Chapter 3
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 3
Chapter Title: How to Get Close to a Witch (3)
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#Graduated high school last year #20 years old #Male
Humans slapped with those tags are usually the type who's got a real thing for women.
No proof needed.
I fit all three tags perfectly, and yeah, I was definitely into girls.
So, landing a job where I have to have sex with witches out of necessity? Well, how to put it...
Ah, right.
Not exactly hating it.
"...So, basically, I just have a bunch of one-night stands with apprentice witches? That about right?"
But on the surface, I didn't let on that I wasn't hating it.
Instead, I put on a reluctant face as I replied, busying myself by rubbing the back of my neck for no reason.
#Graduated high school last year #20 years old #Male
Guys with those tags are the type who are into girls but pretend like they're not interested as their default mode—it's just a lame act that doesn't fool anyone.
Honestly, how could I just blurt out something like "I freaking love that girl!!" right away?
It's not like my face is made of steel plating.
"Oh, you don't like it?"
"Well..., it's just so sudden. Not that I hate it, but..."
"No way... You hate sex, huh. Hmm. I see, you really don't like it."
"......Ah, no, Team Leader. It's not that I hate it..."
"I must've slipped up while checking candidates over the past few days. I thought you'd love this kind of work, Dowon, so I picked you myself."
Unfortunately, my crappy acting didn't land even a little with the witch.
Did it actually work? Hell no.
Her tone dripped with regret, but her face still held that amused smile without missing a beat. That was proof enough.
...At the same time, I got hit with that rather concerning personnel evaluation: "Dowon seems like he'd love this stuff." But I didn't ask about it.
About 90% of it was probably true coming from a witch, so there had to be a reason.
The other 10%? I knew myself well enough—no need to ask.
"What should we do... Should I find another guy who goes crazy for women even now...?"
No point dragging it out.
Of course I liked women.
And not just any women—pretty ones like witches? I'd lose my mind over them.
If a woman like the Team Leader said she'd hook up with me once if I played around here, I'd probably do it without a second thought.
Just your average guy.
If my main job here was just sleeping with apprentice witches.
If that was really it,
"If this job doesn't suit you, just say the word even now. I can erase your memories and help you find something normal."
"......Team Leader."
"Oh, does it suit you now?"
"......Yes."
"...Pfft. Then let's get along well from now on, Dowon."
This place was basically paradise on earth where you could play around and get paid for it.
My lame act crumbled, and I nodded honestly in the end.
"I'm glad you changed your mind, Dowon. We even got a counseling call recently, but no staff to handle it, so it ended up just chit-chat."
"Counseling calls... They use the same methods, huh."
"Even witches know how to use modern tech. The stubborn, uptight ones are from older generations. Like, 100 years older than me."
She seemed eager to claim she was from a younger generation.
Witches could live forever without aging, so generational pissing contests would just get messy... but whatever.
"......"
Anyway.
One thing to keep in mind.
Unfortunately, this job wasn't just about sleeping with apprentice witches.
Sex was part of it, sure—a fun part—but it was just a means to rehabilitate the shut-ins holed up in their rooms.
The Team Leader said this department had a terrifying turnover rate.
They were all guys who went nuts for pretty girls, yet they chose to quit instead of endless sex with witches.
Apprentice witches drunk on superiority, looking down on lowly humans.
Just like I predicted earlier, tons of headaches starting with "How dare a mere human!"
And probably all sorts of stuff beyond my imagination.
...Low odds, but the risk to my life wasn't negligible either.
So, to navigate these pitfalls...
'I shouldn't just fantasize about sex already. Better to prepare plans and countermeasures now.'
That way, I could turn this into paradise.
During the awkward silence, I finally asked the Team Leader cautiously.
"Um, before we start work, I have a few questions."
"Ask away. You've got to have a ton of them."
"Do you know why my predecessors quit?"
"Your direct senior... Oh, right, the one who knocked on the same apprentice witch's door for 108 days straight, I think."
