Weapon Acquired
Making this place safe had been a solid win so far.
For one thing, food was no longer an issue. Cup ramen and snacks pulled from desk drawers and every corner of the office, plus that water cooler over there — food and water, solved in one go.
But that alone wasn't enough. The goal wasn't to hole up here for a few more days. The goal was to get out.
And escaping wouldn't be the end of it either. After that, I'd still have to stay alive — and somehow join up with the protagonist's party, the group with the highest odds of survival.
"Hoo.... Think. Think. Just think about what to do already!!!!"
"KRAAAK!!!"
"KRAAAAAAK!!!"
"KRAK!!"
"KRAAAAA!!"
"Ugh, for real..!!"
I wanted a quiet moment to think, but they weren't giving me one. The zombies packed against the door we'd barely managed to shut kept screaming without rest.
It had been a while since we'd secured this place, and they still hadn't scattered. That was because of the two zombies locked in the holding cells.
"KRAK!! KRAAAAAK!!!"
"KRAAAK!! KRAK!!!"
Far from dispersing, more of them kept pouring in, drawn by those two howling away. There was a way to shut them up, of course. Crouch behind a desk, stay out of sight, and they'd settle down on their own.
But that crazy bitch wouldn't allow it.
"Is anyone there?!!!! There's someone in here!!! Please, somebody help me!!!!!!"
"......"
Opening a window and calling for rescue wasn't a bad idea. It might even have been the best option available, which was why I hadn't stopped her until now. I didn't expect any outside help to come, but people were unpredictable — you never knew.
Still, screaming like that and getting zero response meant one thing: nobody around here was going to save us.
"Hey. Enough. You've done plenty."
"Somebody save me!!! Please!!!!"
"I said stop!!"
"Stop what?! We have to survive!!!"
"......"
The way she shrieked, all fury and desperation, made me clamp my mouth shut. Not because she'd cowed me. Because I was swallowing the surge of anger rising in my chest. I'd smashed zombies with a ceramic bowl, but I wasn't about to hit a woman.
"Hoo....."
I let out a long breath and spoke in a calm voice to the crazy bitch still hanging out the window, screaming her lungs out.
"I said stop. If nobody came after all that yelling, nobody's coming."
"Please, somebody help!!! There's a person in here!!!!!"
"Shut up! You crazy bitch!! Before I shove you out!!!"
"......"
There. Finally quiet. I swallowed the rage that had climbed all the way to the top of my head and explained as clearly as I could.
"We already talked about this in the holding cells. If anyone was going to come, they'd be here by now."
"B-but... we can't just sit here doing nothing..... You're only sitting still because you don't have a plan either..!! So we have to at least try this!!! Hic.. Hic.. Hicuuu..."
"......"
She wasn't wrong. I didn't have any brilliant ideas right now either. And there was no guarantee that waiting would magically produce one.
But screaming any more would only tank our survival odds. Because the crowd was growing.
"Look over there."
"At what...!"
"The zombies from the whole area pouring in here because of your yelling."
"Ah....."
"There were already plenty. You made it worse. So please, shut the hell up. One more scream and I really will shove—"
"Why... why do you start saying scary things and then stop..? Why are you looking at me like that..!!"
Like that?
What kind of look was I giving her?
I didn't know, but I was aware that the way I looked at this crazy bitch had changed. Because her value, right in front of me, might actually have gone up.
『Escape the Police Station.』
▶ On Success:
• Status Window created
• Random Box granted
▶ On Failure:
• Death
We'd been in the same space. That meant there was a high chance this crazy bitch had received the same quest I had.
"Hey. You got a quest too, right?"
"Huh..?"
"I asked if you got a quest."
"A q-quest... that was real..?"
"Ha... Say 'check quest.'"
"......"
"Do it!"
"Ch-check quest..! Hup?!! Wh-what is this.... Why is.... Is this real..?"
Yeah. That was the normal reaction. I was only calm about it because I already knew I'd fallen into a webtoon.
"What does it say?"
"Quest... Escape the police station... On success, Status Window created.. Random Box granted.. On failure...... Death... I-is this real??"
