08. Eyes Open, You're Actually Isekai'd into a Hopeful JRPG World.
"Eeeeyes open at last. Turns out you've been isekai'd into a bright, hopeful JRPG world. Eeeee, a gaaame?! Why a game of all things?!"
"Cough, cough... grr, you bitch. To think it'd end like this..."
"Aigoo, mister... that's why you should've known your limits. You knew how this would play out, didn't you?"
"......"
Sure enough, the name Raijin—Thunder God—was way too grand for this old fart. Or maybe... that title was kinda lame to begin with? In some manga from my past life, the guy who called himself "Thunder God" got diced up by the final boss in episode one and croaked.
This geezer was the same. He threw everything at me—his prized Genocide-Z Type puppets, and what he called Lightning Escape (which, as I've said a million times, doesn't exist in this world's ninja arts). He even blasted lightning waves from his cyborg body...
But puppets are puppets. And with his own skills being total garbage on top of that... well, duh. Kasumi always called him a disgrace to ninjas for a reason. Instead of wasting time buddying up with those dwarf bastards making junk like that, if he'd just trained his own abilities properly as a ninja...
He wouldn't have gotten one-sidedly wrecked by me like this. Hell, he wouldn't have even been marked for execution in the first place.
Still, it was kinda fun! Firing a hyper mega-cannon from his forehead? Eye beams? And breast fire of all things? Dude must've watched a ton of mecha anime.
"The Genocide-Z Types... impressive stuff. Felt like puppets to me, but they might've taken down some bottom-feeders."
"Heh, actually, this batch beat Asuka in a one-on-one duel. You're the monster here, blackie. Five of 'em, and you smashed them all in three minutes flat."
"Whoa... that bird-brain bitch lost to scrap metal this time? Pathetic."
"Yeah, I built automated puppets capable of beating ninjas. Was that such a grave sin?"
"Who knows? Maybe the old fogeys thought so. If they'd evolved further, they'd be a threat to us, right? Who knows what you'd do with 'em..."
"......Grr, how could soulless bitches like you understand my grand design?"
Grand design? What the hell's this old man babbling about? Guess he really had some scheme brewing. I was just picking my teeth before snapping his neck.
Hmm... grand design or whatever, not that curious. Sounds like it'd be some boring, pretentious lecture. Time to send him off to the next world?
"What do you think of the ninja exam?"
"......Huh, who knows? A fun half-year festival?"
"Kuhaha, you mad bitch..."
"Mad bitch? Harsh..."
"No point talking to a hopelessly insane slut like you, but if I must... I wanted to stop the kids from dying."
Puhahat! Couldn't hold back the laughter at Raijin's words. No, no, no way, old man—you gotta be kidding! How many kids did your puppets slaughter as the exam's final trial?
"Kh, hehehe... Ah, this is gold. You saying that with a straight face?"
"Sounds contradictory, but hear me out. Why do you think the ninja exam exists?"
"To select ninjas, duh?"
"That's the surface reason. Reality? It's just culling."
"Culling?"
"You know fox beastkin... once they give birth, it's four or five pups at a time."
Oh yeah, I know. Beastkin races vary, but most outbreed humans by a mile—no tails needed. Fox beastkin drop four or five in one go. That's how this tiny village can feed a thousand kids into a bloodbath every exam.
They breed like rabbits, after all.
"They cull the excess, the 'unnecessary' ones under the guise of making ninjas. That's the ninja exam's true nature. But with a 'even embers can reignite' mindset, they sift gems from junk... those who prove themselves, seize a chance at life, rise above the tribesfolk... that's us. Ninjas."
"Ugh... getting tedious. Spit a haiku or something quick so I can lop your head off."
"Then why slaughter their own flesh and blood? Would parents ever abandon their kids willingly? No... no, far from it."
"Old man, you're just monologuing whatever..."
"Because the land—the northern lands—are barren. In this harsh soil, too many can't survive. That's why this happens. Other beastkin tribes do the same with useless kids or elders, in their own ways."
