Worse Than Strangers (4)
I was chatting with the girls at the café.
As the conversation went on, my friends began taking Minjae’s side one by one.
That I’d gone too far. That we still didn’t know who had actually lied.
So… even my friends knew. They knew what kind of friend Minjae had been to me.
Whenever there was something I didn’t understand, he always helped. He’d even done my assignments for me and submitted them in my place. When I was sick, he would rush over with medicine before my own mother could. When I felt down, he would come running and just listen.
I never really looked after him in return, yet every year on my birthday he would remember something I’d wanted and give it to me as a gift.
Only now did those things come back to me.
With that in mind, I made up my mind: the next time I faced Minjae, I would swallow my pride and apologize first.
I was heading down the café stairs to go home when it happened.
That was the moment I came face to face with a Minjae I didn’t recognize.
At first I saw him sitting alone in the café, so I walked over intending to apologize.
But Minjae said he had nothing to say to me.
It was so awkward… Still, I just wanted him to hear me out a little. I was telling him he didn’t have to say anything, that he only needed to listen, when someone walked toward us and stopped in front of the table.
She stood there as if she knew Minjae.
“Minjae?”
The woman really did seem to know him. She had spoken his name out loud, after all.
Who was she? Who?
Ah…
I had smelled this scent somewhere before.
The faint jasmine that used to cling to Minjae’s clothes.
This… this was her perfume.
The two of them in front of me looked so out of place it felt like I was witnessing something I shouldn’t. It was unfamiliar. Seeing Minjae getting along with someone who wasn’t me felt far too strange.
So I looked away without meaning to. I stared at the floor.
If I kept watching, goosebumps would rise all over my skin. That was how wrong it felt.
Why was this woman next to Minjae? Someone from his club? Ever since he’d joined the club he’d been acting a little off… Was it because of her?
My heart dropped with a heavy thud.
And me… what about me? I was still clutching my head over what happened back then.
How could Minjae already be acting like none of it mattered?
“Don’t mind her. She’s just a friend. Same department.”
While those thoughts were spinning through my head, Minjae introduced me that way.
Just a friend…
My mind went blank. Hearing those words froze me in place. My body wouldn’t move.
Those were the exact words I had said to oppa back then…
What, was this supposed to be revenge?
Hot tears welled up in the eyes that had been fixed on the floor.
Why was I crying?
I just needed to get out of here. I couldn’t cry in front of them. I had to leave.
So I ran.
Minjae didn’t stop me.
I came home.
I couldn’t believe Minjae had said that to me.
Sudden irritation surged up. I had been about to apologize… but his attitude was completely wrong.
I was the one offering to say sorry first. If he was going to act like that, I didn’t feel like doing it anymore either.
Before even sorting out the truth, I had planned to keep Minjae by my side… but hearing him talk that way made me suddenly angry.
He was the one who messed up, so why was he treating me like this?
He was the one who went and said those things to oppa for no reason… the one who caused this whole mess. So why was he the one acting like that toward me?
Why was he the one getting angry so confidently?
Fine… let’s see how long he can keep that high-and-mighty attitude.
You’re the one who shoved away my last outstretched hand. You kicked away your last chance with your own foot.
I was clearly ready to look the other way on Minjae’s mistakes. Because he was my precious friend… I had been prepared to forgive him.
But… what?
Just a friend?
And on top of that, saying it that way in front of another girl?
Since when did he have some other woman besides me… how dare he.
If he’s going to act like that, then I have no choice but to take Woo-bin oppa’s side.
The resolve I’d made earlier to apologize first, that whole feeling, was gone without a trace. Now only cheap anger filled me.
And that anger didn’t feel like it came only from disliking Minjae’s attitude.
The moment I caught that jasmine scent, something strange had stirred inside me.
Looking at myself now, the tears earlier must have come from shock… from anger.
The rage that rose in an instant shook my emotions every which way.
I went to school on time today.
No matter what, I still had to attend class. Honestly I didn’t feel like going at all, but there was no choice.
When I entered the lecture hall, Seoa was already there, seated and marked present.
The seat beside her sat empty, as if it had been left open for me.
And under normal circumstances, that would have been my seat.
But we weren’t that kind of pair anymore. We weren’t the kind of people who could casually sit side by side like nothing was wrong.
