Chapter 88
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 88
Chapter Title: Zombie Parade
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Right then and there, my duel with the bandit kicked off. The bastard was so terrified of being surrounded by three people that he couldn't focus on me at all, constantly twisting his head around. Claudy taunted him with a sneer, saying she'd let him live if he won.
He must have been pretty pissed about getting sexually harassed earlier.
Of course, I was fucking furious too.
I'd been thinking of toying with him a bit before finishing him off, but now I decided to just end it.
Scum like this needed to be weeded out of the world.
"Hoo, haa! Haa!"
No matter how much of a person-killing, loot-stealing bandit he was, he still had a human heart left, apparently. He showed utterly human fear, spewing ragged breaths nonstop. He seemed half in a panic.
"Haa! Haa!"
Lama breathing technique, huh.
Whatever. If he didn't focus on the duel, this rare real-combat opportunity would be wasted.
To fire him up, I threw out some bait.
"...Got nothing better to do, so you go around robbing people? Huh?"
Up until now, it wasn't so much swordsmanship as raw power from my trained physique that had gotten me wins. I'd never really had a chance to use proper sword techniques. This setup Claudy had made was the perfect opportunity.
"You worthless piece of shit. Don't blame yourself—blame your mom for birthing a fuck-up like you."
I knew my skills had improved some from practicing with Karin, but I had no idea how it'd hold up against regular folks. A roadside bandit seemed like a fitting opponent.
"...What did you say?"
Even the terrified bastard snapped back to reality when I brought up his mother.
Yeah, that's more like it.
"If your mom had raised you right, would you have turned into a bandit? It's all your mom's fault for being a retard. Yeah, that's right. How's the kid supposed to know better? It's the parents who are fuck-ups."
His face flushed red in an instant.
Foam flew from his mouth as rage boiled over.
I kept grinning as I continued.
"Ah, you...!"
"You're punishment material, punishment material. I shouldn't kill you—I should kill your mom. Admit it, right? Where's your mom live? I'll go take her out for you. Oh, wait—is she already dead?"
"You fucking bastard! You die, then I die!"
—Shwaak!
He roared and charged, raising his sword high.
"Don't you have anyone else to target but someone else's mother!!!"
But his path was too predictable, and the arc of his full-force downward swing was straight as an arrow. Was this the difference in skill? It was all crystal clear to me.
"Kid's got filial piety, huh."
No need to counter and shatter the strike.
I shoved my right foot forward, twisted his wrist, and thrust my sword upward.
—Clang!
His blade, halfway through its arc, clashed with mine, let out a metallic screech, and slid down the length of my sword.
"What?!"
The sliding blade naturally caught on my crossguard, and my unrelenting thrust pierced right through his face. The whole thing didn't even take ten seconds.
If he'd had even a shred of sword knowledge, we'd have exchanged a couple of blows, but he was a total beginner. Swinging a sword isn't just flailing around. You have to think and infuse it with killing intent.
"Guh, guhhek...!"
The guy with the sword stuck in his face flailed in confusion and dropped his weapon. Gripping the hilt, I shoved the blade deeper and stepped forward. He staggered back to match my pace before collapsing. That was it. Over.
"Guhk, gehgurgh!"
"Is this how it looks when it works?"
It ended so fast I wasn't totally sure, but it seemed like I'd come across as someone trained in swordsmanship. Worth every one of those 10 silvers to Karin.
"No, one-shot finish!"
"Katt! Finish him! Finish him!"
Kobson marveled, and Claudy let out a cheer. Her face was lit up with such glee instructing a killing that it was hard to believe she was doing just that.
I should take her to the arena sometime—she'd lose her mind.
I didn't know if it was her weird god, but Claudy really got off on stuff like this.
"Die, Hakuron!"
—Swoosh!
I brought my sword down on the convulsing bandit's nape. When the blade hit his spine, he twitched once and went limp. That was his end.
"Woo-hoo! Good job! Great job!"
The overly excited Claudy leaped at me and hugged me so tight it felt like she was trying to shove me into her cleavage.
"Guhk!"
"Yes, yes! That was a perfect strike! A true warrior stays calm. Sometimes you suppress your savagery to kill the enemy. Biding your time for victory—that's skill, that's talent!"
"C-can't... breathe!"
"I'm thrilled. You've got the makings of a warrior. I was right about you!"
"I'm gonna die!"
"You offered this victory to me, right? Say it one more time?"
Claudy finally loosened her grip. With the pressure easing, I yanked my face free. Air exploded from my lungs.
"Pwah!"
Say it again? Puzzled, I asked.
"Haa... Some kinda ritual?"
"Kinda. Just say it to me."
"I offer this victory to you... That work?"
"Yes!"
And Claudy hugged me tight again. The follow-up breast smother nearly suffocated me.
Judging by her attitude, some weird thought crossed my mind—like maybe she saw me as a Pokémon or something. But no one does that with Pokémon, so I shoved the idea aside.
