Chapter 317: University Festival (4)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 317: University Festival (4)
“I heard the PD was power-tripping on you.”
Lee Su-hun broke the silence. Lee Cheong-hyeon’s eyebrows twitched.
“And? What about it? Are you going to tattle to Mom and Dad like Lee Gang-myeong? After giving me a few clothes and acting like you actually care?”
Cheong-hyeon snapped back.
“You’re a bit late, though. That guy is headed for prison soon. You don’t have to use ‘danger’ as an excuse anymore; he’ll be isolated from society, so it’s fine.”
Su-hun couldn’t find a single word to say.
Cheong-hyeon didn’t continue either. Instead, after staring at his silent older brother, he reached for the car door handle as if to leave.
“I was worried.”
Su-hun’s words caught Cheong-hyeon’s hand just as it was about to grip the handle.
“I heard there was an accident. I know you weren’t the one hurt, but it couldn’t have been easy for you. That’s why…”
“Since when were you the type to worry about things like that? Since when? Did it look like I was ‘at ease’ when I was still living at home?”
The emotions he had been suppressing came pouring out.
“I’m sick of this. I hate Dad for meeting my members behind my back, and I hate you for suddenly trying to act like the responsible eldest brother.”
“…”
“Just keep ignoring me like you always did. You guys told me to leave, so I left. Why are you following me now just to say something? Am I really such a thorn in your side?”
“I came because I felt guilty about that.”
Cheong-hyeon’s expression twisted at Su-hun’s words. He looked like he couldn’t understand at all.
“I realized that even when something big happened, you couldn’t even tell your family. I realized the whole family has lost so much of your trust that you didn’t even expect a ‘Are you okay?’ from us.”
“…If you know that, then just keep doing what you were doing. I don’t expect anything from this family anymore.”
Cheong-hyeon’s words stabbed into Su-hun like a dagger.
It wasn’t that Su-hun particularly wanted anything from the family either. However, there was a vast difference in the weight of resentment between someone who felt nothing from the start and someone who had reached a point of expecting nothing after a long, agonizing wait.
“You don’t have to expect anything. Just… let me worry about you.”
“Why? So you can find another excuse to grill me about ‘safety’ until I lose my mind?”
“Because at the very least, I want nothing bad to happen to you.”
Su-hun was being sincere. He had never thought of their family as particularly close-knit, but he also didn’t think they were the kind of family that prayed for each other’s downfall.
That complacent thought triggered something in Cheong-hyeon.
“If you wanted me to be so safe, why didn’t you even come outside when I left the house?”
“I did go out. But you weren’t there…”
“And? You just went back inside, didn’t you?”
Cheong-hyeon spoke cynically.
“When I was running around on that mountain, my group member hyung chased after me with his bag on his back just to catch me. He ran all the way up the hiking trail. Do you think he had some grand reason for doing that?”
The memory of that day was still vivid to Cheong-hyeon. The day Kim I-wol, whom he had barely known at the time, chased after him with an unreadable expression.
“He chased me because he was afraid I’d get hurt. He asked me what I was thinking, running around a mountain like that without any safety gear.”
Layers of sorrow often burst open because of small memories like this.
“How is my family any better than my members? Everyone is just waiting for me to fail. Because only then will I give up and listen to what you all want! I know exactly what’s going on, so why do I have to listen to these empty words of concern? Am I supposed to be grateful for the tiniest bit of attention just because I grew up without love? I don’t need your interest or your worry, so don’t hand it out like you’re giving to a beggar!”
Cheong-hyeon panted, his breathing ragged. Looking at his younger brother, whose face was flushed with rage, Su-hun lowered his gaze.
“…You’re right.”
Su-hun admitted it. For Su-hun, who had never been told he was wrong in his life, this statement was equivalent to a full confession of his past faults.
What is wrong with him?
Cheong-hyeon thought. He had never seen Su-hun like this in his entire life. That fact confused him.
“The family was harsh to you.”
“…”
“I can’t wrap it up and call it love, but even so, no one wants things to go badly for you.”
Su-hun spoke calmly.
He really believes that. As that thought crossed his mind, Cheong-hyeon crumbled.
“Do you really think so?”
“Of course…”
Su-hun looked up.
His younger brother was crying in front of him.
“Hyung, you really don’t know anything.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you know Lee Gang-myeong calls me a pathetic bastard?”
He didn’t know.
But he couldn’t say that. Cheong-hyeon looked too miserable.
“What about him calling me a beggar? He asks me if it’s fun living while getting cursed at on the internet all the time. Is that ‘worry’?”
The relationship between the brothers hadn’t been smooth. Su-hun had thought of it as just being ‘distant.’
But Cheong-hyeon’s wound was deep. Especially the one caused by his other brother.
“He says he’ll never live aimlessly like me. He curses at me as a baseline and sneers whenever he sees my face. He says I acted out by doing all sorts of things after taking all the praise, only to end up as an idol. That’s why he sent Dad the video of my performance—to show him I was making a fool of myself. Is that the sound of someone worrying about me? Do you really think so?”
Su-hun was speechless. He had to silently watch as a tide of immeasurable sorrow overflowed.
