Guilt and a Cat's Ears
The day had dawned. To be honest, I hadn't realized just how much Runyang cherished me. After all, I was nothing more than one of the many faces who had drifted through the guild, a bat-like member who only returned when it suited him. Remembering that helped clear some of the murk from my mind, like stirring sediment from muddy water.
The agony I'd felt last night still clung to me in vivid afterimages, tormenting every breath, yet I understood that my pain didn't outweigh the wrong I'd done to her.
Runyang was a cat-beastkin. Like the Artifare family, her kind suffered deep discrimination. That was why the word they despised most was "beast." I had known Claire screamed that word at her, yet I'd still defended Claire, insisting there must have been a reason. I should have stood at Runyang's side and scolded Claire. Instead, I had only wounded her further.
Even so, Runyang had looked at me and gently wiped the corners of my eyes. She forced a smile to hide her sorrow, then clasped my hand as if to say there was no need to hate Claire.
…I really did something unforgivable to Runyang.
Even after that, she refused to leave. She dragged a chair beside the bed, nodding off as she tended to me through the night. When Claire had acted like the villain, I should have stopped her. When Runyang was hurt, I should have made sure she received a sincere apology. But what had I done? I had simply stood frozen outside the door, watching everything spiral into ruin. The guilt of having hurt everyone pressed down on my heart like a stone.
"Mmm… Reyan, are you awake…?"
I must have shifted without realizing it, because Runyang stirred, rubbing her eyes. The moment our gazes met, fresh guilt washed over me.
"…I'm sorry, sis."
Runyang smiled again and reached out to stroke my hair.
"Don't worry about your big sis, Reyan. Little brothers upset their sisters all the time. Remember when you suddenly ran away five years ago? That's far less painful than the way you spoke so formally to me after you returned, like I was some stranger."
"…Run away? I only used polite speech because other people were around, and it had been so long that it felt awkward…."
"You did run away. And you treated me like a stranger."
"Sis, more importantly, are you okay…."
She pretended nothing was wrong, stretching with an exaggerated groan.
"Uwaaak—!"
Watching Runyang force herself to act carefree for my sake, she suddenly covered her mouth with one hand—a habit that surfaced whenever she was teasing.
"What? Is it because your sister is so pretty that you can't stop staring?"
My emotions tangled in a strange knot. Guilt, sorrow, the lingering ache in my chest from Claire's memory. Yet seeing Runyang joke like that suddenly drew a laugh from me.
"…Yeah. You're pretty, sis. I mean it."
"…You really…!"
I played along. I used to always tell her to stop, to quit it, but today it felt like the right thing to do. Besides, objectively speaking, Runyang was beautiful, so the words didn't feel forced at all.
"Hehe, ehh…? Y-you really think I'm pretty…?"
"I do."
"…But I'm a cat-beastkin. I have these furry ears…. Everyone else calls me a b-beast…."
"Do I seem like the kind of person who cares about that? I said you're pretty, sis. Your face, your ears, and your heart most of all."
Runyang's mouth opened and closed without sound. Was she flustered? Wanting her to feel good, just as she had always done for me, I pressed on.
"From the very first time I saw you, I thought you were beautiful. Even when I was little and people talked about you being a cat-beastkin, I told them the ugly girls were just jealous. I meant every word."
Suddenly Runyang looked away and gave my head a light bonk.
"You're teasing your sister!"
It was barely a tap. Knowing I was injured, her hand simply ended up stroking my hair again. I'd thought she was only forcing a smile to hide her pain, but now some of that sadness truly seemed to have lifted.
When Runyang smiled, it made me happy too. Just a little, the pain still lodged inside me began to fade.
"…Reyan. Are you saying all this because you feel sorry for your sister?"
"What do you think?"
At my question, Runyang's cat ears perked straight up.
"…Hiek—!"
Startled, she quickly covered both ears with her hands. It was a common complex among cat-beastkin. The way their ears—unlike a human's—moved on top of their heads often earned them disgusted looks. It was no secret. I shifted, gently pulling her hands away.
"Why hide them? I really do think they're pretty."
Bathed in the soft sunlight streaming through the window, Runyang shone brightly as I spoke from the heart.
"…I know you've always thought of me first. You comforted me even while hurting your own heart. This isn't out of guilt. It's because I'm grateful—and because I like you, sis."
Her ears twitched again. They wouldn't stay still. Runyang stared at me for a long moment before carefully parting her lips.
"…Then, there's a sandwich shop I've been wanting to visit. Will you go with me? Since you said thank you and all."
Without thinking, I glanced toward the door of the infirmary. The possibility that Claire might come looking flashed through my mind. At the same time, I saw clear disappointment bloom across Runyang's face.
"Yeah, let's go."
"I knew you'd—huh? Y-you'll go?"
"Mm."
"…Hehe. Heste and Claire will be coming back. Wouldn't you rather spend time with the person you like more than your sister…."
I let out a small chuckle and, just as she had done earlier, stroked her hair as I answered.
"It's fine. Let's go. Right now, I like you more, sis."
It was a lie, but if I looked at it through the lens of our close bond rather than cold reason, it also felt true.
"…Y-you're messing with me to the very end!"
She sounded upset, yet Runyang looked genuinely happy. Her ears kept flicking back and forth in every direction.
…It doesn't hurt as much as I expected.
Getting up from the bed sent a dull throb through my broken bones, but it wasn't enough to keep me down. A healer must have visited while I slept. I washed my face quickly and changed into the neatly folded clothes someone had left nearby. Runyang reached for the hat she used to hide her ears, then paused and set it back on the hook. She walked over to me instead.
"…Don't you usually wear that everywhere?"
