Chapter 136
Chapter 136
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Translator: Ebonarch
Chapter Title: You've Never Once Acted for My Sake
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"Hey. Is the research done? You haven't done a thing these past few days."
"Uuum~?"
Yawn—
Camilla answered the man's question with a yawn.
The guard standing by the door of the small, cramped lab—which could hardly be called spacious—frowned, clearly irritated by her response.
"Don't glare at me like that. I've already finished everything ages ago, that's why I'm just sitting around."
"...I see."
The man nodded at Camilla's reply before promptly turning his head away again.
It wasn't particularly strange for the man to turn away as if he had no interest.
Camilla's research was something kept under wraps, not the kind of thing a mere grunt should pry into. He seemed aware of that, showing no signs of digging deeper.
Though his eyes betrayed a flicker of curiosity.
"Huuuuum—"
Camilla stretched languidly and let out a deep sigh.
Boring.
Cooped up in this tiny space for so long, she was starting to feel antsy all over.
What if this boredom started affecting her health?
Boredom was like a disease—if you didn't relieve it periodically, it would eventually take its toll.
'...The heroes must have reached Sector X by now, right?'
I wonder how it's going there.
Camilla closed her eyes for a moment, lost in thought, then clicked her tongue.
"...Tch."
How would it be?
No doubt, at the very least, far more entertaining than here.
Han U-sol would be desperately searching for Anis.
He'd fend off demons and traitors, persuade her, and itch to bring her back.
Believing that was the way to save her.
"...Pfft."
Camilla let out a small chuckle.
How ridiculous.
He had no inkling that Anis would never accept such a method.
Anis didn't want Betty or Han to die. Not in the slightest.
Over the past three years, those two had been the ones consistently tending to her mental state. She undoubtedly relied on them to some degree.
But Han U-sol and Yoon Na-rin didn't know that. Well, of course they didn't—Camilla had deliberately kept it from them.
They believed killing Betty and Han, then pulling her out of there, was the best thing for her.
What they were missing was exactly two things.
The fact that Anis once had an obsession implanted by Yeriel in the past.
And the fact that she was currently deeply mentally dependent on Betty and Han.
All things Camilla had intentionally dodged answering about.
Good thing she hadn't said anything. Thanks to that, Han U-sol and Yoon Na-rin were overlooking something crucial and fixating on the wrong path.
Those two oversights would surely create a small but significant difference.
What an ironic structure.
No matter what, damaging was far easier than repairing.
Easier to shatter intact glass than to piece together broken shards.
Easier to slice healthy flesh with a knife than to stitch torn wounds.
Relationships were the same.
Fueling doubt was simpler than building trust, breakdown easier than recovery. With just a slight nudge from a third party, even the sturdiest bonds could crumble like dominoes.
Lack of information bred misunderstandings, and misunderstandings birthed suspicion.
Tiny fragments of misunderstanding piled up slowly, and those minute differences ultimately ruined everything.
They were still so young and fragile.
Whether their long-awaited reunion would flow in a good direction... well.
"Mm."
Camilla smacked her lips in regret. It was a shame she couldn't witness the scene firsthand.
If she'd been there, it would've been truly entertaining.
And besides...
"...It's about time."
"Time for what?"
The man by the door suddenly chimed in at Camilla's mutter.
"Oh, just~ wondering if it's dinnertime yet? I'm getting hungry."
"...I see. Wait a moment. I'll fetch some food."
With that, the man turned and gripped the door handle.
Camilla watched him intently.
Pretending otherwise, but from the way he'd been probing with questions earlier, he might be more curious than she thought.
"Wanna eat together? Must be tiring standing all day, right? Take a seat for a bit."
The man turned back at her words. His face was expressionless, but he seemed tempted.
Perfect, she was bored anyway. To kill time, Camilla made the offer.
"What's the harm? Even if I tried to resist, you could subdue me in a flash, right? You look bored too... If you've got any questions, I'll chat with you to ease that."
".........."
The man hesitated only briefly.
A little later, he returned with portions for two.
I listened blankly to Han U-sol's words, lost in thought.
I think I got it a little.
The reason for that nagging sense of disconnect between us, even though we both longed for the past. Why you were so desperate, while I remained skeptical. The gap in our perceptions.
The past you saw and the past I saw were worlds apart.
