First Snow
Han Seol buried her face in the pillow. 'Let's go watch a movie together.' "Ugh..."
She had known for a long time that her senior liked her. But things were different now from back then. He was the caring senior who looked after her, but at the same time, he was the one who had helped her stand back up.
She couldn't just bluntly reject him anymore, nor could she keep dragging out this ambiguous relationship forever. She had to make a decision.
She got out of bed right away and tried on the clothes she'd just pulled out one by one. 'This one's... too much... This one might be too cold...?'
Han Seol steeled herself. She would end this vague relationship somehow. With that resolve, she headed to the meeting spot.
I waited for my junior at the theater, holding popcorn in both hands. I really wanted caramel, so I'd gotten ahead of the game and bought it early.
Just then, I spotted Han Seol hurrying over in her tteokbokki coat at the edge of my vision.
"You came?"
My hands were already full of popcorn, so I couldn't wave.
"...Am I a little late?"
"Nah, I just got here early."
She checked her watch in a fluster when she saw I was already there. I curled up the corner of my mouth and handed her a piece of popcorn.
"Bought this ahead of time. It's a double set, so I figured we'd match flavors—caramel's okay, right?"
"....Ah, yes. Thank you."
"Then we just need to grab drinks. I let them know already, so we can pick 'em up."
She nodded at my words and trailed right behind me. Some things never change, huh.
I got us some drinks and handed hers over.
"Shall we head in?"
"...Yes."
Since we'd reserved right on time, we went straight into the auditorium.
Come to think of it, it had been ages since I'd gone to a theater with someone.
The movie we'd booked was a romance flick. Pretty standard stuff: a story about a celebrity heroine and an ordinary guy hero falling in love. Predictable plot.
I munched on popcorn and barely held back a yawn. I'd picked it because it was the top-reserved movie right now, but that was a mistake. This is why you gotta research before booking. Who could've guessed it'd be this obvious and boring?
I glanced at Han Seol beside me. With her history of misogyny, there was no way she'd enjoy a romance movie. Honestly, I was worried she'd feel bad about it.
But contrary to my expectations, her eyes were sparkling as she was totally immersed in the film. She stared endlessly at the screen, forgetting the popcorn even in her hand.
The movie ended, and we stepped outside.
"Looked like you enjoyed it."
"Yes... it was intriguing."
"Good to hear."
"But... where are we headed now?"
"Oh, I reserved a restaurant. You hungry?"
I'd gotten a recommendation from Jonghyeon ahead of time. When you're gonna open up and talk heart-to-heart, atmosphere matters. A comfy vibe, good mood, that sort of thing. Prep well, and everything goes smoothly.
"Y-you didn't have to go that far... If you'd said something, I could've looked it up myself...!"
"It's fine. It's a place a friend recommended to me anyway."
I shrugged at her flustered look. It wasn't like we'd be going out alone like this often anyway—and it might be the last time. So this much was okay.
Han Seol fidgeted with her fingers as she followed Suhyeon Yoo's back. Every time she looked at his retreating figure, the movie they'd just watched came to mind.
The famous heroine and the hero who helped her. It felt just like her and her senior.
She shook her head. No, no.I don't even know what love is in the first place.
Han Seol didn't think the feelings she had for her senior were love. Gratitude. It was more special than ordinary emotions... but since it was her first time feeling this way, she couldn't put a name to it.
One thing was certain: this time right now wasn't bad.
Honestly, she'd never even imagined spending time alone with a guy like this. Everything was a first.
Walking side by side with someone, watching a movie together, heading to a reserved restaurant for a meal. She had no friends like that, no lovers.
Maybe that's why it felt enjoyable. That's what Han Seol thought, deliberately ignoring the emotion budding in her heart.
It felt like it would grow uncontrollably. It was already too much. What he'd given her as a senior, as a fan—it overflowed. She hadn't even fully accepted that yet; she had no room to worry about these undefined feelings.
But if it was this kind of relationship... it might not be so bad.
Lost in those thoughts as she walked, they soon arrived at the restaurant Suhyeon had reserved. The atmosphere was pretty nice. There were lots of other guys and girls there just like them.
