pussy before he kicked the bucket?
And so, Ted didn't pull away.
Instead, squeezing the soft flesh of her buttocks, he began to work his tongue with absolute devotion.
Eileen's sweet, mana-infused scent and the delicious, intoxicating taste of her exquisite pussy flooded his senses, sending him into absolute bliss.
It tastes so good.
It was, without a doubt, the greatest sensation in the world.
Since he was probably going to be turned into a human shish kebab by an ice spear in the next second anyway, he might as well indulge in this crazy, forbidden pleasure to his heart's content.
If I'm going to die, I might as well eat out the Archmage Hero's pussy until my last breath!