Satisfaction. Or Progress - 9
"What do you mean by that?"
"I'm super smart, you know? So I can tell exactly what you're thinking, Oppa."
"That our Heea is cute?"
"That's part of it! But you went off to that meeting without me! Unnie told me everything!"
"Uh... sorry."
Come to think of it, maybe I should've brought Heea along. She was a full member of our party, after all, and deserved to have her opinion respected.
Of course, even reconsidering it now, it had been too dangerous. Unlike Roa, who could at least fend for herself, Heea's combat ability was basically nonexistent. No matter how safe the area around us was, or even if I was with her, there was no such thing as absolute safety. I had no intention of gambling with the life of the Heea I'd gone to such lengths to save.
"Anyway, Oppa! You're still stressing over that same thing! Am I right?"
"Yeah, but... was it that obvious? Enough to worry you?"
"If you'd sorted out your feelings, you'd have done something by now. Either take down the boss or declare you're giving up on it entirely."
Looking into Seohee's bright, sparkling eyes, I nearly burst out laughing without thinking.
"It's fine. I won't abandon you girls... or turn my eyes to someone else."
"Abandon" might have been a bit strong. But the love I could give was limited. If I kept rescuing more women and pouring effort into them, I'd inevitably neglect the ones I'd already saved.
I felt it with Haena...
Back then, I'd jumped out of the car and sprinted toward her in a panic. Sure, the vehicle wasn't going fast—just paced to match the soldiers running alongside, so no risk of a crash. Even so, my actions had been reckless. I hadn't built enough trust with Soo Kangyeon yet. I figured if it came to it, I could handle a surprise attack from her with Sua and Seohee, or even use Kangyeon as a hostage inside the car to win any fight.
Still, it was something I shouldn't have done. I wasn't a hero. Despite hating the hero's duties so much, I was still acting like one—prioritizing lives without hierarchy, devoting myself endlessly to everyone in the world. Even if my close ones were suffering, I'd keep pushing forward for some "nobler" cause. There was always a nonzero chance Sua and Seohee could die or get hurt. In that case, I should've dragged my feet a bit and brought them along to the scene somehow.
The fact that nothing happened might've just been dumb luck.
"You girls are more precious to me."
Even if my choice smacked of complacency, even if it meant abandoning the greater good of protecting more people, I had no choice. The ones right in front of me were too dear.
"..."
Heea pouted like she was sulking.
"I've been studying really hard."
"Huh?"
"The library's open now, right? I'm reading every book there. Doing the homework Unnie gave me and building up my medical knowledge too."
"That's... impressive."
"I never knew Unnie was such a scary person. She's super strict, you know?"
"Yeah?"
I had no idea why the topic had suddenly shifted like that, but conversations with kids were like this anyway—not that weird.
Wait, come to think of it, Heea's not really a kid...
"Before, Unnie never expected anything from me. She just hoped I'd stay a little healthier, live a little longer. She didn't make me do anything."
"Can't blame her."
"I wasn't healthy enough to do much anyway."
"..."
"My head hurt like it was splitting open, my body screamed in pain sometimes so I couldn't sleep properly or even breathe right."
I'd steeled myself for it, but hearing Heea recount her painful memories wasn't easy.
"Still, she never asked anything of me. She thought she had to protect me no matter what. That it was right to give everything she had for that..."
A faint sadness clouded Heea's eyes.
"I hated that. That's part of why I'm studying so hard now."
"Hm?"
"So I'm not just someone Oppa has to protect, but someone who can protect Oppa. Or at least... so Oppa doesn't have to think he needs to protect me."
Admirable. Grateful.
"The other unnies probably feel the same. Haena too, even if I'm not totally sure yet."
Heea hugged me tight again, with her small arms and hands.
"So, Oppa doesn't need to feel burdened. Do what you want, not for us. You can relax."
I shook my head.
"Even so, it's oka—"
"Oppa. Have you looked in a mirror lately?"
"A mirror?"
I tilted my head. There was one in my bedroom closet, but I couldn't recall the last time I'd really looked at myself calmly.
"I glance sometimes when washing up, but—"
"I've seen you, Oppa. I'm seeing you now, but I saw your face when you were the angriest, the most desperate."
I could picture it too. When I thought she was about to die, how frantic my expression must've been.
"Might sound arrogant, but... yeah. I've seen more of you than you have of yourself."
Heea's small, soft hand gently stroked my cheek.
"I can tell. What kind of person you are, what you can't stand, when you smile happily, when you look tormented."
She might be overstepping, like she said. We hadn't known each other that long. The me she knew might not be the real me, or just a part of me she was projecting onto.
But Heea's face was so earnest. Her eyes seemed to pierce right through me.
"The other unnies know too. That's why we're not worried. We know what choice you'll make."
"..."
"We know when you'll be able to smile happily—"
I was desperately preparing a response when a knock at the door snapped me back.
"Sunwoo-ssi. Are you perhaps having a pleasant time in there?"
"Ah, no! This is..."
Heea pouted.
"Unnie! The mood was perfect!"
"If it's not urgent, you might want to pause and come out."
"Something up?"
Roa, who'd opened the door, pointed to the living room.
"See for yourself."
Following her out, I spotted a group of humans visible through the massive glass window beyond.
"...What the hell?"
The door lock chimed as it opened. Sua and Seohee rushed into Roa's place.
"Master, you see them?"
"Looks like visitors?"
I nodded slowly.
"Yeah... seeing them now. They sure found this place."
They were pretty far off. Hard for them to confirm we were human at that distance. But I could see clearly: ten people. Armed with spears made from wooden poles lashed to something, clubs. One had a gun—not a familiar rifle, more like a hunting shotgun.
"No zombies wandering around, so we'd usually ignore them as zombies. But things are different now."
"True."
I could see it in my eyes. They looked exhausted. Some injured. They were supporting a limping wounded person, trudging painfully toward us.
I wanted to help. Run out to them. Treat their wounds. I didn't want them to die.
"Master... you can see them?"
"Clear as day. All of them."
Their faces were visible. Twisted in agony. Some numb, hope drained, just shambling forward.
Suppressing the urge, I turned to my women.
"For now... maybe we just leave them be?"
Treating them wouldn't be hard. But I doubted that's where it'd end. They were strangers, unrelated to us. Could be outcasts from somewhere for crimes, no guarantee they'd fit into my order like the orphanage kids or the women here.
In that case, look away. Like I'd promised myself when I decided not to hunt the boss and liberate the area. Focus on my women. My people.
They weren't a threat to us. No zombies, so no immediate death by attack somewhere.
"Or just treat them and send them off. No, just give them food and wave goodbye..."
Sua stepped closer.
"Master."
My women were watching me, eyes saying what the hell are you talking about?
"Whatever choice you make, I'll support it. Be grateful for it. Love you always."
"You... know that."
"But... I can't believe you would."
This was probably the first "negative" word Sua had ever said to me.
"Can you really do it, Master?"
I couldn't answer right away.