A Rather Striking Debut
I barely managed to swallow the words that had bypassed my brain and slipped toward my tongue.
"Kakaka! It's fine! Did you call me a crazy bitch...? Well, I'm not exactly just a woman, but whatever! I actually love being cursed at! Because I am crazy! Kakakaka!" Loki cackled, looking thoroughly satisfied with my insults. She likes being cursed at? What, is she some kind of masochistic god?
"From this moment on, you're going to be thrown into the 'Tower of Play'~ It's a ma~ssive tower with three hundred floors~ We put a lot of effort into building it~ Uncle Hephaestus from Olympus, Ptah from Egypt, Brahma from Hindu mythology, Izanagi from Japan, Mago from Korea... basically, every god associated with creation or architecture pitched in to make it."
Hearing those familiar names—some I'd heard in passing, others famous from games, movies, and novels—made my ears perk up with interest. Loki watched my focused expression with satisfaction before continuing her explanation.
"I mean, can you blame us for being bored? We had nothing to do but watch for hundreds of years~ So we crammed all kinds of magic and crazy stuff into that tower! It turned into a game way bigger than anything I originally envisioned."
"Then... do you think I can actually clear it?"
"Who knows! Hehehe."
Hey, shouldn't you of all people know? The thought flashed through my mind, but remembering what had just happened, I didn't dare say it out loud. I simply grit my teeth.
"Then... it doesn't really feel like much has changed from my perspective...?"
At my question, Loki's eyes sparkled. She stopped laughing and stared intently at me.
"That's why I'm giving you two divine authorities! Up until now, not a single human has ever started this game with two skills! And besides, the skill that old hag gave you is seriously amazing, you know?"
"Um... does that really make such a huge difference...?"
My brain was struggling to keep up with Loki's words, leaving me to stare blankly at her. She flashed a devastatingly beautiful smile on her sculpted face and continued her explanation.
"This is all part of my play! How far can you go with two skills? Can you actually reach the very bottom of the tower and win? Will you live up to my expectations?! If you do, it's going to be so incredibly fun!!!!!" Loki raised her voice, growing excited once again.
"Well, even if you fail, that's fine too! That just means I got the entertainment of trying a different approach! Then I'll just grab the next guy, try something else, and if that doesn't work, the next one, and the next! I've been enjoying this play for thousands of years, so I'm sure I'll get plenty of kicks out of this run too! If we keep passing the millennia like this, someone's bound to clear it eventually!!! We have way too much of that goddamn thing called time, after all!!!!"
Staring at the madness-consuming Loki, a cold realization washed over me. Right now, I was nothing more than an opening pawn in the game she had set up to break her own creation. I was a toy—nothing more, nothing less—meant to briefly alleviate her eternal boredom.
"Then... why did you choose me...?"
"Hmm... Well, Grandma Atropos told me to pick the human with the absolute highest survival rate. But where's the fun in that? Heheh!"
Having calmed down slightly at my question, Loki scanned me from head to toe, a smirk playing on her lips. Seeing that cold smile—so different from her manic excitement just moments ago—goosebumps erupted all over my body, making me feel like a rabbit cornered by an apex predator.
"Just imagine! A pathetic, shut-in loser who does nothing but jerk off in his room clearing this game! How do you think the other gods would feel?"
A pathetic, shut-in loser... I mean, she wasn't wrong, but facts can still hurt, you know... Unconcerned with whether my feelings were bruised, Loki was too busy snickering to herself, thoroughly intoxicated by the future she was imagining.
"Picture it! They'll be absolutely shaking with rage!!!!! Wouldn't that be hilarious?! Huh?! All those gods who shoved their chosen humans into the tower, desperately cheering them on, only to lose to a guy like you?! It's the absolute best!!!!!"
Her eyes grew bloodshot as madness reclaimed them, and her manic laughter seemed to fill every corner of this endless black void. It was exhausting trying to keep up with her rapid mood swings. I felt like if I stayed with this deity any longer, I'd lose my mind too. It was like dealing with someone with severe bipolar disorder—no, worse. It felt like her sheer insanity was actively dragging me down into the abyss with her.
"Whew, I haven't laughed that hard in a while~" Loki had laughed so much that tears had welled in the corners of her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand and looked at me again.
"Of course, it's going to be tough~ It wouldn't be fun if it were easy, right?"
Having calmed down once more, Loki leaned down to look at me as I knelt on the ground. As she bent over, her massive breasts swayed heavily, instantly capturing my gaze. Whoa... those are... huge... like watermelons...
"But don't worry, I'll be able to help you out from time to time~"
Snapping out of my daze from staring at her chest, I looked back up at her face. As if she knew exactly where my eyes had been wandering, Loki smirked. Feeling thoroughly caught, I scratched my head in embarrassment.