"108 days... that's a lot."
"Special case. Not many are that extreme of a hikikomori. Don't worry too much. Often, their masters—the witches—help out actively."
"......Hmm."
"Curious about the others too?"
"...Please."
Plans? Countermeasures? Screw that. If the apprentice witch pulls that crap, you're done.
I let out a hollow laugh, and the Team Leader launched into old stories.
One senior got in trouble pitching a tent before even bonding with his charge. Usually ends with treatment, memory wipe, and transfer to another department.
Another tried stripping his apprentice witch right away and ended up found twisted in some weird way. Same treatment and transfer.
One managed regular hookups by playing it cool but got treated like a pet and eventually tapped out.
Another succeeded at sex, but she didn't enjoy it, so after talks, he transferred departments...
'...This is insane.'
Paradise on earth? Or just a midsummer night's dream?
As I pondered, the Team Leader added,
"You'll do great, Dowon."
"...Thanks for the encouragement. I'll do my best."
Not super convincing, but okay.
"We've got three backed-up apprentice witches right now. I'll list their difficulties one by one, and you pick one, Dowon."
I figured the first day was just prep—no throwing you in.
She held up three slender fingers as she said it.
Long, pretty ones that naturally drew the eye.
"...So I get to pick based on my tastes?"
"I'll accommodate as much as possible. Anyway, I just say, 'That side was backed up first. Sorry!' and buy 'em coffee later. Done."
"Honestly, feels super arbitrary."
"Witches are all like that. And we're all connected somehow..."
"...Got it. Go ahead, I'll pick one."
"Great. First up... lowest difficulty. One who's already pretty favorable to sex."
"Then why do you even need me?"
"She's scared of her first time, won't take the plunge. Her master got fed up and requested us. 'Take her virginity, please.'"
"...Hmm."
So, straight-up emotionless sex on first meet and done? Tempting as hell right off the bat.
My top pick for now.
"Next... mid-low? Mid? Around there. This one's favorable to semen over sex itself. And she—the apprentice witch—contacted us directly, not her master."
"That happens?"
"As long as you provide semen, she'll make drugs from it and handle the rest."
"......"
"No fun just pounding apprentice witches nonstop, Dowon."
"...I'm fine. Don't need that."
This one screams danger just hearing it.
Low difficulty maybe, but vibes like getting strapped to an experiment table for semen extraction.
...Probably why they don't drag in random guys—they'd get scolded by other witches or masters.
Backed up or not, definitely not meeting her first. Shoved her to the back of my mind.
"Last one... mid-high difficulty. One who quit magic research entirely and just games in her room."
"...Witches game too? Thought magic would be more fun."
"Could mean she hates mingling with men that much. Side note, her master is a close friend of mine..., hmm."
"You'd prefer I take her first, right?"
"Well~ if we're being honest, yeah, kinda..."
Last: gaming addict apprentice witch.
Unlike the other two who were favorable in some way, this one boycotted magic entirely. Got some personality.
...Maybe that's why.
Despite looking hardest, she piqued my interest most.
"My friend says she's got solid talent. Not all-time great, but solidly genius-tier."
"......"
"But she holes up just 'cause she hates sleeping with guys. Can't really punish her, total headache."
"If her talent was meh..."
"No request like this. Just excommunicate and done."
A bit chilling, but I brushed it off.
"I'd love if you took her first, Dowon, but picking the easiest is fine too. I'm really okay with it!"
What bugged me more was that.
Her attitude, acting like she was totally fine and wanted me comfortable.
Think about it.
If she really wanted me to choose freely, she wouldn't have dropped "close friend's apprentice witch" at all.
Just neutral description, maybe hint she's tough.
But she deliberately tossed in several hooks...
"...Team Leader."
"Yes?"
Social life it is.
"The last apprentice witch you described. Any photo?"
"Oh, one sec. I think I have it... Here. Take it."
Let her give me a hard time first, then hit the lowest difficulty one.
With that in mind, I took the photo from the Team Leader.