Alice in Wonderland (1)
As expected, Alice proved utterly uncontrollable.
"Oh my gosh! Look at that! There's a massive, gorgeous mushroom! How many people do you think that could feed?"
"Well, I don't know how many people it'd feed, but judging by that color, whoever takes a bite is going straight to the grave."
"Mmm, you never know until you try, right? Should I take a nibble?"
I caught Alice by the scruff of her neck just as she went lunging toward the colossal, vibrant mushroom.
"You really are an unruly menace, aren't you? Do you have a death wish?"
"Aw, I was just kidding! I thought I saw something sitting on top of the mushroom and wanted to check, that's all."
"Huh?"
Only then did I notice the silhouette perched atop the cap.
"Fhuuu... What is it?"
A thick haze of smoke swirled over the mushroom, obscuring the figure from clear view. Still, if this truly was Wonderland, it wasn't hard to guess who it was.
"It's nothing. Sorry to disturb your peace."
"Very well..."
Most likely the Caterpillar.
He had played an important role in the original story, if I remembered correctly, but we had no immediate need for his help. Alice hadn't shot up like a beanstalk or shrunk to the size of a thimble. Besides, things weren't going to play out according to the fairy tale anyway—Ariel had already been caught by Alice right at the start. Lingering here would just be a waste of time.
"Aren't you curious? What if the person in the fog looks like that crazy rabbit from before?"
"Could be."
"Nope, I have to go see."
"It looks like a caterpillar."
"Never mind, then."
"Good."
Apparently, she hated bugs. That made one thing abundantly clear: just like Ariel and me, this Alice wasn't identical to the Alice of the original story either. In other words, we couldn't just sit back and rely on her following the plot.
"Ariel, do you have a moment? About our plans going forward..."
Rather than trailing behind Alice, we needed to guide her. But just as I turned to discuss the matter with Ariel—
"Ariel?"
I realized she was hesitating far behind us, fidgeting uncomfortably.
"Is something wrong?"
"Um, Yohan? I know it's a bit late to bring this up, but my clothes are..."
"Ah."
It really was late in the game to mention it.
Come to think of it, both Ariel and I were dressed entirely differently from our usual attire. I was sporting a tuxedo and a top hat reminiscent of the Mad Hatter, but Ariel...
"The skirt is a bit too..."
She wore nothing more than a form-fitting pencil skirt and a crisp blouse. Just as the original White Rabbit had donned a suit, Ariel had been dressed up like a modern office worker. Given that she usually bundled herself up from head to toe, complete with an oversized witch's hat, it had to feel quite awkward.
"I wasn't being considerate enough. Here, please wrap this around yourself."
"Thank you, Yohan."
I slipped off my coat and tied it around her waist. That should be a little better than before.
"What are you two doing?"
Alice poked her head between us with a sly grin that practically screamed she was about to say something obnoxious.
"So this is how real fiancés act, huh? So passionate! I'm totally dying of jealousy."
"Be quiet and let's keep moving. Don't you want to get home?"
"Ye~es, whatever~"
Good grief, look at that face. She was the absolute picture of a brat who refused to listen.
Leading the unruly kid along, we pressed on. True to its name, Wonderland was packed with all sorts of bizarre sights and inhabited by eccentric characters. Among the strangest of them all was...
"H-Help! S-Save me! Someone save me! Squaaawk!"
...a flock of animals that had marched straight into a pond on their own two feet, only to start shrieking for help after the fact.
We had ignored most of the weirdos we crossed paths with, but apparently Alice couldn't turn a deaf ear to cries for help. She sprinted ahead and began hauling the flailing animals out of the pond one by one.
"I could have pulled them all out at once with magic..." Ariel murmured softly.
"Her body just moves faster than her head."
"It does seem that way."
After quite some time, having fished out every last animal, Alice waved back at us with a proud, mission-accomplished grin. Ariel and I simply floated across the pond in a single breath of telekinesis. Having an Archmage around really did make life convenient.
"T-Thanks for saving us. I-I am the D-Dodo, the D-Dodo bird."
"Hello, Dodo bird! Are you cold? Why are you stuttering so much? Hmm, maybe you should dry off first?"
"T-Then let's have a C-Caucus-Race! I-I'll teach you how!"
Mmh, that sounded familiar. It seemed this was another scene from the original book.
"Ah, if that's all, there's a much easier way. Let me help you."
