The Movie
The place we rode the bus to had nothing to do with either of our homes—somewhere around Yongsan. I didn’t want today’s plans getting out, and neither did Eunju.
“When were you planning to tell me?”
“Huh? Tell you what?”
Eunju asked while the bus rolled on for a good while. Come to think of it, she was sitting right next to me today and wasn’t being particularly distant.
“There’s a reason your face looks so bad, right? If possible, I’d rather you not think about anything else while we’re watching the movie.”
“Ah… the truth is, I stopped by the pork cutlet place before coming here. Ended up having a bit of a problem with my aunt.”
“What kind of problem?”
“Well…”
Eunju already knew the rough outline of my relationship with Yu Jiyeon and my older brother. Better to spill it to her and get some peace of mind than keep stewing alone.
“You only found that out today? But Oppa… were you so angry you didn’t even want to go to the funeral?”
“That? Strictly speaking, I did want to go, but the situation just wouldn’t allow it. It was during break, and I was working a part-time job looking after fishing boats for tourists down on the southern coast. That day I’d taken some anglers out to an island when a storm hit out of nowhere and cut us off. Sure, I could’ve forced my way back, but…”
“No! It’s a good thing you didn’t. Even the most experienced captain never knows what might happen at sea.”
“Yeah… I guess so.”
Even after I’d roughly shortened the distance from Buenos Aires down to Geomundo, Eunju still understood my circumstances. What was stranger, though, was how well this kid seemed to know the ways of the sea.
“That career counseling session must’ve really left an impression on you. You get super serious whenever the ocean comes up.”
“Ah… yeah. The person who came to explain it back then was incredibly persuasive. That’s why you said you wanted to be a sailor, right? But that really…”
“Absolutely not. The only boat I’ll ever set foot on again in this life is probably a Han River cruise.”
“That’s a relief, then.”
Eunju let out a breath and patted her chest like a weight had lifted. I’d felt it before—the only person who ever truly worried about me, no matter how much the world looked down on me, was Eunju.
Probably because she was just a good kid by nature. Or maybe because I’d spent the whole week getting beaten up everywhere and even abandoned by my aunt?
Riding the bus with Eunju, I could feel the wounds in my heart slowly starting to heal.
“I get where my aunt’s coming from. She knows I skipped my brother’s funeral and kept my distance from Mom over something that small, so of course she’d be disappointed. You probably see it that way too…”
“Everyone has their own circumstances, don’t they? Something that looks light to someone else can feel endlessly heavy to me. Isn’t that what you told me, Oppa?”
“That’s true, but…”
“You must have liked that Yu Jiyeon person that much. I understand.”
“Thanks. But looking back now, it’s nothing but regret. In the end, what mattered in my life wasn’t Yu Jiyeon—it was family. If I’d never known that noona in the first place, none of this would’ve happened…”
“Then just erase her.”
“Huh?”
“I mean… there’s no need to keep bringing her up. If you don’t talk about her, you won’t think about her, and if you don’t think about her, you can forget, right?”
“I already forgot. It was so long ago.”
“Then you’ll never have to bring up that name again?”
“Something… like that?”
Eunju finished the conversation with a faint smile. She seemed to have gotten some kind of satisfying answer, but as someone still not fluent in high-school-girl language, I had no idea what it was.
One thing was certain, though: Eunju did not want to hear about Yu Jiyeon.
We came out after the movie. Feeling guilty about watching a film with my daughter’s classmate had been real, but once we actually sat down, everything felt completely ordinary.
We shared a bucket of popcorn in the middle, each of us sucking down our own cola and drinks, and focused only on the screen. It was a rare, comfortable stretch of time where I could escape from exhausting reality.
Neither of us had eaten dinner, so we decided on a light meal at the food court. The menu: omelet rice.
“Did you enjoy the movie?”