“Do you think I actually like you and Lee Gang-myeong? I can’t stand the sight of either of you!”
Cheong-hyeon screamed. Tears dripped from his chin.
“But even so, I don’t call you an empty-headed tin can, and I don’t call Lee Gang-myeong a rude, ill-mannered brat.”
“…”
“Because you aren’t supposed to say things like that to your siblings. That’s why I don’t do it, so why…”
Cheong-hyeon buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Su-hun hesitated, wondering if he even had the right to comfort his brother.
But he couldn’t just leave Cheong-hyeon crying.
Su-hun cautiously placed a hand on Cheong-hyeon’s shoulder. Thinking it wouldn’t be surprising if he were pushed away, he slowly stroked his shoulder as if patting him.
Cheong-hyeon, who had poured out all the suppressed anger as if he were a different person…
Was still kind-hearted by nature, wanted to be comforted, and was in so much pain that he needed someone to soothe him. He quietly accepted Su-hun’s patting.
He was exactly the same as the young brother Su-hun remembered—the one with a weak heart, the one he had worried might be getting bullied or mistreated.
“If you’re really sorry, go scold Lee Gang-myeong.”
Cheong-hyeon spoke without lifting his head.
“Tell him… to apologize… for the things he said to me.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to him.”
Only after hearing Su-hun’s answer did Cheong-hyeon burst into loud wails. He gripped the handkerchief Su-hun gave him and cried his heart out.
After the wave of tears passed, an awkward silence remained. Fiddling with the handkerchief, Cheong-hyeon stared at the floor and asked.
“Hyung, do you like what you’re studying now?”
“I’ve never really thought about whether I like it or not.”
Since they were young, Cheong-hyeon had found this side of his brother difficult. He could never tell what he was thinking.
But today felt a little different.
“What about school? This was your first choice, wasn’t it?”
“I suppose.”
His brother looked… quite pitiful.
“I never considered anywhere else to begin with, so I can’t really say how it is. I didn’t have any other options.”
“Why didn’t you have options? With your grades?”
“Father’s mentor is here.”
This was the first time he was hearing this. The tears that were about to well up again vanished instantly.
“You didn’t know?”
“Isn’t it weirder to know something like that?”
“I guess. Anyway, Father wanted me to learn under the same professor.”
Su-hun’s major was also Chemistry. Cheong-hyeon asked with an expression that was hard to describe.
“…So you decided to follow the exact same career path as Dad? Even entering the same professor’s lab?”
“It’s not so much that I decided, but that’s just how it’s becoming.”
“Why?”
“Father always regretted not being able to become a professor.”
“Dad’s dream was to be a professor?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why did he suddenly switch to being a teacher? Don’t you need a separate certification for that?”
“He said he gave up his studies and returned to Korea when he decided to marry Mother. To become a professor in Korea, you have to start as a part-time lecturer, but Mother had frequent business trips and seminars and was often away from home… So Father decided to take care of us. That’s probably why he went back to graduate school for education.”
“I’m not interested in Mom and Dad’s love story.”
Though he spoke crossly, he couldn’t just let Su-hun’s story go in one ear and out the other.
He remembered eating dinner prepared by either a housekeeper or his father after coming home from various academies. He remembered his father, who had returned home late, turning off the bedroom lights in place of his mother, who often came home at dawn.
But…
“You’re doing everything Dad says just because of that?”
“It’s not like I have something else I desperately want to do. I probably would have been the same no matter what I did.”
Su-hun’s face remained expressionless. At one time, that expression had made his brother feel even more distant.
When did we stop talking? I feel like we didn’t find it this hard to speak to each other when we were very young.
Seeing the quiet Cheong-hyeon, Su-hun spoke.
“That’s why I didn’t understand when you said you wanted to be an idol.”
“…”
“Father didn’t choose your university for you, and he even let you play the piano instead of just studying. I wondered why you had so many things you wanted to do. I thought you were already living life doing everything you wanted.”
Now, Cheong-hyeon understood Su-hun’s heart, and it made him feel bad for him. In Su-hun’s eyes, Cheong-hyeon must have seemed like a truly free spirit.
“But just because I think this way doesn’t mean there’s a rule saying you have to as well.”
Su-hun muttered to himself, like a realization he had reached too late. To Cheong-hyeon, those words sounded only sad.
“My mind hasn’t changed. Just because Dad gave up on his dream doesn’t mean I have an obligation to fulfill it for him. Gratitude and obedience are two different things.”
“I see.”
“…Are you okay, Hyung?”
Cheong-hyeon asked. Su-hun looked at him.
“Are you happy living like this?”
It was a sincere worry. Probably the exact same feeling Su-hun had felt when he sought out his brother with the shopping bag.
“Yes.”
Su-hun smiled faintly.
“It’s not hard. You don’t have to worry.”
Cheong-hyeon stared intently at his brother, who looked remarkably like their father.
A man who liked sitting still and studying, who was blunt, who only said what needed to be said, and whose way of thinking was one-dimensional.
And a man whose rare smiles were actually quite nice.
Cheong-hyeon let out a hollow laugh. Then, he took the shopping bag Su-hun had been clutching into his own hands.