An Uncomfortable Intrusion
The sound of bicycle wheels rolling along traveled smoothly all the way into the narrow alley of the resort. I’d been sitting there like a prisoner for twenty minutes, unable to time my descent. Later, I simply refused to go down out of sheer spite, thinking he might as well suffer a little. But Cha Jun-jae, whose stubbornness was directly proportional to his stamina, pulled the bicycle without a single complaint. Our awkward companionship seemed to be costing me more than him.
Lucky Cha Jun-jae didn’t encounter any carriages in the cramped alleyway. Aside from a few chickens popping up, there were no major incidents. Things were unfolding further and further from the scenario I had hoped for.
“We’re here.”
When the resort sign came into view, I prepared to jump down from the seat. Cha Jun-jae somehow sensed it and quickly brought the bicycle to a stop. I hopped off and looked at his face, which had remained silent the entire way. He should have been drenched in sweat from the sweltering heat, yet he looked as fresh as when he’d washed up that morning.
“Thanks for bringing me. It was comfortable thanks to you. The road back looks complicated—should I call a horse carriage for you? Just tell them at the front desk.”
“Is the lodging over there?”
He asked even though he already knew. I practically snatched the bicycle from his hands and forced a smile.
“Yeah. It’s really rundown. I’m only staying because it’s cheap. The hygiene, the staff…”
“Let’s go. I’ll take you all the way to the front.”
He cut me off helplessly. Once again, Cha Jun-jae took the bicycle from me. How was I supposed to stop a tall, well-built guy from stealing a bicycle? Every time I felt the difference in strength, I couldn’t help feeling regret that I wasn’t a man. If I had been born male, at least I could have gotten drunk and thrown a fit. I would have built muscles three or four times bigger than his.
“Can I leave the bike here?”
Cha Jun-jae, who had spotted the bicycle storage area, turned and asked. I nodded quietly and revised my earlier thought. No. If I had been born male and met Cha Jun-jae, I would have fallen into even deeper self-loathing. Could I really acknowledge his appearance and the lines of his body as one man to another, when I barely managed to accept them because we were different genders?
“Eun-dam!”
Nomnom, the front desk clerk, happened to step out in front of the resort just then. The noise at the bicycle storage must have drawn her out to check. I had complained about the staff, so my chest tightened with guilt and my smile froze.
“You’re back? Did you bring your parents safely?”
Nomnom loved Korean dramas and singers so much that she studied Korean in her spare time. Sometimes she knew more about Korean news than I did, a native. Since I watched old historical dramas she had never seen, she was the one recommending dramas to me instead.
Nomnom had been stretching and smiling, but her expression changed completely. Her eyes widened, and it was only natural that I grew anxious. I had forgotten. Cha Jun-jae, who had been locking the bicycle, couldn’t have missed her gaze. Nomnom clapped both hands over her mouth and began jumping up and down on the spot.
“Cha Jun-jae?”
One of the Korean movies Nomnom liked featured Cha Jun-jae. Yeah, no matter how early in the morning it was, he shouldn’t be walking around with his bare face like that. In Asia, Cha Jun-jae was a celebrity.
“Hello.”
“Oh, wow, whoa…”
After locking the bicycle, Cha Jun-jae finally pulled a pair of plain glasses from his pocket. As if putting on black-framed glasses would make people who had already recognized him suddenly forget his face. Thanks to Nomnom, I felt both glad and bitter realizing he probably wouldn’t be able to come anywhere near here again.
“I’m heading off. Oh, right, Jun-jae. When I take my parents around the island later, don’t come. We’re only doing the really boring routes. You should rest! Got it? I said so!”
Cha Jun-jae, who had been politely acknowledging Nomnom’s greeting, looked at me at those words. The laughter drained from his dark eyes, which the glasses couldn’t hide. He simply stared at me with such intensity that it was embarrassing for the one who had spoken.
“You two know each other?”
The excited Nomnom came closer and looked at me talking with Cha Jun-jae in amazement. Of course she would—she had put him on her list of favorite actors. I had found it awkward to tell her the truth, so I had pretended not to hear her stories as much as possible. If Nomnom felt betrayed, I was sorry. If I had known Cha Jun-jae would follow me all the way to the island, I would have just said we were acquaintances.