“Yeah. Way more than I expected. It seemed like a pretty ordinary film, but it’s been so long since I actually came out to a theater that I got sucked in without realizing it.”
“Really? Are you the type who just watches OTT at home too, Oppa?”
No. I was just a primitive who’d last set foot in a movie theater more than a decade ago, so everything felt brand new. Overwhelmed by the booming sound and the giant screen, I’d sat there with my mouth hanging open like an elementary schooler, spouting exclamations.
“Y-yeah, I guess you could say that. What about you? Do you go out to see movies often?”
“I think I went out sometimes before COVID, but it’s definitely been a long time since then. Watching alone at home is more comfortable, and movies are a pretty expensive hobby, you know?”
Is that so? Back in our day, if you had nothing better to do, grabbing every carrier discount and catching a morning show felt like a secret cheat code.
“So what was the last movie you saw, Oppa?”
“Uh… what was it again? I think it had Robert Downey Jr. in it?”
It was Iron Man. The very first film that built the Marvel universe.
If I remembered right, I’d gone with my classmates from Maritime High School on a weekend outing.
“Oppenheimer? Then it’s not even that old. But wait, students can’t watch that, right?”
“R-right. But there were some clever workarounds if you really wanted to go.”
“I heard there are a lot of really embarrassing scenes… You didn’t go because of those, did you?”
“Me? I didn’t even know that stuff was in it. I just didn’t want to miss the chance out of trust in the director and the actors…”
“Pfft… I’m kidding. Besides, everyone’s got that kind of curiosity, right? Wonhui was so curious she said she’d borrow her cousin’s account so we could watch it together.”
I hadn’t known Oppenheimer had that many awkward scenes. Then again, assuming high school girls had no curiosity about sex was way too naive.
Just look at Yu Jiyeon—she’d gotten into trouble with my brother in her first year of high school and left the neighborhood. In this day and age where smartphones make porn so easy to access, it was hardly surprising.
“Huh? Ma Dong-seok’s getting married soon?”
While waiting for the food, Eunju must have searched up movie info; she asked about the lead actor’s personal life. He still wasn’t married?
“He’s pretty old, isn’t he? Getting married really late.”
“No. They filed the marriage registration a while ago; they’re just holding the ceremony late. But isn’t it amazing? The age gap with his wife is seventeen years.”
“Wait, really?”
Even if I’d mostly just ridden ships, I wasn’t completely out of touch with domestic news. I made port sometimes and heard about the world through the new guys.
So I’d known Ma Dong-seok was dating a beautiful woman, but I had no idea the gap was seventeen years. That put them almost on the same level as me and Eunju…
I shook my head hard.
What the hell was I thinking? She was a minor—my daughter’s classmate, no less.
Coming out to casually watch a movie with her was basically the same as that “papa-katsu” trend popular in Japan. And on top of that, applying Ma Dong-seok having a wife seventeen years younger straight onto me and Eunju? Was I actually insane?
“Th-that’s a little weird, isn’t it? Seventeen years means you can’t even communicate properly.”
“Why wouldn’t they be able to communicate just because they’re not foreigners? They’ve been living well together for three years because their hearts matched, and now they’re even holding a wedding.”
“It’s not that they communicate—they’re just pretending to, right? Even a ten-year gap makes talking a struggle every time. Seventeen years is high-school-parent and kid level. They’ve lived in completely different worlds!”
“Why are you getting so worked up? Are you jealous of Ma Dong-seok? You never know what might happen to you, Oppa. Maybe your future wife just entered kindergarten.”
“Hey! What exactly do you take me for, saying something like that? No matter how immature I am, there’s no way I’d see a girl my daughter’s age as a romantic interest!”
“…”
My voice had gotten too loud. People around us had started glancing our way, and Eunju, looking embarrassed, let out a sigh and closed her eyes.
“S-sorry. I just felt like social justice wasn’t working the way it should…”
“Why do you get to define that justice, Oppa? If their hearts match, a grandfather and granddaughter-aged pair can meet, and the reverse too.”
