Ha Ildo Released a Dog-Squirrel into the T-Rank Rift! # 4
I'd heard something about this once before, in passing.
Apparently, foreign women were direct and honest — they made it crystal clear what they liked and what they didn't.
At the time I'd just thought, Huh, interesting, and let it go. But watching it happen in front of me, it really did seem to be true.
"I am interested in you, Mr. Ildo!"
Interested in me.
What exactly was that supposed to mean?
In my twenty-something years of life, I had never once heard words like these, so even digging through the memory banks of my brain turned up no useful data whatsoever.
"Does Mr. Ildo have a girl friend?"
A girl friend.
Even I knew that word. A girlfriend. Not the kind who was simply a friend who happened to be a woman — the other kind, obviously.
"No, I don't."
"Then this is very good! Won't you go on a date with this Cassie?"
Was that what she meant by meeting up?
Hold on — was I the only one misunderstanding things here? What if "interested" actually meant 'interested in you as a fellow human being!' — because if so, I would be sad!
So naturally I had to tread carefully. But no matter how I looked at it, what Cassie seemed to be saying and what I was hoping she meant appeared to line up perfectly.
Was I, perhaps, just the type that American women went for? Why not? Korean ideas of charm and American ideas of charm were hardly the same thing. It was entirely possible.
However—.
Yu Ari, who had been watching this whole exchange unfold, furrowed her brow even deeper.
"You want to date someone you've known for barely a few days? Korea and America have different cultures! In Korea, you get to know each other properly first, and only then do you start dating!"
Was that so?
Now that she mentioned it, that did sound about right. Koreans had that whole 'some' stage — that lingering, ambiguous pre-dating period where you got to know each other before officially becoming a couple. That was the normal order of things, wasn't it?
"Then let's start getting to know each other right now!"
Cassie was refreshingly straightforward. Fine. If getting acquainted started now, then so be it.
Beep-beep-beep—
Just then, the watch on Cassie's wrist let out another alert.
"A trap has been triggered!"
And she dashed off toward somewhere. The moment she was gone, Ari spoke to me in a low, meaningful voice.
"Sunbae. What are you planning to do? From what I've heard, foreign intelligence agencies apparently use honey traps to poach promising young awakeners."
Awakeners had become vital strategic assets for every nation. Each country worked to keep its own awakeners from slipping away to foreign powers, while simultaneously trying to lure in everyone else's.
Money. Status. And so on—.
Honey traps, I'd heard, were one tool among many. I vaguely remembered tabloid rumors — something about a B-rank Russian beauty who'd approached a B-rank awakener and turned out to be a spy for Russian intelligence. And tabloid rumors were true more often than you'd think.
"Come on. Even so, would anyone really go to the trouble of using an S-rank awakener as a honey trap to reel in me?"
Didn't the math not add up? Besides, Cassie didn't seem like the kind of shadowy, scheming person who'd pull something like that. If anything, she seemed like a person without a single dark cloud in her.
But Ari nearly jumped out of her seat.
"What do you mean, 'me'? Sunbae, you're basically the most promising awakener in Korea right now! Word of you would definitely have spread to America — of course they'd come after you!"
Hmm. Now that I heard it, it wasn't entirely baseless. I had gotten pretty famous lately. Still — Cassie, an intelligence operative? I just couldn't bring myself to believe it.
Whew—.
Ari let out a long sigh.
"Has she been smiling at you a lot, sunbae? Laughing wildly even at your weird jokes? Or maybe trying to sneak in a little skinship here and there?"
"……."
Well. There were a few things that came to mind.
Cassie had big reactions, laughed easily, and kept hugging me or tugging on my arm. Why, just moments ago she'd even kissed me on the cheek!
"It's all deliberate flirting. It's straight-up fox tricks, you know? Men never notice, but women can always tell. Sunbae~ do you know what honey-trap operatives do to a man once they've seduced him and gotten what they want?"
The fate of men seduced by honey-trap agents?
That, I had never heard about.
Ari gave a delicate little cough — ahem— — and continued.
"There's a woman I know called the Madam. Every so often she seduces men to extract information — a genuine operative. And she says useless men get thoroughly discarded!"
"Is that so?"
"She ghosts them! Leaves them on read! Changes her entire contact info! Rumor is even her name is fake. From the man's perspective, his lover vanishes overnight and it drives him completely insane."
How horrifying.
In other words, Ari was telling me that Cassie would use me every which way and then dump me. Could that really be true?
Shff—.
Then Ari leaned in close.
"Sunbae, I'll teach you how to tell whether someone is a honey-trap operative or not."
Whisper whisper—.
And Ari shared with me some truly mind-blowing intel. It sounded plausible, at least — vivid with the texture of firsthand experience.
"Ari, how on earth do you know all this? You're not secretly an operative yourself, are you?"
"What? Sunbae, how can you joke like that! That's so funny!"
Pat pat—.
She smacked my forearm with her palm. Apparently my joke had been hilarious.
Then Ari said,
"I've never dated anyone, fake or real, you know?"
"Fair enough. Ari, you've got this innocent streak — honey traps really wouldn't suit you."
Ari had always had a fresh-faced schoolgirl quality about her. And she was so warmhearted and sweet.
But Ari frowned faintly and puffed out her cheeks, looking sulky.
"Are you saying I'm not pretty enough to be one?"
"No — that's not what I meant at all."
"Mr. Ildo! Look at this! A sparrow was caught in the trap! It is not a Dog-Squirrel, but Korean sparrows are also so cute!"
Chirp chirp—!
A single sparrow was struggling in the cage of Cassie's two hands.
—Chirp chirp!
