The Thread That Snapped

So I decided to forget about what had happened today.

I was just going to pretend I hadn't seen it.

Whatever happens, happens.

Was it that getting punched at my age had finally knocked some sense into me? Or did I simply believe I'd finally spat out every last scrap of lingering attachment?

As the feeling of anger rose, a sense of relief stirred alongside it. Honestly, feeling that relief scared me a little—far more than feeling anger toward Seoa ever had.

Anger was nothing more than a tiny, trivial emotion felt in the moment… whereas relief felt deep and profound, like the untying of a knot that had been festering for a long, long time. Anger would naturally fade as time passed, but the feeling of relief seemed like it would only prove its worth the longer it lingered.

The fact that I'd felt relief over her made it seem as though I was hoping for her downfall. As if I'd chosen to simply stand by and watch what I'd seen, wishing she'd get thoroughly hurt by that man.

That was why I was afraid. Afraid of whether what I'd just felt was truly my honest emotion. Afraid of when I'd started feeling that way toward Seoa.

The next day, Seoa messaged me first.

Honestly, I was a little reluctant to receive that message. I had the feeling I already knew what it would say even without opening it. The ominous premonition was overwhelmingly strong.

That was the message.

It was clear. She wanted to say something about what had happened yesterday. It was clear. Because of yesterday, something in the situation had begun to shift.

To me—who had finally done, cleanly and completely, the thing the world had so badly wanted me to do—the world was now preparing to give its answer. To show me what it had been trying to show me all along.

Which meant that this time, too, I couldn't run from it. Only by seeing it through to the end would I finally break free of this exhausting cycle.

I let out a long breath and steeled myself, then started getting ready to leave.

I was going to meet Seoa… and yet I wasn't particularly happy. I wasn't particularly nervous in the fluttering sense, either. Instead, I felt tense—as if some kind of pressure were bearing down on me. For some reason, today felt like a day filled with nothing but bad omens. Even though nothing had happened yet, that was how I felt.

We met at the café we always went to.

Naturally, the earrings I'd bought her still weren't hanging from her ears. She'd come out wearing nothing at all. My gaze drifted, almost of its own accord, down toward her neck.

Thank god.

She was wearing the silver necklace today. I felt a quiet relief. It was a little ridiculous that I was finding comfort in something like that, but it was my honest feeling in the moment.

"Minjae, the way you've been avoiding me lately… that's not just my imagination, is it?"

No small talk. No asking about each other's days, no idle chatter about how things had been. She opened straight into that heavy subject.

Right. I no longer even had the luxury of light conversation with her.

There was something strange about the atmosphere coming off Seoa. Ominous. Not like her usual self. She wouldn't look me straight in the eye—as if she had no particular interest in me at all. She'd look at the table, study the tiles on the floor. Her gaze had nowhere to go, and yet for some reason it never once landed on me.

And somehow, Seoa looked like she was holding down some surging emotion with everything she had. The atmosphere she was giving off was so cold it made my skin crawl. I also couldn't understand at all why she was wearing that expression.

"Avoiding you? Me?"

"Yeah. No matter how I think about it, that's what it seems like."

"Why do you think that?"

"No—I want to be the one asking. What's going on with you? Why are you acting like this?"

Without waiting even a single second for my answer, Seoa cut across my question in a tone that said she was about to die of frustration with me.

Sharp. There was a slight edge to her voice.

"I—I haven't been doing that."

"No? You're doing it right now. I'll be honest. I'm a little hurt. I'm genuinely hurt. We're not that kind of relationship. If you have a problem with something, tell me. We're not the kind of people who just avoid each other and drift apart like this…"

Only then did Seoa look at me. Her eyes were full of trembling. Now it was my turn to look away. I couldn't bear to meet eyes that raw with feeling.

