Too Close for Comfort
Someone who wouldn't get it even if I told her? Then she must like hakko streamers too. I felt an odd sense of kinship with her. I also got curious about who she considered her diamond in the rough. But I decided not to pry any further. It would've been hypocritical to ask when I couldn't give her a straight answer myself.
I sat back down in my chair and alternated between sips of coffee and bites of waffle.
"You're really not hurt anywhere?"
"...Yeah."
She shuddered, probably reliving the moment she'd just tripped, and bowed her head. Fair enough—even I'd be embarrassed if I face-planted out of nowhere like that.
I decided to change the subject.
"You done prepping for exams?"
Finals were right around the corner. Han Seol averted her gaze at my question, looking just like a kid caught sneaking snacks. The picture of guilt.
"Y-yeah."
"...Seol-ah, you're a sophomore now. You gotta start stacking those credits properly if you want things easy later. Aim for early graduation or something."
"...Uh, well..."
"Be honest—did you study or not?"
"...I didn't."
I could feel her sulking from here. I'd somehow turned into the one-sided lecturer. I cleared my throat awkwardly and switched up the vibe again.
"Fine, I'll sort out the subjects we overlap on for you."
"...Huh? You don't have to do that."
"I've already finished mine anyway. It'll be like review for me. And it's not my first rodeo."
"Still, that's kinda..."
"If it's such a burden, buy me a meal sometime."
I shrugged. Taking care of a junior like this? Even I had to admit it made me look pretty cool. Like I'd told Seol, it wasn't my first time. I'd bonded with Minji back when she was struggling to keep up, in a similar mess. After that, she'd pretty much go along with whatever I asked. It was thanks to her that I could drag this problem-riddled junior into our group project team.
In other words, plant a seed in someone's heart, and it'll pay off someday. Words from my dad. So yeah, this was affection for a junior, but mostly for my own benefit.
"I'll have it ready by next week."
"Ah, but... still, that's..."
"Seol-ah, it's normal. Totally normal. Everyone does it."
"...They do?"
"Yeah, any normal senior-junior duo does this. What's weird about a senior looking out for their junior?"
"S-sounds legit."
Legit my ass. No wonder she buys into anything—girl's got no friends. Super convenient, though.
After that, Han Seol and I sat in silence for a bit before parting ways. No real topics left, so it worked out.
I shook off the chilly outside air and stepped into my place. Fired up the laptop, and bam—tons of emails. Sure enough, one from Rie. This was why I tried not to message first. Once is the hard part. Habits build from stacking those "onces."
I left the laptop open, tossed my coat, and changed into comfy clothes. Wasn't in a bad mood. Whatever, I was Rie's fan. No way getting a personal message from my favorite streamer wouldn't make me happy. Just... when she blew up someday and left, it'd hurt. That, and Seohyeon's ironclad rule: streamers should never get chummy with fans. She'd drilled it in with examples of reputations tanking, and it was burned deep.
Rie always sent these novels. Honestly, this level of attention was starting to freak me out a bit. Felt like she was leaning on me hard. Roles reversed would just tire us both out. Funny, since I was the one supposed to be relying on her. Yeah, this trajectory was irreversible. Head knew it, but fingers moved anyway.
Reply came instantly.
I pictured her voice and grinned.
Dangerous. Way too fun. Chatting with my favorite streamer like this? Addictive as hell. Might already be hooked.
I had to wrap it up quick.
Snapped the laptop shut. Needed to cool off. Keep going and I'd crave more chats. No more from now on. Vowed it to myself. Didn't wanna be that creepy stalker fan. Didn't wanna burden her. Best to cut this off quick.
But emotions kept denying it. Tried reining in, but the chat replayed. She can even joke around. No, stop. Shook my head. Time for something in my mouth. Chugged a cold beer to settle the chaos.
Opened the laptop again. Rie's stream starting. Because we'd just talked? Felt like...
...she was greeting me. Right that second.
First audition done, assignment: stream. Three weeks, as virtual idol-like as possible. They'd gauged song and character; now streaming skills. Starts Friday—three days out.
Streaming assignment? I could meddle a bit. Superchats for reactions, hype the mood. Better than helpless round one.
Stream eval was priority, but bigger issue hit.
...Trouble. I clutched my forehead and sighed deeply. Her messages piled up daily. Mornings, lunch, dinner. Thought it'd fizzle soon. Nope—instinct said this was ongoing.
Ignoring felt wrong, tugged at the heart. ...Okay, my selfishness kept me replying too. But this'd blur fan-streamer lines. She sucked at personal space. Normal people don't ping morning, noon, night like announcements. Made me wonder if she had friends—rude thought, but yeah.
Facing her full-throttle, how to rebuild distance? Counter with straight talk. Best for her long-term. Might do it with other fans too. I was top donor/chatter, so target practice. More like me? Unpredictable.
Solve uncertainty fast. Hands on keys, drafted polite advice. Erased/rewrote for 30 mins—decent now. Just hit send.
Send... Fuck, addiction's scary. This might kill replies forever. Fingers shook, groaned. Nah, no novel needed—could sour mood. Shortened to basics.
Tone it down a little. Compromise for both. Quitting cold turkey's impossible with addiction. Ease off gradual.
Hit send, leaned back. Chair cradled me into drowsiness. Jonghyeon's place, VTuber Academy, finals... Too much. Nap first. Work later.