There's No Guarantee That a Fresh Start Is the Right Direction
Yeah, the club member who'd offered to draw for us.
That person's true identity was the illustrator I'd been collaborating with.
Even looking at the timing, it lined up perfectly. Just like me, she'd been freed from the project that had been tying her down. Instead of diving straight into freelance work, she'd chosen to enter the contest and throw herself back into the market.
Of course, Se-bin noona's influence probably played a part too. She'd contacted her right when her hands were free, so of course she'd agreed to join without hesitation.
No wonder… I'd thought it was strange how a pure artist type could code so fluently.
I never in my wildest dreams imagined she was a senior from my own department.
And whether this was good news or bad news for me, I still couldn't tell.
For now… I planned to play dumb.
Obviously. We hadn't parted on good terms—I'd done something stupid, gotten cursed out for it, and that was how it ended. How was I supposed to be the one to acknowledge her first? If anything, I needed to hide it somehow.
"So? My art… do you like it?"
"Ah… yeah. It looks good."
"This should be enough, right?"
I nodded, and she slipped the tablet she'd pulled out back into her bag.
"I had something that really pissed me off recently… so I wasn't planning on joining from the start."
"Huh…? Ah, yeah, that can happen."
She was definitely talking about the project that fell apart because of me.
"It can't just 'happen'! Do you have any idea how it feels to prepare everything only for it to become completely useless?"
"Ah… I'm sorry."
The apology was for the person standing in front of me right now, and at the same time, it was for the illustrator who'd been part of my project.
More than that—I'd been certain that illustrator was a guy… but she was a woman.
Her chat style had definitely leaned masculine… how could that possibly be a woman?
And on top of that, she had this delinquent streak. I hated to admit it, but she also had a pretty face.
I guess… you really can't judge someone easily just from how they appear online.
"But… honestly, I have doubts about your skills."
"Huh?"
"You're a freshman. Have you ever actually developed a game? Are you saying you can do this because you really can?"
It was an awkward question.
I still hadn't even told Se-bin noona that I was a developer. I'd only introduced myself as someone who could code a little better than the average person.
Should I come clean about my identity even now?
Her doubt felt like an unavoidable question. The reason for it, the intent behind it—everything about the situation made perfect sense.
"Answer already, will you?"
"Ah… I can do it. I've done it before, too."
In the end, I had to honestly reveal my development experience.
There was no choice. Hiding it any longer seemed impossible. Honestly, you could say I just got pushed around by the force of her pressure.
And there wasn't really any need to keep forcing the secret either. It had just been my own wish, nothing more.
"Really? Minjae, you've already released a game before?"
Se-bin noona, who'd been quietly listening to our conversation, asked me in startled surprise.
I hadn't been trying to deceive her on purpose… but I felt a little guilty for only telling her this late.
Revealing my development history might have been a mistake, though.
"Then tell me what game it was. I'll look it up and judge for myself. Just saying that much doesn't tell me whether you're lying or not."
My breath caught in my throat.
Tell her the game I developed…?
I couldn't. Absolutely not.
If I named the game I'd made… my identity would definitely be exposed to her.
Just earlier she'd been going on about how pissed she was that the project fell through—there was no way I could suddenly announce that I was the one who'd ruined it.
She was already this aggressive toward me… if it came out that I was that developer, I had no idea how much harder she'd try to destroy me.
She'd even told me to go kill myself in the messenger app back then.
Absolutely… I could never say it.
As I hesitated for a while with those thoughts, Se-bin noona stepped in to help a little.
"He might not want to say. Aren't you being way too suspicious, thinking it's a lie?"
"Unnie! We have to be sure about this kind of thing. I showed him my art, didn't I? So he should be able to show something too, right?"
What do I do.
How am I supposed to get through this crisis.
I had no idea. Nothing came to mind. Not a single good excuse to break out of this situation.
"Why can't you say it? You're lying, aren't you? I can't work with someone who has no development experience. A contest isn't a joke."
The tightening net around me made me feel like I was about to lose my mind.
My heart grew frantic.
I needed to say something, anything. Keeping my mouth shut only made the situation weirder.
Even Se-bin noona was just staring at me now.
Every gaze locked onto me. Every gaze gathered on my tightly sealed lips.
If I said I had no development experience… would she really refuse to work with us?
I had to stop that. If that happened, I wouldn't be able to face Se-bin noona.
I had to stop it, but…
"W-wait, could you come with me for a second?"
"What? Me…?"
I intended to call her outside and talk separately.
She gave a reluctant reaction but walked out with me. Se-bin noona just watched us with a puzzled expression.
The reason I wanted to talk outside… I didn't want Se-bin noona to see that pathetic side of me.
At the very least, I wanted to keep this secret from her. The secret that I'd caused that whole mess because I couldn't even properly handle my own work.
That was why I made the choice.
"What's the point of dragging me out here to talk?"
"I-I'm sorry…"
The moment we stepped outside, I bowed my head and kept apologizing over and over.
Without any lead-up, I just started with the apology.
She glanced around to check if anyone was watching, looking flustered and unsure what to do.
"Why are you suddenly like this? Wait… was it actually a lie?"