And I couldn't bring myself to say anything. It took me a while just to grasp how the situation was unfolding—why she was suddenly saying these things to me, why she was only now baring a sense of hurt. And more than anything… I had no idea what she stood to gain by telling me this.

What was her intention in saying these things to me? What answer was she so desperately trying to force out of me, looking that frustrated?

"Maybe… just maybe…"

When I stayed silent for a while, Seoa spoke again. This time she seemed to be hesitating, struggling to get the words out. From the moment she opened her mouth to say it—from the breath she drew in to speak—I already knew what was coming.

"Is this because of Woo-bin oppa?"

She forced the words out with difficulty.

The instant I heard them, I clenched my jaw hard.

God… Seoa really is a ruthless woman. In the end, she'd said it herself. She could have pretended not to know until the end. Instead, she'd chosen to face it head-on.

So should I face it head-on too?

If I answered that yes, it really was because of Senior Woo-bin—what then? Had she prepared for that in advance?

I didn't know. There wasn't nearly enough time to think it through. All I could do now was follow the current of fate.

I've wanted to say this all along, haven't I? Finally, I'm going to say it.

It had taken so long. So long to finally convey my honest feelings to Seoa. And I'd suffered so much—alone, nursing it in silence, hurting so much.

My guess was that from this moment on, the wounds left in me would never heal. They would simply scar over and stay.

The way Seoa was presenting herself now was not the face of someone who'd come to heal the wound I'd taken yesterday. That sense of unease I'd felt from the first moment I saw her face today—this was where it had come from. She hadn't come to mend my wounds. She hadn't come to reach out a hand to someone standing at the edge of a cliff.

"Yeah. It's because of Senior Woo-bin. So what are you going to do about it?"

"……"

A brief silence fell. Seoa, who had been talking without pause this whole time, went ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠quiet for once. I wondered what expression she was wearing as she looked at me. I wanted to lift my head and check, but I didn't have the courage.

"……Why because of Woo-bin oppa?"

I couldn't bring myself to answer that question honestly.

Because I like you. Because I've always liked you.

I couldn't say that. Saying it now would make even me feel pathetic. Standing at the end of our relationship and spitting out those words would be about as cheap as it gets.

So I chose to deflect, carefully.

"I'm not the one who started pulling away. You were."

"What? I'm not even dating Woo-bin oppa yet, and I never stopped walking home with you either. And? I still made an effort with our relationship. So? What exactly is the problem?"

"You're going to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠date him eventually. And then this whole routine will fall apart soon enough. Isn't that obvious?"

"Who are you to say that? Whether I date Woo-bin oppa or not is none of your business. You talk like you've already seen the future, but it hasn't happened yet. How can you be so sure?"

It was a disaster.

Seoa no longer held back the emotion she'd been forcing down. Maybe I was the one who'd made her that way. If I'd just apologized and moved on when she first said she was hurt, the conversation probably never would have gone like this. I only thought of that now.

I'd never stood against her like this before. Never flushed red in each other's faces, raised our voices, and argued. And in the end, I'd had to hear those words.

None of my business? Not something I should care about?

It felt like the years we'd spent together were being denied.

That was the moment. I felt something snap—some thread that had been holding me up.

Maybe today was the end of our long childhood friendship. Maybe today was liberation from a relationship where I alone had been suffering.

I could no longer keep my boiling emotions in check.

"Then it's none of your business either. Whether I do club activities or avoid you—that's not something you get to care about. You and I are the same. And you started it first."

"……So that's how you're going to play it? I wasn't going to say this, but…"

Seoa seemed to have another card up her sleeve.

I was scared. Scared of how much further our relationship could plunge toward the worst. Scared of how much more wretchedly I might fall.

"You met Woo-bin oppa yesterday, didn't you?"

"Th-that's…"

What… I was going to pretend that never happened, and she got there first?

And judging by how boldly she was bringing it up herself, I had a feeling that man hadn't told her the truth about yesterday.

"Who do you think you are, talking to oppa like that?"