“Easy to say, but who do you think would allow that? For example, if Harin’s dad asked you to go see a movie, could you?”
“Wh-why is Harin’s dad coming up all of a sudden? The situations are completely different.”
“I’m just giving an example. See? You’re already feeling uncomfortable. Ideals and reality are different, Eunju.”
“That’s because you picked an uncomfortable example. Harin’s a classmate. Ma Dong-seok and Ye Jeong-hwa met from the start as independent man and woman.”
Anyway, that meant she couldn’t go see a movie with Harin’s dad either, right? But what now, Eunju? We’ve already finished one film and are about to have a meal together.
“Your food’s ready.”
Two steaming plates of omelet rice arrived. I felt bad for making her choke up before she even got to eat.
“Let’s just eat. Sorry for raising my voice over nothing.”
“Haa… fine.”
Eunju picked up her spoon and fork, muttering about why we were fighting over something so trivial. But what might be trivial to her was the reality right in front of me.
Yeah, this wouldn’t work. Today I had to end this relationship for good.
After the meal we took the bus back near Eunju’s place. Normally I would have hustled her home as fast as possible and gone my own way, but today was a little different.
The neighborhood park in front of Singun Palace, a place I’d visited once before, was steeped in quiet stillness. Just like last time, it felt like the people around here didn’t enjoy walking; not even a single mouse stirred.
We sat side by side on a bench without either of us opening our mouths for several minutes. The moon was high and the air heavy. Nothing could be heard except the sound of our breathing.
“Oppa? Why are you suddenly setting a mood?”
“Me? I haven’t set any mood.”
“Normally you’d drop me off here and immediately make excuses about needing to get home, right? You just don’t feel like the usual Oppa…”
“I’m actually really serious. Don’t you always call me old-fashioned?”
“Strictly speaking, it’s the opposite. You say things like that sometimes, but after thinking alone for a bit you change your attitude more flexibly than anyone.”
“That’s just because I have no principles.”
“It’s relative. To a third party it might look like no principles, but to the person talking with you it can feel like you’re sincerely empathizing.”
“I-is that so?”
Maybe my favorability among high school girls was secretly high? Looking at Eunju and Hyeonji, they seemed to find me comfortable because I listened well to their stories.
But. Why. Did that extreme empathy never work on Harin? The moment the thought reached that far, I forgot my original purpose again and started talking about Harin.
“There’s that guy Harin likes, right? What kind of person is he, really?”
“You still haven’t figured it out? Can’t you just think of him as someone decent enough?”
“But he has zero interest in Harin. He doesn’t even know how she feels and seems to be meeting this girl and that girl.”
“That’s… his freedom too, isn’t it? There’s no law that says affection has to go both ways. You know that better than anyone, Oppa.”
True—I was the pioneer of the hellish road Harin was walking. Minjeong liked me, and I liked Yu Jiyeon. But in the end, the one who won the love was my older brother.
“I don’t know. While hoping Harin gets what I never could, strangely there’s still a part of me that hopes things don’t work out with that guy.”
“Jealousy? Like, I couldn’t have it so you shouldn’t either…”
“If it’s that, then I’m pretty pathetic, right?”
“…”
Even kind Eunju couldn’t take my side there. She thought hard for a moment, then stated her own position.
“Maybe it’s because you’re unsatisfied with your current situation, Oppa?”
“Me? I’m not exactly satisfied, but what does that have to do with this…”
“Why do we keep seeing people like that around us lately? When someone achieves something, they can’t accept it cleanly and try to pick faults and tear them down somehow. I’m not saying you’re that kind of person. But if you dig into the reason underneath, it looks like they try to drag others down because their own lives are unsatisfying.”
“…”
She wasn’t wrong. Feeling sick when your cousin buys land is human nature.
