Anxiety (3)
I felt uneasy. (3) I'd heard that the medical academy required something like the oath modern doctors take—an affirmation that everyone was equal, that medical care was a right belonging to all, regardless of status.
Leaving Heste behind and heading to the academy did leave me with a vague sense of anxiety, but I chose to push away worries that hadn't even materialized yet. After all, I'd heard they performed their oaths among themselves and that some nobles even volunteered for medical service trips.
No matter what, they wouldn't turn away someone who was sick. It was the perfectly normal mindset of a modern person.
Of course, that assumption was beautifully shattered once again.
When I arrived at the main gate of the academy's medical wing with Claire in my arms, the people who saw her treated us like we were invisible.
“Why won't you let us in? Claire is a patient!”
We couldn't even step inside the building. We were left standing helplessly in front of the massive iron gate.
And then, as if to make things even more fucking miserable, it started to rain. Wind kicked up, sending a stray leaf whipping across my cheek like mockery.
Claire still watched me with anxious, desperate eyes. To reach another medical facility or hospital, we'd have to either head to the main noble quarters or leave the academy grounds entirely.
The main building would be even worse. And without a carriage, walking outside the academy would take a full hour—hardly the right choice in her condition.
“...Heste.”
The name slipped out before I could stop it. Her mental issues might improve with time, but relying on that hollow hope wasn't practical. If Claire's condition worsened—if she started having seizures or convulsions—we'd need real medical help. So I had no intention of leaving this place.
“...N-no. I-I'm not sick.”
Claire must have sensed my thoughts. She forced the words past dry lips. The claim that she wasn't in pain was obviously a lie. Her eyes swam with anxiety, a measure of fear and worry, and raw desperation. Her shoulders twitched now and then, trembling like someone shivering in the cold.
“I'm really not sick. So don't go to Heste...”
How was I supposed to convince her? No matter what I said, I knew it would hurt her. But I couldn't just leave her like this. Anything I said would make it obvious I was going to see Heste. There was no dilemma. Even if she hated me a little for it, this was for Claire's sake.
“...Listen to me carefully.”
I was just about to wound her with the words I knew she hated most when—
“...Reyan!”
From far off, Heste came running, voice thick with tears. I tightened my grip on Claire's hand as I looked at her. Rain was falling, wind was blowing, but what Claire feared most was Heste. I shifted my body to block her view entirely.
“...They wouldn't let you in, did they? They drove you away, didn't they, Reyan?”
Heste seemed to remember how much Claire feared her and called my name instead. She didn't even glance at Claire, meeting only my eyes. Then she strode forward and spoke quietly to the people who had treated us like we didn't exist.
“The medical academy sponsored by House Meliard has received a personal visit from its young lady, and yet the director is nowhere to be found?”
I thought her soft voice would be swallowed by the rain, but I was wrong. The combination of Claire, me, and Heste was so mismatched that the staff probably hadn't realized the young lady standing before them truly was from House Meliard.
People began spilling out from the medical building beyond the gate. The moment Heste appeared, the doors that I was sure would remain shut swung open effortlessly.
The balding director came rushing out and bowed deeply to Heste. Whether it was because of the mana swirling around her or the fact that Heste held a far more absolute position among the nobility than I'd realized, he even created a mana barrier overhead to shield her from the rain.
“...L-Lady Heste. I never imagined you would appear in a place reserved for commoners.”
As soon as the director bowed, Heste spoke curtly.
“Prepare a special room.”
“T-this facility is for commoners, so unlike the main building, we don't have special rooms—”
“I don't like repeating myself.”
The director gestured quickly and whispered something to a commoner professor who had approached.
“The director's office is spacious and comfortable. We'll convert it into a special room immediately.”
“Good.”
“...Will you be staying there yourself, Lady Heste?”
“No?”
“Then why...”
Heste looked at me and pointed.
“...Because my friend Reyan needs it.”
The fact that she deliberately avoided mentioning Claire was clearly another act of consideration. Or perhaps she was conveying what she wanted to say to Claire by borrowing my name.
“...Ah, yes. I understand.”
The director looked confused but simply nodded. Then, with the same extreme courtesy he'd shown Heste, he guided me—still carrying Claire—inside. Heste followed beside us and spoke quietly.
“...It was for you, Reyan. If I seemed overbearing, I'm sorry.”
Heste glanced at Claire. The look in her eyes was so pitiful it convinced me she was speaking to Claire through my name.
“...Ah!”
The moment Heste finished speaking, Claire hugged me with surprising strength. I felt a sting at the back of my neck—she must have dug her nails in. Either way, we were led to the vast director's office.
The large, bright, luxurious room felt oddly mismatched with its antique bed, along with various refreshments, medicinal herbs, and even a bell to call for a doctor. It all looked hastily assembled through magic, but it was the first real luxury I'd enjoyed since being possessed.
“...Once Claire stabilizes, come outside, Reyan. I have something to discuss with you alone.”
Just as I was about to lay Claire down, Heste said this and stepped out of the director's office.
What does she mean by talking alone?
Curiosity flickered for a moment, but Claire was what mattered right now. I sat her on the soft bed. Scented candles meant to soothe the mind had been lit, and I hoped they would help her relax even a little. Instead, Claire looked even more anxious than before.
“...What is your relationship with Heste?”
“Relationship? There isn't one.”
“Then why... even though I hate it, are you trying to keep her around? Why is she saying she has something to discuss with you alone? Why does she talk about doing it for you right in front of me...?”
