The Women's Locker Room at Five
Throughout the entire first lecture, people's stares prickled against my skin like needles.
Maybe it was because I'd sat up front hunting for an empty seat, but the blatant gazes boring into me from every direction made me feel like the back of my head was about to punch clean through. I seriously considered bolting from the classroom the moment the mid-lecture break hit.
That was when my phone suddenly buzzed with a low vrrrm.
My smartphone — the one that had only just escaped brick status after I'd begged and pleaded to get a SIM card installed.
The only people who had my number were the phone company and Ha-rin's little crew, so my urge to check it dropped to zero on the spot.
That was the last message. Ha-rin didn't reply after that. Was it just me, or did her texting style feel weirdly different from how she actually talked?
I snuck a glance toward her seat — and our eyes locked dead-on.
She pointed a finger at me, then at herself, then drew a line across her throat with her wrist.
Let's see here.
You. Acknowledge me. Die?
Damn it!
I was so tense I couldn't even swallow properly.
Well, thinking about it, I probably did look pretty bizarre to my classmates. A freshman who skipped orientation, skipped the welcome party, missed a whole month of classes over "family issues" without even filing for a leave of absence, and only now crawled out of the woodwork.
But the most fundamental problem was the fact that I was currently a woman.
The hoodie I was wearing was still Ha-rin's, so even when I tried to take a deep breath and calm myself down, my chest just pressed tighter against the fabric and made everything feel more suffocating.
...Screw it.
It'll work out somehow. A man has his pride — time to just charge in!
It's not even my real body, so I can tough it out a little longer!
I recalled a line I'd once read in a psychology book. Something about how a confident posture leads to a confident mind?
Hmph. I deliberately snorted and sank deep into my chair.
Then, out of pure habit, I spread my legs wide. I was going for that peak alpha-male energy.
".....?"
But the moment those legs opened, an indescribable, bizarre emptiness washed over my entire body.
It was the structural void that hits when a certain critical component is missing from where it ought to be.
It wasn't a skirt. I was definitely wearing jeans, and yet...
Far from arrogance, all I felt was a draft whistling up between my thighs — not a cool sense of liberation, but a hollowness that punched straight through my soul...
Right... my precious...
By spreading my legs for confidence, all I'd gained was the total evaporation of the last remaining proof of my sexual identity.
I snapped my legs shut at the speed of light.
Knees pressed so tight not even a sheet of paper could fit between them.
Damn this body of mine...
I felt it deep in my bones — bluffing only works when you've actually got something to bluff with.
If I had to find a silver lining, it was that my classmates weren't the type to come up and strike up a conversation first.
If someone did approach me, the odds of me screwing something up were basically guaranteed. From the still-awkward feminine pitch of my voice and speech patterns, to figuring out what facial expressions this face was even supposed to make when talking to people — I had no idea where to start being careful or where to stop.
I didn't have anyone to message, but I pulled out my phone anyway with practiced ease.
Activating the so-called phone barrier!
When class ends, I'll pretend to be on my phone and slip out. If anyone tries to talk to me, I'll just play deaf.
But the lecture ended, and the professor hadn't even left the room yet.
"Hey! Sang-hae!!"
"Huh?"
"My name is Kim Byeong-tae! I fell for you at first sight! Go out with me!"
"...Wha...?"
...Not even an hour in, and my resolve shattered into a million pieces!
As a bonus, I got to experience the horror of receiving my very first confession — something I'd never gotten once in my male body — from a dark-skinned male classmate...
"Ah! That bastard got there first!"
All kinds of murmuring erupted around me, but none of it registered in my brain.
Was this what they called a confession attack?
Had Ha-rin been on the receiving end of this kind of assault from me...? I was starting to understand that prickly attitude of hers a little better.
The psychological shock was so intense I felt like half my soul was about to check out of my body.
I sat there frozen, stammering without managing a single coherent answer, when hurried footsteps came clattering from the back of the classroom — tap-tap-tap.
It was Eunjin, the department's mood maker and vice class president, who'd been popular since day one for her bright, endearing personality.
Eunjin strode straight toward the ruckus of guys with her brow furrowed tight. Behind her, a coordinated swarm of female classmates rushed in and surrounded the pervert — I mean, Kim Byeong-tae — from every side.