It was an awfully spunky little bird, and whether it was overflowing with energy or what, Cassie just chuckled — hoho— — and said, "It tickles!" Watching the scene, I remarked,
"That sparrow is quite strong."
"Yes?"
Had she not understood me? I kindly explained, in the gentle tone one reserves for foreigners still learning the language.
"Sparrow. Sparrow's Korean is strong. Lily Strong. The sparrow is very strong."
At my explanation, Cassie's face finally bloomed open. And then, as if she'd just heard the funniest thing in the world, she burst out laughing.
"Mr. Ildo is a veteran of jokes too! You remind me of my grandfather! I can't believe you make such funny jokes!"
That was funny?
I thought to myself — I was a serious man who was bad at jokes. Even when I dreamed of being a hero, I'd always aimed for the cool, Batman-type of solemnity.
Yet Cassie exploded with laughter at my terrible joke like a bomb had gone off.
"Do you know how long it's been since I ate an orange? A whole orange while."
"Wow, so exciting! Too funny!"
No matter what I said, Cassie laughed like she was hearing the most hilarious story on the planet.
Just as I thought—. Ari was right!
Bursting into laughter even at unfunny jokes, all to lift a man's spirits.
This was the classic 'ego-stroking' that female operatives supposedly deployed whenever they targeted a man. Men were weak to women who laughed readily at their every word, after all.
Or was I wrong? At the very least, it worked on me.
I did like people who laughed well at what I said and kept the conversation flowing.
Anyway. Cassie was acting exactly like my ideal type.
For all I knew, she'd done exhaustive research on a man named Ha Ildo and had his every preference memorized down to the letter. If the nymphs had been here, I could at least have found out whether Cassie truly meant me ill right now.
But the nymphs were currently busy with Cha Yura, laboring over star-shaped dalgona candy. This was something I had to handle all on my own.
And yet—.
What if it was real? What if Cassie genuinely liked me, and genuinely found my jokes funny?
While I was lost in thought, Cassie released the sparrow — flap!— — and asked,
"Mr. Ildo. Do you have worries?"
"Well, it's just…"
"Cassie's grandpa had many worries too! When Cassie listened to all of them, he smiled. You talk too, Mr. Ildo!"
She kept trying to get us alone together.
Come to think of it, they said this was another classic operative technique. Things like, "I'll pass along your kind words. Let's talk, just the two of us." Or, "I'll show you something good. Want to come to my place? Just the two of us."
It only made me more suspicious. But according to Ari, this was actually a chance to counterattack.
I decided to deploy the operative-neutralizing question Ari had drilled into me beforehand.
"Miss Cassie, what are your thoughts on international marriage?"
"Marriage! Love has no borders and no dimensions! I, Cassie, grew up in the countryside of the American South! It is a good place for living! I very much want to invite you there, Mr. Ildo!"
Inviting me to America?
Was her scheme to spirit me off to the States?
"Cassie's family! We all live gathered together! Big family! When I see you, Mr. Ildo, I think of my family back home! My family will like you too!"
"……!"
I was shocked.
Because Cassie, exactly like the operatives in Ari's stories, was trying to take me to a foreign country. Just how far did this conspiracy extend — where did the plan begin and end?
I could feel it — over these past few days, something you might call my name value had grown enormously.
And in a moment like this, there was only one thing to do.
Show my manliness.
"I have no intention of moving to my wife's country. I love Korea, and I carry a patriotism prouder than anyone's!"
"That's good! Devotion to country! Good thing! My family too — American flag in every room! Flag full of stars, hung up right next to the shotgun!"
"So here's the thing. If you were to marry me, you'd have to give up your citizenship and come to Korea. Korea has deep-rooted tradition — traditional heritage."
"Wow, tradition! What is it?"
"It's called 'chul-ga-oe-in' — 'once a woman leaves the house, she becomes an outsider.'"
"Chul-ga-oe-in? What does it mean?"
"It means that when a woman marries, she follows her husband and becomes part of his family. Therefore, if you, Cassie, wish to be with me, you must be prepared to abandon your American citizenship and become a person of Korea."
How about that, hmm?
My Confucian philosophy?
Would a liberated twenty-first-century American woman really agree with an argument that would get torn apart even here in Korea?
Soon, Cassie clenched her fist and declared,
"American women! When we marry, we take our husband's name! We become his family! I, Cassie, like Korea! I can give up American citizenship!"
For real?
She would give up citizenship of the United States — still the world's sole superpower — and follow me into the rural Korean countryside?
Even the heavenly fairy with the kindest heart in all the myths, the moment she got her feathered robe back from the woodcutter, fled without so much as a backward glance.
And yet Cassie was saying she'd follow me to this remote backwater?
I—. I was terrified!
She was an incredible actress, playing this charming, naive American country girl to perfection! At this rate the girl probably had six tails hidden away somewhere!
But I was a veteran too.
I feigned complete ignorance and asked,
"You are an S-rank awakener of the United States, aren't you, Cassie? S-level. If someone like that abandons her country to follow a husband, wouldn't she face enormous criticism from the nation and the people?"
"No problem! America and Korea! Long-time blood allies! My grandpa! Fought in Korea long time ago! Korea is family's country! Americans, they like Korea!"
Was she serious?
At this level of acting, even I was genuinely on the fence. Doubting her made me feel like the bad guy here.
Had I unknowingly possessed this kind of charm all along?
Just then—.
The Desperado, Cassie, clenched her fist tight and declared,
"Very well! I will take the Korean naturalization exam! S-level! I hear there are all kinds of special privileges! I too will follow Mr. Ildo and become a chul-ga-oe-in!"