Even as she asked, she was desperate. This was different from yesterday. I wanted to answer, but I couldn't. I'd simply assumed Heste was using my name to say what she wanted to tell Claire, but I wasn't sure if that was true.
“...I'm sorry. I must be too sensitive. It's not like you did anything wrong. I know that.”
After staring at me for a long time without an answer, Claire finally lay down on the bed. I turned off the main lights in the director's office and channeled a small amount of mana into the small wall lantern so she wouldn't be afraid of the dark. The light reflected off the wall and spread gently, illuminating the room in a tranquil glow.
An hour? Or maybe two? After watching over her for quite a while, I carefully rose from my seat.
I'd told her many times that I would stay by her side. But I couldn't just abandon Heste either. She'd done us a favor, and thanks to her presence, the harassment from the commoners that had been giving me headaches had stopped instantly. Even if both Claire and Heste might hate it... I decided I should at least keep Heste somewhere within reach.
“...If you're going to Heste, please don't.”
Claire spoke as if she hadn't been sleeping. At some point she'd sat up and was watching me.
“...It's not like that. I'll always be by your side, Claire. Don't worry.”
“Then where are you going?”
“...Just getting some water.”
It was the first time I'd lied to Claire today.
...
Heste was waiting outside the medical building, standing in the rain. Even though the director and others had begged her to wait inside, she had ordered them to leave and remained out here.
Alone. In that lonely state, waiting for Reyan.
Simply by bringing up Reyan's situation, she'd managed to draw the attention from Claire that she'd wanted so badly. The thought that the closer she got to Reyan, the more Claire might look at her wrapped around her like an embrace.
The pouring rain soaked her pure white academy uniform. The shirt clung to her skin, revealing glimpses of flesh she'd never shown to anyone except Claire. The black undergarments beneath the white fabric were faintly visible.
“...Lady Heste.”
The moment Reyan called her name, Heste looked at him through the rain. The bright light spilling from the medical building's entrance cast him in backlight, but it couldn't hide the commoner's appearance or the kindness in his eyes.
“What are you doing out here? You said you wanted to talk...”
Earlier he'd raised his voice, but now that Claire was gone, he was being polite and respectful again. From that, Heste could tell that Claire occupied a place in Reyan's heart as well. He had clearly been angry for her sake.
Jealousy surged up once more... but it wasn't strong enough to overcome her desire to speak with Claire again.
“Let's talk inside.”
Reyan took Heste's hand and led her toward the entrance of the medical building. Noticing that he'd instinctively looked away after seeing her body, Heste watched him. He changed the subject, flustered.
“...Claire would have been sad if she saw you standing in the rain like this. Why were you waiting outside?”
When she heard Reyan's question, Heste's plan to get closer to him became tangled with genuine concern for Claire. She'd simply wanted to look pitiful and use Reyan's kindness to approach Claire.
“...Claire must have gotten rained on every day too.”
Guilt rose up again.
“...It must have been hard every single day, right? She was my only friend who understood my heart... Father was scary, and I was afraid of the rumors people spread...”
“...”
“It's true that Claire didn't believe me when I tried to help her. But I never stepped forward with actions like I did today. I'm the young lady of House Meliard. The heir, the one who will soon become the head of the family. I thought Claire wouldn't want that... so I...”
At least when she spoke about Claire, only sincerity flowed from Heste. She cried with genuine tears. She grieved with genuine sorrow.
“...”
Witnessing another's pain never got easier no matter how many times you experienced it. Reyan's expression gradually darkened.
“...I was just a good child who didn't want to be scolded, so I made excuses. Because of me... Claire was abandoned. She lived every day in hell without anyone to rely on... and I was an idiot who only cared about what others thought... about Claire...”
Even so, Reyan smiled. He took out a handkerchief and gently wiped Heste's tears.
“...Everyone makes mistakes. The fact that Claire is suffering this much probably means she cherished you that deeply.”
Heste's eyes widened.
“...I'll help you return to how things used to be. No—I'll make it happen. So don't worry. You know it will just take time, don't you?”
The sincere comfort from the person she'd tried to use struck Heste's heart far more deeply than she'd expected. Her guilt doubled, and fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. She'd been planning to use Reyan, even through twisted methods, just to talk to Claire again. Instead of the responsibility and perfection demanded of her, she'd received warmth and understanding, and it made her sob.
Even then, Heste couldn't stop. Even after standing in the rain, the scent of lavender lingered. She knew it was selfish, but she leaned her body against Reyan.
At the same time, the sound of footsteps approached. When she looked toward the stairs leading upstairs, there was Claire. Heste saw her, and Claire saw Heste. As Reyan moved toward Claire, she spread her arms without a word.
“...Claire, that was—”
“You don't have to say anything. It's not your fault, Reyan.”
A strong lavender scent came from the tip of Claire's nose. Against the face buried in his chest, he felt moisture. It was Heste's.
“...After the subjugation practice ends, let's leave this country together.”
She spoke in a voice only Reyan could hear. Only Reyan knew those words could never come true.
For now, no country would accept the last bloodline of House Artifare while keeping an eye on the powerful Empire. He knew that only after she fully awakened her Black Mana would those who sought power allow her to seek asylum. And he knew that awakening would only happen after Claire mentally collapsed.
Perhaps Claire knew it too. Because her voice wasn't filled with hope, but with the fear that Heste might steal Reyan away.