Ha Ildo Appears on TV with the Nymphs! # 2
London, the City of Rain.
Ever since rifts had torn their way into the world, freak weather anomalies had turned London into a city that almost never saw a clear sky.
A taxi pulled to a stop facing the crowded street, where pedestrians hurried by under a sea of umbrellas.
Tap—. Vrooom—.
Cha Yura stepped out onto the rain-slicked taxi stand, rain drumming down around her.
"Rain's coming down in sheets today, huh. London."
Near the city's famous clock tower stood the World Awakener Association, and it was there that the S-Rank Awakener conference would be held. Cha Yura had been dreading it in more ways than one.
"Seo Yerim! Hurry up and get over here!"
Cha Yura watched Seo Yerim approaching from a distance. The young woman was surrounded by a swarm of reporters, cameras flashing from every angle—because Seo Yerim wasn't just an S-Rank Awakener, she was also a world-famous celebrity and fashion model.
Merely walking through rainy London streets, she looked like a page torn straight from a photo album.
Before long, Seo Yerim pushed through the crowd of journalists and spoke up.
"I wonder what kind of headache this year's going to bring. The S-Rank conference always piles on the annoying nonsense. I can hardly wait to hear what kinds of garbage come out of their mouths."
S-Rank Awakeners were, as a rule, an eccentric bunch.
Plenty of them had a screw loose somewhere—people you might generously call "originals."
At last year's conference, America's S-Ranker "Desperado" Cassie and Germany's S-Ranker "The Smoker" Roberto had actually come to blows.
Roberto had kept lighting up cigars indoors, and remembering how that fight had unfolded was enough to make Seo Yerim's head throb all over again.
"Honestly, none of them know how to hold their temper. I'm worried Cassie's going to lose it again and start pointing guns at people left and right."
"'Doesn't know how to hold her temper'? Coming from you, Seo Yerim, that's rich."
"Excuse me? Compared to the rest of them, I'm a saint."
Seo Yerim scowled fiercely.
Truth be told, her words carried some merit. Seo Yerim's power was Pyrokinesis—the manipulation of flame.
Fire mages, as they were commonly called, tended to have tempers as hot as their flames, and a great many of them ended up as criminals branded with the label "villain," their antisocial personalities pushing them over the edge.
By that standard, Seo Yerim was doing a genuinely remarkable job keeping the fire inside her under control.
Swish—.
Arms crossed, Cha Yura passed through the gates toward the clock tower and spoke calmly.
"Isn't the domestic A-Rank conference coming up soon? Honestly, that's the one I'm more worried about. Something always goes wrong there. The A-Ranks are... how do I put this. The vibe's just a little off. 'Packed with weirdos' is the only way to describe it."
Cha Yura found herself remembering her own days as an A-Rank.
Even now, thinking back on that era was enough to make her feel faint in all sorts of ways.
The A-Rank conference halls had always carried a tension all their own—something distinctly different from the charged air of the S-Rankers' gatherings.
Brrr—.
Cha Yura shuddered at the memory, a full-body shiver.
"I did hear that Mr. Ildo got invited to the domestic A-Rank conference this time. You don't think there'll be trouble, do you? He and Han Juryeon, our top-ranked A-Ranker, are the last two people who should be in the same room."
Han Juryeon loved animals.
Ha Ildo loved animals too.
The two of them were similar, but their directions were slightly different.
Seo Yerim, however, wasn't particularly worried.
"You can drop that one. Anyway, what's on today's agenda? I heard something about something turning up in the Pacific Ocean."
"No idea!"
S-Rank Awakeners.
The heroes and superhumans of the world had finally begun to gather in one place.
"I think I'm going to have to decline."
After a long stretch of agonizing deliberation, I had finally reached a conclusion.
The domestic A-Rank Awakener conference.
Being invited to it was an enormous honor, to be sure—but actually attending felt, in more ways than one, like overstepping my place.
