Satisfaction, or Progress
I walked down the street. They didn't hide their footsteps. Or maybe there were just too many of them to conceal the noise.
"Let's go."
I still hadn't made up my mind. Not even as I stepped out of the apartment to greet them.
And then our eyes met.
"Wh-who are you?!"
"There's someone ahead—everyone, weapons up!"
They panicked at the sight of me, trembling as they each raised their weapons.
Ah.
I'd thought I could spot them from afar. But I'd been wrong to assume I had them figured out. There was something I hadn't sensed.
The smell hit me. A foul stench of dried blood and rotting flesh seeped into my nose like smoke. The horrific, gruesome odor of people on the brink of death.
"A... a man?"
"Did we really make it into Anseongu? No zombies, and now some random guy..."
"Th-the map says this is it, right? We saw that big church over there—that's the landmark—"
I approached them calmly.
"What brings you to this place?"
They bowed their heads.
"S-sorry! We didn't know this was claimed territory! We were in a bind... we were just running for our lives!"
Without a word from me, they threw themselves face-down on the cracked asphalt like it was nothing.
"..."
It was an ironic situation. One woman was bleeding so badly she could barely walk on her own. The one supporting her carefully laid her down on the asphalt before slamming her own forehead to the ground.
I fell into thought. I couldn't tell if they were bowing because they knew they couldn't beat me, or if they were genuinely sorry for trespassing my turf.
Either way, regardless of their intentions, they'd shown me remarkable politeness.
...
It might've been easier if they'd threatened me. In a world like this, I could've brushed it off as normal—no need to show mercy—and ignored or cut them down without a second thought.
But they hadn't.
"W-we'll leave right away! We don't have much, but if you just let us go, we'll give you everything we have!"
I'm weak to polite people. Back in the world I came from, folks didn't bother with manners much.
They were starving. Exhausted. Desperate.
Yet they'd entered Anseongu—what I could barely call my land—faced me, and knelt. They hadn't tried to steal from me or attack first out of fear or danger.
"...You all look pretty banged up."
"C-can't just abandon a comrade, right...? No matter what, we had to make it as far as we could."
"Food?"
"S-sorry! We have nothing to offer! We're not hiding anything, really... we ate every last bit—"
They were in such dire straits I almost wanted to ask why they'd even come to Anseongu. They didn't look strong at all. Ironically, the women surrounding Hari and Haena back then had seemed healthier, tougher, better armed.
I could tell. If I left them alone, they'd die. Even if they left here, they wouldn't last long. Scavenging supply points nearby might buy them a little time, but that was it. Sooner or later, monsters would swarm these streets again, and they'd be goners. The worst-off one probably wouldn't even make it through the day.
...
Logically, I knew I couldn't save everyone. Start rescuing one or two, and I'd slide right back into hero mode. Duty would crush me. Endless encounters, endless choices. In the end, I'd have to abandon the people by my side now.
Maybe it was overthinking. Ten people might be manageable without disrupting my setup. The supply points nearby could sustain them.
If I stopped there.
"Pl-please spare us..."
I knew what they meant by "spare us." It was just a plea not to kill them right now. They had to know they'd collapse soon—they weren't clueless to the facts I saw. Still, they clung to the moment. They didn't want to die this instant, even if starvation took them tomorrow.
Suddenly, I felt a light touch on my shoulder from behind. It was Sua. She leaned in close to my ear, whispering softly with a little grunt of effort.
"Make yourself comfortable."
"...What?"
"I know what kind of person you are... how you've lived, what you like. No need to deny it."
I bit my lip hard.
"Whatever you do, I'll support you. All the other girls will too."
I'd been wrong from the start. I didn't know myself.
/////
Defeating bosses, growing stronger, building bases, saving more people. I'd seen that as progress. Growth.
On the flip side, staying faithful to the women I had, living day by day in comfort. I'd called that complacency. Satisfaction with the easy life.
For an ordinary person, maybe. But I'd overlooked one thing: I'm a psycho.
Saving people feels good. I get joy from it. And I'd refused to accept that.
Seeing "people who need my help" right in front of me made it crystal clear. Ignoring them hurt. It was torture.
That was the resolution. That was growth.
Not recklessly saving everyone, but protecting what truly mattered. Mental maturity.
Conversely, shielding them was just "sticking to a satisfying reality." Complacency. Living the hero life as always.
My body kept moving, bases kept expanding, but it was stagnation.
Ah.
Only then could I see myself. Dopamine floods when I save someone. That's the pleasure. Helpless people surviving on my tiny act of kindness—that's the thrill.
Not about good or evil. Like someone endlessly picking up stray cats. It wasn't about kindness. It fed my control fetish, knowing their lives hung on my choice. Like villains toying with lives.
When someone bows in genuine thanks, I feel connected to society. Like getting "likes" on SNS.
That's me. And my women all knew it.
Even in this world, they had possessiveness. More women meant less space for them. Yet they'd respected me. Sacrificed their greed for my choices, my pleasure.
So I could stagnate. Stay satisfied. Avoid growing up, distinguishing what to abandon and protect.
So I could chase the next "needy soul" like a dog in heat.
They weren't cheering my "liberation of the district." They knew better than me that I had to liberate it.
"Ha..."
I made my decision. Or rather, calling it a decision was laughable. It was acceptance. Surrender.
Just owning who I was. Accepting that changing, growing mentally, was agonizing.
Damn...
Like a soldier hating service, counting days to discharge—then realizing he's made for the military and re-enlisting as an officer.
Avoidance. Escape. Neglect.
Living as a hero was painful, grueling, exhausting—but now, not living that way? Ignoring savable lives, protecting only those I'd already saved? That terrified me more.
Or maybe because it was uncharted territory.
"Hoo..."
I snapped back, opening my eyes. The ten women were still prostrated before me.
"Ah, you're still like that... Get up, please. No need for that."
I'd kept them waiting too long. Them, Sua and Seohee and Roa behind me. And Heea waiting back home.
I accepted it. That I couldn't change.
"I'll help you."
"...Pardon?"
I extended my hand with the brightest smile I could muster. Something I'd done countless times over the years, now second nature.