The Ruined Place (2)
When I opened my eyes again, only the faint glow of fluorescent lights blurred across the hospital room ceiling. I had no idea how long I’d been asleep, or whether I was truly awake now or simply lying there with my eyes open. The only thing confirming I was still alive was the steady beep of machines sounding at regular intervals. Without that sound, I might not have even realized this was a hospital.
I tried to move, but my arms didn’t respond properly. At least my fingers had some strength, so I wasn’t paralyzed. But these hands… they definitely weren’t mine. Slender, small, and pale white. Nothing like the rough, calloused hands I remembered.
Slowly, carefully, I sat up and lowered my feet from the bed. The sensation of bare soles touching the floor felt completely foreign. I used to walk with a heavy, grounded stride, but now my balance was unsteady, as if I were wearing someone else’s body. Even the air against my skin felt hypersensitive. Everything was awkward.
I walked to the bathroom, opened the door, and stood in front of the mirror.
A stranger stared back at me. A woman.
I stood there silently, just looking. The woman in the mirror was young and beautiful. Slender, with slightly drooping eyes that somehow held a mysterious charm. She was unmistakably female. And above all, her face bore not the slightest resemblance to me.
I slowly reached out and touched the mirror. The glass beneath my fingertips was cold and solid. That chill felt so undeniably real that it finally hit me—this wasn’t a dream.
“……”
I opened my mouth, trying to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. My lips just twitched uselessly. Even breathing felt cautious in that moment.
Had I really become a woman? This wasn’t some temporary phenomenon. It was a complete, irreversible reversal of reality.
“…Who am I now?”
The words slipped out, tiny and fragile, echoing in the empty room with no one to answer them.
I turned on the faucet and washed my hands. The cold water running over the backs of my hands felt alien too. It was like wearing the most ill-fitting clothes in the world—suffocating.
“Too much staring…”
I’d been lost in the mirror, obsessively touching my new face, when a phone alarm suddenly rang from outside the bathroom. Startled, I hurried back to the bed. The smartphone on the table was blinking.
Team Leader Seo Jun…
The name in the message was still the same. But no matter how I thought about it, the face in the mirror didn’t belong to that team leader anymore. I had been ejected from the shell called Seo Jun, left drifting without belonging anywhere.
Could I even return to the company like this? Could I stand in front of my team members looking this way? And even if I went back, how would people look at me? Would I be able to endure their stares?
The thoughts chained together endlessly. And at the very end of that chain sat the same question again.
What… should I be called now?
At that moment, the corners of my eyes stung. My chest felt too tight to draw breath, and my body curled in on itself involuntarily. Had my emotions become more sensitive? It felt strange that something like this could bring tears to my eyes.
Right after, the silence inside the hospital room began to feel terrifying, pressing down on me.
But then she came.
The door opened quietly, and the nurse and doctor I’d seen yesterday entered and approached my bedside.
“How are you feeling?”
“It’s… still awkward, but I think I’m getting better.”
“We haven’t settled on an official diagnosis yet, but for now we’re calling it TS Syndrome. Your body’s sexual characteristics and structure have been rapidly restructured. As you are now, you can be considered fully female.”
The doctor continued his explanation. I listened with a blank face and nodded.
“Additionally, we’ve confirmed changes in your hormones, reproductive organs, and immune system… As you can see, your external appearance has changed completely as well.”
The doctor gestured toward the mirror, showing me my face once more. It was still an incredibly beautiful face. She looked to be in her mid-twenties, with a mature air about her.
“Is there… any way to go back to how I was?”
It took a lot of courage to ask. But the doctor carefully shook his head.
“I’m sorry. From what we’ve found so far, there are no known treatments or reversal methods. It’s such a rare syndrome that we haven’t even identified the cause yet…”
The moment the doctor finished speaking, the hospital room door opened again. This time, an unfamiliar man entered. He wore a suit, had neat features, and a name tag pinned to his chest. His voice was crisp and businesslike.
