Alice in Wonderland (2)
We arrived at the royal castle, but unfortunately, our intended target, the Queen of Hearts, was nowhere to be found.
It wasn't because the security was airtight or anything of the sort. Our paths had simply failed to cross.
"A croquet ground, of all places... The queen certainly takes her social calendar seriously," Lobelia murmured.
"Indeed she does," I replied.
The Queen of Hearts was away from her throne. Apparently, she had stepped out to the croquet ground in the company of the Duchess. It wasn't terribly far, but with the castle on high alert following Lobelia's rather unsubtle entrance, we had no choice but to proceed with caution.
Good grief, Your Highness. Couldn't you tone down that temper just a bit? What did you expect would happen after making such a ruckus in someone else's kingdom?
"By the way, Yohan."
"Yes?"
"Was her name Alice? It must have been quite an ordeal being stuck with her."
"Well, that's one way to put it."
Lobelia let out a dry chuckle as she watched Alice scouting ahead alongside Yuna. Then again, given that the girl was about as predictable as a wildly bouncing rugby ball, the princess's sympathy was entirely justified.
"Yohan. What is your assigned role?"
"I'm the Mad Hatter."
"I find myself curious about what kind of character that is. Care to enlighten me?"
"A cowardly lunatic—rude, petty, and thoroughly spineless."
"A rather harsh assessment."
Lobelia gave a noncommittal shrug before stepping in between Yuna and Alice, who had started giggling up ahead. Taking charge of Alice, whose antics were growing bolder by the second, the princess began scanning their surroundings with her.
With Lobelia taking point, Ariel—who had been fidgeting anxiously while watching Yuna and Alice—quietly drifted back toward me.
"It was so sudden at first, but wandering around like this feels like we're all on an adventure together. It's actually quite nice."
"Is that so? I'm relieved to hear you say that. I was worried you'd think you'd been dragged into some bizarre mess just because you came to visit my family's territory."
"Not at all. If anything, isn't it because of us?"
"Normally, yes, that would be the case."
After all, the group was practically a walking lightning rod for trouble. Whenever a disaster struck, guessing the culprit might yield several possibilities, but guessing who the culprit was targeting almost always pointed in one definite direction: the Imperial Princess and her retinue. They were, quite literally, the eye of the storm.
"Still, I doubt that's the case this time."
"Oh, you sound so certain. Do you have an idea of what's going on?"
"A vague one. In fact, confirming it is part of why we're heading there now."
"Mmm, then I'll rely on you if something happens, Yohan. It feels like our usual roles are reversed—my heart is fluttering a little."
Even in a predicament like this, Ariel offered a bashful, blooming smile. Her complete trust in me radiated from every word.
"Let's stay focused and keep up. If we fall behind, the patrolling guards might catch us."
"Shall we? It wouldn't do for just the two of us to idle around back here while everyone else is working so hard to find the way."
"Though which of us is truly idling is anyone's guess."
At least from where I stood, the trio glancing around up ahead looked far more like they were fooling around than working.
"All right! Now's our chance! If we sprint right now—oh no, they saw us! Run, everyone! Hide! Waaah!"
Especially Alice.
Having caused one mishap after another through pure carelessness, Alice was promptly banished to the rear of the line. In her stead—if one could call it a promotion—Ariel, who had been enjoying a rather pleasant atmosphere with me, was drafted back to the vanguard.
The three figures scouting ahead walked in tense silence. The air between them was beyond bleak; it was downright frigid.
"Looking at them, I think I really have a talent for livening up the mood," Alice piped up from beside me.
"Whatever other faults you have, I can't deny that one."
"Ahem!"
"...Though I'm not sure why someone who got kicked to the back for causing trouble is acting so smug."
"Aw, come on! Credit where credit's due. Besides, you haven't stepped up to the front even once, have you, Mr. Hatter?"
"Fine, fine. You're wonderful."
Even after being exiled to the rear, Alice didn't stop chattering for a single second. Was she always this talkative? Or is she just enjoying this surreal situation that much?
"Hey, Hatter."
"Yeah."
"I'm bored."
"..."
"Don't just ignore me!"
"What do you want me to do about it?"
Alice truly couldn't stay still for a single breath.
"Tell me something interesting. Like how you met Lady Ariel, for example? You said you two are engaged, right?"
