Snot Bat

The weekend flew by far too quickly.

Monday arrived, but Kim Do-hun was still nowhere to be found, and nothing had changed — nothing except the dwindling number of days left. My chest just felt tight. A sigh slipped out before I even noticed.

"Oppa, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You're only keeping secrets from me? Just you and Unnie get to know?"

"I told you, you don't need to know."

"You have no idea how scary I am when I pout."

"You'd just look cute if you pouted."

"Damn it."

Da-in looked over at me from her desk. The moment our eyes met, she made devil horns with both hands and stuck out her tongue.

"Oppa, I got a commercial request."

"What? Why would you—"

"Because I'm pretty?"

"You?"

"I'm not?"

"Well..."

"They said they saw me on the broadcast and reached out. I think I've become a celebrity."

"What kind of commercial?"

"A waxing shop franchise... They'll give me five thousand won if I shave my pubes."

"Pfft—hahahahahaha!"

"Should I do it?"

"Hahahaha!"

"You're the one who always teases me calling me Briquet Pussy."

"If you shave that hair, don't even think about seeing me again."

"So I'm supposed to live my whole life getting mocked as Briquet Pussy?"

"Hahahahaha!"

"Some people even ask if I crawled out of a coal mine."

"Hahahahahaha!"

"My roommate keeps staring between my legs saying I look like I've got a scouring pad down there."

"Hahahahahaha!"

The tightness in my chest seemed to ease a little. She'd just been a bratty intern, and yet...

"How long is your internship again?"

"Three months, so... a little over two months left?"

"Right."

"You're scared I won't get hired full-time, aren't you?"

"Not even a little."

"Oppa, you like Briquet Pussy, don't you? You're dying to put it in, right?"

"Not even a little."

"Should I start rubbing on hair growth tonic?"

I choked.

It was the feeling of being drawn in, of sinking under. Exciting and terrifying all at once.

And then—

The chairman's secretary opened the office door and walked in. If you had to name the second prettiest woman in our company after Da-in, it would probably be her.

"Assistant Manager Kwon Taeo, the Chairman would like to see you."

It was the secretary's voice.

Oh god.

CEO and Chairman. Park Mu-jin. Owner of forty-nine percent of the company — the largest shareholder. Fourteen marigold badges. One of the handful of S-grades in all of South Korea.

I rose slowly from my seat. Da-in looked at me.

"Oppa, why?"

"I don't know."

The elevator climbed. With every floor that ticked past, my heart dropped a little further.

The forty-first floor.

The doors opened. The secretary guided me forward.

"This way, please."

Past the chairman's private sauna, the chairman's massage room, the secretarial offices — and then the door to the chairman's office swung open.

It was vast. No — setting aside the secretarial wing, it was an entire floor. Seoul ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠sprawled out beneath the windows in a single sweeping view. On the wall hung a photograph of him shaking hands with the President. The President was the one bowing deeper.

The man seated on the sofa looked at me. He appeared to be in his forties. His face was expressionless, yet a single glance from those eyes was enough to stop the breath in my chest. Marigolds crowded his breast — so many I lost count halfway through.

"Sit."

His voice was quiet. And yet the entire room filled with that single sound.

"Assistant Manager Kwon Taeo."

"Yes, sir."

"I've done a little digging."

He set a file down slowly.

"You were invited to Department Head Kim Do-hun's home."

"Yes, sir."

"And Kim Do-hun arranged a special promotion for you as well, I hear?"

"That's correct."

"I've been informed that on the broadcast, you said you were looking for Kim Do-hun."

He looked at me.

"Do you know where he is?"

I took a careful breath.

"The last time I saw him was this past Saturday."

"Where?"

"A café near the company."

"What did you discuss?"

"He said he was in a difficult situation."

"What kind of situation?"

The Master Key. I couldn't mention that.

"He said the Birth Control Bureau's investigation team was after him. He asked me to delete the access logs from the birth information system. That was all."

The Chairman looked at me. For a long time.

"I see. And did you delete them?"

"Yes. I did."

Silence settled over the room.

"You know that was illegal, I assume?"

"Yes, sir."

He slowly opened his mouth again.

"Kim ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Do-hun — that bastard is holding the Master Key assigned to our company."

"..."

"If that goes missing, this company is in serious trouble."

His voice dropped lower.

"I trusted that bastard far too much."

"..."

He looked at me. His face was blank.

"Will you continue helping that bastard — or will you become my man?"

It was an easy question. But I let the silence stretch. This might be an opportunity.

"Chairman... would it be all right if I thought it over?"

"Huh. Would you look at this kid. He wants to think it over?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'm a man who doesn't have time. And I have even less of it to spare for a brat like you."

Ah... Had I pushed too far? I scrambled for something to say.

"Fine. But promise me one thing. The moment you learn where that bastard is, you report it immediately. Kim Do-hun isn't someone worth your life, is he?"

