One-Sided Company
I rose slowly and applied my lipstick. In the mirror, Song Eun-dam looked defiant, as if rejecting every taboo. A short crop top, a miniskirt, and bright red lipstick. It was the kind of outfit that would make Mom faint first, then send Dad into a foaming collapse right after. It was the perfect summation of everything a billion light-years away from the image my parents wanted for me.
Lips done.
I even put on Mom’s least favorite item, the straw hat, and settled it on my head. I gave myself a thumbs-up for the masterpiece that had taken two whole hours to complete.
“This should do it.”
I had spoken with Mom and Dad a little while ago. We were supposed to meet in front of the gelato shop in thirty minutes. I had firmly refused their offer to come all the way to my lodging.
“I’ll kick them out within three days. Me, personally.”
I was proudly thrusting out my gochujang-colored lips when a gentle knock sounded. I whipped my head toward the door.
“Who is it?”
I checked my watch. It wasn’t time for cleaning yet. Sometimes staff would stop by if the electricity went out or there was a gas issue. I hurried over and opened the door to my room.
“Hello.”
“Hi. What’s up?”
I hadn’t opened the door all the way, just in case it was that Cha Jun-jae guy. Luckily, it was a staff member I knew well. I still felt uneasy that he had learned where I was staying. The employee noticed my anxious expression and quickly held out an envelope, clearly wanting to finish his business.
“Uh… what’s this?”
He shrugged.
“It was delivered this morning from Koran Villa. They asked me to give it to you.”
The employee looked like he knew nothing more and pushed the envelope toward me again. I accepted the familiar-looking envelope and thanked him. The moment the kind staff member left and I closed the door, I looked at the logo. It was from a Korean supermarket. I opened the yellow bag and couldn’t hide my shock at the neatly folded dress and cardigan inside.
“What the hell is all this?”
My mind went blank. I dumped the contents onto the bed. It was a pale sky-blue dress and a thick yellow knit cardigan. While I stared at clothes that belonged in a blooming spring, my phone rang. I answered with a grim expression.
Eun-dam.
“Mom, what is it?”
Did you get the clothes? I wasn’t sure if the people here would deliver them properly.
I had suspected as soon as I saw the supermarket bag, but it really was Mom’s doing. Whenever I went back home, the closet was always full of dresses and lace blouses she had bought for me. I had told her to stop buying princess-style clothes because they didn’t suit me. Mom, who took rejection as a wound, would look hurt and tear up.
A montage of my precious independence struggles played in my head. Words bubbled up in my throat, ready to boil over.
Please, Mom. Respect my taste.
Eun-dam, I’m sorry.
But before any harsh words could leave my open mouth, Mom raised the white flag. Her dejected, tail-between-the-legs voice became the perfect shield. Not a single bad word could escape my lips.
I bought them because they looked so pretty back in Korea. They’re designer. I wanted us to wear matching outfits while traveling together. I got something similar for myself too.
No matter what, I was a terrible daughter. Even now, I wondered if Mom was telling the truth or just acting to trigger my guilt. While making that wicked calculation, I looked in the mirror. My brown hair and brown eyes—just like Dad’s—curved sadly. I could imagine Mom’s face making the exact same pout. My voice softened, and I grumbled reluctantly.
“No matter how much you insist, Mom, it’s way too hot here. I don’t have to wear the cardigan, right?”
Just bring it with you. You can wear it for a little while when we take pictures.
I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed the end call button. The triumphant woman who had been applying lipstick was gone. I always turned into a short-shelf-life dutiful daughter at the sound of Mom’s tearful voice. I calmly took off the crop top, unbuckled the skirt, pulled out several tissues, and scrubbed my lips hard.
In less than ten minutes, I looked like the Seoul young lady Mom wanted. I zipped up the sky-blue dress and stood in front of the mirror.
The corners of my eyes drooped. It was the same eye shape I used to see often when I lived in Korea.
It reminded me of the days when I shone just by being young, and the days when everything felt dark and shadowed—like the time around high school graduation. Sometimes when I thought about the past, I fell into a strange emotion where I could neither laugh nor cry.
I swept my face with a dry hand and turned away from the mirror.
No gloomy thoughts. Keep thoughts short and strong.