I looked at the empty seat, quickly turned my head, and found somewhere else to sit.
After that I didn’t move my eyes. I just kept staring at the screen at the front of the room the whole time.
Unlike yesterday, Seoa didn’t come over to me first.
Maybe… maybe my words at the café yesterday had shocked her. Maybe whatever leftover affection she’d still had was completely gone because of it.
I didn’t know.
I didn’t even know what her intention had been in approaching me in the first place.
After snapping at me and saying such harsh things, what was she thinking coming to find me the very next day? I had no idea.
And now it didn’t really matter.
It was better this way, actually. Better to ignore each other than to have her flickering in front of my eyes, constantly weakening my resolve.
Seoa clearly didn’t care much about someone like me anyway.
She was probably still getting along just fine with that senior Woo-bin.
As for me, it was time for a new start. I would focus on what I needed to do.
My life, which had been stuck in place, had finally started moving again.
“Alright… for this class we’ll work in groups. So first, let’s form teams.”
The professor suddenly announced we would be doing something in groups.
And at those words a chill ran through me for a second.
Surely… I wouldn’t end up in the same group as Seoa, right?
Given how things were going, that ominous feeling was hard to shake.
“First… those of you who already want to work together can form your own groups, and I’ll assign the rest myself.”
That was what the professor said. I would have preferred student-number order or just pairing people sitting near each other… both of those methods would have kept me from ending up with Seoa.
If people who wanted to work together formed groups freely, I probably wouldn’t end up in any group at all.
No one was looking for me anymore, and I wasn’t looking for anyone either.
Seoa wasn’t even the issue. The real problem was that right now I had no one to work with.
“Minjae! Come be in our group.”
Someone suddenly invited me to join theirs. It was one of Seoa’s friends.
I glanced that way. Of course they were with Seoa.
Kids who probably didn’t know the full situation… trying to stick me and Seoa together.
“Sorry, count me out.”
“Huh? Do you already have people?”
“Not really… just…”
I told her that. She gave up on me, went back to where Seoa was sitting, and said something.
In that moment my eyes briefly met Seoa’s. I looked away right after.
“Alright! Anyone who still hasn’t made a group?”
After a little time had passed, the professor asked for people who hadn’t formed teams yet.
And the only person who raised a hand was me.
It was embarrassing and humiliating.
Even the professor looked flustered. This wasn’t a general-education class… it was a major course. He probably never expected a leftover student who hadn’t gotten into any group at all.
And only one of them, at that.
“Is there… anyone who can take this student into their group?”
Professor… I really wish you wouldn’t say things like that. Don’t you realize you’re killing me twice?
Just as I expected, no one volunteered to take me in.
An awkward lecture hall full of people just eyeing one another.
Humiliating. It felt like a public execution.
“Well then, you’ll work with me for today. Come on up here.”
At the flustered professor’s call, I stood and walked over to him.
I could feel multiple gazes on my back as I walked.
The humiliation was so strong I wanted to just storm out of the room right then.
It was unpleasant. Suddenly even going to school felt completely unpleasant.
I wanted to get to the club as soon as possible. Sebin didn’t know this side of me.
I found myself wanting to spend time with Sebin.
That hellish major class finally ended.
The professor told me I should find someone to work with before next time.
When I asked why, he said a group project was coming soon… and without group members the workload would be too much for one person to handle alone.
If that was the case, shouldn’t the professor have formed the groups from the start? Or at least taken responsibility and put me into another group?
Ugh… everything just made me irritated.
“Seoa!”
“Oh, oppa.”
“Want to go eat together?”
“Ah, yeah… okay.”
Just as I was about to leave the lecture hall, a familiar voice pulled my gaze over without thinking.
That guy had come to pick Seoa up.
Of course… they were still getting along fine. She was even using casual speech with him now.
Well, the obstacle that was me had disappeared. Things must be progressing smoothly.
In the brief moment I looked toward Seoa, our eyes met again. I didn’t know why she suddenly shifted her gaze from that guy to me, but our eyes met all the same.
Was she trying to care about me now, of all times? Her gaze felt unpleasant.
So I looked away at once.
I had no desire to get tangled up with the two of them anymore.
The club… I should go to the club room.
That place was my only refuge.