"What? What did I…"

"Who do you think you are, telling him to break up with me? Oppa ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠said you put him in an awkward position. He said hearing that kind of thing from you made him uncomfortable. Who do you think you are, telling him his attitude is bad or whatever? Do you even know anything about oppa? You don't. You don't know a single thing."

Ah… fuck.

My head was burning. A hot surge was rising from somewhere deep inside me. I couldn't even begin to tell where things had gone wrong. I didn't know where to start explaining—or whether any explanation of mine would even land with her.

It was unfair. It was so fucking unfair. I had no idea why I was being treated like this. No idea how I'd become the bad guy. No idea why Seoa was looking at me—not that man—with that expression.

"Do you even know what kind of person that guy actually is before you say that?"

My hands were trembling with how unfair it felt as I asked. And yet my voice came out strangely calm. The situation was so chaotic I couldn't even manage to get angry.

"What? Are you trying to badmouth oppa to me? Why would you go that far? Why are you trying to drive a wedge between us by trash-talking someone else? Why have you changed like this?"

"No—no, Seoa. Just listen to me. You're being deceived right now…"

"Are you saying oppa cursed you out or something? There's no way. No… even if we say he did, like you claim. Suddenly hearing ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠that kind of thing from an underclassman… he can swear a little, can't he? Right?"

I forced myself to look at her face. Contempt, hatred, rage—I could see all of it. Seoa looking at me with that expression. It was almost funny.

What did I do so wrong that you'd glare at someone like that? Look at them with that sickened face?

It made me nauseous. Facing her like that left me so dizzy I felt like I might throw up. Somewhere between my chest and my stomach, something was wringing me in agony.

Right. Right now, she was taking that man's side over mine.

It was disorienting. I'd imagined this beforehand, but living it far exceeded any pain I'd been able to conjure in my head. Everything I'd rehearsed in imagination wasn't even a taste of the real thing.

Seoa trusted that man's word more than she trusted me—someone she'd spent years with. And she was saying as much right to my face.

"This is fucking ridiculous… Fine. I'll just get lost. Date each other or don't—do whatever you want. I was the idiot for hoping, even for a second, that you'd look my way."

"What? Is that really what you should be saying right now? What makes you so righteous that you're cursing at me?"

I stood up from my seat. If Seoa had just stayed quiet, I probably would have walked straight past her and out of the café. But she kept sniping at me to the bitter end. To the very last moment, Seoa wouldn't let me act on my own terms.

I'd at least hoped the end of our relationship wouldn't look like this… but now I didn't know anymore.

"Then fucking tell me—what do the wounds on my face look like to you?"

"……"

"Does this look like something I did to myself? I got these from your precious Woo-bin oppa beating the shit out of me. You understand? And even then, I was going to just let yesterday go. I didn't want to snitch on him to you, so I was going to let it go. But? What the hell are you doing right now? You can't even tell who the more important person next to you is."

"A-are you serious…?"

Only then did she seem to properly notice the wound on my cheek. Her eyes began to tremble violently again. She looked like someone whose entire framework of what she'd believed to be true had just been shattered for nothing—unable to decide whether to deny reality or accept it, or even to tell what reality was in the first place. Confusion was written all over her face.

"Go ask your wonderful oppa. You weren't going to believe me anyway, so why are you even asking?"

I started walking again. Whatever expression she wore now, I didn't care. Whatever she thought, whatever face she made—it had nothing to do with me anymore.

In that moment, my hand was yanked from behind.

"I'm asking if it's true."

Her hand on mine felt damp. It was slick with sweat. I shook it off hard. No matter how tightly she'd been holding on, the difference in strength between a man and a woman was inevitable.

And without another word, I walked out of the café.

It felt hollow. After all those years together… it ends in a single moment like this.

Maybe today was the end of our long childhood friendship.

Maybe today was liberation from a relationship where I alone had been suffering.