"Yeah. Summarize in three lines. That's all you're getting."
"I wanted war. To seize the tailless ones' lands in the south."
What? W-war...? Haha, this guy's lost it completely.
Fighting the tailless folk down south—the humans—we beastkin would lose a hundred out of a hundred battles.
Not that I'm denying beastkin strength. Most outmuscle humans easy. Even I, at ten without a ninja rank, could've crushed an average adult human male.
The gap's obvious. But strong beastkin vs. humans in war? We lose. Why? Unity. Beastkin can't stick together.
We're too diverse. Furries, scalies, avians—you name it. Details are endless, but bottom line: cliques only. Even if mom's a bird beastkin, born a fox? You're Inari fox ninja for life.
That Asuka chick Raijin mentioned? Dialect screams bird clan maternal line. But she flies with Flying Bird ninjutsu, calls herself that... still a fox beastkin, Inari ninja. Probably sold off by her bird kin.
Beastkin don't mix. Can't stand against southern humans. And this old fart's ignoring that plain fact...?
"Foolish? Mass-produce puppets as soldiers, and victory's ours... that was my plan. Gahk?!"
Three lines done. Off with his head.
Just die already. Ahh, that gurgling blood-froth from the trachea post-decap... pure bliss every time.
Old man... you talked way too much. How many extra minutes did I waste on your worthless last words?!
At least it felt good on the hands... limbs were meh thanks to cyborg crap, but hngh.
And so, the self-proclaimed Thunder God—tin-can paranoid—was shipped off. Expected a fiercer fight from a fellow ninja... ended too easy. Even for a chieftain's direct mission, meh.
Eh... next up? Claudia... something princess? God of War, they say. Worth looking forward to? Southern human, so time for a fake identity and head south...
Feels like I've heard that name before, though. Imagination?
Thinking that, something thunk underfoot. A robot head from the Genocide-Z I sliced up fighting Raijin. Unlike the E-Type's skull bucket, this had a cutesy fox character head... off-kilter sense, but déjà vu...
"Pay attention to this monster appearing on Academy Dungeon Floor 50. It'll be the main enemy in the next DLC content..."
Suddenly, an old memory flashed by. Not from this world—from before I woke here. Another world.
That fox-head character in the memory. DLC... downloadable content for a game, right?
Game...? That fox head I'd seen before. Claudia Archduchess name sticking out...
Claudia? Wait, what was Claudia Archduchess's full name...?
Hold up, my head's spinning...
Back home, I unrolled the assassination scroll again.
Target: Lily Claudia, age 20.
I know, not helpful. Full name, full name... ah, there.
Appearance: Vibrant pink blonde hair with sky-blue eyes, waist-length curly long hair.
"......Huh."
Dead ringer for a game character I know. But coincidence? Maybe...
If it's my Lily, there's a dead giveaway beyond looks.
Notes: Despite being female, believed to target women erotically. Recommend honey trap via female assassin...
Puh!
Burst out laughing. Yep, that's her...
Now I remember. Hours before some thug stabbed me to death in my past life... I was playing a game in my room corner.
JRPG with affection systems, companion-to-lover endings. Pink-hair fetish, so I maxed the pink-long-hair girl...
That ending? Priceless.
"Um, sorry, hero... I like girls, y'know? Let's just be besties?"
Affection 100%, rejection ending. She was a yuri-only character—needs female protagonist.
Blind playthrough, no guides... 144 hours down the drain. Rage-quit, smashed keyboard.
Then got stabbed en route to buy a new one.
Yeah... that's how it went. Haha, why'd it take till now to click?
Lily Claudia, Claudia Archduchess, God of War, Spirit Swordmaster Lily.
Remember now... top-tier must-raise powerhouse, top three in the game.
And that game? Academy life, adventures, romance, friendship, love... bright, hopeful vanilla JRPG.
......
......
Puh, uhuhuhu, fuhehehe.
So I... was grinding ninjas and genocides in that hopeful world all this time.
Isn't this just the funniest thing? Ahahahat!