I ran a comb through my blow-dried hair. The feeling of the teeth stroking my strands felt good. With each slow, leisurely stroke, I gradually steadied my heart. I decided to walk to the meeting place as if taking a leisurely stroll.
My mind felt much calmer. I gave a small cheer, slung the brown bag that matched the dress over my shoulder, slipped on the cute sandals, and stepped outside. The bright laughter of the resort staff blended into the sparkling sunlight. I stretched to the sound of beautiful Dalos Island birds chirping. The journey had been rocky from the start, but my ship would safely reach port. My first goal was to bring Mom, Dad, and Aunt Su-young’s couple along with me.
“Let’s do this right.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah?”
My heart, still frozen in the middle of stretching, skipped a beat. Here, the number of people who could understand my muttering was close to zero. Even when I spoke English, I had the habit of murmuring to myself in Korean.
The Korean who had understood and answered me was leaning against the door of the room right next to mine, wearing sunglasses. Even if he covered his face with sunglasses, there was no way I wouldn’t recognize those shoulders, that body line, those legs. That was Cha Jun-jae.
I slowly lowered my arms. White shirt, black pants, black sunglasses. Clothes that didn’t suit a resort at all. For a second I hoped he was on his way to a photoshoot.
“Are you going back to Korea?”
“No.”
He answered immediately, as if he had been waiting, then smiled and slid his sunglasses down a little.
“You know… I came in such a hurry that I didn’t pack many clothes.”
What was I supposed to do about that? The way he smiled, it looked like he was ready to take his clothes off right then and there. If he crossed the line I had drawn, it would be war immediately. I painted my face with the two letters of “serious.” As the afternoon sunlight pooled in Cha Jun-jae’s smile, I struggled with hatred. Keeping my expression under control was getting harder and harder.
“If you don’t have clothes, buy some. There are plenty of shops here.”
“Yeah. That’s why I was going to ask you to go shopping with me tomorrow to buy a few outfits.”
I knew he would say something so obvious. But first, there was something I needed to confirm.
“About that, Jun-jae. Answer my question first, then we’ll talk.”
“What question?”
“You’re not… staying here, are you?”
I prayed desperately to God, Buddha, every Western and Eastern deity, and even the newly invented ones. If Cha Jun-jae would just give a normal answer like “I was just passing by,” I swore I would become a religious person starting today.
“Is that not allowed?”
But the brutally realistic world failed to turn me into a believer. My precious nest, my one and only refuge. Even though I had flown here to escape, the same events kept repeating. Wearing the clothes Mom picked out, going to meet an unwelcome face, and now Cha Jun-jae standing right in front of me.
It was horrible.
I didn’t even have time to worry about my expression. I quickly walked past him. This had never happened before.
Cha Jun-jae quietly followed me with his eyes as I left. He didn’t even call out my name as I walked away. I was the one leaving, and he was the one rooted in place. Like a puddle without legs, he simply stayed there and watched.
I couldn’t stand it anymore. Even though this wasn’t the first time Cha Jun-jae had taken the things I feared he might. This time, my patience for dealing with him had completely run out. I passed the restaurant, passed the swimming pool, and walked so fast it felt like a race until I reached the front desk.
“Eun-dam! Have a good time!”
I answered Nomnom’s words with a smile and left the resort. I looked down at the sky-blue dress that would soon be stained with mud. Then I heard footsteps that sounded like silence itself. I lifted my head. I met eyes that were black, indifferent, and somehow defined by that very quality. Without any sign of embarrassment, Cha Jun-jae took it upon himself to follow behind me.
In a foreign land, in a foreign country, surrounded by unfamiliar words and unfamiliar smells. Within that, the two of us saw every emotion the past years had hidden. I sent sorrow and resentment through my honest gaze. Cha Jun-jae, receiving it, simply lowered his eyes without expression. In a way, he was an incredible guy.
I started walking and entered the alley. Soon, the following footsteps trailed steadily behind me.
Our companionship was plain and quiet. Should I endure it? Should I have endured it? But the more I listened to those footsteps that seemed free of any worry or concern, the more my thoughts changed.
I can’t endure it anymore. I won’t hold back any longer.
Today, I would give him an ultimatum. After more than twenty years had already passed.