Fortunately, we were spared the hassle. With a simple flick of Ariel's magic, every single creature was instantly dried to fluffy perfection. Perhaps because things hadn't gone according to script, the Dodo bird frowned awkwardly mid-explanation.
"A-Anyway, th-thanks for helping. H-Here, take this."
Regardless, the fact remained that we had helped. The Dodo bowed its head, handed over a small trinket, and waddled off with the other animals—only to promptly stumble right back into the pond and start flailing all over again.
"H-Help! S-Somebody!"
"..."
"Shall we just keep going?"
"Yeah."
Even Alice, who had dashed in to save them the first time, decided to pretend she saw nothing. Our pace picked up considerably.
"By the way, where are we even going?"
"Took you long enough to ask."
"It's been chaotic, okay?"
"You mean you were too busy getting distracted by everything?"
"What choice did I have? I'm saddled with the heavy burden of babysitting two lunatics."
"Why you little...?"
How did she manage to pick the exact words guaranteed to make someone want to smack her?
"So, where are we going?"
"If my memory serves me right, we probably need to meet the Queen of Hearts."
"And where is Her Majesty the Queen of Hearts?"
"That's what we're going to figure out from here."
"..."
"I'm not crazy."
"No, crazy aside, I was just thinking you're completely pathetic."
"You just have to get the last word in, don't you?"
Should I really rap her on the head? No, if she sulked and turned hostile, that would cause its own set of headaches. Kids had wild mood swings. Best to tread lightly.
"Oh! I think I know where that might be! When I looked from the treetop earlier, I saw a huge royal castle!"
"As expected of Yuna. Thorough as alw—"
I froze mid-sentence as my brain caught up with my ears.
"...Yuna?"
"Yup! It's me."
I glanced toward the voice and spotted Yuna lounging casually on a tree branch. She had always been elusive, but running into her like this was perpetually startling.
"Wait, what happened to..."
Had she also been assigned the role of a character? A pair of fluffy cat ears sprouted from the top of her head. Most likely the Cheshire Cat.
Like Ariel and me, Yuna was dressed in something far different from her ordinary clothes. Except...
"Yohan, close your eyes."
A short crop top that left her midriff completely exposed, paired with skin-tight hot pants. Horrified by the scandalous outfit accentuating Yuna's figure, Ariel frantically thrust her hands toward my face. Afraid she might accidentally poke my eyes out, I meekly let her cover them.
Not that it mattered; I'd already seen everything there was to see.
"Aww, are you jealous? Well, I guess I do have a mature charm that Lady Ariel lacks."
I hadn't thought about it before, but she wasn't wrong. Because I was so used to seeing her in her regular assassin gear, it felt like I was discovering an entirely new side of her today.
"Just put this on!"
"Ooh, isn't this Yohan's coat? Are you giving it to me? Don't mind if I do!"
"I'm not giving it to you, I'm lending it! You have to return it later!"
"Sure, sure. I'll make good use of it and give it back."
It seemed Ariel had passed the coat I gave her over to Yuna. Strictly speaking, shouldn't someone have asked my permission first? Whatever. They could sort it out amongst themselves. It wasn't actually my real coat anyway...
"Ah, I'm sorry, Yohan. You can look now."
When Ariel finally removed her hands, I found Yuna wearing my coat. Because it was tailored for a man, the oversized fit created an altogether different impression. Frankly speaking, it looked as if she was wearing nothing underneath at all.
"So? Which way was that castle you saw?"
Pointing that out would only give her ammunition to tease me, so I casually steered the conversation back on track. Yuna wore a slightly mischievous grin, but she answered obediently enough.
"That way."
"Right, thanks. Let's go, then."
"Yup!"
Good. Smooth and natural.
"Wait, isn't there something we should clarify first, Yohan?" Ariel interjected.
"Huh? Clarify what?"
Having lent the coat wrapped around her waist to Yuna, Ariel was back to fidgeting self-consciously.
"Why are you even here? Yohan and I were together when we got swept into this bizarre incident, but you weren't with us."
"Come on, don't sweat the small stuff. I don't really know either, okay? Unless Lady Ariel happens to know how all this happened in the first place?"
"I don't, but... it's strange that you were the only other one dragged in."
"Come to think of it, she has a point."
Why was she here? If others had been swept up as well, the servants and guards from the Damus estate should have been around, yet we hadn't seen a soul. No matter how I looked at it, she must have been secretly stalking us while Ariel and I were touring the flower gardens.
