The Moment I Decided to Take Revenge

Seoa approached me already wearing an expression that said she held the upper hand.

What the hell was she so confident about? How could she walk up to me with a face like that?

You're in a situation where you've practically lost Minjae already. So why are you walking toward me looking like that?

"Unnie, hello."

"Yeah."

"Is the competition with Minjae going well?"

"Well, yeah? But why?"

Seoa tossed those words out as if they meant nothing, casually announcing the start of whatever this was. I knew exactly what it meant when someone spoke like that—so casually, so deliberately offhand.

At the very least, I had no intention of losing this little power struggle.

Seoa… I'm sorry, but I'm not that easy either. Don't you dare try to snatch Minjae away from me with something as cheap as this.

"I was just worried that maybe Minjae caused you some trouble because I drank too much with him that day."

"…Yeah, it's fine. We worked things out after that."

"You know what happened between me and Minjae, right?"

Seoa asked it with a light smile, as if it were some pure, innocent question. She already knew. She was asking because she knew I knew every detail of the situation. Honestly, that wasn't even strange.

"But… how much do you know, exactly?"

"Hm? That you two were childhood friends… and now you're worse than strangers?"

"Is that so? But I don't know… I don't think we're quite that bad."

"Why… would you think that? At least, Minjae told me you make him uncomfortable."

"I see. But people in that kind of relationship don't usually kiss, do they?"

"……."

Ah… in that instant my head went ice-cold. It felt like I'd been punched. I couldn't say a single word. Even though Seoa's clear intent to piss me off was right there in the open, I couldn't push back at all.

Because it really did piss me off.

Minjae… did this bastard actually kiss Seoa? Honestly, if the two of them sat in the same house drinking that night, it was entirely possible. So yeah, I could imagine it.

But Minjae hadn't said a word. I'd even asked him, just in case. Asked if anything else happened after they started drinking.

And Minjae had just mumbled that he didn't remember well either.

Back then I'd let it go without much thought. If Minjae said so, I had no choice but to believe him. And that was easier for me, too.

But it wasn't something I should have just let slide. Minjae had actually lied to me. He'd kissed Seoa… and hidden it from me. And then what? He'd told me things were completely over with her?

Why lie like that? Were you trying to keep me on the hook or something?

The thought made me so furious my stomach turned over.

But I could still hold it in that far. It wasn't enough of a reason for me to completely hate Minjae. That just showed how much I already cared about him.

Even with that sense of betrayal, I still didn't want to hate him completely.

Yeah, Seoa's definitely talking nonsense again. Just trying to mess with my head, stirring shit up on purpose.

I was falling for an obvious provocation. I knew how these people operated. So stay calm. When I see Minjae again, I'll ask him then. It's not too late to figure out the truth and act after that.

Those thoughts were how I calmed myself down. I was doing all of that because I didn't want to lose Minjae.

But later, after Minjae showed up here and we moved on to the second bar, I changed my mind.

This was the Minjae I'd been so desperate to keep, and yet he clearly didn't think of me the same way.

Minjae still seemed to want to protect Seoa. Of course he did—he was sitting right next to me and kept looking over at her.

Ah… why are you doing this. Please don't make me hate you. I don't want to hate you. But why do you keep doing things like this… At this rate I'm really going to end up hating you.

To soothe that feeling a little, I went to the bathroom. And when I came back, Minjae wasn't in his seat.

Well… I figured he'd gone to the bathroom. I had to believe that.

While I was at it, I casually checked Seoa's table too. In that moment my heart dropped. Her seat was empty, just like his.

No way… just bad timing, right? Looking back now, the way I kept rationalizing it alone up to that point feels pathetic.

"Where… did Minjae go?"

In the end I asked the people around us. Where did Minjae go? And I heard he'd gone outside with Seoa.

"He seemed like he was trying to send Seoa home or something?"

"For real, it suddenly got super awkward as hell."

I waited calmly in my seat for Minjae. I thought if he just told me the truth honestly, I could forgive him. I really was pathetic.

But when Minjae came back to the table… he insisted he'd just gone to the bathroom. Lying to me again. He'd already hidden the fact that he'd kissed Seoa, and now he was hiding this too—what was so shameful that he couldn't just say it?

I turned to check Seoa's seat; she seemed to have gone home. Which meant Minjae really had walked her home and come back.

Ah… fuck this for real.

Why do I have to cling to you this hard. Forget it. I don't need this anymore.

People don't change. In the end Minjae was the same. He'd only pretended to change… he still had Seoa in his heart. He kept lying to me too… stringing me along with that bullshit about cutting her off completely, and then it just ends up like this again.

Yeah, from the beginning I'd planned to get revenge on you. How did I end up liking you this much and forget what this was really about?

Minjae needed to take his punishment. Because he was the kind of bastard who still wouldn't get it otherwise.

That was the moment I decided I had to take revenge on Minjae again.

The early hours of the day the first-round competition submissions were due.

Because I kept refusing to send the illustrations, Minjae eventually came all the way to my place.

And so, face to face with him, I told him I had no intention of handing over the drawings.