My life had been a sewer. I'd lived my whole existence in loneliness and scorn.
So, those days three years ago were entirely new to me— the light and happiness I'd yearned for. Like a street beggar overjoyed at a single coin, even that brief time felt like a precious morsel of bread that could vanish any moment.
That's why I missed that era itself. Yet at the same time, I was skeptical. For someone like me, who'd clawed through the gutters her whole life, a second stroke of luck felt far too indulgent.
But not you. Unlike me, you'd lived your life surrounded by fortune. A single coin or a scrap of bread was always just par for the course for you.
That's why you were so desperate. The things that should always be there had vanished.
You must have wanted to reclaim them somehow.
[This is the first difference between you and that kid.]
Rena's pitying voice brushed past my dazed ears.
—Crunch.
My jaw clenched unconsciously.
I knew it. It all boiled down to an inferiority complex.
That made it even more infuriating. The pettiness of me, jealous over something so trivial.
Let's go back.
To the you from back then, and the me from back then.
Could there be more romantic words than that?
The kind of line you'd hear between parted lovers, but not a bad one. You surely didn't mean it maliciously.
But intent aside, words could be medicine or poison depending on the listener. Even the most romantic phrase could backfire without the right context.
This was that case.
Back to 'the me from back then'?
To the time when I was clueless, played in someone's palm, unsure if it was even my own will?
I missed 'that time' itself, not a desire to return to 'the me from back then.'
You wouldn't know.
That my soul bore an implanted compulsion to save people.
That I'd thrown myself into battle not from pure will, but driven by the obsession to become a hero and save them.
That's why you could say such things.
It's not your fault. I don't blame you. You knew nothing.
But what if you learned?
If you knew the 'me from back then' you spoke of wasn't the real me, could you still look at me like you do now?
[She'll still look. She likes you, right? It's love.]
Love.
A fine word. Love is always part of every miracle.
Love, respect, affection. Grand and beautiful words. Words unrelated to me always seemed grand and beautiful.
[Yeah. Love is grand.]
Right. It is. But was what Han U-sol felt truly love? Regardless of how I saw him.
Just a fleeting moment. A brief time. The period Han U-sol and I spent together was truly just an instant in our lives.
Less than a year, even. Fall in love in that span? Enough to suffer and desperately want to save me?
How could that be? Doesn't it seem off? Love should be grand, yet it springs up so easily for someone you barely knew?
[An otaku might say love needs no reason.]
..........
Fine, whatever. Even if it was love. Was it truly directed at me?
No, no.
It was love for 'the me from back then'—the one compelled to become a hero.
I gazed at Han U-sol before me. He remained frozen, hand still extended toward me.
[Not gonna take it? She's probably suffered a ton from guilt. Poor thing. Hold her hand and comfort her.]
...Guilt?
[Yeah. Guilt. Guilt for summoning you to this world because of her.]
...Ah.
Right.
Now I got it.
The reason you were so desperate.
Guilt.
You acted out of guilt.
Not for me.
Not because of love. You say you won't mess up this time, that you'll prioritize only yourself.
But it wasn't for me, and certainly not from love.
Guilt over your birth dragging one Anis Harper—and humanity as a whole—into crisis.
You just wanted to shake off that guilt.
Mistaking that simply pulling me away from the demons would be salvation.
"How is that for me? Isn't it for you?"
That's why I replied coldly to Han U-sol, who offered his hand.
You're mistaken.
To me, it's no salvation. It ignores my position, my circumstances, what I value—it's nothing but unkind coercion.
In the end, you're just seeking absolution for your guilt under the guise of saving me. Without grasping my exact situation, pushing only your own perspective.
Sad, really.
You and I both.
We crumbled bit by bit, without even realizing.
"...Anis?"
Han U-sol's face stiffened, his eyes trembling. He looked utterly flustered.
At the same time, Rena's mocking laugh echoed.
[Talk about twisted.]
Yeah.
I'm twisted.
But what can you do?
Because I'm broken. Warped. I can only think in knots.
"Anis, what do you...?"
"Enough."
I'm exhausted.
All this wavering is making me nauseous.
Whatever happens, happens. This indecision is torture.
No matter what, I just want to stop now.
Stop and decide.
Where I belong.
Whether it's right or wrong.
"You've never once acted for my sake."
It's time we both snapped out of our delusions.