Wait, Who Is This Pretty Boy?
Ugh, that gave me chills!
God, even the username was pure trash from the start.
That bastard is definitely gay or trans. I almost fell for it just from the voice—thought it was a girl. What the hell. Does he go to some academy for faking a female voice? The ID reeked of gay from the jump.
[WantToSuckBigDick]
I should've been suspicious from the beginning. Just imagining it makes me sick.
Screw LoL. I'm getting out of this PC bang. The thought that some gay guy was targeting me was terrifying. My ass is precious, okay?
I stood up from my seat.
At the counter, a couple—a woman and a man—were checking out.
"Noona, you're buying me a PlayStation 5."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Noona, where are you looking now?! Ugh, seriously!"
A tall, model-slim woman kept sneaking glances at me. Was there something on my face? Or had I done something wrong? These days, the second a woman so much as looked my way, I flinched on pure reflex. Eyes down. Just look at the floor.
But damn—her boyfriend had to be filthy rich. I wasn't exactly a catch myself. I'll admit that. Still, I was better than that short, squat pig. That much was obvious. He wasn't even 160 centimeters. His face was a minefield of acne. His belly jutted out like a jungle drum—wobbly enough you could probably fire arrows off it. He had to be some chaebol heir to be walking around with a woman like that. I was jealous.
"That'll be 32,000 won."
Even the cute counter girl kept glancing at me while ringing up the couple ahead. Ah, shit. This was getting under my skin. I'd pay and hit the bathroom. Something was definitely on my face.
"Chanyeong, do you have two thousand won on you?"
The woman pulled thirty thousand from her wallet.
"Noona, where would I have money? You know perfectly well I just sit around at home. Are you stressing me out on purpose?"
"Sorry, Chanyeong. Noona will put it on the card."
"What kind of woman asks her boyfriend to help cover the PC bang bill? It's embarrassing as hell. I'm only putting up with it because it's me, Noona. Any other guy would've dumped you already."
The woman quietly pulled out her card and paid.
"I know. Noona knows how good our Chanyeong is."
Huh?
What the actual fuck was this clown-show situation. Was that woman some kind of angel? And did that short pig bastard have zero shame? A girlfriend that beautiful coming to a PC bang with him—he should've been bowing on the floor. Hell, just having a woman like that drink coffee with him once would use up a lifetime of luck. And he was whining at her to cover the PC bang fee? Had the world gone insane?
The squat pig and the model couple walked past me. The pig bastard shot me a look with those narrow, slanted eyes. One more second and I would've—
Worthless little shit.
The angelic model gazed at me with a soft, lingering look. Honey practically dripped from her eyes. Today was seriously weird.
I glanced around. Women kept stealing looks at me. I felt like a monkey in a zoo.
"That'll be 3,000 won."
The counter girl told me the total.
"Huh? Isn't it 3,500?"
The PC time was covered by my remaining prepaid hours. Ramen plus kimbap should've been 3,500.
"You ordered a lot, so I should at least knock off five hundred."
"Excuse me?"
I'd only ordered ramen and kimbap. On top of that I'd gotten a free drink, a free hot dog, and a free hour of PC time. Was this girl completely checked out? If the owner saw this, she'd die of rage. Whatever—it was pure profit for me.
I pulled out a ten-thousand-won bill and paid.
"Um, excuse me."
The girl handing me seven thousand in change jumped.
"Yes?"
Her face went red.
"Is there something on my face?"
I'd been feeling women's eyes on me this whole time. It was driving me crazy.
"Yes. Handsomeness."
What? What did she just say? Seriously.
I was speechless. The girl realized she'd blurted it out and turned the color of a ripe tomato. Everything since I'd walked into this PC bang had been off. I felt like the main character of The Truman Show.
Then an idea hit me like lightning.
What if this PC bang was shooting some YouTuber situational prank?
Hold on. Thinking about it that way—everything made sense. The cute counter girl and the blond, tanned punk of a staffer being so nice. The excessive freebies. The note and orange juice left at my seat. That absurd couple walking past. The place packed with women. Even the LoL match—it wasn't Battle.net. They'd run it on the PC bang's local network so I got matched with actors. What Silver Garen in the real world charges in after getting sniped by Teemo?
Pfft. Not even a Bronze scrub would do that.
Ah. Right. That was it. Fine—I'd play along. I'd been having a good time anyway. Gender-reversed-world pranks were supposedly trending these days.
I took the seven thousand back from the girl.
"Hey. Where's the camera? Tell them they can upload the footage to YouTube. I had fun today."
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"Wow, you're really committing to the bit till the end. Have a nice day."
I dropped the cool line and headed out of the PC bang—when a woman with a cute voice called after me.
"Excuse me!"
I turned around.
Oh. Holy shit, she was gorgeous. A face so white not a single freckle marred it, eyes big as a deer's, a cute little nose, lips red as cherries. She was in a tracksuit with zero makeup, and light still seemed to pour off her face. About 167 centimeters, too—and that was in sneakers, not heels. She looked like a model-slash-actress. Self-illuminating. Even for a YouTuber setup, actual actors really were different. Drop-dead gorgeous. Absolutely stunning.
So what was the bit this time—hot girl hits on average guy?
"You left your orange juice."
"Ah. So you're the one playing Orange Juice Girl. I already figured it out, so it's fine. You don't have to keep acting."