The truth was the illustrations were already ready. Not all of them… but enough that the first-round submission wouldn't have been a problem. Even so, I chose betrayal. Up to that point I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠was still locked into my hard resolve.

It was just giving back what I'd been put through, so I didn't feel much guilt. Minjae had brought this result on himself with his own hands. He could have avoided it, too.

He deserved it. That was what I thought.

But… seeing Minjae struggling right in front of me didn't feel particularly good. There was no such thing as a more unsatisfying revenge than this.

No revenge more bitter. It should have felt clean and triumphant.

Especially… the fact that he didn't even call me out about the illustrations or about ruining the competition made it worse. The first thing Minjae asked was whether all the time we'd spent together had been a lie.

Not "what about the drawings," not "what am I supposed to do about the competition now." Not any blame directed at me—just a question about the time we'd shared.

Hearing that made my chest hurt too. This moment was supposed to feel good, but instead my heart started aching without me meaning it to.

But by now I'd already crossed that river. It was too late to tell him how I really felt.

"I don't know… figure that out yourself."

That was all I could manage, brushing it off. Don't go soft now. From the start I'd been someone planning revenge, and I'd already become the bad person to Minjae.

After that Minjae started talking like someone who ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠had truly given up on everything.

"And you… how do you feel right now? Satisfied? You waited a long time for this… It must've been hard for you too, staying close to someone you wanted to get revenge on for so long. It must feel thrilling, right? All that effort paid off, after all."

That was what Minjae said while looking at me with empty eyes. I still remember it. Every single line of that dialogue is burned into me.

I don't know why those particular words got carved into my head.

Probably… because it hurt that Minjae now thought of me that way. The truth was… all the time we'd spent together had been real. But he believed I'd been acting the whole time, from beginning to end.

I couldn't stand listening to him anymore, so I left.

Afterward I came home alone and thought it over carefully.

Did I really do the right thing?

The fact that the thought even crossed my mind was proof my actions hadn't been all that righteous. To betray him like that and then sit here thinking these things now.

Even I found it ridiculous. Was this what a guilty conscience looked like?

The water was already spilled. Just… just stop thinking about it. Even if I start regretting it now, it's already over for me. I've already become the bad person to Minjae.

That was how I tried to end it.

But my body didn't seem to want that. No matter how much I told myself alone that I'd done the right thing, that it was only natural because I'd planned the revenge from the start, tears still rolled down my cheeks and fell.

Haa… was I being too childish. Did I really have to pay him back the exact same way. It was something I shouldn't have done to Unnie either, and I knew how hard Minjae had prepared for this competition.

And I started worrying that because of me, Minjae might never make it back into the industry and just collapse. That I might be destroying with my own hands someone I respected.

With that chaotic feeling, after Minjae left I called Unnie.

It must have been around one in the afternoon.

I explained the whole story to Unnie like that. What kind of relationship Minjae and I had been in, and what Minjae had done to me before. Of course, I left out the part where my feelings had almost changed in the middle. That would have made it sound like I was betraying him for some childish reason.

I hung up.

Yeah, what was I even thinking. Of course. Even if I said something like that, she couldn't just gratefully accept it. Coming out with that now would only look ugly.

I've already been erased from Minjae. The picture of me that was drawn into his everyday life has already been wiped away.

It was bitter. Why did I have to hurt this much when all I'd done was give back what was done to me?

Maybe this betrayal hadn't come from my true feelings at all… maybe it had just been a tantrum. A tantrum begging Minjae to please get a grip and look at me.

"Haa… I must be crazy."

I muttered it alone, pushing my hair back from my forehead with one hand.

After that day, when I ran into Minjae at school, I saw him stuck to Seoa. Seoa looked straight at me while deliberately holding Minjae's hand.

Well… of course. Minjae had gone back to Seoa's side. That thought crossed my mind briefly, and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠in that moment I decided my choice had been right after all.

So my heart had only wavered a little… in the end, result-wise, I'd made the correct call.

You could tell just by looking at Minjae going straight back to Seoa like that. From the beginning I'd been fighting a battle I could never win.

And then after that.

It was the day the first-round results came out.

Unexpectedly, Minjae passed the first-round judging. I'd been watching for the results myself, of course, so I found out right away.

It was infuriating… truly infuriating that he'd succeeded without my drawings at all. And on the flip side, it stung a little that Minjae was someone who could succeed without me.

I wished he couldn't have succeeded without me. I hate Minjae for succeeding while leaving me behind. I was hoping maybe he'd come grab me again… but this way there's no reason for him to look for me at all.

And as if he wanted to crush that tiny hope of mine completely, that night money was suddenly deposited from Minjae.

I understood the meaning of that money immediately.

If I accepted this… it meant things between us were completely over. That was the intention behind Minjae sending this money now.

Of course… I wouldn't be able to draw by Minjae's side again. I'd made that choice with my own hands, and yet facing it for real was a reality hard to accept.

Still, I couldn't cling to Minjae at this point. It was already over for me. I'd thought we might at least be able to talk once…

No, no. Stop thinking like that. The situation is already finished.

Fine. Go ahead and do well on your own. Cut every last tie with me like this… and do well on your own.