Love's Wrong Venue
"So, how'd it go? Spill the details."
Receptionist Rokuka Besikyuu sat across from her friend Po'runga, gulping down her drink. Alcohol was lethal poison to Rattlings, so there was no helping it. Po'runga irritably crammed bug fritters into her mouth by the handful. Anyone stuffing their face like that when they're supposedly starving is clearly putting on an act, Rokuka thought.
"How long have you been starving yourself?"
"What if he says girls who eat too much are a turn-off?!"
Po'runga growled, grinding her teeth. Deinous occasionally lost control of their emotions like dinosaurs—pupils narrowing, gums and teeth bared. Rokuka popped a sausage into her mouth and shook her head. Done for, no doubt about it. "From the sound of it, you probably didn't even show him your tongue."
She could've wrapped mana around her tongue like a sword to stab or slash. Not just her tail—her whole body was a weapon for this martial artist. Rokuka's heart was already racing at the thought of the ordeals her friend had endured playing coy in front of a guy. It was pathetic, seeing her boy-crazy pal unable to contain her urges without even landing a boyfriend. No wonder they said female adventurers stuck at C-grade were just hunting for men.
"It was rough… I saw four Treants and totally lost it!"
Rokuka dropped her head. Starting off with 'I pissed myself big time'? Yeah, doomed from the jump. Well… tastes varied by species. Some had that minor fetish for marking territory by spraying, right? Rokuka would've dropped dead from a heart attack on the spot seeing four Treants. She quietly admired her friend's guts for just wetting herself and powering through.
Po'runga, having emptied her bowl in no time, irritably summoned the server for more food and booze. A whole bag of fried chicken vanished in seconds—where did it all go? Was it not a throat but a spare stomach? And she hadn't shared a single piece, even though it was from a guy.
"I was supposed to protect him, but I flinched at his roar and showed my pathetic side. Or got clocked in the head with a rock and passed out… It's all wrong. He definitely thought, 'This lizard's got a pea brain!'"
"Isn't that a bit paranoid? You said he kindly explained everything, missy. Oh ho ho."
"I'll smack you!! Grrrk…!"
Her scales shivered as she raised her reptile claws in threat. Knowing Po'runga wouldn't actually swing, Rokuka stayed unfazed and deftly rolled cheese in ham before popping it in her mouth.
"Still, he taught you everything from weapons onward. Sounds like a human fresh out of the academy with no real plan, clueless about other races."
"Isn't that cute? Him asking questions nonstop makes me feel like a reliable woman—it's a total vibe."
"Says the girl whose tail seduction got shot down hard. Hits different coming from you."
The fork in Po'runga's hand crumpled with a crunch. If only she could rein in that temper, guys would be lining up to kiss her feet. Deinous, man… Rokuka sighed and ordered another Zero Cola.
Humans were a first for her after years as a receptionist in the big city. They had minimal contact with other races. Sure, that meant they could pair with anyone, but they were born without mana—the weakest of all species. No wonder even criminals hesitated to touch them, fearing they'd drop dead. With no one having seen them, rumors ran wild: they'd die of fright from a scare.
And Rokuka's impression of the actual human? Surprisingly manly, considerate—and gutsy. Charging to save lives without even knowing what a giant killer slug was? Foolish, sure, but you couldn't call it bad. Helping others—even if fake—made the world kinder.
And he didn't stop there, diving injured into a white ent pack? Po'runga had given up, but he charged the herd. Weak enough to lose to goblins, yet he saved the adventurers. She'd seen the report from Cocos, but before any [Skill] blessings, he was just a good guy.
As husband material? Perfect for coming home from hard work to a welcoming embrace. Rattlings didn't care about male strength anyway. A walking lottery ticket with infinite booze, fried chicken, and water? Sorry, Po'runga, but he'd have women lining up—hundreds okay, or one-night stands galore.
Word of the human with [Skill] blessings had spread through the Trust Union. Female adventurers were swarming. Beastly women who usually lounged unkempt were dolled up and armored to the teeth.
'A human with [Skill] blessings, and from what Po'runga heard, they just keep dropping even if he sits still…'
Skills came from personal acquisition, innate talent, or gods. The third was rare—true divine favor. Plenty of gods rewarded kindness, but…
'No random handouts without reason.'
And his were anything—she chuckled at Metal Mimic (Chamber Pot) Summon. Useless ones didn't inherit, but if they did? Talking to Treants?
