Unwanted Reflections
Wow... After spending way too long on shit games, the once-empty notepad was completely full. The real problem? Half of them—no, make it sixty percent—were absolute garbage. Even then, most looked boring as hell, so I cherry-picked only the ones that seemed remotely fun and organized them separately.
“Phew, if I narrow it down like this, this should be enough.”
I’d already told them, these idiots. Grinning, I deleted the rest of the list and started ranking what remained.
Blue Survival, 1st place.
Magical Dating Sim, 2nd place.
Making Maker, 3rd place.
...
“This should be good enough, right?”
“Nope? Stream’s ending here for today. This was the content, after all.”
“See you all tomorrow. Bye~”
I left the viewers trying to hold me back and hit the end-stream button. The now-dark screen displayed the “Broadcast Ended” message, blocking anyone who tried to keep watching. Even so, the chat window beside the black screen kept scrolling rapidly.
Stop fucking around and come back. If you don’t, I’m shitting in the chat. We’ll starve to death without you.
All of it was just playful whining because they wanted the stream to continue, so I smiled and shut the computer down.
“Haaam...”
After finishing the stream, I stepped into the living room and checked the clock. 4 a.m. Had I really been at it that long? Tilting my head, I carefully opened the cabinet so I wouldn’t wake Soyun and pulled out a cup of ramen, then set water to boil on the coffee pot.
“Hm~ hm~...”
Humming a little tune, I listened to the water heating up. The bubbling sounded louder than it had during the day. Click. The only light in the darkness—the coffee pot’s indicator—went out.
Carrying the pot into my room, I poured water into the ramen on the desk, filling it neatly to the line. I set the lid on with chopsticks balanced across the top, then put the pot back in its place.
“Haaam...”
My body, which had stayed up all night chattering, was signaling that it wanted sleep, but I chewed on a yawn and ignored it, sitting down in front of the computer. The glowing screen showed a face I’d grown used to. Yellow hair. Purple eyes. Playfully smiling eyes. Things that once felt repulsive and alien were slowly becoming familiar—natural, even.
“Ha.”
The moment I realized that, everything about the reflection started feeling alien again. My face swirled, becoming unrecognizable. My vision wavered and my stomach turned. The image slowly blurred, my eyes growing hot.
“Ah... shit...”
Wiping my eyes with my sleeve, I cried in silence. I wasn’t supposed to cry. If Soyun woke up it would be a hassle, and the ramen was getting soggy. That stuff wasn’t cheap. I didn’t have time for this. Even as I thought that, the tears kept coming. I turned the monitor off so I wouldn’t have to look at the face I hated seeing. The bright desktop wallpaper appeared, and the reflection of myself vanished with it. Only then did I start to calm down a little, sniffling as I opened the ramen lid. I’d only needed to wait three minutes, but crying had made it six. I forced the slightly overcooked noodles into my mouth. I couldn’t tell if they tasted good. I just kept shoving them in because I had to eat. Like a food-eating machine—chew, swallow, chew, swallow. Sniffle, wipe my eyes, chew again.
“Haaa...”
After finishing, I shoved the empty container into a corner of the desk and turned on the internet. I needed a change of mood. Wondering if anyone was still streaming at this hour, I logged into Tsuzic.
“Mm...”
As expected, the usual streamers weren’t live. A few I sometimes watched were also offline, with only a handful of broadcasts still running. Normally I would’ve closed the window right away, but instead I clicked into the one with the highest viewer count at the top.
The moment I entered, the screen showed Blue Survival—the game the chat had recommended earlier. The streamer’s character lay dead on the ground while teammates wandered far away in other areas.
The streamer sounded uncertain, grumbling half-heartedly. I stared blankly at the broadcast. The chat was filled with teasing comments like “It’s because you suck” and “Classic Dadak,” and the streamer was getting angry at them. It was clearly a funny situation, but even though I would’ve laughed any other day, no laughter came out. I just felt strangely empty, gazing at the screen in a daze.
*
Creak. While I was watching, the door opened.
“...Eunseo, you’re still up?”
At Soyun’s words, I belatedly checked the time. 8 a.m. I’d pulled an all-nighter.
“Ah... yeah, I couldn’t sleep.”
