Chapter 16
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 16
Chapter Title: Date?
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The sermon only wrapped up past noon, and to put it bluntly, it was fucking useless.
All I was left with was mental anguish and physical wounds. Midway through, Winia got so bored and pissed that she started inflicting all sorts of injuries on me. Pinching me hard enough to draw blood or biting down until it bled were just par for the course.
This goddamn bitch was no different from a monster.
"Whoa! So you went through all that bullshit all morning just to score this? This is hilarious!"
And that was Winia's curt impression after snagging the holy water at the end of all that suffering. Huh, for once, Winia and I were on the same page. Truth be told, I hadn't planned on coming here for this crap until this morning.
If only you hadn't shown up, that is.
"Come on, come on. Don't be like that. Gulp this down, and you'll be healthy as fuck—no cap. Holy water's holy water for a reason, right? The priests said it's blessed by the gods and cures diseases."
Standing there for hours under the blazing sun had left my throat so parched I felt like I was dying. Drinking water when you're thirsty obviously makes you feel better. I spouted some bullshit that wouldn't fool anyone just to calm Winia down.
"Blackie sure knows how to talk shit. Are you naive or just stupid? What the hell makes this garbage 'holy water'? Even if they sprinkled everything they had today, it probably couldn't melt a single imp."
"If you're thirsty, you drink it. What's the big deal?"
With that, I chugged the holy water in one go.
As expected, there was zero feeling of anything changing. The only difference was that my burning thirst was quenched.
Winia sighed and tossed her holy water away. At her indifferent gesture—like it was worth less than tap water—a bunch of ragged-looking vagrants came charging in like demons, scrapping over it tooth and nail.
"It's mine!"
"Fuck off! I grabbed it first!"
"I'll kill you!"
Ah, the god-starved masses.
They soon devolved into a full-on brawl for the holy water. It was proof that the sermon from moments ago had been utterly pointless. Winia rolled her eyes at their pathetic display.
"What a fantastic waste of time."
"Your throat doesn't get dry?"
I was getting more and more anxious, not knowing what Winia might do now that she was even pissier. Even a wife enduring domestic abuse from her asshole husband wouldn't watch him this closely. My shoulders trembled every time she opened her mouth.
This is fucking ridiculous.
"People should always think rationally."
"Couldn't agree more."
"Anyway, you've done your thing, Blackie, so now let's do what I want."
I had no clue what she wanted, but I forced an awkward smile and said sure. Then she suddenly got serious again.
"Am I a bother to you, Blackie? Your answers feel so half-assed."
"Not a bother at all! Let's do whatever you want, no question!"
In a panic, I emphasized it with some extra flair at the end to show I meant it.
"Yeah? Thought so. Then follow me!"
Just like that, Winia's mood flipped again, and she grinned brightly as she yanked my wrist. Like she was twisting a kid's arm, even. Where the hell was she planning to drag me?
"Where we going? Not somewhere weird, right?"
"Weird? You wanna go somewhere weird, Blackie? Broke-ass like you thinking of hitting up a brothel or some shit?"
"What kinda bullshit is that?"
Weird place = brothel? That's a stereotype. Besides, with my broke-as-fuck wallet, what brothel could I even afford? I was curious, sure, but I'd never been to one in my life. Even if I had money, I'd probably skip it.
"Just curious where we're headed."
"Then guess!"
I thought about it.
For a psycho like Winia, whose tastes are miles from normal—what would she do on a day off? Battlefield? Cemetery? Ruins? Crypt? Nah, answer like that and she'd probably stab me. Think...! Where would a girl her age wanna go for fun!
"Got it! The arena!"
"Wanna die?"
Wrong answer, apparently—she slammed a fist into my side.
"Gahk!"
A grotesque wail escaped my lips, like a duck getting foie gras extracted.
The arena was wrong? Weird. I figured Winia, who treats tormenting weaklings as life's greatest joy, would love it there.
I thought she'd pay good money just to watch people die, but nope. No other answers came to mind.
"S-stop! No more hits! Please stop! It hurts too much!"
The penalty for wrong guesses didn't end with one punch.
I was still getting my ass beat.
"Why not? The arena's awesome!"
"You gonna keep talking to a girl like that, Blackie?"
I don't even see you as a girl...
"I like the arena, though..."
The city's arena was pretty much the most fun spectacle around, with zero real cultural competition. Monster vs. monster, human vs. monster, and the crowd favorite: human vs. human.
Match types ranged from bloodless bouts where no one dies, to deathmatches where one has to go, and all-out deathmatches cramming in hordes to crown the last survivor.
Watching them spill blood was fun enough, but the real fire was the legal gambling on winners.
Of course, I couldn't even afford to spectate.
Those fuckers are 100% rigging it.
Pro tip: If you snag monster eggs, sell 'em to the arena. It's crazy lucrative—they even call pros "egg hunters." Arenas always suffer chronic monster shortages.
"So where are we going, then?"
"You really have no idea? You're such a fucking moron, Blackie. I like that about you, but today it's frustrating."
"..."
So where the hell are we going?
"Shopping, obviously?"
Never saw that coming.
She dragged me to a shopping district I'd never set foot in. Not the blacksmiths or general stores—purely upscale stuff. Nice clothes, jewelry, perfumes, that kinda thing.