“Excuse me. I’m Park Hyun-soo, an investigator dispatched from the Ministry of Health and Welfare.”
The doctor quietly stepped back. The man who introduced himself as Park Hyun-soo approached me cautiously.
“As the doctor just explained, this is an extremely rare condition, so the government needs to verify a few matters. That’s why I’m here.”
He took out a tablet and began checking something.
“Currently, Mr. Seo Jun is registered as a 42-year-old male on your resident registration. However, according to the hospital’s official diagnosis and physical examination results, your biological sex has completely changed to female.”
I could only stare at him, unable to speak. The meaning behind his words was crystal clear, and I had already felt it so deeply that I didn’t even want to ask again.
“Because your legal identity and your identity after the syndrome differ, you may face various restrictions in daily life. That’s why the government is providing some forms of support.”
It was a relief. Yesterday my mind had been filled with such negative thoughts, but apparently there was still a way forward.
“Could you tell me what kind of support that is…?” I asked carefully.
“First, we can expedite support regarding your legal identity.”
The man handed me a single sheet of paper.
[Name: Seo Jun] → [Name: ]
[Age: 42] → [Age: ]
[Resident Registration Number: xxxxxx-1xxxxxx] → [Resident Registration Number: xxxxxx-2xxxxxx]
“As you can see, your name, age, and resident registration number will be changed. Please fill in the blanks.”
I slowly looked down at the document. The empty space next to my name felt like a forceful command to erase my past and be reborn.
“…Do I have to decide this myself?” I asked carefully, but my voice was trembling.
“Yes. That’s something you must decide for yourself. As for age…”
“Ah! The physical examination shows your body is twenty-five years old.”
“Then it will be set to twenty-five. The resident registration number will be updated accordingly.”
I couldn’t speak for a long time. The blank spaces on that paper weren’t just information. They were proof that I had to leave behind the life I’d lived until now and start a completely new one.
“What happens if I don’t fill this out?”
“If the change process is delayed, you may face restrictions on various services. Your discharge could be postponed immediately, and many authentication services will either stop working or produce errors.”
“Then…”
“Legal identity is extremely important for living in society. It may not seem like much while you’re still in the hospital, but once you’re discharged, you’ll feel it right away.”
I nodded slowly. In the end, it wasn’t a choice. It was a necessity for survival.
“This is my number. You don’t have to fill it out today. Take a few days to think it over, and let me know once you’ve decided.”
The man held out a business card. My hand trembled slightly as I took it. A thin, pale hand. Tomorrow, this hand would have to write a new name.
“…Can I ask you just one thing?”
“Of course.”
“This… isn’t my fault, right…?”
The question slipped out before I could stop it.
“Of course not. This isn’t anyone’s fault. Right now… you should be thinking about how you’re going to live from here on.”
Strangely, the man’s words felt warm. Maybe it was because, in that short time, he had tried his best to remember that I was still a person and treat me like one.
“Hic… What other support is there?” I asked, holding back the tears that threatened to spill.
“It’s not much, but you’ll receive a monthly support payment for three years.”
That was a relief… At least they were giving some money. The moment I thought they might at least cover minimum wage, the man continued.
“It will probably come out to around three to four hundred thousand won…”
“…Haha.”
A dry laugh escaped me. It wasn’t even a funny number. Three to four hundred thousand won. What could I possibly do with that?
“Is that… everything?”
The man lowered his head slightly, looking apologetic.
“For now, yes. Since this syndrome has only recently begun appearing, policies are still under discussion. Things may change once you return to daily life, but nothing has been finalized yet.”
“Return to daily life…”
The moment I repeated the words, my throat tightened. What daily life? My own name had disappeared…
“Thank you… I understand the explanation.”
I barely managed to lift my head.
“It must be incredibly difficult, but I hope things get better for you.”
His words sounded sincere. Yet somehow, they made me feel even more alone. To feel this way toward someone I’d only met today—someone who wasn’t family or a colleague—made the whole situation even more devastating.
After he left, the hospital room fell quiet once again.