I mean, I was still B-Rank, after all.
I had no business being in that room.
And—say I did attend, and then never managed to reach A-Rank afterward.
Say I stopped growing entirely and remained B-Rank forever.
Then my appearance at an A-Rank conference would be sealed away, preserved in amber, as the most embarrassing dark chapter of my life.
In other words: a massive overreach.
Nobody knew better than I did just how dangerous those overreaches were—how many humiliating dark histories they could manufacture—and so I decided to decline the invitation.
"Muhahaha! Behold the Nymph-mon that I, Illinois, have captured and harvested with abandon...! All of them Fairy-type...! Nymph-friendly fairy-types, that is what they are...!"
Also—.
I had an obligation to look after Illinois and Oinoi.
What was I supposed to do if these two caused some catastrophe while I was off at the conference?
That was the spirit in which I stayed away from the A-Rank conference.
It stung a little, missing the chance to see the faces of Korea's most notable A-Rankers—but there was nothing to be done about it.
Next time, when I made it to A-Rank for real, I'd walk in there with my head held high.
Anyway.
With a sigh of reluctant resignation, I opened my browser.
"Ah, the internet world is as peaceful as ever today."
Heh heh heh—.
I rubbed my hands together briskly and started tapping at the keyboard. Today's daily routine meant searching my own name, of course—but once again, there was nothing about me to be found.
Even SupportiveWifeKeongkeongi, who always wrote posts about me, hadn't uploaded a single one today.
Someone who posted every single day going silent for a whole day left me feeling oddly bereft—and, at the same time, a little worried.
Was she sick or something?
Or had my fan's devotion withered away because I hadn't been putting on enough of a show!?
"Not good. I need to raise my fame somehow. If I'd known this was coming, maybe I should've just gone to the A-Rank conference after all? No wait, that would've been—."
That was when I spotted it. Sitting in my inbox was a message I simply could not ignore.
Oh.
TV Animal Farm.
I knew the program well. Back when I was a kid, waking up on weekend mornings to watch it was pure gold.
Every kind of adorable animal imaginable made an appearance!
"I had a feeling a call like this would come eventually."
Swish—.
I looked around my house.
Curled into a ball on the sofa was Keong-keong-i the Dog-Squirrel.
At the sink, Ang-ang-i was diligently washing dishes.
Perched on the sofa, Kwang-kwang-i was singing a song.
And there was Calinoi, apparently bored out of her mind, battering me with her wings in a rapid flap-flap-flap—!
"Calinoi. You're kicking up dust. I'll take you out for a flight later, so go wait outside for now."
━Hoo, hooo...!
Honestly, the fact that a broadcast crew hadn't come knocking on the door of a man living with animals this remarkable was the real surprise.
"Number one in the ratings would be a given."
Number one in the ratings. That meant colossal fame.
And once my fame shot up, social media would be flooded with the name Ha Ildo!
Every site on the internet would be posting my name to their best-of boards, upvoted posts, and concept threads!
"Heh heh heh. Excellent. When are they coming?"
I checked the date.
Only a few days away!
I told Oinoi that a broadcast crew might be coming to visit, and she was absolutely thrilled.
"It is Oinoi's earnest wish to appear on television as well…! In a world so thoroughly overrun by those long-eared foreign elves, Oinoi longs to show everyone the virtues of a true native nymph…!"
Oinoi was a nymph who loved showing off, bragging about this and that.
Snatch.
She hoisted up her piggy bank.
"Oinoi intends to boast about these mysterious patron coins she gathered all by herself on television…! Surely no nymph or elf in all the world could ever have collected such an abundance of wondrous coins…!"
Impressive, truly—.
Oinoi positively squirmed with the itch to show off the coins she had gathered with her own two hands.
Before long, Illinois let out a sly muhahaha— and snickered wickedly.