Never imagined I'd end up here. The price tags visible through the windows made me doubt my eyes. Who the fuck said 1 gold feeds a family of four for a month? Shit, I could survive solo on 1 gold for years.
"What're you doing? Come in."
I was terrified to enter what looked like a high-end clothing store.
Could a hyper worthless loser like me even step in here? Clothes make the man, and in my rags, my thick-skinned level was way too low.
"Kinda... hard to go in."
"Embarrassed?"
"Ashamed."
"I'm right here—what's there to worry about? Shut up and get in."
The inside smelled different. Tense and stiff, I trailed behind Winia.
She seemed to like my cowering vibe, standing on tiptoes to pat my head.
"Heehee. So cute, Blackie. Adorably killable."
"You're the cutest in the world, Winia."
"Put some heart into it when you talk. Unless you wanna die? Huh? Blackie?"
"Yes, ma'am..."
The clerks, eyeing the pretty mage and the beggar-looking trash together, started looking suspicious—until Winia handed me her staff, hat, and cloak.
"Hold these."
Then she grabbed some clothes and ducked into the changing room.
Huh?
No way, this development—!
"How's this?"
"Holy shit."
Incredibly, Winia emerged from the changing room in the new outfit! And she was asking me what I thought!
This clichéd unfoldment!
I can't accept it!
Girlfriend events like this are reserved for actual girlfriends!
"Does it suit me?"
So she wasn't in her usual purple low-cut robe, but some frilly, flowy dress instead.
Suits you...? She was asking, so I had to judge. They say when a girl asks if an outfit looks good, don't brush it off—answer seriously.
"Not practical for combat."
Real talk: This wasn't modern Earth; it was a savage world full of constant battle threats.
That dress might look pretty, but in a real fight, it'd be useless—or worse, a hindrance. My taste? Cinch the flowy bits tight, add breastplate and pauldrons, chainmail at the joints.
"No, fuck. I'm asking if it suits me, not that shit. You're really pissing me off today, Blackie."
"Calm down! It was a joke!"
Almost got hit again.
Still, Winia was a girl under the rags, and it did look pretty good on her.
"It suits you so well you're fucking gorgeous. Probably the prettiest in the city!"
"Again with the half-assed answer, Blackie?"
"No, no! For real! You're seriously pretty! I never lie about hot girls! So put the fist down, please! You're too pretty!"
"Really?"
"Really, Lady Winia, you're stunning!"
"Kyahaha! For real? Really?"
I spent ages buttering her up, sucking up every inch of her outfit. She seemed pleased. And so the fashion show dragged on for about an hour like that. She'd try stuff on and make me score it.
I said they were all too beautiful to score. Barraging her with bootlicking praise seemed to dial back her violence a notch.
"These, these, these, and this one. Ring 'em up."
"Thank you! Ma'am!"
Why are clothes so goddamn expensive? Fuck.
Winia bought a massive haul in one go. I half-expected her to demand I pay, but nah. Even my entire savings wouldn't cover one piece here.
"Eyes glazing over yet?"
Girls really love shopping, huh? If I had that cash, armor first, then a better sword. I couldn't comprehend blowing it on this.
"Aren't you gonna carry?"
And naturally, I ended up lugging all the bags. This is bullshit. Why am I carrying your stuff?
"Help carry some..."
"You're a weakling, Blackie—time to exercise. Right? Aren't you grateful?"
"..."
I'm not that weak...
"No, Blackie. If you're grateful, say thanks. That's basic manners."
She's definitely a psycho.
"Thanks."
Thanks a fucking lot.
"So, what's next?"
I asked. No way she'd let me go yet. Probably not till sunset.
"Asking me?"
"You're the boss. Gotta ask the boss."
"Boss, my ass. You really came out with me with zero plans? For real?"
I didn't even know you'd show up today.
"Truth is, first time hanging with a girl. No clue."
Thinking back, I'd never really hung out with girls.
Not here in another world, and back home, it was all-boys schools, engineering college, army—no overlap. They say guys on my path still get girls, but fuck that—the difficulty's on another level.
"What? First time?"
"Yeah, first."
Winia actually looked shocked, which was rare.
"You've never hung out with a girl once, Blackie?! At your age? Seriously?!"
"Why's that surprising?"
That hurt worse than today's torments.
"Oh my god!"
"Please stop freaking out..."
Winia started bouncing around, looking thrilled for some reason.
Why?
Why's she happier the more pathetic I seem?!
"Hmm... Makes sense with your looks and background! Barbarian girls wouldn't play with you, huh, Blackie?"
"Fuck if I know..."
I'd never even seen a "barbarian girl." I'm from Earth, not some barbarian tribe—that's just the rumor. Black-haired folks are rare as hell here anyway.
"Hehe, got it. Alright, then! I'll show you!"
"Yeah... thanks..."
My heart ached. I could take physical pain and scoldings, but Winia knowing this sore spot? That stung worst.
"Thanks for hanging with me, right? A pretty mage like me playing with a beggar like you—grateful, huh?"
"So grateful I'm tearing up, but I can't tell if it's gratitude or sadness..."
"I'm probably the only good person in the world who'd hang with a beggar like you, Blackie!"
It started raining in my heart...