"Hey! Are you insane? Why are you scaring her like that!"
"Wh-what? What's the problem? I'm just confessing my true feelings!"
"True feelings, my ass! Can't you see how freaked out she is? What, you want people thinking our whole department is full of creeps? You trying to make her drop out?"
Eunjin waved both hands, driving him back.
"She's right! How many confession attacks is this already? Get lost, Kim the Pervert!"
Even the surrounding girls joined in with jeers, and Byeong-tae grumbled as he retreated. But even on his way out, he made sure to fire off one last bold line.
"I'll be waiting for your answer in the department lounge later, Sang-hae!"
Even after the male students cleared out, my AWOL mental state showed no signs of returning.
I needed to get to the next classroom, but I couldn't even stand up. I just sat there frozen until the vice class president came over with a worried look and patted my shoulder.
"You okay? That must've been scary, huh? Just ignore Byeong-tae. A few of the girls in our department have already been through it."
"Ah... uh. Thanks."
Crap! I'd instinctively answered in the rough, blunt speech patterns from when I was a guy!
In a flash of emergency improvisation, I squeezed out the most harmless, gentle tone imaginable — the complete opposite of my older sister's — and hastily tacked it on.
"Th-thank you, Eunjin. For looking out for me."
"Hehe, good. And wow, even your voice is so pretty? Oh, by the way — do you know where your next classroom is? It's your first day, so you probably don't, right?"
I'd been at this school for a month, so it wasn't like I was so checked out that I still didn't know the classrooms — but I wasn't so socially dense as to just say "I know."
"Uh, not really. I looked it up roughly, but I'm a little confused."
"I knew it! So what's your next class?"
"English Conversation...?"
"Aw, too bad. Different class from me. But I know someone who takes that one. Cho-hee! Class President!"
Eunjin waved toward Cho-hee, our department's class president, who was just about to leave the room.
Cho-hee froze at the doorway when her name was called, fidgeting as she adjusted her thick horn-rimmed glasses. Eunjin walked right over, grabbed her by the wrist, and dragged her in front of me.
"Say hi. This is Cho-hee, our class president. Sang-hae doesn't know where the English Conversation classroom is. Walk her there and look after her, okay? Class president privilege — you know how it is?"
"U-uh...? O-okay. Hi, Sang-hae...? I'm Heo Cho-hee."
Cho-hee greeted me looking thoroughly nervous behind her glasses.
I made brief eye contact and said hello back, but something about the air between us felt awkward.
And this girl... was she looking at me with a slightly frightened expression? Was I imagining that?
"Alright, you two enjoy the next lecture! Sang-hae, see you later in the department lounge!"
The moment Eunjin turned around with an energetic wave was when it happened. She'd spun so vigorously that her feet tangled, and she lost her balance in an instant.
"Kyaa! Oh my god!"
My body reacted faster than my brain. My right arm shot out, kicking off the floor, and locked firmly around Eunjin's waist.
An adult woman's weight was nothing more than a feather against my superhuman specs.
I gave a light pull and yanked her toward me.
And just like that — completely unintentionally — a perfect princess carry was complete.
"You okay? Be more careful."
Crap. In the heat of the moment, I'd completely failed to control my tone.
The low, heavy register I'd always used by habit came rolling out completely unfiltered.
Eunjin's round eyes shook violently, like an earthquake had hit. Then her face flushed red as a perfectly ripe tomato.
The look in her eyes as she gazed up at me, breathing hard... was it just me, or did that gaze look dangerously intense?
"Uh...? Uh-uh?"
Eunjin just kept staring up at me without getting up. For a second I wondered if she was mad about something I'd said, given how her pupils were darting around — but her expression didn't look angry.
Must just be shaken from nearly falling, then.
Even after I carefully helped her back to her feet, Eunjin stood rigid as a board, her mouth opening and closing soundlessly.
"Did you twist your back or something? Does it hurt?"
"I-I-I'm fine! Th-thank you, Sang-hae! I-I'll go first! See you later!"
Eunjin covered her flushed face with both hands, practically shrieked the words, and bolted out of the classroom.
What was that? Did I grab her too hard?
Yoon-ha noona told me to be careful with my strength control... Eunjin didn't end up with a bruise, did she?