“...Liar.”
“It’s not a lie.”
“Your eyes are red. Did you cry?”
Soyun narrowed her eyes and scanned my face. I could feel her gaze tracing my eyes. Without thinking, I touched the area and spoke.
“I didn’t cry.”
“Lying again. What’s wrong?”
Even so, Soyun saw right through me. Maybe my voice had trembled, or maybe my eyes were still watery. She let go of the doorknob and slowly approached.
“...I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
“...Okay. I’ll call you when breakfast is ready. Eat and then sleep.”
“Yeah.”
After telling the approaching Soyun that I was okay, I turned my eyes back to the monitor. She left the room, and I heard her heading to the kitchen—rummaging through the cabinet, then the click of the gas stove turning on. Using those sounds as background music, I kept watching the stream.
The streamer’s character lay on the ground. The rest of the team fought hard, but in the end they were all wiped out. A red “Total Annihilation” message appeared along with the score screen—54 points lost.
Realizing how late it was while watching, the chat exploded.
“...Pfft.”
A small laugh slipped out. The gloomy mood that had lingered all night eased a little. Just as I was thinking about turning the stream off and playing a game myself, Soyun knocked on the door.
“Breakfast is ready! Come out!”
“...Yeah~”
I shut down the computer and opened the door. Before leaving, I glanced at the monitor one last time. The swirling distortion was still there on my face. Leaving the unrecognizable reflection behind, I walked into the living room and sat at the table.
“Haaam... I kept it simple since it’s morning. How is it?”
“...Thanks for the food.”
“Hehe, yeah.”
Just toast, a fried egg, and two sausages. Exactly as Soyun had said—simple. I forced the meal down again, said goodbye to Soyun, and returned to my room, flopping onto the bed. Pulling the blanket up to my chin, I stared at the ceiling.
“......”
Even after staying up all night, sleep wouldn’t come. If anything, my mind felt clearer, and my previously blurry vision sharpened. Counting the patterns on the ceiling one by one, I slowly closed my eyes.
*
“...Ah.”
I opened my eyes. I hadn’t dreamed. I must have just fallen into a deep, quiet sleep, because my body felt ridiculously sluggish.
“Haaam...”
Yawning, I walked into the living room and found Soyun sitting on the sofa with the TV on, munching on snacks.
“Oh, you’re up?”
“Yeah...”
“Pfft, how’s your mood?”
“...I told you I’m fine.”
“...Okay. Want some snacks too?”
“...Just a little.”
I sat beside her with a bit of space between us. Taking the snack she offered, I popped it into my mouth and fixed my eyes on the TV. She was watching a variety show—people doing missions, getting penalized if they failed. Simple, but entertaining. A guy drew a mission slip, read it, and his expression twisted. He tried a few times, then gave up and headed to the penalty area. In front of a man with a blindfold sat a single box.
While staring blankly at the TV, I glanced at Soyun. She was watching the box with bated breath, as if she were the one about to receive the penalty.
“Kyaaah—!”
The man reached into the box, touched something, and immediately yanked his hand out with a scream. At the same time, Soyun screamed right along with him. Inside the box was a single stag beetle.
“Ugh... That’s so gross...”
“...You like this kind of stuff?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. It’s fun, isn’t it? I guess you could call it primal entertainment.”
Is that so? I nodded and kept watching the TV. An ordinary afternoon passed by without anything special happening.
*
“Hwaaah...! That was fun!”
Once the show ended, Soyun stood up and stretched. Crack. The sound that came from her body made me wonder if that was even healthy. She let out a satisfied sigh.
“Let’s have dinner. Anything you want?”
“...Alcohol.”
“Alcohol? Hmm...”
“You should stop drinking so much. You’ll ruin your liver.”
“...You’re not really in a position to say that, are you?”
“...Did I just call you ‘unnie’?”
“...Wow. That’s new...”
...Did I? I replayed my own words in my head, chewing them over slowly. I had. Yeah. I had no idea why, though.
“...I didn’t.”
Even as I denied it, I turned my head away. My face felt hot.
“Pfft, okay! I’m in the mood! Let’s do chicken and beer tonight! My treat!”
“......”
Haa... This is my life.