A Brutally Bright Monday Morning
Monday morning, after a weekend that had been nothing short of eventful.
Cruelly, the sun rose anyway, and the sunlight spilling into the living room was blinding for no good reason whatsoever.
It might have been a slightly more pleasant morning if not for the stranger of a woman staring back at me from the mirror…
In the full-length glass before me stood a girl with chestnut hair cascading past her shoulders, skin so smooth it looked airbrushed, and a body of perfect curves — a face that felt both utterly foreign and somehow familiar.
…That's me. Please, let this be a dream…
Looking closer, it was as if my original features had been miraculously reassembled into ideal proportions. The result was something like a superior upgrade of my tyrant of an older sister's face, which was creepy in its own right — but if I was going to have to look at this face every day, pretty was probably better than ugly.
With that bit of mental gymnastics firmly in place, I peeled my crumpled body off the living room sofa.
The house was still quiet. It was only seven, so Ha-rin hadn't gotten up yet either.
Might as well wash my face…
I trudged into the bathroom and turned on the water.
The sink looked oddly bare with nothing but soap, shampoo, and body wash. Even those were toiletries Ha-rin had brought over.
Of course they were. Officially, nobody lived here — so why would there have been any household supplies?
Hoping to rinse away the gloom, I cupped my hands under the faucet and splashed water onto my face with a wet pff. Long, heavy strands of hair spilled down either side of my face, soaked and clinging, getting in the way of everything.
And washing this hair was an even bigger problem.
Out of old male habit, I squeezed out one pump of shampoo and scrubbed — only for the hair to devour the shampoo whole without producing a single bubble. In a fit of irritation I pumped five more times in a row, plastered the whole mess onto my head, and only then felt the faintest suggestion of lather.
Rinsing was worse.
No matter how much water I blasted from the showerhead, foam kept pouring out of my scalp as if a millstone of infinite bubbles were grinding away up there. Washing my hair alone seemed to take three times longer than my entire old shower routine.
I roughly towel-dried and stepped out — and every step I took left a trail of water across the living room floor.
How do women manage this waterfall of hair every single morning?
The urge to sprint to a salon and hack it all off surged up hard.
No — more importantly, why does this house still have running water? Why haven't the gas and electricity been cut off? If my existence was erased from the world, why are all the public utilities still working just fine?!
"What the… it's Subordinate Number One. Sleep well?"
"Gah! You scared me!"
Ha-rin emerged from her room, eyes still hazy with sleep. The pale skin visible between the buttons of her pajamas and the long, loose hair falling to her waist looked so completely unguarded that, for some reason, it made me a little angry.
As of last Friday, that had been the image of her I'd dreamed about. Not anymore.
The heavy volume of my own chest blocking the lower half of my vision, and the hollow emptiness below the waist, had long since fried my positivity circuits beyond repair.
"You sleep okay? What about Yoon-ha noona?"
"Still out cold. I'm gonna go wash up. We've got time, so make breakfast for Nir and Yoon-ha unnie."
"What about you?"
"…Not eating. I'm on a diet."
Ha-rin pinched her own side — a side that, no matter how hard you looked, had not a single ounce of spare flesh — and marched straight into the bathroom. The hiss of the shower started up a moment later, and I headed for the kitchen, trying to suppress a pointless flutter in my chest.
I threw together a quick breakfast of leftover rice and fried eggs, and by the time I was done, Ha-rin came out of the shower, took one look at my still-damp hair, and frowned.
"You still haven't dried your hair? You're gonna be late."
"Why won't this thing dry? When I was a guy, a quick rub with a towel was enough."
"Ugh. You towel it off like that and then wonder why it won't dry. Come here."
Ha-rin yanked the towel off her own shoulders, dumped it over my head, and started scrubbing vigorously. Her hands were rough, but somehow the dampness steadily disappeared.
"I've got my own stuff to do, so finish it yourself. Ugh. Feels like we've got two Nirs in the house now."
She scowled, muttered the words, and disappeared back into her room.
Once the hair was finally dry, I hit another wall.
I stood staring down at the set of clothes and underwear laid out at my feet. An indescribable swirl of complicated feelings churned in my chest.
…Should I just die again right now?
"Ten minutes left. Want me to help if you can't put them on yourself?"
Ha-rin, already perfectly dressed, opened her door and looked at me like I was hopeless.
No. A man has his pride. I'd rather die than accept.
I shook my head with ferocious intensity.
"I can do it!"
At my firm reply, Ha-rin studied me for a moment, then shut the door again with an expression that said she trusted me about as far as she could throw me.