She only glared at me in response.
"…You said I was pretty."
I thought I heard those words.
"Looking for someone?"
"…Sister's small, so I couldn't see her and wondered where she'd gone."
"…Since you're a patient, I'll let it slide just this once."
It did bother me that Claire wasn't waiting outside the infirmary, but that wasn't reason enough to stop me from stepping out briefly with Runyang. I had liked Claire enough to overlook my own mistakes, but I knew both of us needed time to process what had happened yesterday. Time for me. Time for her.
"…Were there always this many carriages on the streets?"
When I muttered to myself, Runyang answered shortly.
"…They say the duke is visiting to encourage the academy's subjugation training."
The academy was in the opposite direction anyway. I decided not to concern myself with training I couldn't even attend because of my injuries.
…
Tick. Tock. The empty sound of the clock's second hand filled the room. Sunlight filtered in, yet somehow the space felt only darker.
Claire sensed an awkward current in the familiar bedroom. Because Reyan wasn't there.
"…H-Heste. I-I want to go see R-Reyan…."
Claire spoke carefully. Last night, Heste had told her:
If you keep crying outside the infirmary, Reyan will grow tired of you. He might even come to hate you, Claire.
Claire had planned to stay on her knees in front of the door all night, until Reyan forgave her and Runyang accepted her apology. Heste had refused to allow it.
Runyang hates you. That's why she twisted your mistake into something 'deliberate'—so Reyan would hear it.
Taking advantage of the cracks in Claire's unstable mind, Heste had gently embraced the past she so desperately longed to return to, whispering into her ear as if sharing a fond memory.
If Runyang truly felt like a sister to Reyan, wouldn't she have taken your side even after what you said?
That was why Claire remained with Heste now. In her quarters. In the bedroom where she had once stayed with Reyan. A place where even the smallest beam of sunlight brought warmth and happiness, a sanctuary that had let her forget every terror and torment she had ever known.
"H-Heste…."
But right now, Claire felt only fear. Reyan wasn't where he was supposed to be. They had been apart for only a single day, yet the simple fact that he was out of sight filled her with the dread that he might have come to hate her.
"I-I want to go see R-Reyan…."
"Claire."
"…Y-yes."
"…I told you he needs time. I want to go to him too. I'm barely holding myself back here. Would it be all right if Reyan hated you?"
"R-Reyan w-won't h-hate me…."
"If that were true, he would have taken care of you first—you were the one who was hurt. But he chose Runyang over you."
"That's not true! It's just… Lady Runyang was hurt too… Reyan is kind, so that's why!"
"Is that so? If you want to go back now, then go. Reyan will accept you just as you hope. But is that love? No. That would be nothing more than pity, given reluctantly out of basic decency after seeing your desperate state. Runyang stayed by his side. She held her place during the moment Reyan needed it most. Does it truly not make sense to wait until the 'grateful person' turns back into a filthy cat-beastkin in his eyes?"
Heste sat on the edge of the bed and took the trembling girl's hand. Then she gently pushed Claire down until she was lying on her back.
"…Let's forget for just a little while, Claire. All right? This is for you."
"…N-no. This house is the place where I was with Reyan. Without him here I feel like I'm going insane. I'll just watch from far away. Then nothing Heste is worried about will happen…."
"I didn't return to the mansion for your sake. I even used the Meliard family's power without permission. I acted only as your friend because I feared you would suffer, and though I like Reyan as well, I never approached him for my own sake. After doing all of that, you still can't trust me?!"
When Heste spoke softly to the girl lying beneath her, Claire shook her head very slowly.
"…Thank you for trusting me, Claire."
A smile soon bloomed on Heste's lips. The situation was twisted, their mental states warped, yet simply sharing the same space with Claire gave her hope.
Heste gazed at Claire, who was sobbing so hard she was nearly gasping for air, then sat beside her. Without hesitation, yet carefully enough not to startle her, Heste moved her pure white hand and stroked the girl's cheek just as she had before.
"Nothing will happen while you're with me. This is for you, Claire."
Yet unlike an embrace, it seemed skin touching skin was not permitted. Or perhaps Claire simply believed that if Heste vanished from sight, she could return to Reyan.
"Earlier…. Didn't you say you had to go out…? What was it about?"
Claire brushed the stroking hand aside, sat up, and looked at Heste.
"…Ah."
Heste's eyes twitched. The smile she had forced onto her face vanished instantly. Blood welled from her lip where she had bitten it unconsciously. White mana quickly healed the wound, but a red mark still remained.
…She still won't take care of me the way she used to.
Heste wondered what Reyan would have done in this situation. He would have helped without question, brought medicine, and asked what was wrong.
Just a little longer. Just a little more and it will be done.
Heste pushed the thought aside and smiled once more.
"…Someone was scheduled to visit the Meliard mansion. Even though this isn't the main family estate."
"…W-who?"
When Claire asked again, Heste stroked her cheek once more.
"…The person who hurt you."
"…H-huh?"
To the bewildered girl, Heste spoke again.
"…Our father. The current head of the house. Bern Meliard."
And the moment those words left her lips—
Clop, clop—.
The sound of horse hooves drifted through the open window. Beyond it, a carriage flew the Meliard family's banner embroidered with white flags. Several escort carriages followed, drawing to a halt behind it.
"This is the place! Lady Heste ordered it prepared so that Artifare could depart comfortably at any time!"
"Yes, thank you for indulging my daughter's stubbornness."
"Not at all!"
"…I wondered where she had gone since she wasn't at the mansion. It seems she still cannot abandon her foolish attachment to a mere weapon."
From the carriage whose door the coachman opened, the man who had created Claire's trauma finally stepped into view.