I was staring blankly down at my own palm when Cho-hee, who'd witnessed the entire thing in real time from beside me, spoke up with a look of pure astonishment.
"Sang-hae... that was seriously cool just now. How did you do that?"
Huh? Cool?
Let's see... from the outside, I look like a delicate girl. And I'd just one-armed a smaller girl mid-fall, caught her, and lifted her clean off the ground...
...Wait. Did I just cause an incident?
"...I'm pretty strong."
I scrambled for a lame answer since I had nothing better to say, and Cho-hee's face softened from its earlier wariness into a gentle smile.
"I don't think 'pretty' covers it, but anyway — we should get moving too. The Liberal Arts Building is a few minutes' walk, so we need to hurry."
Relieved, I decided to just follow behind Cho-hee for now.
But the moment we stepped out of the Education Building, a familiar face caught my eye.
Ha-rin was lingering just outside the entrance.
When her eyes met mine as I came out of the classroom, she put on a prim little expression for a second — then spotted Cho-hee standing next to me, and her brow furrowed. She whipped her head around so hard I almost heard a whoosh, then vanished somewhere at a brisk clip.
What is that girl's problem?
"Earlier, Byeong-tae was saying some weird stuff. Are you okay?"
"Yeah! I'm fine. Don't worry about it. Thank you."
I clenched both fists as I answered, and Cho-hee smiled softly.
How to put it — she was a cute girl, but in a completely different way from Eunjin.
Watching her walk beside me, I noticed the soft natural waves in her dark brown hair, the light double eyelids behind her glasses, the fair skin underneath.
This girl... if she just dressed up a little, she'd be seriously pretty, wouldn't she?
"Sang-hae, why are you staring like that...? Is there something on my face?"
"Ah, nothing. Let's hurry — we're gonna be late."
As we walked toward the Liberal Arts Building, I could feel various students glancing my way. Some groups of female students, in particular, were looking at me with openly hostile eyes.
"Oh, by the way, Sang-hae. Did you know there's a College of Education inter-department sports festival practice starting at 5 PM today? Did you bring your department T-shirt and training clothes?"
"...No."
"Ah, right — what am I thinking. It's your first day out, of course you wouldn't know."
Actually, I did know.
Even as a guy, I'd always shown up for sports festival practice. Skip it and you'd get surrounded by the upperclassmen for a mandatory "attitude adjustment."
"There's spare department tees in the lounge, so just wear one of those today."
Hmm... Ha-rin's clothes are already this tight. Is there even a department tee that'll fit me?
"And you can change in the locker room at the gym next to the field, so let's go together later. Oh — can I get your number? I'll save it."
"Huh? Uh. My number, right? Hang on!"
Caught off guard by the sudden number exchange, I fumbled open my phone. I dug through the contacts, finally found my own number, and managed to recite it while stumbling over the digits. It took a while, but Cho-hee saved it without any particular reaction and even called me once to confirm.
It was a monumental moment — the first time in my life anyone had ever asked for my number.
"If you ever have questions, just message me anytime."
"Uh, yeah. Thanks, Cho-hee."
Saying her name out loud suddenly made me bashful, and my voice shrank. But Cho-hee's expression actually seemed a little more natural than before.
"Ah, Sang-hae — do you happen to know Han Chae-ryeong from the English Education department?"
An unfamiliar name that had zero presence in my social circle suddenly tumbled out of Cho-hee's mouth.
I'd heard of her, of course.
She was the freshman worshipped as the "Goddess of the College of Education" at our school, with rampant rumors that she was about to debut as an idol.
But that was as far as it went.
I'd never personally talked to her, never launched a confession attack at her the way I had with Ha-rin, so I wasn't sure if "knowing" her was the right word.
"Ah, I just asked because your vibe really reminds me of her. Sorry for making it weird."
"No, no. I'm actually flattered? Being told I look like someone that pretty."
"No, you're prettier than her, Sang-hae. And I saw you walking to school with Ha-rin this morning. So I wondered if you might know Chae-ryeong too."
Huh? Ha-rin? She saw us coming to school together?
In that instant, the image of Ha-rin making that murderous throat-slitting gesture this morning — warning me not to acknowledge her — flashed through my mind.
Cho-hee seemed to catch the shift in my expression and was watching my face carefully, gauging my reaction.