But would I still feel sick even if I owned wider land than that? The reason humans are generous to the weak is because the hierarchy is clear.
Ronaldo is generous to Son Heung-min. No matter how well he does, he remains below him.
The only one he can never show mercy to is Messi. Because he knows better than anyone that the other is stronger than him.
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“You have to change your own life first. Stop sinking into the past and move forward. If you replace that Yu Jiyeon… person in your trauma with someone else, maybe then you’ll become more generous about Harin’s romance too?”
“…”
In the end it was just like Uncle said. I was still trapped in Yu Jiyeon’s shadow, projecting my past self onto Harin.
I’d not only been jealous of her trying to obtain what I never could—I’d tried to drag her down to my level. Truly a shameful “adult.”
“Haa… I ended up bringing that up again.”
Eunju let out a sigh, clearly unhappy that she’d mentioned Yu Jiyeon with her own mouth. Ugh… why was I holding my daughter’s friend hostage for this kind of counseling?
“Sorry… I was being too pathetic. From now on I’ll try to reverse my situation like you said.”
“How?”
“Well…”
The easiest way was for my life to regain stability. Especially to erase Yu Jiyeon’s existence, I’d need to find a new connection that could match her.
But how? How many days had it been since I last saw Teacher Eunju? Because of getting rejected by Sehui, Jinho hyung would never introduce me to another woman.
Eom Chaewon, who already treated me like a repulsive object, was completely out of the question. Pathetically, the only girls I knew were all high schoolers.
For example, the Eunju sitting right next to me…
“…”
Our eyes met naturally. On skin so white it looked like snow had fallen, her black pupils, enlarged by the darkness, swam slowly.
A pure blank slate that neither sneered at me like Eom Chaewon nor calculated conditions like Sehui.
If I’d had an ordinary school life, maybe I would have fallen for a girl like this and completely forgotten someone like Yu Jiyeon.
“…?”
What the hell was I thinking? She was a minor—my daughter’s classmate, no less.
Watching the movie might have been an accidental happening, but the reason I’d deliberately brought her all the way here was to have an important talk, wasn’t it?
Yet instead of saying what I needed to say, what was I thinking about Eunju? And Eunju seemed to have noticed my blatant gaze too.
“Ahem…”
She awkwardly turned her head and avoided me. The hands resting on her knees gripped the fabric of her pants as if damp with sweat. It was the expression of someone who wanted to escape this situation right that second.
“E-Eunju? Remember what I said before? I really think it’d be better if I quit school.”
So before the atmosphere got any more awkward, I quickly spat out the main point. Eunju whipped around toward me in shock.
“Wh-what are you talking about? I told you that’s not something you can decide lightly!”
“Uh… I know, but I thought it over carefully and decided.”
“What careful thinking? It’s not even been a week since we talked about it—how much thinking could you have done in that time?”
“But you know I’m the type who makes impulsive choices like that a lot…”
“Back then I wasn’t there, and now I am. So why do you keep saying things like that without even consulting me, Oppa…”
Vrrr!
But right then Eunju’s phone, resting on the bench, started ringing. When she saw the name “Father” on the screen, she panicked and didn’t know what to do.
“Isn’t that your dad? It’s not academy day today, so he’s probably worried because you’re home late?”
“Y-yeah? He must have gotten off work really early today. Anyway, Oppa? About quitting school…”
“He seems to be looking for you urgently, so hurry inside. Honestly this is a bigger deal right now than me dropping out…”
“No! Your side is way more urgent. Haa…”
Eunju was stuck at a crossroads between answering the call and persuading me. I should probably stand up first.
“Then go on in. I’m pretty well prepared, so you don’t need to worry too much.”
“No. Don’t even think about dropping out for now. Let’s meet separately and talk after I get back from camp.”
“Huh? What do you mean…”
But Eunju immediately answered the call and walked toward home. Meet again after camp to talk?
And just like that, one more unplanned appointment was added… again.