Same as mine, just as I thought. Which meant this crazy bitch's value had genuinely gone up. Because the Random Box given as a reward — whatever item came out of it — wouldn't be hers. It would be mine.
Escape from here, and I'd secure two Random Boxes. Useful in more ways than one.
"D-don't just stare at me like that, say something..!!"
"Look at this situation. You think it's fake?"
"Can't you talk a little nicer?!!"
"......"
"I-I mean..! Like it or not, it's just you and me in here...."
"Hey."
"Huh..?"
"Be grateful I'm not fucking you. Stop asking for more."
"O-okay..! S-sorry..."
Give people an inch and they take a mile. Being inside a webtoon didn't change that. Treat her kindly and she'd start complaining, start climbing over me, start pissing me off, and she wouldn't even do what she was told.
A relationship where she had no choice but to follow my orders. That was exactly the right distance with this crazy bitch. The second we got out of here, the odds of us going our separate ways were a hundred percent. Even if I asked her to stick together, she'd run off on her own — afraid I'd fuck her.
"Let's see.."
I looked around, scouting the area, and started gathering things.
"What are you doing right now..?"
"Follow me."
"W-where are we going..!"
"Stand over there. And scream."
"What..?"
"I said scream. Or do I have to rip those clothes off before you'll do it?"
"N-no! I'm screaming now! You pervert bastard!! You lay one finger on me and I'll kill you!!!!!"
"KRAK!!! KRAAAAAK!!!"
"KRAAAAAK!!!!"
"Kyaaak!!! Gross!!!!"
While the crazy bitch lured the zombies in the holding cells from the opposite side, I shoved my hands through the iron bars and pulled out as many of the blankets scattered on the floor as I could.
Preparations were done. A moment ago there hadn't been a shred of hope, but now something like hope was starting to take shape. It would be a gamble with abysmally low odds, sure. But if it paid off — jackpot.
"Hoo... That about do it?"
I snipped the ends of the cable ties I'd cinched tight with a pair of office scissors. When I unrolled the whole thing across the floor, the length was satisfyingly long.
"W-what is this..?"
"A rope."
"A rope..?"
What I'd spent all that time carefully making was a kind of rope. I'd rolled the blankets tight, punched holes in the ends with scissors and a box cutter, and linked each blanket to the next with at least five cable ties. Five blankets total, with knots along the way to serve as handholds and footholds.
"What are you going to do with this..? Don't tell me you're going to climb down holding this??"
"Push this."
"Answer me..!"
"Want me to fuck you?"
"Ugh..!! I-I'm pushing!!! Nngh...!!!"
"With me. You think you can move it alone?"
"......"
We shoved a heavy desk flush against the wall under the window, then tied the end of the blanket-rope firmly to one of the desk legs. I'd followed a never-comes-undone knot tutorial on her phone from YouTube, so it wasn't going to slip.
"Now sit here."
"Wh-what... Why are you suddenly being nice..? You think doing this will... impress me or something..? Not even funny..."
She really never shut up. Grumbling the whole way, the crazy bitch perched on the edge of the desk where I'd laid out a blanket.
But I didn't like the position. So I spread her legs and stepped between them.
"Wh-what are you doing?!!"
"Hold on."
"What..? Kyaa!!!!"
I hooked my arms under her spread legs and lifted, and the screaming crazy bitch instinctively threw her arms around my neck and clung. I shifted her hips deeper onto the desk, set her legs down, and blew into her ear.
"Hoo—"
"Kyaaak!!! Wh-what was that?!!!"
"You wouldn't let go."
"You absolute pervert...!! Hup!!!"
The crazy bitch was sitting on the blanket spread out lengthwise. I stretched both arms past her sides like I was hugging her, and while she gasped in surprise I grabbed the two inner corners of the desk and wrapped them around her waist. Then I threaded the loops through the holes at both corners and locked the handcuffs shut.
Click-clack—
While the startled crazy bitch tilted her head in confusion, I pulled the near corners of the blanket up around her thighs and locked the other half of the handcuffs.
Click-click!!
I tugged the straps of the handcuffs fastened vertically, and the blanket underneath drew tight, wrapping her snugly from thighs to waist. Confirmed.
"What... are you doing right now..?"