"It's a political arrangement. There's not much to tell."
"It didn't look like a simple political match to me! What were you two whispering about back here anyway? Come on, tell me. Just between us."
"No."
"Hmph. Fine, be that way. I'll just ask Lady Ariel later."
"Suit yourself."
Having successfully muzzled Alice before her endless stream of questions could ramp up any further, we pressed on. Slipping past the sloppy, unmotivated cordon of card soldiers, we finally broke clear of the castle grounds.
"Their military discipline is an absolute disgrace," Lobelia remarked.
Spoken like a true royal. Leave it to her to care more about the internal administration of a foreign realm than our immediate survival.
"I'm the one who shook them all off, though..." Yuna groaned.
She looked thoroughly spent, slumping lower than usual as if she'd broken a massive sweat entirely on her own. To be fair, had she been by herself, slipping through any perimeter would have been child's play. But how many deadweights was she escorting? There was me, and then there was Alice. With Alice tripping alarms at every corner, it was a miracle Yuna hadn't lost her mind. If she hadn't repeatedly darted off to decoy the guards, we would have clashed with the card soldiers at least five times by now.
"Yohan, I'm exhausted. Give me a piggyback."
"I'm more exhausted than you, Yuna."
"Not my problem."
Going completely limp, Yuna latched onto my back with unrelenting tenacity. Hey, you just said you were exhausted! Why can't I shake you off?!
"Lady Yuna..." Ariel began tentatively.
"What is it, Lady Ariel? Is this about how you hesitated, tripped flat on the floor, and gave us away roughly three times? If you're trying to apologize for making me sprint around for two hours to shake them off, don't worry about it. I'm totally fine."
"...I was just going to tell you to rest comfortably."
Yuna struck with unassailable moral superiority. Ariel quietly averted her eyes; kindhearted as she was, she simply couldn't bring herself to be callous. Her gentle nature was all well and good, but why did I have to be the one suffering in the middle?
"All right, let's go, Yohan."
"Right..."
Having utterly failed to dislodge her, I had no choice but to haul Yuna forward on my back.
We walked on in quiet resignation for a time, the steady rhythm of our steps breaking the silence.
"Yohan, there's something I'm curious about. Can I ask? I'll keep my voice down."
Yuna's whisper tickled my ear, so close I could feel the faint warmth of her breath against my neck.
"Yohan... you know Alice, don't you?"
"Of course I do. She's the protagonist of the fairy tale."
"Really? That's all?"
"...Why would you think otherwise?"
"Just a hunch. You just seem that way to me."
Whenever it came to Yuna, I was reminded of it again and again: she had an uncanny knack for cutting straight to the heart of the matter with suffocating precision.
"I'd rather not answer."
"Is that so? Then I'll wait until you feel like telling me."
I was slightly taken aback by how cleanly she let it go.
"Well? Wasn't that pretty good just now? Didn't I seem like a deeply understanding woman?"
"I might have actually thought so if you hadn't tacked on that comment."
"Puhihi! Come on, there's no need for us to be so serious."
"I suppose not."
Trapped in an absurd world like this, our only method of getting back was blind speculation. With nothing certain, everyone else seemed to treat this as some thrilling adventure. I was probably the only one genuinely weighed down by anxiety. Was that why? Her breezy remark that we didn't need to be so serious struck a chord deep inside me. With her, it felt as though I could drop my guard and say anything.
"Yuna. I'm afraid."
"About what?"
"That I might make the wrong choice."
"I see."
"That's it? You aren't going to ask what choice?"
"Nope! You said you didn't want to talk about it. Or should I just comfort you quietly? I'm pretty confident in my comforting skills, you know."
"No, forget it... Just keep living like that forever."
"Then I guess I'll spend the rest of my life clinging to your back, Yohan."
She really was ridiculous. Looking at Yuna made my own heavy anxieties feel almost silly. She had probably aimed for that exact effect. Say what you will about her, there was truly no better friend than Yuna.
"Yuna, could you hold still for a second?"
"Why? Are you feeling a side of me you never noticed before? Well, my clothes are a bit thinner than usual today."
"And watch your mouth while you're at it."
...Assuming we stay 'friends,' that is. No matter how I looked at it, she clearly had no intention of stopping there.
