Zero Presence
The scratch of a pen. The rustle of pages turning. A quiet cough.
The library's signature heavy white noise filled the vast reading room. Only the sound of someone rolling a ballpoint pen, flipping through textbooks, and the occasional soft clearing of a throat disturbed the silence.
"Haa..."
I pressed my fingers into the dark circles under my eyes and glared at the thick major textbook spread before me like it was my worst enemy.
Chuseok was right around the corner. The full moon of the eighth lunar month—the biggest holiday of the year. The day I'd have to head back to my hometown, perform the ancestral rites, and face my family was fast approaching.
But before that holiday, one massive obstacle loomed in my path.
The eternal nemesis of every college student: midterms.
Honestly, as a freshman who had just become an adult and moved away from home to live alone, the burden of rent and living expenses was no small thing.
Luckily, my hometown being in a rural county meant the conditions lined up perfectly. I'd managed to secure both a national scholarship and a school scholarship that covered a decent amount. But nothing in this world is free. The problem was the absolute condition required to maintain those scholarships.
'Maintain a B average or higher at all costs...!'
The second a C+ showed up? That sweet scholarship money would vanish like a mirage, and I'd spend the entire next semester working night shifts at the convenience store and slaving away at a distribution center just to scrape by.
'Wait... couldn't I just earn it through adult videos? Ha. If it were that easy, would I be going through all this?'
To be blunt, the only video that had truly blown up was that very first paizuri one. Everything I'd ambitiously filmed and uploaded afterward had flopped hard. The side hustle I'd started hoping for a big score turned out to be a far more unstable gamble than expected. That was exactly why I couldn't afford to lose this scholarship.
Scratch, scratch. Underline.
"...This professor is a real piece of work, putting stuff that's not even in the book on the test."
I pouted and dragged the highlighter aggressively across the printout.
The sticky, intense pleasure from last night, the face of that bastard senior who'd tried to jump me a few days ago—at that moment, both had been completely wiped from my mind. The only thing occupying my brain was the desperate survival instinct to cram this alien-like specialized knowledge into my skull. I wasn't in any position to think about romance or anything else.
I hunched over the desk until my nose nearly touched the pages, eyes wide despite the dryness, and kept scribbling away with my pen.
"...Oh, shit!"
In the dead-quiet library reading room, I barely stopped myself from screaming and bolting upright, clamping both hands over my mouth.
'I still have to send Jinwoo the money for the camera!'
He'd casually tossed it my way saying I should try it out before deciding to buy, but the truth was that a high-end camera with those specs couldn't be found at that price even secondhand. It was basically a free rental—a huge favor. I couldn't keep pretending I didn't owe him forever.
'Wait. But before that... I don't have any money right now? Oh, fu...'
A cold sweat trickled down my spine. When I'd received the settlement from the first video's earnings, I'd carefully set aside 4.5 million won specifically for the camera. Where the hell had that money gone?
"...Ah."
The sleek, substantial form of a brand-new console gaming system flashed through my mind. It had a reputation for being nearly impossible to get, and I'd been eyeing it for ages. A few days ago, when a restock notification popped up like a miracle, I'd lost my mind. My finger had slammed the purchase button at light speed.
"Haa... I'm such an idiot. Of all the times to impulse buy..."
I ruffled my hair violently, feeling like I wanted to rip it out.
Instead of securing my scholarship, the three million won I owed Jinwoo had evaporated into thin air—or more precisely, into the game company's account. A truly hopeless situation.
Then, like a single lifeline dangling over the cliff's edge, one thought crossed my mind.
"Wait... wait a second. Should I check the reaction on that video we uploaded last time...?"
Right. That third video we'd struggled to film—the 'cat costume' masterpiece. If that one had hit it big, it might solve this crisis in one go.
With trembling hands, I slammed the textbook shut, yanked out my smartphone, and launched the dashboard app for our channel.
Click.
My shaking finger hit refresh. A loading spinner whirled for a moment before the video data flooded the screen.
"Whew... Let's see the reaction..."
I swallowed hard as I scrolled. The smile slowly drained from my face.
"...We're screwed."
The first thing that hit me was a barrage of multinational hate comments from around the world. Every single one cut deep.
"Ah, damn..."
I rubbed my forehead. Well, it wasn't entirely unexpected. The answer had been obvious the moment I reviewed the raw footage after filming.