"Normally, we gods are only allowed to observe our chosen ones. But if we did just that, how would this be any different from how we used to watch the world?"
Her logic made sense, so I nodded along.
"That's why there are certain points where gods can intervene or offer help! For now, just make sure you survive and reach the 295th floor! Once you do, we'll be able to meet again~"
"The 295th floor..."
"Yep! Just focus on getting there first!"
I chewed on the words 295th floor. Could I really survive descending those five floors? As I fell into deep thought, a sharp clap from Loki snapped me back to reality.
"Alright, alright! Let's wrap up the chat here! It's time for you to go! Time to say goodbye~"
"Wait, what? You still haven't explained what my skills are!"
"Oh, that? Just check them when you get there! If I explain any more, people will complain about info-dumps! I've already spent waaaay too long explaining things, haven't I?"
She really was a crazy bitch. Absolutely out of her mind. Since I was stuck with a lunatic like her, I might as well accept that I was completely screwed. No, wait—let's look on the bright side. I should be glad she didn't just kill me on the spot. Yes, thinking that way would be much better for my mental health.
"Now! Go out there and keep me entertained, okay?"
With those words, Loki approached, pulled me to my feet, waved her hand in the air, and gave me a light shove. Instantly, a portal emitting a strange, eerie light materialized behind me and began to suck me in.
"Aaaaargh!"
The bizarre, foreign sensation forced a scream from my throat. Loki watched my panic, a delighted grin plastered across her face.
"Oh! Before you go, here's a parting gift! To match your nickname, 'Gold Digger,' I'll upgrade your little buddy into a literal Gold Dick! I'm sure you'll be thrilled when you see it~"
As she spoke, Loki waved her hand through the air and smirked with immense satisfaction.
"You crazy bi—"
I couldn't even finish my curse before my entire body was swallowed by the portal. Just like when I first arrived, my vision plunged into pitch-black darkness, and I lost consciousness.
. . . . .
"Ugh..."
A throbbing headache, unlike anything I'd felt before, pulsed through my skull. Clutching my forehead, I pushed myself up, opened my eyes, and scanned my new surroundings.
"Where am I...?"
It wasn't a dream. As if to prove that my encounter with Loki was entirely real, I wasn't in my usual suffocatingly cramped room. Instead, a blue sky stretched out above me. Not the hazy, smog-choked sky of Seoul, but a brilliantly clear, pristine blue.
"Ah!"
Snapping back to reality, I suddenly remembered my situation and frantically looked down. Fortunately, perhaps as a rare gesture of consideration from Loki, I was wearing decent clothes. But as I shifted around to check my body, a strange, unfamiliar sensation registered in my lower half. It felt... incredibly heavy.
"W-What is this?!"
It was a snake. The kind that's supposedly good for your health and tastes great... well, that part was technically true in a sense. But it wasn't a literal reptile. Coiled up right where my small, modest package used to be was a massive, snake-like beast.
"O-Oh my god! Is this for real?!"
Forgetting about where I was or what situation I was in, I was so utterly fascinated by my newly reborn manhood that I pulled it right out of my pants to get a closer look. It was huge. Overwhelmingly long and thick! That crazy bitch Loki... she appeared as a giant snake at first for a reason! She literally gave me her snake! Honestly, who cared if I was just her toy? I had a snake now! A literal snake!
"It's a snake!"
Unable to contain my sheer joy, I roared at the top of my lungs. I bid a final farewell to the tiny, pathetic thing I used to carry, and silently thanked Loki—who had officially been upgraded to "God-ki" in my mind.
But a moment later, a strange sense of unease washed over me. It was quiet. Eerily quiet. And at the exact same time, I felt the weight of countless eyes staring at me.
"Ugh, gross..."
"What's wrong with that dumbass?"
Only then did the surrounding murmurs finally register in my ears. Slowly, I raised my head to take in my surroundings. A short distance away stood a crowd of people, all of them turning their heads to stare directly at me—the guy who had just screamed at the top of his lungs. It was a massive group of about two hundred people.
"Ah...?"
In an instant, a wave of sheer panic—just like when I first met Loki—swept over me. Cold sweat poured down my back. The realization that hundreds of eyes were locked onto my exposed groin froze my body solid, turning me into a plaster statue.
"Kyaaaah!"
"Ugh, what the fuck... why do I have to look at some guy's..."
"Holy shit, it's fucking massive though..."
Several women shrieked and covered their eyes. A barrage of curses, mixed with occasional gasps of awe and commentary, pelted my ears.
"Uh... wait... I-I'm so sorry!!!!!!"
Snapping out of my stupor, I hurriedly spun around and yanked my pants up. My face burned so hot it felt ready to explode, and my heart hammered so violently I could hear it ringing in my ears. And thus, I made my spectacular debut in the Tower of Play.