“Our parents know each other… Oh! Right, I have work to do. I need to send an email to Korea… Oh my god, I completely forgot.”
I put on a clumsy one-woman show and escaped Nomnom’s sight. After exchanging quick nods with the owner at the front desk, I hurried past the resort pool. Deeper inside the restaurant area, a row of rooms stretched out in a line. I went to the very last one and quickly pulled the key from my pocket. Even as I fitted the key into the lock, I was terrified that Cha Jun-jae might come after me. Only after confirming the messy state of my empty room did my heart finally settle.
The unpacked luggage was exactly as I’d left it. The clothes I’d tossed aside, the open laptop, the overturned books—everything was the same. Yet I felt as powerless as a squid washed up on shore. An error had appeared in this place I had thought of as a comfortable nest. I collapsed onto the bed and let out a long breath. The pillowcase that had carried the scent of my shampoo was gone, replaced by a new one. The unfamiliar smell of a foreign land left my heart hollow.
Everyone I knew—without exception—wore an expression of family honor the moment they met Cha Jun-jae. It was partly because of his profession as an actor, but even without that, Cha Jun-jae was born to draw people’s eyes.
I had once dreamed of becoming an actor too. I had applied to the theater and film department. Even now that my dream had changed, seeing actors my age on TV still made my chest sting.
But when I looked at Cha Jun-jae,
it felt like my heart would explode with a bang.
The buzzing phone pulled me from my thoughts. I barely moved the arm I had been lying on and answered without even looking. I assumed it was Mom or Dad.
“Hello? I’m back at the resort.”
The other person stayed silent for a long time. Just as the silence began to feel strange, a voice came through.
"I know."
At Cha Jun-jae’s voice, my closed eyes flew open. It felt like my own comfortable space was being indiscriminately attacked.
“Yeah… you’re on your way back? Thanks again for bringing me.”
Even when I was in Seoul, Cha Jun-jae would call at night or in the early morning, saying he had just finished filming. Back then, I had endless excuses not to answer. I’m busy, I’m with my boyfriend, I’m out drinking with friends. I never told him directly. I would just send a text the next day. He would reply to those messages with a few smiling emojis and say we should meet whenever I wasn’t busy, on holidays, anytime.
But on the island, I didn’t have many excuses to push him away. I had no job to go to, and my parents were here too. The lack of excuses to stop his intrusion made me anxious. It felt like I had gone back to the days when my mom dragged me to academies.
"Eun-dam."
“Yeah.”
"What time should I come out?"
What was Cha Jun-jae so regretful about that he kept contacting me like he was repaying a debt? There were countless people among our old classmates who stalked and adored him. Having gone through elementary, middle, high school, and university with him, I was one of the people who knew that reality all too well.
“Just asking, but… are you coming too?”
Today I had planned to show my parents and Aunt Su-yeong’s couple around the island. It was a small island, so there wasn’t much to see, and I was certain it would be a boring, uninteresting route. When I told him not to come, that there was nothing special, I had meant it.
“Don’t come. You can read maps and use your phone. The island’s small—there’s not much to see anyway.”
"So?"
I had been pouring out words like a waterfall in irritation when my eyes widened. The coldness in Cha Jun-jae’s voice as he asked back was something I had never heard before. Just as I cleared my throat, thinking I must have misheard, he spoke faster than I could.
"You’re telling me not to come?"
I hadn’t misheard. Disappointment seeped through his falling tone. I was so stunned that my mouth wouldn’t move. In that moment, Cha Jun-jae reached his own conclusion.
"No answer to me not coming. Then I’m coming too."
“Uh… you really want to come that badly?”
"Yeah. You must really hate this, Song Eun-dam."
I had never once shown him that I disliked him. Of course, he could probably guess. How did this guy see the future? He knew that if I heard those words, I would come at him with a low stance.
“What are you talking about? I don’t hate it.”
He didn’t affirm or deny my words. He only let out a soft laugh. The call ended in that vague way, and I stared blankly at the ceiling.
I didn’t want him to know I disliked him. But if he had already figured it out, was there any point in continuing the act?
“Ah, I don’t know.”
I covered my eyes with the hand still holding the phone. Jogging, Cha Jun-jae, the sudden appearance of a flock of chickens. The moment I closed my eyes, I fell fast asleep.