Who cared if it was 4K? The camera had been positioned so far away that the important 'subject' was nothing but a blurry shape in the distance.
Still, I'd held out hope. Even if the framing sucked, maybe the subject and the costume would carry it. Maybe it wouldn't sink completely.
"Haa... Guess not."
What came after was even worse.
A chaotic party of horny foreigners and spam bots from every corner of the globe. And the attacks aimed at me crossed every border.
'Just die? What the hell... T_T'
My eyes grew hot before I could stop it. Getting cursed out on a global scale made my mentality crumble like dry leaves. But I swallowed the sadness and tapped the monetization tab one last time.
"...Huh?"
Estimated Revenue: 3,024,100 KRW
"Oh... Ohhh!!"
Whether the comments were brutal or the angle was trash, the first video's buff combined with the clickbait thumbnail of the 'cat costume' had somehow worked a miracle. The amount I needed to pay Jinwoo was barely covered!
"Haa... Thank god. Seriously, thank god. Even if it was close, I managed to scrape together what I owe..."
Forgetting I was in a library, I clutched the phone to my chest and let out a massive sigh of relief. At least I wouldn't have to live as a debtor.
But the relief was short-lived.
"Hey. What are you doing?"
"...Hik?!"
The familiar voice suddenly coming from behind me nearly made my heart jump out of my chest. I reflexively flipped my phone face-down on the desk and turned my stiff neck to look back.
"Eh...?"
There stood Seola, arms full of major textbooks. Behind her were three or four classmates—guys and girls—who seemed to be in the same classes. They were peeking at me like I was some fascinating exhibit.
As cold sweat beaded on my skin and I gripped the flipped phone, one of the girls behind Seola pointed at my face and let out a small gasp.
"Oh! It's Seola's boyfriend."
At those words, the guy standing next to her stiffened noticeably. He glanced back and forth between Seola and me before speaking as if nothing was wrong. But there was a subtle thorn in his tone.
"...What? You had a boyfriend? First I've heard of it. Also, this guy... isn't he in our department? I don't think I've ever seen him before."
"Shut up. Don't be loud in the library."
Seola's voice dropped with clear disgust. Still, the girl continued staring at me with sparkling eyes and whispered.
"Wait, really? Same department? Then why does it feel like I've never seen him...?"
The short-haired girl next to her suddenly clapped her hands together as if remembering something.
"Oh, wait. We saw him once at the cafe before, right?"
The clear polite speech directed at me felt vaguely familiar, but I couldn't remember where I'd seen her.
...Actually, it was a memory I didn't particularly want to recall.
"Ah, yes."
I nodded vaguely, unable to confirm or deny.
"...I said shut up."
When Seola ground her teeth in another warning, the short, scrawny guy who had been reading the room awkwardly tried to smooth things over.
"Uh, yeah. Let's find seats first. It's exam season so it's packed. If we don't grab spots now, there won't be any left."
Just as the group started to turn away, Seola glanced down at me and suddenly dropped a bomb.
"Hey. You guys go ahead. I'll study with him."
"What??"
The guy asked back, looking dumbfounded.
"We're supposed to be working on the group project together. Just come with us. Your friend can handle himself."
"Why does the number of people matter when we're studying? I'm staying here. If you're going, go by yourselves."
Seola's tone was firm as steel. The short-haired girl, who had been watching the strange atmosphere, covered her mouth, giggled, and drove the final nail in.
"Aww~ Then you two have a nice date~"
At that moment, Seola's last thread of patience snapped.
"I SAID SHUT UUUUP!!!"
"...!"
"...!"
In the middle of the quiet library reading room, Seola's sharp, ringing shout echoed in every direction.
Scratch... rustle... silence.
The sound of pens and turning pages stopped instantly.
Dozens of eyes that had been studying all turned toward us at once, cold and piercing. They were the stinging gazes of contempt and curiosity aimed at the 'library villains.'
"...Hic."
Even though she'd caused it, Seola seemed to regret it immediately. Her face flushed bright red like a ripe tomato.
She covered her cheeks with both hands, then collapsed like she wanted to crawl into a hole, slumping into the empty chair beside me. Hiding her face completely behind her textbook, she looked utterly pitiful.
The classmates couldn't withstand the stares pouring in from all sides. They offered awkward little bows and quickly fled to another reading room.
In the end, only two people remained at the wide desk: me, frozen while guarding my phone, and Seola, face buried in her textbook and trembling.