Shit. My life? Was he saying he could kill me? For ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠an S-grade, that might actually be possible.

"Yes, sir. I'll do that."

I was shaking like hell.

"He says he'll think about my offer. Hah. So you're not just some sucker who follows whatever's dangling in front of him."

"..."

"The Master Key... We need to find Kim Do-hun before the Birth Control Bureau does."

"..."

"Go. I'll be watching."

I closed the door behind me and stepped out. Cold sweat ran down my back.

The Master Key was sitting in my pocket right now.

On the way home, I got off the bus. My steps felt heavy. The days remaining. Kim Do-hun. The Master Key. Park Mu-jin. Too many thoughts crowding my head.

No DMs from anyone who'd seen Kim Do-hun. No word from True3YearFan either. The most infuriating thing of all was the simple fact that the bastard who'd beaten Su-jeong was still walking around free.

I opened the front door. Huh? Whose shoes were those? Da-in had gone back to her own place, and they weren't Su-jeong's either.

Giggling laughter drifted from inside. I stepped into the living room.

"So-eun, the snot-nosed idiot's home, lol."

"I know, right. How does he always know we're talking about him?"

Lee So-eun?

Su-jeong and So-eun were sitting side by side on the couch, eating apples.

"So-eun, how did you—"

"Unnie invited me."

Unnie? So-eun was calling Su-jeong "Unnie."

"Why?"

"I was curious."

Su-jeong took a bite of her apple.

"Curious about what?"

"Your friend."

"How did you even get So-eun's number?"

"I happened to turn on the TV this afternoon, and even though I was alone, the comments were rolling in. So-eun, what was your nickname again earlier?"

"SoloInLove..."

"Right. This SoloInLove person suddenly started calling me Unnie."

"So we chatted for a bit, DMed, and one thing led to another."

"Hey. Finish the story about the snot-nosed kid."

"Ah, right — even in middle school, Taeo was always walking around with a runny nose, wiping it on his sleeve."

"Hey. Lee So-eun. What the hell are you saying. Shut up."

"It's true."

"So every girl in class was completely disgusted by him."

"Lol, for real?"

They were disgusted by me?

"Lee So-eun, you really gonna keep spouting nonsense? There was a girl who snuck love letters into my desk drawer, you know."

"Lol, is that true?"

"Well... there was, yes."

"Who?"

"He kept crying and carrying on that all the girls hated him, so... I sent them. Anonymously."

"It was you? Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Hahahahaha! What a loser, lol!"

Su-jeong laughed like a maniac.

"Shit, I got all fluttery every day not knowing who it was..."

I'd still been wondering who it was, all this time. Six years of butterflies — gone like a soap bubble.

"Lol, what a total loser."

"So his nickname was Snot Bat."

"Bat? Hahaha — so his dick was already huge back then?"

"Yes..."

So-eun's face went red.

"Hey... Lee So-eun!! You wanna die?"

So-eun kept going.

"During PE, he stayed behind alone in the classroom and got caught jerking off..."

"So-eun-yang, So-eun-ssi, So-eun-noona... please, I'm begging you, don't tell that story—"

"Hahahaha! And then?"

Su-jeong was laughing. She just kept laughing.

"He looks like he's about to cry with snot running down his face — is it okay if I keep going?"

"Go ahead, it's fine. Hahaha!"

"He was jerking off... and he came... so much... all over the classroom floor..."

"Hahahaha!"

"His dick is huge, right? Maybe that's why he came so much... and he got caught."

"Hahahahaha!"

"The girls started cussing him out, so he made up this ridiculous excuse that it was just snot—"

"Hahahaha!"

"Even though it smelled exactly like that, lol!"

"Hahahahaha! What a pathetic bastard, hahahahaha!"

Ah... I was finished. Where was a husband supposed to salvage his dignity after this?

"Any other stories?"

"Tons. A whole week wouldn't be enough."

"Hahaha, you little brat, come over all the time. This is hilarious."

"Yes, Unnie. I'll tell you even more when he's not around."

Shit... What the hell kind of situation was this...

"Taeo."

"What."

"So-eun brought a present."

"Huh? What is it?"

"Pussy."

"Huh???"

"Virgin pussy. Shit, this snot-nosed bastard's virgin-pussy luck just keeps exploding — starting with Da-in."

"Ghk—"

"She says she'll even provide care services so we get pregnant properly."

"Ah..."

This... this...

Was turning me on.

"So-eun, Taeo's bat is about to start dripping snot again."

"Lol, Unnie."

"I'm going to sleep in the bedroom. Call me when you're about to cum. Cum in me."

"Mm-hmm..."

"And make a lot of money. Give it to me. Got it?"

"Huh?"

Su-jeong turned on the TV. Romance TV.

"When the points come in, give them to me. I invited her, after all."

"Ah... okay."

Su-jeong went into the bedroom.