Chapter 137
Chapter 137
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 137
Chapter Title: Confession (1)
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How to even bring it up....
In my frustration, I decided I had to confess to Ami first.
So I got a long visiting slot from Samuel.
The doctor was thoroughly pissed off.
"Uh, whatever, do what you want."
He replied indifferently as soon as he heard my request and scribbled his signature on the pad.
"You're gonna do whatever you want anyway."
"No, that's not it."
He was sulking.
I did have a lot to answer for. Every time I came back from a mission, I ended up in the hospital, and this time I hadn't even gone on one but showed up with third-degree burns. It must've driven him nuts.
I tried to cheer up the doctor, who was sullenly staring at the pad.
"But I'm behaving and getting treatment this time. Cheer up."
"Shut up, man."
"Come on, don't be like that. I'll do better from now on."
"Why are you being so gross?"
"Do you like appletree wine by any chance?"
Oh. He's reacting.
The doctor shut his mouth instead of nagging.
I seized the momentary positive response and jumped on the topic.
"I'll brew some appletree wine and bring it later."
"What appletree wine out of nowhere?"
"There's an apple tree growing near the cabin."
According to Yoon, it was a descendant of the apple tree in the yard of the house next door.
He said apples grew well every year on both the tree in the next-door yard and the one by the cabin.
I'd been thinking of reviving old memories by brewing fruit wine anyway.
Samuel Han made an "ah" sound after hearing my explanation.
"That one growing in my yard?"
"Yes?"
My yard?
"Choi Yoon's next door is my house. Didn't you know?"
Huh?
As my mouth dropped open, Doctor Han smirked.
"I don't go home much anyway."
"...I had no idea. I've never seen you there...."
"Yoon probably didn't tell you. The guy's too quiet."
The doctor didn't seem surprised at all.
But he did give permission to brew appletree wine with those apples in the fall. He said he always had a surplus of apples every autumn and worried about it. Giving them out to the science division folks who coveted them every time was a hassle.
Why did the science division folks covet those apples?
"They make a fuss calling it Newton's apple."
Samuel Han answered my question readily.
I stared at him blankly and asked dumbly.
"Newton's dead, isn't he?"
"You know, the story about Newton's apple tree? The one where he got inspired by a falling apple or whatever."
"Yeah."
"It's a tree grown from a branch taken from the apple tree at his birthplace. I got it from the head of a place called Trinity College back in the day."
"Wow."
So damn cool.
Suddenly, I understood why the science division people were after those apples. Brewing wine with them would make it booze made from Newton's apple.
Anyway, whether he really liked booze or not, the doctor softened a bit and approved the visit.
I contacted Ami first.
***
"Hilde!"
Ami showed up in the hospital room with her black hair tied up in a single bouncy ponytail, holding a department store bag.
"Congrats on passing the exam anyway!"
I grinned.
The moment she pulled up a chair by the bed and showed me the gift from the bag, I gave her a thumbs-up. It was meat pie, the one I'd hesitated to buy and share with the recruits while studying for exams.
She laughed, saying she'd heard I could eat regular food.
She pulled out an individually wrapped pie and looked at me.
"But what's this you have to say?"
Ha....
"Youngest Oppa said you're annoying him, so go hear it and ask all your questions at once and stay long."
"...Did Yoon say that?"
"Yeah. He said don't come grilling him with questions later."
Ami furrowed her brows, as if Yoon's words sounded odd.
"I don't get what that means."
I forced the corners of my mouth up.
Cool wind poured in through the open window. It was lunchtime. The weather was so nice it made me resent not being able to leave the room, and the Core was peaceful. A couple of creatures that even civilians could catch had appeared. A Level 4 creature from Core 15 attacked a university, but it was hunted without casualties.
It was a good day.
In that refreshing lunchtime, I planned to confess the truth to Ami.
It was the first time I'd bring up this story myself.
Where to even start....
As I pondered, Ami cheered me on.
"Just spit out the first words!"
She encouraged me like she was cheering on a kindergartener.
"Once you say the first words, it'll be easy to keep going!"
"The first words...."
"First words!"
"I'm not human."
Ami's eyes went wide.
Her movements froze.
She stood rigid, staring at me like she'd been hit with paralysis magic. Her gaping mouth and bulging eyes showed her shock.
The pie she'd been holding up was about to fall onto the bed.
I reached out and caught the meat pie slipping from her hand.
"Then what are you?"
It was Ami's first reaction.
Calmer than I'd expected.
She didn't ask if I was joking or laugh it off as a joke. She just stood there, observing me intently.
I handed the meat pie back to my senior.
"A creature."
"Uh?"
Ami made a weird noise.
She blinked several times.
"A creature?"
"Yes."
"There are creatures that talk, use phones, and look human?"
I looked at her.
And steeled myself. Ami would accept reality more easily than others. She'd seen creatures drawn to me, seen my weird reactions.
And she'd probably faced one herself.
I gave a faint smile to my senior, who waited for an explanation without looking away.
"There was one during the First War."
Ami's jaw dropped.
"You showed me the video before."
"So that's why you cried back then?"
Her horrified voice rose.
I suppressed the churning in my gut that hit every time I thought of the video and nodded.
Ami stayed shocked and still for a while.
"Sorry for telling you so late. Actually, my memories came back a while ago, but it was top secret."
I rubbed my neck and made excuses to my senior, who was deep in shock.
The IV line tickled my elbow. I carefully set down the twisting tube and waited for her to snap out of it.
