I Won't Go
I Won't Go
What exactly is a party?
Isn't a party about having a common goal and uniting one's heart towards it?
I thought about it a lot, but it didn't seem like an easy task, and I felt my head starting to ache.
In games, if you form a Harem, everyone's happy to do 3P or 4P, but in reality, if you actually form a Harem, this reaction is inevitable.
So, should I call it a Main Wife Fight among those who have started to give their hearts to Kylon?
In this world, there's no such thing as monogamy or policies like that, so they wouldn't just explode into a fight over infidelity. Moreover, since Kylon hasn't even established a clear hierarchy, it was inevitable that the power struggle would intensify.
So, first and foremost, this party needed Kylon to properly sort out the hierarchy, even more than getting them to work together.
He should at least clarify who is the Legal Wife and who is the Concubine, or perhaps even tell them when he'll sleep with whom, and when he'll rest.
Why did the party end up like this?
Is this the hidden side of the game, a world that players can't recognize?
Since it's a power struggle among the Heroines, was it natural that it would be hard for anyone but me to notice?
Or perhaps, the path I'm currently on has completely gone awry.
Many worries flashed through my mind, but there was nowhere I could comfortably voice them.
Even if I were to tell Kylon, who had just declared he couldn't do the Conditioning, it would only be pushing him further, and I might upset him once again.
I just walked in silence, but the atmosphere was so ominous that I found myself constantly glancing around.
Of course, since I was at the very back, I only witnessed their power struggle, but even that felt ominous because their sharp edges were subtly directed at me.
Is this... the party that's supposed to go beat up the Demon King?
I sighed, wondering if the problem was Kylon arbitrarily breaking the order and trying to handle even me all at once.
But blaming Kylon entirely felt a bit off; the thought of scolding him didn't cross my mind at all, as I wondered if the cause might have been me pushing Agnes forward.
I wondered if everything had ended up tangled because I, ignorant of the game, had arbitrarily interfered.
"......."
I don't know.
Now, I can't firmly rely on anything, so I was simply uncertain about what to lean on, what to trust, and how to move forward.
Should I say my heart was wavering?
Considering I hadn't stepped a single foot outside my room, perhaps enduring this strongly was quite an achievement.
Now that I don't know anymore, perhaps it's okay to hesitate for a moment.
As I hesitated for a long time, following behind them, I felt as if I heard a voice from somewhere.
It was as if it was telling me to trust myself, and startled, I opened my eyes wide and looked around.
No one was looking at me, and the silence created an atmosphere that seemed to indicate no one had said anything to me.
A hallucination? Or just my imagination?
Or perhaps, could it be God's voice?
Could it be God's voice?
I moistened my parched lips little by little, trying to somehow quench the burning inside me. Gently caressing the Rosary on my wrist with my other hand, I carefully took it off and held it lightly.
I quietly looked at it, wondering if it was because of this, given to me by Jugyo-nim, but no matter how intently I stared, the sound, whether a hallucination or God's voice, didn't return; only the crunching footsteps filled my ears.
If I wasn't crazy, then was that the Goddess's voice?
I thought being a Saintess was just a title, but hearing God's voice made me feel a chill, wondering if I was becoming a madwoman.
Holding it quietly, and having nothing else to do anyway, I began to pick up each bead on the Rosary, mumbling and caressing them one by one with my fingers.
While everyone else was so diligently keeping each other in check, I spent my time alone with the Rosary, its beads clustered together, and I thought it was truly good that I could forget the weariness of walking and continue without paying much attention to such things.
*
Evening. When should we head to the next destination? Two days had already passed, so we would surely arrive at the next village by tomorrow evening. But since our business there was already done, I had to worry again about walking to the next destination.
Groaning, I carefully scanned the map inside the tent, wondering how far the next one was.
On the paper, which bore the clear traces of Jugyo-nim having scanned it multiple times, the appearance of red ink repeatedly layered to confirm if it was correct was etched into my eyes.
One, two, three, and four, and then five.
I furrowed my Glabellum at the mention of a disappearance between the fifth and sixth markers.
The map indicated that it wasn't even an area adjacent to the border.
That it wasn't adjacent to the border meant it was an internal issue of this Holy Kingdom, and without further doubt, that part of the map near the area was repeatedly marked over.
A question mark was drawn next to the next village, indicating hesitation about whether they had reached the next region, but even that couldn't be said to be touching the border.
There was still quite a distance left to cross to the next border.
A Holy Land Pilgrimage is, by nature, about finding traces of God or a Saint, encountering them, and repeatedly praying. If so, then each marker would signify such a trace.
Were they trapped somewhere, perhaps in ruins?
Many thoughts came and went, but I couldn't be certain, so in the end, I could only check the surrounding terrain and repeatedly make guesses.
As I sat there quietly, the tent I was in alone swayed.
Then the tent's entrance opened, the fabric parting from the center, and Agnes appeared between them.
"...Saintess-nim? Please eat. You haven't even had lunch."
"Ah, yes. I'll be right there."
I was hungry. Although it could be said that my body wouldn't die no matter how much I starved, it didn't mean I was free from the pain of hunger, so I nodded.
I roughly folded the map I had spread out in my hands and casually tucked it into a pocket inside my Cape.
I thought it was a really good thing that, while I couldn't put anything thick in the Cape, I could put things like paper, and with that thought, I stood up and stepped out of the tent.
When I stood on the ground in my low-cut shoes, I saw Kylon preparing food, using an already cut tree stump as a chair, and Linda and Agnes filling the space next to him.
A little further away, Flora was also there, exuding an atmosphere as if she didn't care, yet also displeased.
"Please sit."
Nodding at Kylon's words, I carefully sat in the remaining spot, took the stew Agnes handed me, and quietly stared at it.
I can't even taste it anyway, so they might as well just give me a Biscuit or something.
With that thought, I began my meal,
and I simply finished eating without any conversation.
Of course, I heard Linda and Agnes's chatter, mixed with their power struggle, but seeing Kylon skillfully deflect it, it seemed I had nothing to worry about.
It would certainly be different from me, who had never properly conversed with anyone.
After finishing my meal, having no one I particularly wanted to talk to and no scenery I wished to see, I entered the tent and stared blankly inside.
Taking in the sight of the tent fabric, which showed a dull color without any particular pattern, I let out a soft groan, then, without even changing my clothes, as there was no need, I simply slipped into my sleeping bag still wearing my Saintess's Robes.
I hadn't eaten much. Since lying down right after eating wouldn't cause my stomach to twist, I lay down comfortably and pulled up the sleeping bag's drawstring.
Thinking it was truly amazing how something similar could be made with a string even without a zipper, I gently closed my eyes in the plush comfort, and it felt as if time was flowing as it pleased.
How much time had passed like that? I felt like I had dozed off for a moment, but then I suddenly heard someone waking me up.
"Saintess-nim."
A slightly cold voice. Whose voice was it, I wondered? It was Linda's voice.
I had just been here today, so there shouldn't have been any contact with Kylon, so why was Linda looking for me?
That question lasted only a moment before Linda tilted her head and pointed outside.
"Kylon is looking for you."
"......."
Ah, I think I knew why.
Seeing that the only light entering the tent was from the campfire, it seemed the sun had completely set and night had fallen, and with Kylon looking for me amidst all that, I couldn't help but feel displeased.
Hesitating for a long time, I replied with a bitter smile.
"Please tell him to talk in the morning."
"......? Is that allowed?"
Despite Linda's bewildered expression, I simply replied calmly.
"Because it's not necessarily a conversation that needs to happen at night."
Oh, I'm not going.