"Th-that's not it… the truth is, I'm that developer."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm kmj. And you're… Nariring, right?"
"……"
I revealed the nicknames we'd used in the messenger app to help her understand.
The moment she heard that, her expression turned ice-cold.
"What? You're that guy?"
"Yes… I have nothing to say about what happened then. I'm sorry."
"Are you insane… Then I'm out. Obviously."
"Ah… I'll make sure nothing like that happens this time… if you could just understand once…"
"Forget it. I'll tell unnie myself. I have no intention of doing anything with you anymore."
This was bad.
Honestly, I'd thought that if I just bowed my head and apologized, we could talk it through to some degree.
Had thinking it would be that easy been my miscalculation?
She was already declaring in a firm tone that she was dropping out of the contest.
Cold sweat started running down my temples.
Just… where had I misjudged things from the start.
Was it a mistake to insist on seeing her art and calling her out?
Was revealing my development experience honestly the mistake?
No… fundamentally, if I hadn't hollowly ruined that contest in the first place, none of this would have happened.
It was wrong from the beginning, and from the beginning it was entirely my fault.
Even so… even so, the desperate wish that she wouldn't tell Se-bin noona still remained.
Even if I couldn't stop her from dropping out of the contest… I wanted to stop her from explaining the real story to Se-bin noona.
"Please don't tell Se-bin noona about that. I'll handle explaining it."
"……Why should I?"
"I'm begging you."
I bowed my head once more. Hoping my desperate plea would somehow get through.
"Do whatever. It doesn't really have anything to do with me."
And fortunately, that feeling seemed to reach her. She looked ready to leave the spot right away.
Having blocked the worst possible development, I couldn't stop there—now a new greed was rising.
The greed that if I kept clinging stubbornly, I might still be able to hold onto her.
Really… was giving up like this the right call? If I dug in, maybe I could change her mind.
The truth was, the moment I gave up on a skilled illustrator, I was already looking at placing as nearly impossible.
Which meant if things kept going this way… we might not even be able to properly enter the contest.
Yeah. I had to hold onto her.
"Is there really no chance you'll participate?"
"Nope."
"What do I have to do? I'll do anything. Please, just think about it one more time?"
This version of me might have looked pathetic… but I had no choice but to cling like this.
This was an action for myself, and it was also an action for Se-bin noona.
I was already crawling on the bottom, so I had to grab at any straw I could. Bowing once was hard—doing it twice was easy.
"I don't know. That's for you to figure out."
But after leaving those cold words, she finally left the spot.
I'd underestimated it too much. That was correct.
I'd underestimated my own mistake too much. To her it had been enormous damage, yet I'd thought simply bowing my head and apologizing would settle it. I'd thought throwing a tantrum might somehow work.
And so this whole mess had happened.
Alone in the hallway, I let out a deep sigh.
We'd left the club room together, and now I was going back alone?
How would Se-bin noona, waiting inside with no idea what was going on, take this situation.
What was I supposed to say to her.
I didn't know. If it were up to me, I wanted to just run home right now too.
"Noona… I talked with her a bit, and she said she has something urgent so she's heading out first today."
I had no choice but to tell noona that lie.
I just couldn't bring myself to be honest. The words wouldn't come out.
I couldn't tell noona that because of me, that person had dropped out of this contest.
So I'd told this ridiculous lie.
I'd spat out a lie I couldn't even take responsibility for.
"Really? Did the talk go okay?"
"Yeah… probably."
"That's a relief. Then we've got two amazing talents on the team, right? I'll work even harder so I can at least pull my own weight!"
Ah… I was completely fucked.
The only words that came to mind were that I was fucked. Seeing noona burning with determination to work hard while knowing nothing… all I could think was that I was fucked.
I had to take responsibility somehow. Somehow…
"Noona, do you happen to know her schedule?"
"Huh? No…? Ah! We shared schedules once a while back."
"C-could you send me that at least?"
"Sure. That's not hard… but why all of a sudden?"
"J-just because. She said we're in the same department… so I was curious."
I figured I had to do whatever I could. So I planned to find her every time she came to school and drop to my knees if I had to.
There was no other way.
This was all I could do, wasn't it.
Honestly I hadn't planned on going this far, but looking at noona's face made me feel like I had to.
I had to bring that person back somehow.
It had started as a lie, but if I turned that lie into truth before it got exposed, wouldn't it end as the truth after all?
It was the next day.
I got up early in the morning and headed to school.
It wasn't that going to school had become familiar. It was simply that if I didn't do at least this much, a major disaster seemed about to unfold, so I'd forced myself into it like swallowing bitter medicine while crying.
Based on the schedule noona had sent me yesterday, I loitered around that lecture hall.
I wasn't even attending my own classes… the sight of myself coming to school just to do this felt a little pathetic.
But my actions weren't purely pathetic. I was trying to take responsibility for the mess I'd created, after all.
Fortunately, I was able to see her walking toward the lecture hall I'd been waiting by.
Contrary to her delinquent image, she seemed to attend classes pretty normally.
Watching students from the same department pass by me made my stomach start to churn a little.
But I couldn't weaken here—I had to push forward.
"H-hey, Nariring-nim!"
I called out her name like that.