One last step. Of the two pairs of handcuffs I'd lucked into finding, one was locked around the blanket wrapping her. The other connected that set of cuffs to the end of the blanket-rope tied to the desk leg.
"Pardon me, then."
"Hey..! Hey..!! Kyaaak!!!"
I climbed onto the desk, scooped her up in a princess carry, turned, and set her down on the open windowsill like I was slotting her into place.
The crazy bitch sat there facing me, back to the outside, staring blankly. I said goodbye in the gentlest voice I could manage.
"Be right back."
"Huh...?"
If I explained the plan, she'd throw a fit and refuse. So I just pushed without explaining.
Thump—
A shove to the shoulder, and with the open window offering no support, her body tipped straight backward. I lunged for the blanket-rope I'd wound around my left hand, grabbed the tightening line with my right as well — and the scream of a crazy bitch who'd just been bungee-jumped without warning rang out clear and loud.
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!!!!!!"
"Still screaming, so she must be hanging on fine."
"You insane bastard!!! I am going to kill you for this!!!!! KYAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!!"
Sure. Kill me or don't — your call. Just get back up here and open my Random Box already. The quest should be cleared by now.
"KYAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!"
And if it wasn't, oh well.
"Haa..! Haa..! Haa..! Haa..! Haa..! Haa..!"
The crazy bitch came back up safely, gasping for air. I'd hauled her up on the blanket-rope, after all. Now it was time to check — whether my operation had actually worked.
It was a loophole, but the crazy bitch had, however briefly, escaped this building — the police station — just like the quest said. Nothing in the wording required going out through the front entrance. However she'd done it, she'd been outside the station. That meant the clear conditions were met.
Or so I figured, anyway. Please let the exploit have worked..!
"Did the quest complete..?"
"Haa..! Haa..! Haa...! Haaa...!!"
As her ragged breathing gradually settled, the crazy bitch turned her head and glared at me with wild eyes. Then she answered.
"Yeah! You insane bastard!!!!!!"
"Nice!!"
"Nice..? Niceee?! Niceeeee?!!!! Hey!!!!!!!! You sit over there right now! I'm shoving you out!!!!!"
No. I was not sitting over there. Not yet, at least. Whether I sat there or not was a decision for after the box-opening.
"Say 'check reward.' The window probably closed while you were screaming."
"Haa... I really hate this..! Check reward!! Happy?!"
"See the blue box in front of you? The hologram-looking thing."
"I see it!"
"Touch it. Pray with everything you've got that it burns through every scrap of luck you'll ever have."
"Hilarious..! No thanks?!"
The crazy bitch's hand reached into empty air. I couldn't see it, but by now the blue box would be shaking hard, the lid blasting open like an explosion.
Honestly, I wasn't expecting much. Which only made me more excited. Skills that applied instantly to the person who received them probably wouldn't drop. Which meant the odds of a weapon coming out were at least a little higher.
Please be a weapon...! Please be a weapon...!! Please be a weapon...!!!!
"Huh...?"
The crazy bitch's hand stretched slowly into the air again.
Grab!
Slower than me, of course.
"Yes! A weapon!!!"
It wasn't anything great, but a field shovel was more than usable as a weapon.
◈ Military-issue entrenching tool
◈ Usable as both tool and weapon
"Hey! That's mine!!"
"It's mine."
"What are you talking about?! It's my—"
"I said it's mine."
"My...!"
"Want to get thoroughly fucked and then do another bungee jump?"
"Shiiit...!! Fine, take it! You bastard!!!!"
"Thanks. I'll put it to good use."
"You asshole...! But what are you going to do with a shovel...?"
"What else? Kill them all."
"Kill..? Kill what..?"
"The zombies in here."
"Huh..?"
I already knew. Escaping as things stood wouldn't give us any real shot at survival. But there was a way to nudge those odds a little higher.
It never showed up in the webtoon, but one piece of information I'd confirmed with my own eyes here would raise my survival chances, however slightly. The hidden condition for extra quest rewards.
I'd been told to give a blowjob — and got the bonus for finishing in her mouth and making her swallow. So if the quest said escape, and I wiped out every last zombie here and walked out the front door?
They'd have to give it to me whether they wanted to or not.
Right?