The sound of wind rustling the curtains.
Ami recovered from the shock faster than I'd expected.
"So you knew each other?"
My throat clogged.
I barely swallowed the lump stuck in my gullet. I'd braced myself to tell this story, but facing it was harder than anticipated.
I nodded and managed a smile.
"We were friends."
Ami stared at me with her mouth open.
"Sorry."
Then she furrowed her brows and apologized.
"So that's why you cried so much back then."
"Yes."
"We must've pissed you off."
"No. I betrayed them."
As I explained plainly, Ami's eyes widened.
I didn't wipe the self-mocking smile from my face.
While continuing, I hated myself the whole time.
"In reality, it's as good as me killing them. The sword Ye-hyeon held was mine."
The meat pie fell from Ami's hand.
I caught it again. This time, I just held onto it without giving it back.
Spitting out the words felt like vomiting razor blades.
Having to do this confession two more times.... My throat tasted like blood, but it was my karma—no one to complain to.
The pain wouldn't dull.
This time, it took my senior longer to recover from the shock.
Ami shook her head like she was trying to clear it and asked again.
"Why?"
Yeah, tell me about it.
"That part's a blank in my memory."
"A blank?"
"Yes. No matter how hard I try, it won't come up."
"Must've been a huge shock."
Ami lowered her brows again.
Sympathy filled her young face.
"People who've been through traumatic events often do that. Their brains bury the memories from that time."
"But I was the perpetrator. How pathetic must my kin think I am."
Forgetting my sins so comfortably and joining the enemy organization, laughing it up.
"They'd probably wanna grind their teeth and kill me."
Something welled up, so I shoved in the meat pie. I forced down the food blocking my throat. The savory spice scent overpowered the disinfectant smell.
Ami stared at me as I devoured the pie in one go.
Once it went down my throat, she stood up.
Her small hand patted my shoulder.
"You've been through a lot."
Her tone was calm.
"You must've suffered so much mentally. I get why Oppa said that. I have tons of questions, but I won't get through them all today, so I'll ask slowly from now on. You look exhausted right now."
"You can ask now."
"How old are you, Hilde?"
That's what she's most curious about?
I blinked at the unexpected question.
But Ami looked pretty serious. With her hand on my shoulder, she waited for me to speak.
I didn't even know my exact age anymore.
"It's been a while since I stopped counting, but anyway, older than Yoon."
"Gasp!"
Ami was the most shocked she'd been since entering the room.
She even stepped back a foot.
Isn't the point of shock a bit weird?
"I thought you were Oppa-like, but you really are Oppa...."
Her round eyes shook every which way.
I sent her a look half exasperation, half amusement.
I couldn't fathom getting this huge shock over something like that. There were way bigger points to question.
It didn't seem like she'd deliberately picked a harmless question out of consideration.
My senior, whose pupils were shaking wildly, muttered to herself.
"But I thought you were a fresh young thing and found you cute...."
"No, why? Keep treating me cute."
Ami pressed her lips into a straight line.
What did that bizarre expression mean?
As I raised a brow in confusion, my senior plopped back into the chair.
Then she quickly pieced it together.
"It's because of that notice about the perception device, right?"
I was shoving in the second meat pie when Ami said that.
I nodded.
"I was ordered to tell only a select few."
"Who?"
"Cal, Sophia, and Ricardo."
"You're acquaintances with Sophia, Hilde?"
"No. HR Director's supposed to tell her."
"Makes sense. Shu's still too much of a rookie."
Yeah. Unfortunately.
If it were Shu Diamond, she might accept my existence more easily, but I had no intention of confessing to her. My immediate senior had too bright a future to drag into this mess.
The recruits too.
"You told Cal and Rick?"
"Not yet. Senior Cal's coming to visit in two days."
"And Rick?"
...Haven't contacted him yet.
I didn't say it, but my senior read it from my face.
Yoon would've clicked his tongue, but Ami chuckled.
"Rick scares me."
"Same here."
"Fight on with the confession, Hilde!"
Ami made a weird-sounding cheer and clenched her fist.
"Just tell me the results!"
"Will you stay by my side for courage when I confess?"
"Nope. Scary."
Cold rejection.
It was a joke for a joke, but the "scary" felt genuine, making me chuckle.
If I could brush off the other seniors' confessions like this, it'd be great.
No chance.
"Hilde."
"Yes?"
"I think you're a really good person."
Ami emphasized it to me, eyes wide.
Like she wanted to convey it wasn't empty words.
She drove each word home with a piercing gaze.
"There must've been a reason you turned your back. You're not the type to abandon those around you for your own safety."
Maybe.
"People like that rationalize it to themselves. But you're suffering like this."
Because escaping the suffering would be another form of betrayal.
I vowed to myself not to commit that betrayal. If it was just pathetic self-consolation, I had nothing to say.
Ami didn't avert her eyes.
"You're a really good person."
Grateful comfort.
But Ray hesitated seeing my sword and died.
I handed the sword to Jae-yeon hoping Ray would hesitate.
How could someone like that be called good?
I didn't voice the resonating words in my mouth. Like Ami said, I lacked the energy to go further today.
She'd said she'd ask slowly, so she'd learn the truth about me bit by bit.
I smiled faintly and saw off Ami, who was chased out as time was up.
***
30 minutes before Cal's estimated arrival.
I steeled myself thoroughly and texted Ricardo.
[Me: I have something to say. Can you come for a long visit sometime?]
The reply came right away.
[Ricardo: Begging?]