"Pardon?"
She pretended to be flustered. Pretty and a good actress. I might even see her on TV soon. Up close she was even more beautiful.
"Thanks to you, I had a great time. Appreciate it."
I took the orange juice she held out and chugged it.
"How'd you even know I like SokSok orange juice? That hit the spot~"
Earlier I hadn't drunk it because I didn't know it was a skit. Turning down SokSok orange juice from a beauty like this would be rude in the land of courtesy.
Anyway, the appearance of this absolute stunner sealed it at a hundred percent. This was a YouTuber's gender-reversed-world prank.
"Once you finish editing and upload it to YouTube, let me know too."
"Huh? What do you mean by—"
"Ah, still playing dumb to the end. I already know, okay? Give me your phone."
Yeah. Keep it natural. When was I going to get another chance like this? This was how you casually snag a beauty's KakaoTalk.
"I rushed out without my phone, so I just typed my KakaoTalk ID. When you upload the video, message me. Thanks."
"O-okay…"
"I'll be waiting, so make sure you contact me!"
The stunner's face went red. Caught mid-skit and panicking, probably. She'd practiced the "gorgeous girl hits on average guy" bit a lot, I bet. Should I have just played along and pretended not to notice?
I handed her phone back politely and trudged home.
Today had been a perfect day. Yeah—living life, you needed one day like this every so often. Come Monday the gates of hell would open again.
Ha. Just thinking about work made me depressed all over.
Fuck. I really don't want to go to the office!
The second I got home I collapsed onto the bed like a dried-out squid. My phone kept buzzing and buzzing.
Fuck. That's exactly why I left it behind. Even on the weekend those bitches harassed me over work KakaoTalk.
—Bzzzt! Bzzzt!
I know, I know! I'll check it tonight. Just let me rest a little. Does a working stiff not even get weekends?
I didn't even want to look at the phone.
Haaah……
A lazy weekend afternoon. Damn it—even so, I should at least brush my teeth. Come to think of it, I hadn't brushed today. The scariest thing in the world was the dentist. One trip and your bank balance hit rock bottom and your mental state crumbled with it.
Thud. Thud. I shuffled to the bathroom. Exhausted, eyes almost shut, I squeezed toothpaste onto the brush.
—Squirt!
I stuck the foamy brush in my mouth.
—Chik-chik-chik!!! Scrub-scrub!!! Bleeeegh!!!! Hrrrk—ptooey!
While I was at it, I washed my face.
—Splash!!!! Splash!!!!! Rub-rub-rub!!!!! Pbbbbt!! Blub-blub! Whooosh~~
Haaah~ That felt amazing.
I dried my face with the towel hanging in the bathroom. In the mirror, a face like some young nobleman looked back at me.
Damn. That kid was handsome. Whoever he was, good for him. Girls would be melting over that face. Seriously—whose kid was that?
I walked out of the bathroom.
Ah…?
Huh?
Only then did something feel off.
Whoosh!
I bolted back into the bathroom and stared into the mirror.
Huh?
Who the hell are you in that mirror?
—Slap!
I smacked both cheeks with my hands. It hurt. Nah—even in a dream you'd feel that much. I clenched my molars and pinched my thigh as hard as I could.
Ow! Motherfucker!
That hurt like hell. Jesus. Even self-harm has standards.
My head went blank. I still couldn't believe this was real. I studied the pretty-boy nobleman reflected in the mirror in detail.
Hair: black. Thick, too. Blessed bastard. People had no idea how terrifying hair loss was. A man got thirty percent of his looks from his hairline. Fact.
Skin so white it looked like he was wearing foundation. I pressed a finger into it. No makeup came off. He'd just been born like this. Skin pale enough you could believe he was half-Russian.
His face was genuinely the size of a fist. How did such a small face pack in eyes, nose, and mouth that sharp and defined? People said celebrities had no empty space on their faces—now I got it.
His eyebrows were thick and solid enough to remind me of the actor Song Seung-heon. His eyes were big as a puppy's and sparkled like stars.
Holy shit.
He was so pretty I wanted to keep staring. The nose was high and straight; the lips were red and cute. Overall, not so much a chiseled-sculpture face as the trendy Kang Daniel puppy-dog look.
I tried smiling.
Stars poured down. His eyes curved into little crescents like a cute puppy. At this level, even guys would fall for it. Fuck—I could never smile in front of other men with this face.
I pulled off the hoodie. On the slim side, but a body that had clearly worked out hard. The chest was a clean, square B-cup—the slope of the pecs was satisfying. This kid must've crushed incline push-ups. Abs were defined, too. A smooth midsection with zero spare fat, six-pack neat and sharp. Body fat around ten percent, easy. Even the hip bones sat at clean angles.
I rolled the shorts up and checked the calves. Decent muscle on them. Whew. Thank god. That had been my biggest worry. Great upper body with bird legs killed the whole look. I might not dare wear Under Armour like some 500-kilo big-three lifter, but I wouldn't get walked over among guys either. Three years deep as a fitness YouTube subscriber—I was sure of it.
Anyway.
Now it was time for the realistic questions. What the hell had happened to this world? No matter how hard I thought, I couldn't get a grip on it. Somebody explain this to me.
I felt like I was going to lose my mind!