"Ah... I do know Ha-rin, but I don't know Chae-ryeong. And even with Ha-rin, we just kind of ended up knowing each other. We're not really close."
"I see. I didn't mean anything by it — Ha-rin and Chae-ryeong just seem to know each other well, so I was curious."
Cho-hee listened to my answer, seemed to ponder something deeply for a moment, then put on that soft smile again and started walking.
...It wasn't until much later that I realized I'd let one very important word go in one ear and out the other.
English Conversation was taught by a native-speaking professor.
The moment I walked into the classroom, a dozen-plus pairs of eyes — including the professor's — locked onto me, the unfamiliar female student. The pressure hit me even harder than the awkwardness I was already drowning in.
And to top it off, Ha-rin was sitting in one of the corners.
When our eyes met, she looked away with that same cold expression as always.
Ah. My solar plexus just started aching.
Even the foreign professor took an excessive amount of interest in me and kept firing off questions. I couldn't afford to look pathetic right out of the gate, so I desperately dredged up what I could remember and managed a few sentences — but that was the absolute limit of my abilities.
When I shot the professor a look that practically screamed for a rescue, he gave me an ambiguous smile. The moment he started clapping and told me we'd do better next time, my face burned so hot I genuinely wanted to die.
Whoever built this body — instead of wasting resources on useless physical enhancements, they should've installed a real-time translation AI!
Whoever you are, you have been zero help to my life.
"It's because it's your first time. This class is hard for everyone. You did well, though — that was close."
Cho-hee smiled and tried to comfort me, but I was internally weeping tears of blood over the fundamental injustice of this world.
Ha-rin went after me, and she was perfection itself — perfect, flawless, absolute perfection. Not just the pronunciation, but the little smirk she shot my way as she finished. That flawless landing only made me feel more pathetic and humiliated.
And so ended the conversation class that had chewed up most of my reputation.
Next up: lunchtime.
It was April, past the early-semester scouting phase, when lunch cartels had already solidified into tight little cliques... and with no one I officially knew, this was going to be rough.
Back when I was a guy, I could at least grab any fellow loner classmate, throw him in a headlock, and shamelessly go, "Yo, cafeteria?"...
As I sat there fidgeting, Cho-hee quietly took my hand and pulled me up.
"Sang-hae, let's go get lunch together. The student center will be packed if we go now, so I'll take you somewhere good nearby."
As I stood up, led by Cho-hee's warm, soft hand, a wave of emotion surged through my chest like a rising tide.
If a celestial maiden descended from the heavens and offered a hand of salvation, it would probably feel exactly like this.
But my immersion in that touching moment was short-lived. Cho-hee suddenly turned around, waved toward the far corner, and called out:
"Ha-rin! Come have lunch with us too! You two already know each other, right?"
Ah, Cho-hee... please don't...
Despite my internal scream of pure agony, the expression on Ha-rin's face — as she sat packing her bag — grew even colder and more displeased.
She ambled over slowly, then fixed an intensely piercing glare on the hand Cho-hee was holding.
It was a look of such pure contempt that if lasers could shoot from eyes, the back of my hand would already be charred.
Was she under the impression that I'd broken her "don't acknowledge me at school" order and spilled everything to Cho-hee?
Ha-rin glared at me like she wanted to devour me whole, then — seemingly overwhelmed by Cho-hee's harmless energy — simply nodded.
"Fine. Let's go."
But the lunch that followed for the three of us was pure torture. We sat in a pork cutlet place near the school's back gate, and silence hung over the table until the food arrived.
"How did you and Ha-rin know each other before? Same school?"
Cho-hee asked with a smile, clearly trying to thaw the frigid atmosphere somehow.
Ha-rin tapped her spoon and answered flatly.
"We just ran into each other a few times before. We're not really close."
Not a lie, but it still stung a little...
I vaguely mumbled something and shoved pork cutlet into my mouth.
When the meal was over, Cho-hee left first, saying she had back-to-back classes in the Education Building that afternoon.
"Sang-hae, Ha-rin! I'm heading out. Have a good afternoon class!"
"Yeah, thanks for everything, Cho-hee!"
After the celestial-maiden Cho-hee departed and Ha-rin vanished without a word, what remained for me was a heavenly free period with nothing until 3 PM.