'His choice anyway—my thoughts don't matter.'
Imagining Po'runga suppressing her instincts to play reliable big sis? Rokuka couldn't stop laughing. Humans like big chests, right? Like dogs or cats? Other adventurers feared jail for slip-ups, but hearing "guy," she bolted like she'd miss out.
Then she crammed books all night studying humans. Ditched her ironclad armor for body-hugging Deinous wear. Pitiful, really. Po'runga had fielded truckloads of harassment, seduction, confessions—prime body and brains. Passing on great genes was instinct. Guys flocked; she'd gloated post-C-grade.
Now? Decent guys among these losers? Real men exist? Evolved to loathing Deinous males. These idiots just want me on my knees.
"Men, show effort matching her level! Don't shove your face in!"
──She'd said it herself. Yet blushing beet-red at Isn't the human cute? Pathetic, drunkenly whining how to seduce him. C-grade Deinous guys shunned smart women anyway. Guilds were matchmaker central—adventuring to eat, sure, but dead serious about spouse-hunting.
"Ughhh… His hands so soft, unlike mine—nails squishy. Nice scent, fluffy hair. Hugged him a bit once—so warm."
Her rambling fueled the savage show—no sides needed.
"Gotta snag him within a month…!"
"Plenty of chances. I hooked you up with mentoring."
Rokuka had pulled strings for her friend. Other receptionists grilled her daily on the human; adventurers ditched jobs for him. Handle it yourselves, she wanted to snap. But watching this? Kinda fun.
"Maybe you came on too strong at first? 'I'm a tough girl!' vibe."
"Yeah, so I went sweet and helpful after! But he's human, not Deinous! Damn nerves!"
"Lucky you're Deinous. Beast-ears would've lost tail control."
"Guh… God tossed me a chance after all my hard living…"
Should've learned guy-snagging like other Deinous—tail-wrap and kidnap? Rokuka worried: execution row soon? Nah, not that dumb.
"Anyway, ease up on the booze? Show up hungover to the human, he'll think you're a wreck."
"Fine… Tomorrow, fake an excuse for a date!"
Hope it's not bug-watching. Good he didn't know Trust Union—else "testicle-crusher lizard" rumors would've hit.
★
"…You've formed a party?"
Too many drinks yesterday—fatigue showed. Rattlings stressed easy, no helping it. She ignored Po'runga's pleading eyes and foot-stomping. Stop wearing holes in the wood, or we'll rip it up.
The dwarf girl before her—Larirure Larirarion. Among C-grades, she openly advertised "seeking man." Frequent matchmaker, earned Cupid nickname. Why Cupid? Everyone but her paired off successfully.
Hated bearded dwarves, hunted proper dwarf adventurers. Life didn't bend easy—matches bombed often. Remember her stacking booze bottles, bellowing at "shitty dwarf shits"? Why did female dwarf adventurers loathe their own? Males preferred brewers over boozing adventurers like her.
Dizziness hit; she pressed her forehead. After guild work built her record, three years library-locked for C-grade. Kicking guild perks to restart at F? Desperate for marriage.
Stoic face, but eyes on the human screamed love—or murder? Drunk, she'd yell "You gem-bug bitches, hands off my gems!" swinging her shovel.
Po'runga gnawed her claws. Ugly… Push harder if that desperate.
"Party created—congrats! She's a skilled dwarf technician."
"So for residence address, like this?"
"Pardon? What's a residence address?"
Was gonna clap "Congrats!" and shoo them out. Instead, Larirure shoved paperwork at her. …Yesterday it was vacant, pricey too—dumped her savings?
"Party means traveling together. Base at residence, live as one."
Obvious lie—who buys it? Don't blush and shake saying it. Human, don't nod like it's fine. Nooo… He's clueless!
Rokuka pondered. Help! Besikyuu!! Don't beg with faces. Po'runga's tail-whipping Larirure; she blocked stone-faced. Human read party docs oblivious.
"One month mentoring—you live together, right?"
"Tch, fine."
"What's with the tch?! You… argh!"
"Gonna breathe fire? Try it."
"Duel grounds, now!"
"Nah? Gotta tour the city as party."
How are they on the same wavelength… Rokuka just wanted them gone.
Checked "no ongoing recruitment" hastily. As they filed out, she cashed annual leave. Packed quick, headed home—no return for a month. C-grade females in heat? Total hassle. Long-held thought…