It was around the time we neared the croquet ground where the Queen of Hearts was said to be, with Yuna still clinging firmly to my back.
"Is that...?"
Fortunately, we didn't need to search all the way to the court. Perhaps the match had already concluded, as we spotted the Queen of Hearts on the move, flanked by an escort of royal guards.
"Wasn't this supposed to be a fairy tale world? The atmosphere took a sudden sharp turn..." Ariel muttered in disbelief.
"More than that, I find myself wondering how she could possibly play croquet in a state like that," Lobelia remarked, marveling with a faint smirk.
That was how utterly alien the Queen of Hearts looked compared to the other inhabitants of this realm. Or rather, strictly speaking, the design shared a common aesthetic—it was the sheer scale that was completely out of proportion.
"...No matter how you look at it, isn't that an Ex Machina decisive battle weapon?"
A colossal silhouette, a grotesque assembly of cold gears and armored plating. A crushing pressure radiated from it simply by virtue of its mechanical movements. And above all else...
"...The foreshadowing pays off with a vengeance."
Demonic energy swirled around it in dark, churning tides. To my eyes, the sinister miasma I had witnessed on our way to Damos Territory was plainly visible, coalescing around the mechanical queen. Which meant, in the worst-case scenario, the Queen of Hearts possessed the combined power of three Librarians.
"Yohan. How does it look to you? Do you think that thing can be reasoned with?"
"Honestly, I highly doubt it. Still, we are rational, civilized people. We ought to at least try."
"Very well. Go on, then."
"How could someone like me possibly presume to undertake the grave duty of an audience with a foreign monarch? Wouldn't it be far more fitting for Your Highness Lobelia, of imperial blood, to grace the royalty of a minor kingdom with your magnanimity...?"
"You always have an excuse ready. Forget it. It's not as though I expected anything else from you."
Lobelia shrugged, then strode boldly forward. She always knew I wouldn't do it, so why did she bother tormenting me every single time? A truly bizarre woman.
"...The more I look at you, Mr. Hatter, the more pathetic you seem," Alice commented from my side.
"Everyone has their own designated role in this world, Alice."
"You don't fight, and you don't negotiate. What can you even do?"
"..."
"I should have gone instead."
"You really have a death wish, don't you?"
I rapped Alice on the crown of her head. Of course, a brat like this wouldn't learn her lesson from just one tap, so without a word, I gave her another sharp rap on the noggin.
"Whoa! Talk about holding a petty grudge!"
Should I hit her one more time?
The thought had barely crossed my mind when—
KABOOOOOOM!!
With a deafening crash, Lobelia—who had marched off so proudly to negotiate—came flying back across the field. Or rather, it would be more accurate to say she had been launched like a cannonball. Yet the princess simply dusted herself off and rolled her shoulders as she stood back up, entirely unbothered.
"Hmm. As expected, it isn't keen on diplomacy. It talks, though."
"What did it say?"
"It ordered my head cut off. And then proceeded to aim for my neck itself."
"Is that so..."
At least it was staying faithful to the Queen of Hearts' character premise. Still, thanks to that brief exchange, one fact had become abundantly clear.
"We just have to smash it, right?"
A battle with the Queen of Hearts was unavoidable.
"I shall pray for Your Highness's glorious victory."
"You'd rather die than offer to fight alongside me, wouldn't you? Well, that is very like you."
And who's the one that keeps teasing me about it, knowing full well how I'll answer? I wanted to shoot back with a sharp retort, but being the benevolent soul I am, I held my tongue.
"I will fight with you in fragile Yohan's place, Your Highness," Ariel stepped forward softly.
"Look at you coddling him just because you're betrothed, Ariel. You used to follow along without a word..."
"I have more things to cherish now."
"I know. And I'm glad for it."
With that, Lobelia clenched her fists, igniting crackling arcs of Red Lightning around her knuckles, while Ariel drifted silently into the air beside her. Seeing as Yuna was nowhere in sight, she had likely initiated an flanking maneuver of her own. It was a familiar scene—and just as I always did, I took a prudent step back from the spotlight.
If there was one difference from the usual routine...
"What are you doing over here?"
"...My role is to protect a child like you."
"Wow, is that so?"
"..."
"They say it's all in how you phrase it, and that feels spot on right now. Wouldn't you agree?"
It was the noisy little brat standing beside me.