With nowhere particular to go, I sat on a bench in the central campus plaza, staring at the distant mountains and soaking up some photosynthesis.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized I'd always had terrible taste in people. To think I'd never known someone like Cho-hee existed. I really wanted to get close to her going forward.
...If I'd known sooner, I might have seriously tried asking her ou—
"That face says you're regretting not launching a confession-letter attack at the class president instead of me."
"Holy crap! You scared me!"
The ice-cold voice from directly behind me sent me leaping off the bench, clutching my chest. Good lord, I nearly had a heart attack!
Ha-rin was standing behind me, staring down at me — who knows how long she'd been there — before she sat on the same bench with her back pressed against mine, facing the opposite direction.
Sitting back-to-back in the middle of a wide campus plaza, staring straight ahead... it was a bizarre setup that looked like a secret agent rendezvous scene from a spy movie.
Ha-rin opened her phone, sent a message somewhere, and without so much as glancing at me, dropped a low, flat line.
"Anyway. What are you doing at five today?"
What's with five o'clock?
Is there some Cinderella curfew I don't know about?
I started to turn my head, but Ha-rin spoke without looking back, as if she had eyes in the back of her skull.
"Don't turn around. It's distracting."
"What's happening at five?"
"Have you seriously never done any department activities? Our department is famous for running the bonding events and sports festival practice into the ground. You know that, right?"
"I know that much."
I might have skipped classes, but I'd always shown up for the drinking nights and practices just to stay off the upperclassmen's radar.
"So you also know that at five today, everyone puts on matching department tees and athletic wear and does joint sports festival practice with English Ed on the main field?"
"Yeah, Cho-hee told me earlier. You're about to tell me not to stand out, right? Don't worry — I'll just hang in the back and watch quietly."
"...Don't cut me off and listen properly, you stalker."
Sudden verbal assault!?
"Everyone goes to the gym locker room as a group to change. The upperclassmen even take attendance there, so you can't run."
"Attendance? For a sports festival practice, that's a bit— wait....? Hold on!"
"Finally getting it? If everyone moves together, that means you have to go into the women's locker room too."
"...Huuuh!"
At Ha-rin's final words, it felt like a hundred-ton steel slab had dropped square on top of my head.
I'd completely, utterly, perfectly forgotten!
The once-in-a-lifetime rite of passage I absolutely had to survive if I was going to live at this school in the form of a "woman."
Simply put: I had to use the women's restroom, and when it came time to change clothes, I had no choice but to use the women's locker room. That was the horrifying reality!
I'd naively thought, what reason would a college student ever have to change clothes at school? And on day one, boom — here it was!
And no matter how much my exterior was female, the soul inside me was a pure, 100%, certified man.
If someone with my gender identity set foot in that sacred, terrifying no-men-allowed zone, my brain cells and heart might overload and explode!
No, wait — even if the outside is a woman and it's a woman's body, it's still just a human body, right? If I just shut my eyes and change at the speed of light, then bolt out... watching my sister, she seemed to just throw clothes on in a hurry, right?
No, but still... morally, ethically... my conscience... one wrong move and everything could come crashing down.
I turned my head to look at Ha-rin behind me.
"Hey, how is a real man like me supposed to change clothes in a women's locker room? Isn't there some other way?"
I sent a desperate SOS toward Ha-rin, clutching at straws.
But Ha-rin just adjusted her bag strap on the bench with a look of pure annoyance and drew a cold, hard line.
"'Real man,' my ass. Whether you walk into the women's locker room or evolve into a peeping tom, your preferences are none of my business — but let's keep public and private separate, okay?"
Ha-rin stood up slowly, bag settled on her shoulder.
Then she turned her head just slightly and drove the final nail in with a voice cold enough to freeze my heart solid.
"I'm warning you clearly... if I catch you peeking at me changing in the locker room, I will actually kill you."
"Huh? Huh? ...Huuh? Wait, wait, Ha-rin!"
Leaving my half-screamed cry behind her, Ha-rin walked off toward the library without looking back even once.
Despite the blazing noon sunlight pouring down, a bone-deep chill ran through me.
Faced with the sheer destructive power of the terrifying time bomb now ticking in front of me, I could do nothing but sit frozen on that bench like a stone statue for a long, long time.