…Fine. If I can't avoid this and I'm stuck living in this body for a while…
I'll wear the damn things!
My grand resolve lasted less than thirty seconds before collapsing in spectacular fashion.
"Ha-rin?"
The moment my hands met a scrap of lace fabric that looked like it would fit perfectly around this wobbling mass of volume, my mind went completely blank.
Why is the hook in the back?
How do you even adjust the size…?
Faced with an item of pure mystery I had no business knowing anything about, I walked over to Ha-rin's door and knocked. It opened as if she'd been waiting.
"Need help?"
"…Help me…"
I had no choice but to ask — and Ha-rin's look of pure pity made me so angry I could have screamed. Starting tomorrow, I was putting this on by myself no matter what!
"There. Done. You're not doing makeup?"
"……Save me…"
"…Wait here, you idiot."
In the end, of all the cosmetics Ha-rin brought me, I only managed to apply a bit of essence and cream.
But clothes were non-negotiable. Most of what Ha-rin owned was fairly androgynous, but a skirt was absolutely out of the question.
I threw on the oversized hoodie I'd been wearing since yesterday and a pair of baggy jeans I'd grabbed from the clothing store out front.
"Wow… you. Even as a joke, do not go near the fine arts department. Someone's gonna think you're a terrorist."
"If I get arrested, I'm naming you as my accomplice."
"Feeling bold, are we?"
Trailing after Ha-rin out the front door, I prayed with all my heart that it wasn't too late for an alien invasion or a nuclear war to wipe the planet clean.
But thinking about it coldly, there were already three beings more unreal than any alien living within a ten-meter radius of me.
Four, counting myself — and the problem was that these creatures showed zero interest in world domination, looking instead like slaves of capitalism fretting over student loans and Seoul real estate prices.
Damn it… if you're monsters, act like monsters! Destroy the world or at least get into some villainy! Why are you all so wholesome?!
Just as we stepped outside, a rumpled Yoon-ha noona held out a document envelope.
"Paperwork for the department office. Request for academic schedule adjustment due to family circumstances, then return. The reason is long-term hospitalization from a traffic accident — remember that."
Apparently the system hacking had gone off without a hitch.
She was competent, sure — but was it just me, or was her competence always pointed in the most uselessly unhelpful direction possible?
I rode the subway to campus side by side with Ha-rin.
But today, for some reason, I could feel eyes on me the entire walk. Passersby kept glancing our way, whispering among themselves, and cold sweat ran down my back.
Don't tell me — the other incarnations Yoon-ha noona mentioned? Already after my body…?
I shrank into myself with anxiety, and Ha-rin, walking beside me, spoke quietly.
"As long as you're with me, you don't have to worry about ordinary incarnations attacking. So stop looking around like a nervous wreck and just stay still, okay?"
"Last time I was with you, I got cut in half."
"…That was because you weren't with me — you were stalking me."
Ha-rin snapped, sounding a little guilty.
"Incarnations usually don't approach me. They just watch from a distance, so relax."
"I'd love to relax, but didn't you say something about dealing with the person who killed me? Not exactly reassuring."
"That stalker was an exception. Lately he'd been crossing lines in ways that got on my nerves. Anyway, no incarnation with a functioning brain would attack me."
"Wow… so the ones without functioning brains might. Super comforting…"
"How am I supposed to take responsibility for the crazy ones too? And unless a hole opens in the barrier like yesterday, no idiot's going to raid our base either."
"…Those Valkyrie women yesterday?"
"…They weren't in their right minds either, so yeah, exception. And there was a hole in the barrier, but… wait. Are you seriously going to keep picking at every word I say? I will leave you here!"
I had been picking at her words, but Ha-rin's prickly-yet-strangely-caring attitude loosened the tension a little.
Then, as the campus main gate came into view in the distance, Ha-rin suddenly picked up her pace and pulled away from me.
"Hey! Why are you walking so fast all of a sudden?"
"We've come far enough! Don't act like you know me in the lecture halls or the department lounge. Don't even talk to me."
Ha-rin drew a finger across her throat, then slipped into campus alone.
A minute ago she told me to stick close, and now she just dumps me and walks off. Seriously, you can never understand a woman's heart…
I steeled myself and headed for the College of Education building. On the way in, and again on the way to the department office, I could feel students glancing at me.
What is it? Did I put my clothes on wrong? Is my hair weird? Is my face weird?
Anxiety crept in, but the die was already cast.
I threw my chest out with confidence!