Except she and her senior weren't in any relationship, and those couples were holding hands, chatting sweetly—that made it completely different.
He brought the preordered food and set it on the table.
"This is their signature dish. Meat's okay, right?"
She nodded repeatedly at his words. As he spoke, he sliced the meat and portioned it onto her plate. He was always so considerate.
But she could only act selfish. Truth be told, she didn't want this relationship to break.
Even if she got called trash for it, even if she ended up just like the people she despised.
Han Seol didn't want to let go of this relationship. Just that morning, she'd left the house determined to sort things out, but here she was.
A selfish woman, only using her senior's kindness to keep the relationship going.
She carefully picked up the meat he'd sliced for her.
"Tasty, right?"
As he said, a savory flavor filled her mouth. Eating delicious food with a good person like this—it was this happy.
Intoxicated by the happiness, she found herself smiling for no reason.
"Seol-ah."
At that moment, Suhyeon called her with a suddenly serious expression.
"Yes?"
"We haven't really had a chance to talk like this, have we? That's why I set this up—I wanted to talk with you."
"...Yes."
Thump, thump. Her heart was racing. For some reason, his sharp gaze felt like it was piercing right through her.
What he wanted to say? No way, no way.
Just a week ago, she'd been agonizing over how to reject her senior's confession.
But now... If she rejected him, would she never have moments like this again?
Fear came first. It always did. She was full of fears. The terror of the unknown always left Han Seol trembling in anxiety.
He spoke first.
"Seol-ah, are you... still really uncomfortable around guys?"
His expression held a hint of apology.
"I am... uncomfortable, but not with you, sunbae."
"Yeah...?"
"Yes. You've helped me so much. Back then, and now too."
"Now too...?"
"I'm grateful."
He let out a sigh and patted his chest in relief.
"That's a relief. I was worried you hated me."
"...Absolutely not."
Me, hate sunbae? That would never happen. He was her benefactor.
The driving force that let her move forward, the signpost lighting her path. So his words were a baseless suspicion from the start.
"If I ever make you uncomfortable, just tell me. I feel like my actions might be a burden."
"...Why."
Why was he saying something like that? 'Doesn't sunbae like me?'
Did people usually act this cautious around someone they loved? It was his thoughtfulness, but Han Seol felt her mood sink more than she expected.
There was no way it was burdensome. No way it was uncomfortable. The reason she could be her current self was all thanks to him.
So she wished he wouldn't make that face in front of her.
"It's really fine. If anything, I'm always the one getting help. I should... repay you somehow too..."
He froze for a moment at her words, then covered his mouth and started chuckling.
"Didn't you tell me flat-out back when we first met that you wouldn't repay anything?"
"...Th-that was...! That was ages ago, ages ago..."
Embarrassed, Han Seol gulped down her water.
"N-now it's different... I don't want to just keep receiving."
It was exactly as she said. Now she wanted to do something for him too.
"Yeah?"
That's when she saw his smiling face.
"..."
His swept-back hair suited him perfectly.
Thump, thump. Again. Her heart was pounding again.
She didn't know why. Was she sick or something? Her face felt hot, her body trembling.
"...You okay? You look sick."
"Ah, no."
"Your face is red."
He leaned closer. His face drawing near hers.
Now that she looked, his eyebrows were thick, his skin as pale as hers. Her heart went wild.
She didn't know. She abruptly stood up.
"W-we're done eating, right? Let's go! I'll handle the bill...!"
"Huh? No, as your sunbae, I should..."
"I'll do it! I don't like always freeloading."
"Well, if you insist..."
She paid and left the restaurant ahead of Suhyeon. She needed time to calm her racing heart.
"Good work today."
Suhyeon caught up and stood beside her.
"Then, shall we head home?"
"...Yes."
Their steps, different in length, synced up. Walking side by side, she could see his profile.
Her eyes kept drifting there. From earlier, nonstop.
This person likes me. My fan who was always there when I was alone. The senior who took care of my lacking self.
He loves me.
And then, snow began to fall from the sky. It was bitingly cold snow, but it blanketed her warmly.
The color of emotions she'd lost came back. In pure white snow.
Like that, for a while.
They just walked. Alone together.