"Are you really going to keep nitpicking over minor details? Fine, then I'll bring up something minor too. Yohan, what do you think of how I look right now?"
"No, drop it. Let's just move."
"Yohan?"
Ariel stared at me with hollow, unblinking eyes. Look, we genuinely didn't have time for this nonsense. And it wasn't like what I said was wrong, was it? It wasn't that I was being weird; the situation itself was weird!
"Puhihihi!"
Yuna giggled playfully, happily fanning the flames as she looked at Ariel. Nope. I wasn't getting involved. This was strictly between the two of them.
"Excuse me, Mad Mister."
"Could you drop the 'Mad' part, Alice?"
"Mister Mad Hatter, are you actually popular with women with a face like that?"
"You're really crossing the line now."
Did she think I wouldn't hit her? I promptly rapped her on the head.
"Ow! Still, I'm being serious here! This is a genuine dilemma for me, you know!"
Yet she didn't seem fazed in the slightest. In a way, the brat was truly something else.
"To be honest, my boyfriend is kinda mediocre-looking just like you, Mister."
"That's pretty harsh."
"No, hear me out! The thing is, I really, really like him."
"And?"
"And I'm terrified he'll turn into a shameless womanizer just like you."
"..."
I raised my hand to rap her head again, but ended up just ruffling her hair instead.
"I'm telling you this in all sincerity. That sort of thing isn't decided by personal desire or willpower. It's just the way the current carries you."
"Not helpful at all. And get your hand off me. I'm a taken woman."
"Right, right, little girl."
She wasn't just spunky; she had a temper like a firecracker. Was this always what her personality was like? Surprisingly, her question left me with quite a lot to chew on.
With the Cheshire Cat, Yuna, joining our party, we continued our trek. For some reason, it felt as though we'd have to face off against a Demon King at the climax. Or perhaps something similar? Whether in the fairy tale or the movie adaptations, they always ended up fighting the Queen of Hearts. Defeating her would probably be our ticket back to our original world.
After traversing hills and crossing streams, we finally arrived within sight of the royal castle.
"S-Seize them!"
"Don't let them get away! If you lose them, Her Majesty will have our heads for sure!!"
A loud commotion broke out ahead. Playing cards sprouting arms and legs were frantically running about in every direction. Card soldiers, no doubt. It seemed we had come to the right place. But...
"What could be happening?"
While we concealed ourselves in the bushes to scout the situation, Ariel whispered softly into my right ear.
"Want me to go take a quick peek?"
Not to be outdone, Yuna leaned in and whispered directly into my left ear. Even if we were hiding so as not to be spotted, having both of them this close was downright suffocating.
"Mmh, let's observe the situation first."
After watching from the bushes for a short while—
Kzzzzzz-crackle-crack!!
A tremendous explosion detonated from within the castle gates, sending Card soldiers spilling outward in disarray. And amidst crackling arcs of crimson lightning, a figure strode boldly out from the epicenter of the blast.
"Fhuu... Honestly, making such a fuss over someone simply asking for directions."
Lobelia Vicious van Miltonia.
It seemed she, too, had been swept into this world alongside us. Wait, had every single one of these people been creepily eavesdropping on my date with Ariel back at the estate?
"Your Highness?"
"Hm? Is that you, Ariel?"
The moment Ariel recognized her, she darted out from the bushes to greet her.
"You are sporting quite a peculiar outfit. Then again, I suppose the same could be said of me."
"Your Highness, could it be that you're cast as the Queen here?!"
"I know not what you mean by 'cast,' but I think not. The instant I set foot in this fortress, they attacked me without provocation."
Something felt off. Lobelia appeared to have been turned into a character in this world just like the rest of us, yet something was different.
"So, what is this 'role' you speak of?"
"Ah! Well, it seems we've fallen into the world of a fairy tale, and we've all been cast as its characters."
"An intriguing hypothesis. In that case, what would my role be? Everywhere I go, they treat me as an intruder."
"That is..."
Adorned throughout with intricate chess-piece motifs, her crimson gown was breathtakingly resplendent. It was only natural that one would be reminded of a queen at the sight of it. However, she was not the Queen of Hearts from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
Rather, she was...
"...the Red Queen."
She bore an unmistakable resemblance to the Red Queen from the looking-glass sequel.