"Behold...! This is a golden opportunity to product-place all the Nymph-friendly masterpieces I, Illinois, have so diligently painted, and to liquidate the entire inventory in one fell swoop...! The hidden power of the peninsula's homegrown organic nymphs...! Roll the camera...! That is what this is...!"
Um, you two aren't exactly the peninsula's homegrown fairies, though?
The truth was that nymphs, just like elves, weren't native to the Korean peninsula at all—but I couldn't exactly say that out loud.
Because Oinoi and Illinois were getting way too excited.
"Illinois shall now dance the dance of nymphly joy…! The master of this Nymph-friendly household has graciously granted us nymphs a television appearance, that is what has happened…!"
"Oh yeah! Let's do it…! Our nymphs are finally setting foot on terrestrial broadcast, that is what is happening…! We have no wings, yet we shall become fairies flying through the air, that is what it means…!"
Thump-thump—.
Delighted by the prospect of TV, Illinois and Oinoi flung their arms up and spun around and around in a circle, dancing.
It was absolute chaos.
But honestly, my mood was pretty great too.
Kim Aeho, the newest producer on Animal Farm.
A twenty-four-year-old with a healthy ponytail, dressed in hiking gear year-round, she was a former D-Rank Awakener and a rising star in the broadcast industry.
"Everyone keeps saying terrestrial TV is dead in a world where MeTube and personal streaming channels are this active, but…."
The house she was about to visit belonged to the man people called "Dog-Squirrel Ha Ildo."
"This is the chance I clawed my way to with everything I had. This is the show I grew up loving—so I'm going to make it succeed again, no matter what…!"
As the broadcast van rolled into the village, the animals began barking their heads off—keong, keong——the way they do in any countryside hamlet. The remarkable thing, though, was that they weren't dogs at all.
"There are Dog-Squirrels everywhere! Film all of them! Film it, now!"
Kim Aeho was over the moon watching the Dog-Squirrels dart this way and that. The cameras scrambled after the little creatures, and the Dog-Squirrels in turn scurried busily to and fro, weaving slickly between people's legs.
"We're the first terrestrial crew to ever cover and film this village, you know? Right? So we have to do even better. Give it everything!"
This village was largely managed by the mega-corporation Telos.
And until now, Telos had done everything in its power to keep Taecho Village out of the mass media.
But with the corporation's attention fixated on the World Awakener conference in London, PD Kim Aeho had seized the opening to send Ha Ildo an email—and so today's shoot had come together.
This is nothing short of a miracle! Honestly, I never even expected him to agree to the filming!
━Hoo—.
━Hoo, hooo—.
Flap-flap-flap—!
Tiger Owls beat their wings all around the village.
━Zzji, zhuji—.
━Zoji...?
━Gyuji...!
And to top it all off, Honey Ants were bustling back and forth across the paddies and fields, helping tend the crops.
PD Kim Aeho felt as though she had stepped straight into a fairy tale.
"Look at this! The Honey Ants are literally farming! Just filming this scene alone and uploading it to MeTube would rake in a million views worldwide without breaking a sweat! Is everyone getting good footage out there?"
Having roamed the entire neighborhood and captured the scenery to her heart's content, Kim Aeho—twenty-four years old this year—knew better than anyone, because she adored animals, just how extraordinary the creatures waddling around this village truly were.
Animals that you could designate as natural monuments one by one and nobody would blink!
For an animal lover, it was heaven on earth.
And a perfectly fitting location for the special 1004th episode shoot.
"Now we're heading to Mr. Ildo's house! This is where it all begins, so nobody causes any trouble! Awakeners are a strange bunch, after all."
And so they arrived at the house of that very "Ha Ildo."
Everyone had just come to a slight halt in front of it when—
"The master of the house…! Has returned, that is what has happened…! At long last, Oinoi shall appear on television, that is what shall come to pass…!"
"Why are you all just standing there gawking like statues…? Quickly and briskly, come this way, right now, that is what you must do…!"
Out of nowhere, a pair of very strange creatures came ba-doom! bursting out of the house.