…Only for the crushing pressure on my ribcage to make me hunch my shoulders again as I hurried toward the department office. I really needed to buy my own clothes soon…
I arrived at the office, submitted the academic adjustment paperwork, and watched the administrative staffer with a pounding heart. He was inputting something at the speed of light, eyes gleaming like a pro gamer. It was hard to believe this was the same prickly guy who'd snapped at me at the start of the semester with, "You think you're my only customer?"
"Aigoo, what kind of family business kept you out for a whole month? Catching up on the material's gonna be rough."
The staffer smiled in a way so greasy I wanted to punch him.
"Want oppa to specially hook you up with some past exams?"
…Oppa?
If you had any shame, sir, calling yourself "oppa" at your age is crossing a line.
I clenched my fists behind an awkward smile and silently dumped a truckload of curses on him until the paperwork was finally done.
Oppa… oppa…
Every time I chewed over that disgusting word I'd just heard, my expression was almost certainly darkening in real time.
I'd gone to an all-boys middle school and an all-boys high school. I'd never once been called "oppa" in my life — and now society expected me to be the one saying it…
If anyone ever told me to say that word, my former-male ego might develop an anger management problem and throw a punch…
Burning with rage at the mere thought, I climbed the stairs and found myself in front of a familiar large lecture hall.
Class hadn't started yet, and the atmosphere was noisy and unsettled.
"……"
Was it just me?
The moment I crossed the threshold, the murmur filling the room died as if someone had flipped a switch.
A brand-new face — and a girl, at that — drawing every eye in the room.
"Hey, scoot over. Make some room."
Male classmates and upperclassmen already seated started competitively clearing the seats next to them.
Looking into those eyes brimming with the hope that I'd sit beside them, the anger I'd barely managed to settle started creeping back up.
I really hate this…!
Clutching my bag strap, I quickly scanned the lecture hall for any other open seats.
My goal was singular.
Until I got my male body back, stay completely under the radar. Quietly blend in.
But how do you stay invisible and quiet?
The solution might be surprisingly simple.
Just do the exact opposite of my older sister.
Not the wild, sloppy, treats-her-little-brother-like-a-slave, heaven-and-earth-I-alone-am-supreme type — but the by-the-book, quiet, model-student type!
I put myself under hypnosis by recalling every violent, barbaric atrocity my sister had ever committed around the house.
Then I ignored the desperate gazes of the male contingent and took a seat on the empty opposite side.
A quick glance around showed not just our department classmates but students from other majors staring at me as if trying to burn a hole through my face.
Ah… I think a hole's about to open in the top of my head.
A short while later, the front door opened and the professor walked in.
He set the attendance book on the lectern and surveyed the room.
"Hmm. I was told there's a student attending for the first time today due to family circumstances… Lee Sang-hae, is that right?"
"Yes, sir! That's me!"
The professor's eyes lit up and he chuckled.
"Perfect timing. How about saying a word of greeting to your classmates? Introduce yourself well, and I'll generously count that whole month of absences as attended."
Doesn't attendance just get approved automatically once the admin processing is done?
And what kind of university lecture has self-introductions?
This isn't a freshman orientation drinking party!
But unfair or not, I had to function in society.
Just do the opposite of noona. Always the opposite.
Suppressing a tension that felt like my chest might explode, I stood and took a deep breath.
The hoodie was baggy, but the underwear underneath was so tight that every inhale squeezed my chest and made me even more nervous.
But first impressions matter.
If I got labeled as the weird one from the start, things could get difficult later. I might even have to eat lunch alone!
"Hello! My family name is Lee, and my given name is Sang-hae! Due to circumstances, this is my first attendance of the semester. There's a lot I don't know yet, but I look forward to working with all of you!"
I bowed at the waist, a full formal bow, and sat right back down.
I'd hoped that at least one of my classmates, hearing my name, might laugh and say, "Hey, isn't that the same name as that guy?" — but contrary to my desperate wish, a strangely heavy, cold silence stretched across the entire lecture hall.
What? Was my expression weird? Was my tone weird?
The male classmates and upperclassmen turned their heads the moment our eyes met, cheeks faintly flushed, while the female classmates stared at me with eyes full of something between wariness and curiosity.
Well, I wasn't a soldier — my introduction had been way too stiff.
Maybe the "do the opposite of noona" mind control had backfired.
I didn't know what it was, but my first impression seemed to have been a complete disaster.
Drowning in shame that boiled up from deep in my chest, I hung my head — then looked toward Ha-rin, sitting by the window in the very back row. Help me, Ha-rin-emon!
But Ha-rin not only ignored my cry for rescue with surgical precision — she shook her head with an expression that said she was dying of secondhand embarrassment.