Unlike my earlier panic, a strange sense of satisfaction was slowly blooming inside me.
'...What is this feeling? Honestly, it's kind of awesome.'
That childish sense of superiority from being the final victor who had snatched the seat beside Seola, shoving aside the guy who had been eyeing me with jealousy. I rested my chin on my hand, happily admiring the bright red tips of Seola's ears peeking out from behind the book.
I must have been staring openly for quite a while.
Seola kept her head down and tore off a corner of her notebook, sliding it toward me.
What are you looking at? It's annoying...
The crooked handwriting, pressed hard with mechanical pencil lead, looked murderous. I saw the scary note and could only open and close my mouth awkwardly.
"Ah... yes."
I swallowed a dry laugh and obediently turned my eyes back to my textbook, letting the matter drop.
* * *
How much time had passed? The sky outside the library windows had turned deep black.
"...Hey. Should we head out now?"
Seola whispered softly as she gathered her things. I nodded, rubbing my stiff neck.
"Yeah, let's go."
We left the library, stretched wide under the night air, and I popped open a canned coffee from the vending machine.
Click. Psshh—.
As I took a sip, Seola—who had been stretching beside me—looked me up and down and suddenly started scolding.
"Hey. Put some effort into how you dress."
"Huh??"
"I mean, a hoodie and sweatpants? Haa... And you should work out more too!"
The sudden criticism of my appearance left me dumbfounded. I protested while still holding the coffee can.
"Uh, thanks for worrying about me... but don't I have a pretty decent build? I don't lose to anyone in terms of size."
"No! You have the size but none of the muscle or the way clothes should hang on you! You just look like some neighborhood bum!"
"...I mean, thanks for suddenly caring about my clothes, but why are you getting angry?"
When I asked, feeling wronged, Seola let out a deep sigh and glanced around. Then she burst out with the frustration she'd been holding in.
"It's just... Don't you make any friends in the department? Our situations aren't any different! We went to the same elementary school, same middle school, same high school, and even the same university and department!!"
"...Ugh."
The brutal facts made me flinch like I'd been stabbed.
"Ha, ugh... Why do I have to hear our classmates saying stuff like 'Huh? Who's that guy? Wait, he's in our department??' It's ridiculous! How can you have so little presence that your own classmates don't even recognize your face? With that big frame, you could at least go around with a friendly smile and say hello everywhere!"
"Uh... well..."
My mouth clamped shut. Seola's full-scale lecture had begun.
"Go to department events sometimes! Eat with your classmates! Stop locking yourself in your room every day and only hanging out with me—meet some people! Your face isn't bad and you have a good build, so why do you live like some reclusive loner?!"
After firing off her rapid complaints for a while, Seola looked at my face—which had gone completely silent like I'd eaten honey—and bit her lip.
"Huu..."
Her heaving shoulders finally relaxed a little. She nervously swept her bangs aside and apologized in a small voice.
"...Sorry. I didn't mean to attack you or anything... It's just, the way those guys looked at you earlier really got to me."
"The way they looked?"
"Yeah. Like they were dismissing the person next to me without even knowing who you were... That look hurt my pride. It pissed me off."
"Oh?"
A playful sound of surprise escaped me. Seola furrowed her brows deeply and continued passionately.
"And that guy earlier. His name is Minjun too. Of course you're Lee Minjun and he's Kim Minjun, but still—damn it!!"
Thud—!
"Ow!!"
Unable to contain her frustration, Seola kicked my shin hard.
I jumped with a short yelp, still holding my coffee, but her scolding didn't stop.
"What does he have that you don't?! Your grades are probably about the same! You're way taller than him, and your face is... ugh! Ughhh!! Just please buy some decent clothes and take care of how you look, okay?!"
The way she pounded her own chest in frustration while lecturing me made her look exactly like a mother sending her son out into the world.
Even as my shin throbbed, an inexplicable warmth bubbled up inside my chest.
I'd been thoroughly roasted and lectured for a while, yet somehow my heart felt ticklish.
I rubbed my sore leg, grinned, and replied cheekily.
"Ah~ Yes, yes. Mother. I understand your words per~fectly."
"Ugh, are you seriously trying to mess with me right now?!"
At my playful response, Seola huffed and pointed her finger right in front of my nose, yelling.
Our childish, noisy bickering continued for a long time under the campus streetlights, cutting through the cool autumn night air.
It wasn't a bad feeling at all.