Though, screwing an elf might count as interspecies stuff too.
"Barbarian! Enough fun—time to loot the spoils!"
Kobson shouted.
Right.
The best part had finally arrived.
Claudy's tits were fun, but farming time brought a whole different kind of joy.
Kill something, and it drops loot. Monsters mostly dropped junk, but people were different.
People drop everything they have when they die. Money, weapons, clothes... everything on them at the moment of death.
"Sweet!"
I burst from her chest and charged like a tidal wave, grabbing legs and dragging bodies. Four corpses left in the clearing. Too bad two got away. Kobson and I excitedly lined them up side by side.
"Heh heh heh, let's strip 'em one by one!"
Kobson grinned wickedly and started on the first body. I grabbed one too and peeled off the clothes. We'd take anything useful and ditch the rest. Clothes were too blood-soaked to keep, but weapons and wallets were keepers.
"Da, dalants! These fuckers have dalants!"
"No way, really?!"
Rifling through pockets, we pulled out a whopping 17 dalants! Eyes glazing over, I sliced clothes off with my knife for a full body search. These bandit scum had been enjoying the festival too? It was thrilling yet oddly bittersweet.
Killing people for dalants, then taking it to church for festival fun... Even psychopaths would whistle and drop trou at how vile that was.
Festivals weren't for scum like this.
Glad I killed them all.
Doing this much good, I probably won't go to hell.
[Fucking well done.]
See? Even the Buddha in my head is praising me.
"Barbarian! This one's got a whole 2 silvers!"
"Checked everywhere, fuck!"
We laughed like we'd downed a bottle of meds, gleefully harvesting spoils.
They had a ton. Cash, dalants, jewelry, gear. Thinking it was all ours drove me insane with joy.
Claudy grabbed one body, dragged it over, and rummaged through, humming happily. She looked blissful.
Honeymoon vibes, huh.
"All done!"
Farming finished. I spread my cloak on the ground and laid out everything.
"Heh heh heh, looting spoils is the winner's right."
"Damn straight, Claudy. Heh heh heh, totally satisfied."
"Just looking at it fills my belly."
Tallying it up: 5 silvers 42 coppers, three shortswords, one hand axe, 67 dalants. Plus four pairs of shoes, three rings, a necklace... indescribable joy flooded me.
We hit the jackpot.
Way better money than killing monsters.
Making bank this easy, I get why people turn to evil paths and become murder-bandidos. Hit travelers in the mountains, keep your mouth shut—no one knows. Just need to judge your opponent's strength.
Fail at that, and you end up like this, stripped.
"Hey, shitty bastards! Fuck yeah! Business done for today! Head back to town, sell it all, split three ways!"
I stuffed everything into the sack. That heavy feel was the best. Thought today was fucked, but who knew such luck would roll in? Live righteously from now on. They say good things come to good people—time to do more good deeds.
"Can we take this head too?"
"Head?"
Claudy prodded a corpse's head with her sword tip. Pondering, it hit me—she meant cut off heads for dalant bounties.
I'd never have thought of it. Shocked.
"Looks just like an undead... Think it'd work?"
"Uh... Give priests human heads as 'undead heads,' and they'd wanna chop ours off pronto."
"Maybe? Shame."
Losing interest fast, Claudy sauntered over and hooked her arm in mine.
"Then let's head down quick."
"Yo, Kobson! Anything else?"
"Hold on! Almost forgot the leather vest!"
"Oh yeah, that."
Kobson threw on the leather vest from a body and ran up. Sell gear at the smithy, jewels at the jeweler.
"Let's roll! How about it, Barbarian? Plenty of day left—go down and grab a drink?"
"Drink? Sounds go—"
A drink? Hell no, we're drinking till we drop. As I started to answer Kobson, Claudy cut in.
"—Sorry. Got stuff to do with Katt. Drinks next time?"
"Uh... Y-yeah, Claudy."
Kobson seemed to sense deep dread in Claudy's beaming smile. Me too. What the hell does this succubus plan for me?
Anyway, we headed down the mountain. No proper path, but hit the base and find one.
The bandits fled the way we'd come, so we went that way. Checked sides for hideouts, but nothing. Too bad. One more kill would've been nice.
"Huh?"
Further down, something moved.
Something squirming in the middle of the path.
"What the fuck is that."
Crouched and wriggling busily—it looked human or undead. Or another monster? Lately, undead outbreaks meant no other monsters. So probably human or undead.
"Gives me a bad feeling."
Kobson halted. Claudy glanced at me and whispered.
"Katt, enemy."
"Enemy?"
Looking closer, two blocking the path. One moving, one on the ground.
And that one on the ground looked familiar.
"Isn't that the bandit from earlier? The one who ran."
"Yeah, looks like."
"Then what's riding that bandit?"
Then the crouching thing turned to us.
Vaguely human-like...
"Ghoul!"
Kobson yelled hysterically.
Blood smeared around its mouth—it was a ghoul.
It had been devouring the bandit's guts.